Too Young?
- Thread starter Nixie
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..sounds interesting..*imagines Slant as a guy*
I already have the penis required
Yes. I've dated up to 15yrs younger. I don't find age the issue, it's the maturity level of the person. I've dated two men both 10yrs apart in age who basically had the same maturity level and it was doomed in both cases. The difference for me was that I experienced a lot more shock when the older one displayed the immature behaviour than when the younger one did.
I don't feel a generation gap with younger partners and generally find a lot in common. I tend to cut younger partners a lot more slack in terms of what I'll turn a blind eye to, as they are not as experienced in relationships as I am and I can generally see whether something was intentional or just carelessness. As long as you, as the older person, are aware of where your partner is in life there is always a chance for the relationship to work. Just don't expect a 22yr old to want to set up house or show a lot of commitment. There are some who are in that space by 22 but don't expect it.
What I like about younger partners is that they are still appreciating a lot of things about the world, and they are still alive with their dreams. They haven't held a corporate job long enough to get old and crotchety and dispirited. I love it when someone can look me in the face and in all serious tell me they are going to do something outrageous with their life. It doesn't matter to me if they ever satisfy it or not, it's just important to me that they have that outlook on life. I don't purposefully seek younger partners and if I met someone older than me who still lives with that kind of spirit I would be happy to be with them. It just tends to work out these days that my partners are around 10yrs younger than me.
I don't feel a generation gap with younger partners and generally find a lot in common. I tend to cut younger partners a lot more slack in terms of what I'll turn a blind eye to, as they are not as experienced in relationships as I am and I can generally see whether something was intentional or just carelessness. As long as you, as the older person, are aware of where your partner is in life there is always a chance for the relationship to work. Just don't expect a 22yr old to want to set up house or show a lot of commitment. There are some who are in that space by 22 but don't expect it.
What I like about younger partners is that they are still appreciating a lot of things about the world, and they are still alive with their dreams. They haven't held a corporate job long enough to get old and crotchety and dispirited. I love it when someone can look me in the face and in all serious tell me they are going to do something outrageous with their life. It doesn't matter to me if they ever satisfy it or not, it's just important to me that they have that outlook on life. I don't purposefully seek younger partners and if I met someone older than me who still lives with that kind of spirit I would be happy to be with them. It just tends to work out these days that my partners are around 10yrs younger than me.
From my point of view that calculation is pretty accurate. I'm considering whether to bother dating an 18 year old... she likes anime and so do I, so it's intriguing me.... but yeah, not so sure. 18 just sounds way way too young.
Age matters on some level, but I think experience, maturity, similar lifestyles, attitudes, compatibility, matters more.
You can be attracted to someone younger or older, but if you're not personally, socially, and sometimes culturally compatible, then it's not likely to work as well.
It's very easy to be attracted to something different and unusal, and be caught up in that new love feeling where everything is exciting, only to find out later on that it's not feasible for the long term. Not that you don't learn or enjoy the experience as it's happening, but you may later realize that some things are not as satisfying or fulfilling as it may seem, however attractive the idea may be.
You can be attracted to someone younger or older, but if you're not personally, socially, and sometimes culturally compatible, then it's not likely to work as well.
It's very easy to be attracted to something different and unusal, and be caught up in that new love feeling where everything is exciting, only to find out later on that it's not feasible for the long term. Not that you don't learn or enjoy the experience as it's happening, but you may later realize that some things are not as satisfying or fulfilling as it may seem, however attractive the idea may be.
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Mine would be 29 then. I think I could do that, as long as there was some connection and maturity. In truth though, in a long term relationship I don't think I'd want to be with anyone much more than 10 years younger and maybe 6-7 years older. I tend to look, act, and think a bit younger so I put a few more years on that side of me. Oh a side note, my brother who is 42 got divorced and now lives with his 19 yr old girl friend. She is nice enough, and they seem to get along fine, but I just couldn't do it. It'd be like dating my daughter. (of course he has all boys)
Considering experiences, etc. how would you define maturity in a person? What would they need to do or have for you to feel comfortable dating them?
I'm asking because i'm curious about the ways we all define or describe maturity at any age. thx.
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Hmm....you always ask the hard ones my friend. For me maturity would be a combination of confidence (comfort with ones self), caring/selflessness, responsibility, and a willingness to admit and work out mistakes and differences. One does not have to have all of these in spades, but you need a decent sized portions of each to have a good level of maturity I feel. Acting serious all the time is NOT a sign of maturity. It's the sign that a huge bug has crawled up thine a..zz!
