why are some of us disliked?

[Gaze]

My experiences with INFJ men are that they do have problems dating. For the 2 I dated I think they put themselves in the 'friend' category with most women by being such gentlemen and by being so open with sharing their feelings and having a lack of assertiveness at the start. This can seem effeminate to women. A woman also wants to know that you are attracted to her so if you are waiting to 'get to know her' before you make some kind of move it may already be too late. Take the chance, make the move and then get to know her...you can still be her friend if romance doesn't take hold. Just because you make the move doesn't mean it's etched in stone and you have to get married, it just means you're interested. With my first INFJ boyfriend he waited til I was bombed one night to make a move and I had to kiss my second INFJ boyfriend first because he was just taking too damn long! Neither relationship ended because of compatibility issues...life just got in the way. INFJ guys rock!

To everyone...stop overthinking this personality stuff so much! People are people. Beautifully complex and individual. No 2 people of the same 'type' are the same as we are all shaped by our life experiences and choices. Be open to the possibility!

Good post. Agree with Zero-Angel. I would definitely support the point about waiting too long to approach someone if you're interested. Doesn't mean someone should initiate interest too quickly or rush right in, but it can be really annoying and frustrating if the person takes too much time to let someone know they're interested. This doesn't mean the person should be overly assertive or aggressive, but you can express liking/interest directly and get to know them once you do.

 

[Ethereal]

I agree with what everyone else has said, for me, I have never EVER been popular with men, it was usually years between boyfriends (when I managed to get one) it is because I really struggle with social chit-chat (bleurgh) I only like indepth conversations and if I can't have one than I don't speak, I am naturally very quiet anyway. I also appear to others to be very standoffish, aloof and unapproachable (so I've been told) it seems that most people only like people who talk and laugh constantly, act like twats and drink and party a lot. I also lack physical attributes that are considered desirable such as big tits.

 

[toska]

For me it's the same thing everyone else has been saying. I think people assume I don't want to be approached since I'm emotionally reserved and not advertising the goods. It takes too much effort to break down all my defenses. The only person who successfully did this within a few hours was an ENFJ.

 

[Gaze]

. . . I really struggle with social chit-chat (bleurgh) I only like indepth conversations and if I can't have one than I don't speak, I am naturally very quiet anyway. I also appear to others to be very standoffish, aloof and unapproachable (so I've been told) it seems that most people only like people who talk and laugh constantly, . . .

Yeah, I mean I don't mind small talk or light conversation in general but when it comes to getting to know someone, I realize people use a lot of small talk or superficial convo to hide or prolong getting to the point or taking any real steps to move forward.

Another thing is sometimes, people are too often caught up on how sociable or expressive/extroverted someone appears to be. So, someone is too often dismissed if they are not the most vocal or expressive person in the room. People assume you don't want to talk or get to know anyone if you're not the loudest, most talkative or as "me" focused as they seem to be. And funny thing is I'm much more open and extroverted than i once was, but it still hasn't changed anything as far as being approached for dates, etc. And it always usually backfires whenever I make the first move, so i won't be doing that anytime soon .

 

[~jet]

I guess it goes both ways; as an INFJ male, I always seem to end up in the friend role with the women. This time around, I've made it plain to my current interest that I am interested in more than friends. Hasn't fled yet, but there's plenty of time for that =P