Do you think INFJs are clingy?

[Jill Hives]

Yes, and I suffer insane jealousy too at times. I can usually keep it under control though, but I still feel it often, more than I would like.

I pissed off my best friend once in 10th grade because I stopped talking to her when she started hanging out with another of her friends more than me. Hilariously enough when I hear about them hanging out even now I get a little jealous. Of course she was the one friend I had back then. I get possessive of my friends at times because I feel like I have so little of them that I am terrified of losing the precious few I have.

My husband is currently pissed at me because I got really upset at him last night for not cuddling me when he was too tired. I would normally have been understanding but he spent the whole day all over me basically and I was really looking forward to having him to myself in bed to snuggle, I just assumed based on how he acted earlier that he would want the same thing. So when he came into bed and just layed there and didn't even hug me when I went to snuggle up with him, it felt like a slap to the face and I didn't understand why he couldn't just muster a tiny bit of energy at least to be receptive to low energy requiring snuggling. I feel like I overreacted but at the same time, I don't know how that could've NOT hurt me.

As you can see, I can be quite clingy at times. But I think a lot of my clingyness is insecurities...

I'm a work in progress...

 

[kita]

I sometimes feel too clingy with my husband, but it might be because I'm so standoffish with everyone else. I think I could be happy spending all my time with him, but at the same time I don't mind him going out or having friends over most weeknights, or spending the night at a friends house if he's too tired or had too much to drink to drive home. Sometimes though when we haven't spent a lot of time together I catch myself literally clinging to him and feel like I should stop.

 

[tfg345i4u5lw]

I can be a bit codependent. Either with people, weed, or my guitar.

 

[the]

I dont really think so. Probably more standoffish than Id prefer.

 

[lefsboroboto]

I suppose at the 'getting to know you' phase of a friendship I can be fasinated and clingy but after I understand that person interest pretty much fizzles out.

I do this a lot too. Mine has to do more with getting my hopes up that a person is intelligent and worthwhile, then finding out they're not and dumping them to the side of the road.

I am personally determined to never seem clingy or dependent on others. The thought of being dependent on someone else can vary from being very uncomfortable to downright scary. However, when I find someone that I feel is worthwhile and loyal to me, I will be loyal to them beyond all else. That's kind of how INFJ's are, fiercely loyal and caring. But a lot of us don't want to show it because we feel emotionally vulnerable unless we put up our walls.

 

[6string]

I read through this thread a couple of days ago, and honestly have yet to check for updates, so please forgive me, if I may have missed something. Only today, as I decided I wanted to respond, did I finally join the website as a member.

There seems to be some debate on whether INFJs (like myself) are cold hearted, or clingy.

I guess I can't really speak for everyone (although I want to... haha) but as for me...

When I begin to fall for/crush or love someone, I don't generally make these feelings known UNLESS two things are in place.

1. I must actually feel something for them (If they feel for me, yet I don't feel for her, then I come across very cold)
2. I must know that the feelings are mutual.

If I feel for you, but I'm not 100% convinced that the feeling is mutual, I won't share that emotion with ANYONE!!! I'll hold it in like venom until it begins to eat away at my very being. I may chose to write (music or poetry) about my feelings, but that only seems to intensify them.

But if I KNOW 100% deep down in my soul that the object of my affection is safe, then that person will find me to be the most loving, affectionate, romantic person alive... however, when a moment of doubt slips in, I will appear to retreat.

If you know that your INFJ loves you, however, s/he is not making it known by his/her actions, try showing some loving attention in the form of hand holding, hugging, cuddling, and other gestures which require more then mere words, and I assure you, that you will see a significant physical turn around that ensures you of his/her desire for you. INFJs need constant reassurance, or we just may take your small (to most anyway) signs of withdraw as signs of uninterest.

And remember, INFJs are highly susceptible to small, seemingly insignificant changes of emotion. If you're upset, we may take it as being upset with us if you don't talk to us. But if you allow INFJs to be the ones to be there for you, through your upset, your INFJ will feel praised that you chose him/her to confide in.

We don't disclose ourselves/our thoughts/our emotions to just anyone. We must know that you're the safe one we can trust with our innermost thoughts and desires.

I'd love some imput on this, if anyone has any to offer...

I thought I'd come back today and add a couple of tidbits to this piece. Please accept my apologies for the book that this entry has become.

Being that INFJs don't open up to just anyone, I find that those few friends who are allowed into our inner circle of innermost thoughts, are also people with whom we are very affectionate. This seems to cause some confusion to outsiders who don't understand, for them see it as a form of flirting, or mistake our closeness with our friends as objects of desire.

I had dated someone last year, who was under the assumption that I was, "sleeping with" my best of friends. She couldn't understand that closeness and the attachment I had with them. It's a clinginess for those we chose to be a part of our world. We don't just like our friends, we absolutely love and adore them. They are our chosen family.

Yes, we do cling. We cling to the closeness that those chosen few, provide. We cling to the safety of them. We cling to the knowledge that we can open up and bear our deepest thoughts, feelings and fears to those few who will accept us, through all of our differences.

Do I love those I call my, "Best friends?" I certainly do.
Am I close to them in a way that few have a concept to grasp? Affirmative.
Am I, "In Love" with them on an emotional, romantic level? Unfortunately, there are those who think I do... but no.

Am, I clingy with those I love? Those who accept me? Those who understand, relate, dig deeper til they can see my soul. You better believe it. Because contrary to popular belief, though we are introverts, there is a part of us that yearns to be extroverted... and they are the few with whom we can be just that.

Again, I'd love some insight or observations, if anyone should have such, to add.

Thank you for your time.

 

[6string]

I can be a bit codependent. Either with people, weed, or my guitar.

Well said... Lol. 'specially the guitar. She understands me best. And she likes me best on weed. No wonder she's not spoken to me much lately.

Oh, my dearest guitar... please still love me when I'm not smoked.
Oh, my dearest weed, please come home to me.

 

[StarsPer]

yes in my case

 

[Chamomile]

I identify with this so much >.< and I hate that I do. When I feel a connection with someone I get really excited, since its rare, and in relationships its made things either move too fast, or one of us is freaked out by it and bails. I hate that I'm so aware that I shouldn't feel that invested/excited/clingy and its hard to know what to do. I also feel bad that I get fascinated in figuring someone out, and then its like I get bored with things and they continue to want a lot from me and it becomes exhausting. So I've been trying to tone down that excitement and clinginess and drag out getting to know them. Its helped some!

 

[6string]

I think I actually have more of a tendency to be very detached, but it's complicated.

You know how you meet someone and become close friends but then one or both of you goes off to college or moves to a new place, so you don't see them for a few months, and they sort of grow apart from you? Well, I never care about people any less, no matter how long I go without seeing them. I have childhood friends who can barely remember me but whom I still feel very close to and care very much for. That is a bit awkward at times.

But at the same time, I am horrible at making an effort to keep in contact with people. I never make phone calls, and sometimes I purposefully don't answer phone calls. I neglect to respond to Facebook wall posts and never ask my friends if they want to hang out. And then I get upset when they do things without me!

I can so totally relate to everything you posted in this... like wow!!! Especially the last paragraph.