I feel exactly the opposite. Getting to know people may sometimes (rarely, though) be exciting and fun but usually I'm not *clingy* until I know the other person enough to realize how amazing they are and what a loss it would be to lose them.
Do you think INFJs are clingy?
- Thread starter earthtocarrie
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I feel exactly the opposite. Getting to know people may sometimes (rarely, though) be exciting and fun but usually I'm not *clingy* until I know the other person enough to realize how amazing they are and what a loss it would be to lose them.
My clinginess is in direct proportion to how much I care about someone, how bored I am, and how much I feel entitled to be near that person. For instance, if I'm in a relationship with someone whom I see everyday and then I suddenly stop seeing them for some reason and have nothing else to do, I will become increasingly clingy with them as the days pass. Or, if I feel like someone I care about is considering leaving my life, I'll get clingy. Otherwise, I'm generally not very clingy - which tends to cause the afore mentioned situations.
When I feel trust in someone like a friend, I keep them at a distance still and enjoy time with them at random intervals. I appreciate this being understood and needed too, by the other person. This way, I can maintain my own values for personal space and boundaries while not feeling like I am hurting another. I tend to begin to trust somewhat in that other person, especially if there is that certain click that sends me to feeling more comfortable with opening up. These friendships don't usually fizzle out for me and that is why I view these people as people of quality that I can spend quality time with and then the connection with them feels more meaningful to me.
In romantic relationships, I come across as both warm and cold. I have been acused of coming across as cold if my needs for depth in the relationship are not being met. I do this as I begin to withdraw due to losing feelings of trust and safety. With a relationship that I feel completely secure and safe in, then I am warmer that anyone else they have ever been with (or so I've been told). So ya, it depends (for me) on how I can trust and sense safety from another... and my intuition is 'always' right
So then in these times, I can become clingy because spending time with a lover / soulmate is very meaningful and important to me... even if the further I fall, the more vulnerable I obviousely become. I guess this holds true for most people, INFJ's of course and other types too.
In romantic relationships, I come across as both warm and cold. I have been acused of coming across as cold if my needs for depth in the relationship are not being met. I do this as I begin to withdraw due to losing feelings of trust and safety. With a relationship that I feel completely secure and safe in, then I am warmer that anyone else they have ever been with (or so I've been told). So ya, it depends (for me) on how I can trust and sense safety from another... and my intuition is 'always' right
So then in these times, I can become clingy because spending time with a lover / soulmate is very meaningful and important to me... even if the further I fall, the more vulnerable I obviousely become. I guess this holds true for most people, INFJ's of course and other types too.
^ these two posts. Although I don't think I'm clingy, but there are times when I'd be extremely...warm and affectionate. Small doses, really. And then, when I catch myself doing that, I stop and start being really detached. I guess it's the fear of becoming too vulnerable really. And like IndigoSensor--though this only applies romantically--I do sort of become obsessed with someone as well. I cut off it immediately, however. I absolutely despise it when I start thinking up of various scenarios between me and said romantic interest.
I am deathly afraid of becoming clingy. I don't ever want someone to consider me that. If I do feel like I'm becoming that way, I will withdraw from the person for a few days and then come back a little less... clingy!
I am very self conscious of being considered clingy so often I will overcompensate for it... Like when my boyfriend would take me to parties where I knew no one I would go off on my own so he wouldn't think I was too attached to him. But I would eventually get too overwhelmed by all the people and the whole strategy would blow up in my face. Perhaps there is a happy middle ground?
In new social situations, I'm definitely clingy. I usually stay pretty close to the people who brought me there, talk in the same groups they are in. After a while I'll stray a little bit. If I'm in a more familiar situation/gathering I'll be all over the place, my secondary extroverted side will show itself.
Though, some people read my expected loyalty as clingy-ness. I'm very loyal to my close friends and I expect a high amount of loyalty from them as well. This is no problem for my introverted friends. But with my extroverted friends, they don't understand why I get pissed when they forget to call me back.
Though, some people read my expected loyalty as clingy-ness. I'm very loyal to my close friends and I expect a high amount of loyalty from them as well. This is no problem for my introverted friends. But with my extroverted friends, they don't understand why I get pissed when they forget to call me back.
I am clingy to a degree. While I like to be alone sometimes to ponder, I am terrified of loneliness and desolation. I wouldn't say I come across as clingy, but I cannot forget people and if I really really admire the person, then I can be a bit clingy. Most of the time, though, I just tell myself that my clinginess is useless and just deal with it.
Yeah, I'm somewhat clingy. But I learned long ago to control it. Most people can't handle my Fe. And all I end up is getting hurt. I adapt now to the situation I'm in. With the right person, I would be very clingy. But that's probably in the past for me now. But years ago, I was uber-clingy! Life blunts that I guess.
Very clingy.
But not like leech clingy, just wanting to be in the same space as someone. If I really like someone, just being in the same area as the person is enough gratification for me. We don't even have to talk to each other. Eye contact is cool and means so much more to me anyway.
But not like leech clingy, just wanting to be in the same space as someone. If I really like someone, just being in the same area as the person is enough gratification for me. We don't even have to talk to each other. Eye contact is cool and means so much more to me anyway.
"I have quite a few close INFJ friends, and I find that they have this tendency to be overly clingy towards people their afraid to lose.
Just wondering if my observation is accurate. What do you guys think?"
Well, words "overly clingy towards people their afraid to lose" shows that in your opinion they have inadequate secret wish to appropriate other person, as I understood. So, I think, you should look deeper of all this dilemma. If your friends INFJ afraids to lose someone, and becomes even more clingy then they should be, that just shows how deep they are taking frienship in themselves and how loyal and caring they can be to a friendship even they feel unsafe in it. Knowing that, it is your desicion, to give safety for them, or leave this relation in transitional position.
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Just wondering if my observation is accurate. What do you guys think?"
Well, words "overly clingy towards people their afraid to lose" shows that in your opinion they have inadequate secret wish to appropriate other person, as I understood. So, I think, you should look deeper of all this dilemma. If your friends INFJ afraids to lose someone, and becomes even more clingy then they should be, that just shows how deep they are taking frienship in themselves and how loyal and caring they can be to a friendship even they feel unsafe in it. Knowing that, it is your desicion, to give safety for them, or leave this relation in transitional position.
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I think I actually have more of a tendency to be very detached, but it's complicated.
You know how you meet someone and become close friends but then one or both of you goes off to college or moves to a new place, so you don't see them for a few months, and they sort of grow apart from you? Well, I never care about people any less, no matter how long I go without seeing them. I have childhood friends who can barely remember me but whom I still feel very close to and care very much for. That is a bit awkward at times.
But at the same time, I am horrible at making an effort to keep in contact with people. I never make phone calls, and sometimes I purposefully don't answer phone calls. I neglect to respond to Facebook wall posts and never ask my friends if they want to hang out. And then I get upset when they do things without me!
You know how you meet someone and become close friends but then one or both of you goes off to college or moves to a new place, so you don't see them for a few months, and they sort of grow apart from you? Well, I never care about people any less, no matter how long I go without seeing them. I have childhood friends who can barely remember me but whom I still feel very close to and care very much for. That is a bit awkward at times.
But at the same time, I am horrible at making an effort to keep in contact with people. I never make phone calls, and sometimes I purposefully don't answer phone calls. I neglect to respond to Facebook wall posts and never ask my friends if they want to hang out. And then I get upset when they do things without me!