I quit | Page 4 | INFJ Forum

I quit

Hotherym said:
I think the problem with my seeming inability to let go of baggage is more biological than anything. It's definitely genetic -- even people fairly distantly related to me that I've not met do the same thing. I'm pretty sure it's classed close to, if not outright, obsessive compulsive post traumatic stress. I've done a lot to try to stop it, technically everything I can think of, and I get distraught that the cycle or conditioning just doesn't stop.

So, I get the concepts, I get what should happen, but nothing seems to stop the emotional train wreck. I cope, however. Or maybe it's completely bullshit, I guess time and more analysis will tell.
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Letting go of baggage sounds like forgiveness (of others, self, whatever) and it has consequences for your physical health. It's an interesting connection I find.
 
Milon said:
Letting go of baggage sounds like forgiveness (of others, self, whatever) and it has consequences for your physical health. It's an interesting connection I find.
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I think it depends on the type of baggage in question. In my case, it's loss, and fearing it fiercely. People can sense this, and run off probably feeling I'll strangle them, tie them up and break their ankles so they won't leave.

I find I forgive maybe too easily, a problem my mom had and I'm probably predisposed, and conditioned, to.
 
Hotherym said:
I think it depends on the type of baggage in question. In my case, it's loss, and fearing it fiercely. People can sense this, and run off probably feeling I'll strangle them, tie them up and break their ankles so they won't leave.
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misery-cover.jpg
 
That penguin figure was pointing due south....
 
Odds, chances, wait for the right guy; Blah blah fucken blah.

Yeah, I’m not a ray of sunshine who tells people that it’s just a matter of time and one day you’ll meet a man who’ll be everything you dream of etc, etc. Sorry but that’s not part of my pep talk repertoire.

Relationships are risks, the more you’re willing to let your guard down the better your chance of happiness but the more you can be hurt. I hope you find the right guy to put your trust in and let your guards down with.

Besides cats can pee and throw up in inappropriate places and refuse to clean it up.
 
I also tend to get my hopes up to far after just meeting someone, so its not just a feeler thing its a people thing. My therapist says that's bad for me. I don't really know how to let go of the tendency.

Any bright ideas?
 
Lucifer said:
I also tend to get my hopes up to far after just meeting someone, so its not just a feeler thing its a people thing. My therapist says that's bad for me. I don't really know how to let go of the tendency.

Any bright ideas?
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I would sure like to know this myself.
 
Merle Shain had a great book in the late-80's called "Hearts That We Broke Long Ago" which is full of essays that put relationship issues like this in great perspective. OOP, but fairly easily found on the used market.

Love? Horrible isn't it? It allows someone to have a glance inside you and (possibly*) mess with your defenses. What choices do we have? Put on a bulletproof vest and not allow anything can hurt us? Disallow the possibility of joy from someone with better intentions? Love hurts. It's a battlefield. It bites. But you can't give up.

Oh, and yes, the differences between men and boys are too numerous to mention...



“To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.” -Merle Shain
 
Lucifer said:
I also tend to get my hopes up to far after just meeting someone, so its not just a feeler thing its a people thing. My therapist says that's bad for me. I don't really know how to let go of the tendency.

Any bright ideas?
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Yeah. Stop expecting anything, as well as looking. When I was younger I'd get excited about meeting new people just like if I got a bundle of cotton candy. At some point both things became less exciting and interesting as they were before. I don't know exactly *what* did it though. Probably aging.
 
Ugh, god. I quit too. If I have to hear "you're great but you're just not my type" from one more girl I'm attracted to I'm going to have to kill someone. And just for the record; this is without prompting them!
 
CoffeeShopDiva said:
...I feel like I can't take another one of these disasters. Its just going to make me more damaged for when the right person does come along.
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That you feel like this makes sense. Fortunately, like all feelings, this too shall pass.

Seeing oneself as damaged is a choice. Based on my experience, I do not recommend it.

When I met my "right person," what had happened in my past didn't matter, because part of my joy of loving her is being fully present in the moment with her person.


cheers,
Ian
 
slant said:
Yeah. Stop expecting anything, as well as looking. When I was younger I'd get excited about meeting new people just like if I got a bundle of cotton candy. At some point both things became less exciting and interesting as they were before. I don't know exactly *what* did it though. Probably aging.
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I think it is because you are starting to see patterns in people. This is likely to eventually come back if you move to another part of the country.
 
slant said:
Yeah. Stop expecting anything, as well as looking. When I was younger I'd get excited about meeting new people just like if I got a bundle of cotton candy. At some point both things became less exciting and interesting as they were before. I don't know exactly *what* did it though. Probably aging.
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We can't give up as much as I wanted too.

I know I tend to think its fine to give up. But we can't just stop.

I just wish I could remember that.
 
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