Flirting! :D | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

Flirting! :D

Not a great fan of flirting. The only time I flirt is when I've been hurt, I kind of restore my self-esteem by flirting, to get a confirmation that I'm not that unattractive and boring. Though the result of this is that I feel worse when I know that I'm perhaps hurting other ppl just for my own sake.
 
Helpful Elf said:
I'm not a fan of flirting, personally. Nothing against those who do it. It's not my thing though. What bothers me is that people think I'm flirting when I'm not. So to those people:

If I'm smiling at you, it means I'm full of love for humanity and including you in that sentiment. It doesn't mean anything else. I smile at everyone, when I'm in a positive mindset. That doesn't mean you're not special either. You are, but I'm not trying to pick you up.

If I pay you a compliment it's because I sense you are feeling low and need to be reminded about your strengths - I never lie - I just pick whatever is true and positive (according to me) about you and tell you that. It doesn't mean I 'like' you. It just means I empathise with your low self esteem and want you to feel better.
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Beautifully put. This is absolutely true for me, as well.

Generally, if I bother to make small-talk with someone who I have no obvious reason to speak to...that's flirting. Although I have a smile for everyone and will always respond positively to a cheerful greeting, I rarely initiate conversations or chatter without some reason. If there is none, I'm flirting. But I'm probably making a snide remark, so it's possible that no one would know...
 
I don't think I've ever done it seriously. I've had female friends who seem to like to do it verbally, mostly in the form of jokes, and I can joke a bit with them. Actually this has mostly been online, although not entirely. So... I guess I'm not big on it.

I did once compliment a girl's appearance in middle school, but this is because her friend put me in an awkward situation, so I got out of it with a joke/compliment. In retrospect I'm pretty sure she wanted me to ask her out on a date after that, although at that point I was too antisocial to care or notice, beyond mild suspicion.
 
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I flirt but IF i dont know how a girls gunna take it ill-get all nervous wit it.

Otherwise ima STRAIGHT BEAST at flirting...ive just recently started releasing the beast:mlight:....
 
I flirt. I'm not that bad at flirting. I know when I am flirting. I generally can figure out when someone is flirting with me.
 
I only flirt with the one that I love. That's it.
 
Helpful Elf said:
I'm not a fan of flirting, personally. Nothing against those who do it. It's not my thing though. What bothers me is that people think I'm flirting when I'm not. So to those people:

If I'm smiling at you, it means I'm full of love for humanity and including you in that sentiment. It doesn't mean anything else. I smile at everyone, when I'm in a positive mindset. That doesn't mean you're not special either. You are, but I'm not trying to pick you up.

If I pay you a compliment it's because I sense you are feeling low and need to be reminded about your strengths - I never lie - I just pick whatever is true and positive (according to me) about you and tell you that. It doesn't mean I 'like' you. It just means I empathise with your low self esteem and want you to feel better.
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Do people actually think that a smile and a compliment is flirting? I don't think it's flirting until there's an actual back and forth of comments that skirt the edge of what would normally be appropriate for saying to someone.

Maybe my definition is flawed?
 
Do people actually think that a smile and a compliment is flirting? I don't think it's flirting until there's an actual back and forth of comments that skirt the edge of what would normally be appropriate for saying to someone.

Maybe my definition is flawed?
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I think it depends on the context. A smile and a (sincere) compliment are rarely a bad thing to show someone, but it can be used for different purposes and mean different things, depending on what's going on.
 
Koba said:
I think it depends on the context. A smile and a (sincere) compliment are rarely a bad thing to show someone, but it can be used for different purposes and mean different things, depending on what's going on.
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*noms on neck*

Glomp.jpg

t_and_i_glomp.jpg
 
Lurker said:
:dizzy:

Don't like flirting? Flirting is such a waste of time? WHAT?

*head shake*
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It's too complicated and confusing for me
 
:D I flirt. I usually know I'm flirting, although sometimes the other person reads that I am when I'm not. Actually, it's kind of been a problem in the past...sometimes I don't know when to stop. If someone flirts with me, it's almost an natural impulse to flirt back.

