why are some of us disliked?

[Sithious]

I don't know.....
I feel like no matter what I do I'm the odd girl out...
People are just more interested in superficial friendships.
I also see a lot of infj males have even more problems.
It's ridiculous if you think about it.

Understanding - men typically don't always understand women but infj/p's are at the cornerstone of understanding.
Compromising - (except with values) willing to give a little
Kind[/U]- Have you ever met an infj male that was a jerk? Don't women always complain that most guys are jerks?
Loyal & Trustworthyy - HELLO! This is one of the number one things women complain about? tisk tisk
Sets a Standard of characterr - even if their non religious they have a standard of morals at which they try to live by.
Not a man whore- (in the context of having only one partner at a time) very good quality most women appreciate the monogamous.

You think women would be flocking... It true though all my friends that come crying to me about relationship problems talk about this stuff. It's always: "he cheated on me with so an so, he lied to me about ... he doesn't understand my feelings.... all he cares about is ____.

A lot of women likes douche bags, it attracts them. Some tend to get more mature as they age, but not all.

 

[Azure_Knight]

I wonder if other types have that need for a deeper relationship.

 

[Jayce]

A lot of women likes douche bags, it attracts them. Some tend to get more mature as they age, but not all.

Yep. Sad but true. I have a friend who liked one of the biggest douche/asshole/jerk/(I wish I had more derogatory names) I had ever met. I absolutely HATED this kid and it takes a lot for me to hate someone. He was such a smug bastard and extremely insincere. Other people didn't notice it. But I did. Everyone else loved the guy. She STILL liked him even after he cheated on a friend of hers.

What the hell?

I don't get it. Girls are weird.

 

[Jayce]

I wonder if other types have that need for a deeper relationship.

I don't think other types search for a deeper relationship to the extent INFJs do. Many people are just fine with a pretty face and a half-way decent personality.

 

[Azure_Knight]

I don't think other types search for a deeper relationship to the extent INFJs do. Many people are just fine with a pretty face and a half-way decent personality.

Sucks for them I guess. There's more to be found in a relationship than just the usual suspects.

 

[Ketsugi]

I don't think other types search for a deeper relationship to the extent INFJs do. Many people are just fine with a pretty face and a half-way decent personality.

This is exactly what I've found.

 

[Jana]

I don't think other types search for a deeper relationship to the extent INFJs do. Many people are just fine with a pretty face and a half-way decent personality.

I don't know if that is INFJ-thing, but because of fact that I looking for man with whom I could have deeper relationship, I am sometimes seen as single freak...Sadly, but truth. Is it too much to look for someone that I could talk, but talk about things that I like also. No matter how inpractical that things might be.
...or I just have bad day...

 

[Jayce]

I don't know if that is INFJ-thing, but because of fact that I looking for man with whom I could have deeper relationship, I am sometimes seen as single freak...Sadly, but truth. Is it too much to look for someone that I could talk, but talk about things that I like also. No matter how inpractical that things might be.
...or I just have bad day...

Not at all! It just seems to take longer for us to find love. Being single is better than dating someone just to say you are.

Another reason I may be disliked: I refuse to dismount my high horse. I'm not arrogant or anything but I don't like to compromise my beliefs for the sake of fitting in and I get cranky when people try to dissuade me from them.

 

[daydreamer]

It's weird because despite the fact that INFJs are totally shy, I'm really hyper and loud when it comes to tennis (then again I like the people their). I guess in other places, though, I'm really shy and nervous and I feel like I have to keep a conversation going, and i hate small talk.

I guess I kind of can read ppl, but not really in a way. I mean, when I met this girl I thought she was nice but I had a feeling she was faking it. Turns out, she said some mean things behind my back. It's weird being an INFJ yet I sort of can and can't read people because of my aspergers (aspergers makes it harder to read body language and such)

I guess a good thing to do to help meet someon you like and yet at the same time be yourself is to join a clinic that has to do with a sport, get people you know to join and hang out with them and be yourself. That way, people will look at your friend and you and maybe you'll have a little luck attracting someone.

It's weird because even when I know people are mean, I'm still nice to them (usually), I just don't like being mean to people. The only time I really am is when someon did something really bad to my friend.