I've dated below the line and above the line. The guys who were twice my age failed because when you think about it, if you're 40+ and single and picking up youngins, there is a reason you're single. I dated younguns compared to me who just weren't capable of life. They didn't need a girlfriend so much as a tutor and a mother.
Unfortunately, the problems with emotional immaturity and inability to do shit seemed to exist in the same amounts in both extremes of my age range. If they are beyond the limits, just don't bother.
Unfortunately, the problems with emotional immaturity and inability to do shit seemed to exist in the same amounts in both extremes of my age range. If they are beyond the limits, just don't bother.
I know this is going to sound just stupid, but I started a relationship with an older guy when I was 13. He was 17. We're still together now, I'm 16 and he's 20, things are just peachy with us.... no one really has a problem with our relationship, they just think it's odd we've managed three years together.
Haha mine was Lord of the Rings. My husband and I both have Asperger's and we were both completely OBSESSED with Lord of the Rings (I've read it 97 times) and I found someone my age who worked out for me.
18 would be my youngest, and that would NEVER happen. I have a hard enough time dating guys who are my age (22) much less younger ones. The men I have dated recently have all been older than me by 8-10 years. Now the guy I am currently "with" (It's a long story) is 5 1/2 years older than me and at times there are issues with me being vastly more mature than he is. He's grown up quite a bit recently and I am hoping we won't have that problem when he comes home.
So, last semester I met this guy at my university in my biology lecture(INTJ). He is 16 and a third year in college, having skipped high school. Most 16 year old boys are EXTREMELY immature, but this one is by far one of the most mature well-mannered people I have ever met. He could put 25 year olds to shame.
My "I would never date a 16 year old" post?
Consider him to be the exception
[Zorry Zlant]
My "I would never date a 16 year old" post?
Consider him to be the exception
[Zorry Zlant]
Heh, ask you friend if this is an opinion they've held for a long time., orrrrr if it's a joke, err, line they remembered from the last episode of that TV show, Parks and Recreation last season...
I think people should be matched together with people of a similar mix of emotional and intellectual development and collection of life experiences (within a few parameters). Let's talk about you Laurel, just since your right above me n' alls. I think if this guy is already in college, he's more 18 than 16 in my book. If you're 19 and going to school with him, I see nothing wrong with you two dating/doing-whateva-you-rascly-kids-do-these-days
. But on the flip side, at 23 I wouldn't really want to go out with a 16 year old, no matter how far along their emotional/intellectual development is. There's just a thing about experiencing the passage of time that can change the way you experience and think about things, and the effect is more noticeable the younger you are. I think it stops mattering so much once you've laid out the foundation for your life/career by your mid/late 20's, but there's always a charm to being with someone as close to your age as possible. Maybe it's just my F function going awry, but that's how I feel!
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Ok.. So I took one look at this thread, and had a reaction somewhat like this --> :jaw:
Honestly, who cares? I have seen some interesting couples in my time.. Sometimes the different age gaps can inspire the best out of a couple, and I personally think it could be really cute to see..
Aeon, I absolutely agree with you! Age is pretty much just a number. What matters most is: compatibility with experiences, life-goals, destinations and not to mention personalities..
Then again, I am a mere ENFP, what do I know..
Honestly, who cares? I have seen some interesting couples in my time.. Sometimes the different age gaps can inspire the best out of a couple, and I personally think it could be really cute to see..
Aeon, I absolutely agree with you! Age is pretty much just a number. What matters most is: compatibility with experiences, life-goals, destinations and not to mention personalities..
Then again, I am a mere ENFP, what do I know..
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But with age comes things like social stigma. I couldn't imagine a great number of people wanting to date someone who could be their parent's friend. Not to mention the whole biological instinct of procreation could play a part.
Age is definitely just a number, but with that number comes a lot of challenges for many people. To each their own, just the giant age gap doesn't appear to fit a whole slue of people.
Age is definitely just a number, but with that number comes a lot of challenges for many people. To each their own, just the giant age gap doesn't appear to fit a whole slue of people.
mf, I absolutely agree! Age matters, and I certainly wouldn't want to date someone who is my parents age.. but I don't think we should let it be a massive barrier..