It's a bit of a science. You can flirt in banter; there are some guys that really like to be challenged. You can flirt directly; that's something you do more with people you know well. You can flirt just by showing a sort of open interest.

BUT it's all in the body.
If you're flirting with banter, you should be either leaning forward in sort of a bored, interested way, or leaning back in an bored, open way. And you should allow yourself to smirk, raise your eyebrows questioningly, etc. Keep your expression, especially your eyes, playful. That says, "I'm comfortable, I'm interested, but I'm feisty and want to challenge your manliness." This goes well with T guys and guys that like to show off...tested against ExTPs for sure
If you're flirting directly...well, you flirt. You can allow some touches, some openness, but no so much that it's stifling or desperate. I usually only do this as a joke with close friends, or with established love interests.
Open interest is possibly the easiest for INFJ. Just show that you're sincerely interested in what they're saying. Some shyness is even a little cute. Smiles are good, and show the natural body language for interest: lean forward but stay loose and natural. This is more allowing them to flirt with you ;) This works better with NF guys or introverted F guys...or guys with a sexist complex, if you go for that. It's less domineering, and allows for more opening up and intimacy
 
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I don't flirt and won't flirt unless I'm seriously interested in a girl. Bantering in a group setting is different and I love to do that.

The only people that flirt with me are the ENTPs on TypeC. IRL, I can never tell for sure if someone is flirting with me - if I suspect it, I'll usually just write it off as my imagination.

"Assume the worst so I won't be disappointed by reality" - that's what I used to tell myself, but honestly I think it's much easier to give in to that defeatist mentality.

Now I'm starting to pay a little more attention and ask my friends, "Hey, is that girl flirting with me?" When they say, "Yep, she is"... it always surprises me that I was right.

Don't get me wrong though, I like flirting. But I don't flirt with a shotgun, I flirt with a sniper rifle. I can wait to have a girlfriend again so I can flirt with her all the time. :nod:
 
i think i flirt unconsciously. only in hindsight do i look back and beat myself up for it all red in the face.
 
Wyst said:
IRL, I can never tell for sure if someone is flirting with me - if I suspect it, I'll usually just write it off as my imagination.

"Assume the worst so I won't be disappointed by reality" - that's what I used to tell myself, but honestly I think it's much easier to give in to that defeatist mentality.
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Haha, same for me. I am extremely dense when it comes to flirting and I always have to refer to a friend to find out if someone was flirting with me. I usually chalk it up to wishful thinking, especially if they seem out of my league. When I find out someone was flirting with me it's like "Really??? ...Why would they ever do that? o_O"

I don't actively flirt with people. If I'm interested in someone I'll smile at them if I get a chance or try to be a good friend if I interact with them regularly. That's the best I've got.
 
Flirting leaves little to be analyzed and yet my brain automatically wants to do so, anyways.

I'm fairly awkward in most cases, and if I think someone worthy of my flirting, I'm usually not confident enough to approach them. Too bad...

And welcome back, Ortorin! I was kinda depressed that you left.
 
I didn't know I flirted unconsciously until a friend of mine pointed it out to me. It comes naturally to me I guess.
Although I'm also oblivious when people are flirting with me, unless they're very straight forward.​
 
I don't really care about flirting that much. If I have singled out a specific person that I know I am interested in, then I try to flirt with them a bit, playing up the cuteness factor and hoping that maybe he'll catch on that I like him. But I really am horrible at flirting. I HATE the dating around looking for a boyfriend stuff... I just want to find a guy that fits with me and make him my boyfriend. That's what is actually enjoyable. Screw the dramatic 'oh, does he like me? Do I like him? Does he like someone else?' crap. I want the real deal.
 
I find the whole process of flirting rather confusing.

I don't think anyone has flirted with me before, I know I haven't flirted with anyone.
 
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