Sorry for getting off track, but, it's great to be with people who knows what if feels like

 

[ENTPwoman]

My experiences with INFJ men are that they do have problems dating. For the 2 I dated I think they put themselves in the 'friend' category with most women by being such gentlemen and by being so open with sharing their feelings and having a lack of assertiveness at the start. This can seem effeminate to women. A woman also wants to know that you are attracted to her so if you are waiting to 'get to know her' before you make some kind of move it may already be too late. Take the chance, make the move and then get to know her...you can still be her friend if romance doesn't take hold. Just because you make the move doesn't mean it's etched in stone and you have to get married, it just means you're interested. With my first INFJ boyfriend he waited til I was bombed one night to make a move and I had to kiss my second INFJ boyfriend first because he was just taking too damn long! Neither relationship ended because of compatibility issues...life just got in the way. INFJ guys rock!

To everyone...stop overthinking this personality stuff so much! People are people. Beautifully complex and individual. No 2 people of the same 'type' are the same as we are all shaped by our life experiences and choices. Be open to the possibility!

 

[soulseeker]

For the 2 I dated I think they put themselves in the 'friend' category with most women by being such gentlemen and by being so open with sharing their feelings and having a lack of assertiveness at the start. This can seem effeminate to women. A woman also wants to know that you are attracted to her so if you are waiting to 'get to know her' before you make some kind of move it may already be too late. Take the chance, make the move and then get to know her...you can still be her friend if romance doesn't take hold.

I would like it better though if a guy would like to get to know me and then make a move ahahahahhaha but then I think it's an INFJ thing or not!?!?

 

[soulseeker]

It's weird because despite the fact that INFJs are totally shy, I'm really hyper and loud when it comes to tennis (then again I like the people their). I guess in other places, though, I'm really shy and nervous and I feel like I have to keep a conversation going, and i hate small talk.

I guess I kind of can read ppl, but not really in a way. I mean, when I met this girl I thought she was nice but I had a feeling she was faking it. Turns out, she said some mean things behind my back. It's weird being an INFJ yet I sort of can and can't read people because of my aspergers (aspergers makes it harder to read body language and such)

I guess a good thing to do to help meet someon you like and yet at the same time be yourself is to join a clinic that has to do with a sport, get people you know to join and hang out with them and be yourself. That way, people will look at your friend and you and maybe you'll have a little luck attracting someone.

It's weird because even when I know people are mean, I'm still nice to them (usually), I just don't like being mean to people. The only time I really am is when someon did something really bad to my friend.

Sorry for getting off track, but, it's great to be with people who knows what if feels like

I think that when we find the right group of people, it would be easy for us to be accepted but still kind of hard to be understood... but it eventually come to the point that you're understood

for me though, my classmates this school year and for the next 2 school years to come are very supportive, they're kind and they give me this vibe that makes me a more positive person

and so, I'm myself around them..so five times a week I can express myself and be my hyper/mood swinger/weird/noisy/always laughing self

compared to my depressed/mad at the world/people hater/crying self/always shy or angry self

I'm happy that I have this friend who is also deep and understands me A LOT

I kind of balance my friends..... because when I'm with the hyper loud people, then I usually get drained as time pasts but when I'm always with the deep people, I usually get depressed

so.... some of my friends are hyper and some are deep

me too... even if people are bad to me, and I KNOW AND FEEL that they hate me and they did something bad to me, I don't know why I'm still kind to them, but when I'm PMs-ing or in a bad mood... I WON'T CARE about them and I'd think that "hmpph!! I've been keeping my grudge .... and now I'm tired of it" ahahahahahhaha <---that's usually my mood swinging self ahahahahah

 

[SpaceCowgirl]

Im rarely friendzoned by a guy i liked. Actually i tend to have the opposite problem, that i try to make friends with someone who seems cool and they take it as a romantic interest. Its either luck or just the fact that i so rarely like people and wont ever find someone attractive until i know them well.

 

[bamf]

Im rarely friendzoned by a guy i liked. Actually i tend to have the opposite problem, that i try to make friends with someone who seems cool and they take it as a romantic interest.

I have the same problem. I friendzone people all the time.
Of course, the people that I pursue always friendzone me.
Meh

 

[Faye]

My experiences with INFJ men are that they do have problems dating. For the 2 I dated I think they put themselves in the 'friend' category with most women by being such gentlemen and by being so open with sharing their feelings and having a lack of assertiveness at the start. This can seem effeminate to women. A woman also wants to know that you are attracted to her so if you are waiting to 'get to know her' before you make some kind of move it may already be too late. Take the chance, make the move and then get to know her...you can still be her friend if romance doesn't take hold. Just because you make the move doesn't mean it's etched in stone and you have to get married, it just means you're interested. With my first INFJ boyfriend he waited til I was bombed one night to make a move and I had to kiss my second INFJ boyfriend first because he was just taking too damn long! Neither relationship ended because of compatibility issues...life just got in the way. INFJ guys rock!

To everyone...stop overthinking this personality stuff so much! People are people. Beautifully complex and individual. No 2 people of the same 'type' are the same as we are all shaped by our life experiences and choices. Be open to the possibility!

In other words, be a bro and conform to the stereotype of male behavior if you want women to be interested in you at all?

Sad, but true....

 

[Ria]

For me, if a guy makes it obvious that he's interested, I back away and feel uncomfortable. Also, it takes a LOT of time, even after I have known a guy for quite a while, before I feel comfortable even considering the possibility of a romantic connection. It's more than trust for me, it has to feel right on most if not all levels.

It's usually me who is friendzoning guys, I don't recall it happening the other way round. The OP was about why do we get friendzoned by guys, and I know I'm rather off the point, but as it's somewhat parallel, I thought I'd post my thoughts. It's parallel because I too, sense when a guy is interested in me, and although I might think he's wonderful in many if not all ways, I do feel pressure and discomfort if any boundaries are blatently or subtley crossed. I guess it just has to feel natural, safe and "right". Intuition is a Godsend, yet a curse at times. It creates a question within me; and that question is: "What do you want from me?"

 

[Feelings]

Dragging up old threads, are we? I suppose the outgoing, laidback, friendly, cheerful types are popular. Most people are pretty simple thinkers, with pretty simple needs. INFJ depth pretty much goes unnoticed ("unappreciated" if you wanna get mushy), and usually misinterpreted. It takes a lot to decipher the INFJ. You weren't wired to be crowd pleasers, and that's just the way it is. Sorry, you're just not popular. You're more of a niche product. I suppose good looking INFJs would have mass appeal, but often from the wrong crowd

 

[Gaze]

I would've thought that having empathy for other people would be a good foundation for a relationship but I find while men love talking to me, they avoid me for romantic relationships. The rare ones that don't abandon me just want to be friends.

Why do men hate INFJ girls? Is it because we don't talk all the time?

Not limited to INFJ girls. I have the same problem. A few guys will approach me as a "nice" girl to chat with joke around with or have a conversation with, but then it won't usually go beyond that. It's made me question quite a number of things over the years. Hmm . . .

 

[KazeCraven]

Well, I can say that when looking for a relationship I want someone that not only can relate to my situations, but actually feels similarly to me.

However, being able to relate isn't the only thing that matters in a relationship. I think much of it has to do with personality compatibility and body language. When I find myself thinking along relationship lines, it's usually due to one of those.

 

[Zero Angel]

My experiences with INFJ men are that they do have problems dating. For the 2 I dated I think they put themselves in the 'friend' category with most women by being such gentlemen and by being so open with sharing their feelings and having a lack of assertiveness at the start. This can seem effeminate to women. A woman also wants to know that you are attracted to her so if you are waiting to 'get to know her' before you make some kind of move it may already be too late. Take the chance, make the move and then get to know her...you can still be her friend if romance doesn't take hold. Just because you make the move doesn't mean it's etched in stone and you have to get married, it just means you're interested. With my first INFJ boyfriend he waited til I was bombed one night to make a move and I had to kiss my second INFJ boyfriend first because he was just taking too damn long! Neither relationship ended because of compatibility issues...life just got in the way. INFJ guys rock!

To everyone...stop overthinking this personality stuff so much! People are people. Beautifully complex and individual. No 2 people of the same 'type' are the same as we are all shaped by our life experiences and choices. Be open to the possibility!

This is most insightful, and I would +rep you if I could, alas the button does not appear. I <3s ENTPs, my closest friends have been ENTPs -- I could probably date one, however in truth I find ENTP women somewhat difficult to approach due to their 'coolness vibes' (forgive the abstract term). The only other girl I had that was worth keeping was an INTJ (like ENTPWoman's experience with INFJs, life got in the way). INTJ's are hot once they let down their guard and i'm not sure i've known an ENTP woman close enough to find out whether they're worth keeping.

Thank you for posting. I do hope you stick around some more.