Knowing when to chill | Page 5 | INFJ Forum

Knowing when to chill

Wyst said:
I'm really curious if she'll want to/bring up the 'let's be intentional about this' discussion. Wouldn't it be odd if we go another week without talking about it? I think it would.

I'm trying to balance that with knowing that women take longer to 'warm up' than guys do. I certainly don't want to force that discussion if she doesn't feel safe with me yet. But I don't want her to wonder if my definition of being intentional is saying 'let's be intentional' as a roundabout way of saying 'I like you'. Because it leaves in question, how serious I am/am not.

I don't think we'll get much time to talk at all since it's a group thing :mtap:
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I understand. I'd be wanting to have that conversation too although sometimes it's better to wait.

Could you guys go out for coffee or something after your night with the group ends?
 
I'd just let the whole definition of "intentional " lay for now.
Let things play out on their own.
Your probably stressing out over it needlessly.
 
Morgain said:
are you guys going out as in dancing?

in that case you can really examine whether she is interested in you. Talk to other people but keep an eye on her and see if she looks at you every other minute. Then you'll know :w:. I hope it turns out great for you, I really do!!
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:m077: oh man... she was a professional ballet dancer and still teaches ballet. I can't dance at all!!!

Soulful said:
I understand. I'd be wanting to have that conversation too although sometimes it's better to wait.

Could you guys go out for coffee or something after your night with the group ends?
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I think the group is going out for coffee... otherwise I'd totally suggest it! Man.. keep waiting on that conversation...? So, I'd just let her bring it up whenever she wants to?
 
By the way, thanks for the feedback and everything, everyone. I know it sounds like I'm not listening to you because I keep asking the same questions but it really helps just to be reminded to play it cool and relax which is why I keep asking your thoughts.

Really, I know I already know what to do, I just need people to remind me with a whack upside the head sometimes..

... ok every other two days... :m173:
 
Wyst said:
:m077: oh man... she was a professional ballet dancer and still teaches ballet. I can't dance at all!!!



I think the group is going out for coffee... otherwise I'd totally suggest it! Man.. keep waiting on that conversation...? So, I'd just let her bring it up whenever she wants to?
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How about a late(?) night stroll after the coffee?

And yeah, I'd also wait to see if she brings it up, at least for now.
 
Soulful said:
How about a late(?) night stroll after the coffee?

And yeah, I'd also wait to see if she brings it up, at least for now.
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yeah man!
I support the idea of night stroll haha that'd be cool. you guys can talk and hang out
 
Had coffee last night and it was fun. Doing something again next Friday as well. Everything seems to be going well.


But in the 3 weeks this has been going on, she's never called me or texted me from her side first. Only to replies to my texts/calls. I'm not sure what to think. Do you think she's just going along with flow and doesn't feel anything towards me?
 
Wyst said:
Had coffee last night and it was fun. Doing something again next Friday as well. Everything seems to be going well.


But in the 3 weeks this has been going on, she's never called me or texted me from her side first. Only to replies to my texts/calls. I'm not sure what to think. Do you think she's just going along with flow and doesn't feel anything towards me?
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Hmmm ask her to plan the next date. That puts the ball in her court without it being a big deal.
 
Is it possible that she doesn't feel comfortable taking the reins, so to speak?

Blind Bandit said:
Hmmm ask her to plan the next date. That puts the ball in her court without it being a big deal.
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+2
 
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She's letting you lead...

Don't put her on the spot and make her plan the next date. Too much pressure. Ask her when is good for her and then maybe you guys should have a conversation about what to do next if you don't feel like leading.

Ask her what she likes to do. Or use your intuitive powers to plan something she'd enjoy based on what you know about her already. That'd be impressive. Maybe she's wanting to be swept away.

If she didn't like you, she'd not be returning your texts or calls.. or she'd put you off.
She seems shy.

I can tell this, because when I first started seeing my boyfriend I did not usually initiate. She'll probably come around. Mine surprised me in the beginning by taking me someplace he figured out I'd love. At that point, I realized he was paying attention and felt ready to start initiating plans and stuff more often with him. Realizing he was serious about seeing me and getting to know me helped me to overcome my shyness.

Change it up. Take her someplace other than out for coffee. It's been three weeks, the time is ripe for something like that.
 
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Thanks for the advice everyone. I really don't care that I'm the only one leading. Actually, I'm very happy to lead. Sometimes I wish she'd just text me to ask me a question instead of parrotting back all of my questions. Or maybe text and ask how my day was for no other reason than to say hi..

Do I sound like a neglected housewife our what...
 
acd said:
She's letting you lead...

Don't put her on the spot and make her plan the next date. Too much pressure. Ask her when is good for her and then maybe you guys should have a conversation about what to do next if you don't feel like leading.

Ask her what she likes to do. Or use your intuitive powers to plan something she'd enjoy based on what you know about her already. That'd be impressive. Maybe she's wanting to be swept away.

If she didn't like you, she'd not be returning your texts or calls.. or she'd put you off.
She seems shy.

I can tell this, because when I first started seeing my boyfriend I did not usually initiate. She'll probably come around. Mine surprised me in the beginning by taking me someplace he figured out I'd love. At that point, I realized he was paying attention and felt ready to start initiating plans and stuff more often with him. Realizing he was serious about seeing me and getting to know me helped me to overcome my shyness.

Change it up. Take her someplace other than out for coffee. It's been three weeks, the time is ripe for something like that.
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I can respect that and you bring up good points. But its important for both to be willing to take a step forward. But that's my take.
 
The last thing you want to do is what I would do. :D:D Me Indigo and Wyst do seem to get very very restless and anxious with regard to uncertainty, especially about something as exciting as a new person to possibly do things with!

I think it would be hilarious to text her something ridiculous. Here are some ideas:
1. :)
she'll say "?" or "hi" or something
you can reply with ":) :)"
and she'll be like "What's up?"
And you can reply with ":) :) :)"
And she'll be like "ha ha ha, you're a dumbass"
2. peer
she'll be like "what?"
and then you can say.......
3. Hey girl
She'll be like "hey... what's up?"
And you can do maybe a #5 here.
4. I am having Mountain Dew and I am really enjoying it.
5. Will you marry me?

I dunno.. Just millions of funny little text things u can do.
 
pierce would also be very direct and upfront!
but I heard that most people don't like that............ AT ALL (I still do it :D:D:D)
I usually scare the shit out of people, then eventually they figure out I'm not that bad.
here's an idea too: offer up sex. I heard female sex drives are higher than men's anyways. but only do this if you think that you can do a good job!
 
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pierce said:
The last thing you want to do is what I would do. :D:D Me Indigo and Wyst do seem to get very very restless and anxious with regard to uncertainty, especially about something as exciting as a new person to possibly do things with!

I think it would be hilarious to text her something ridiculous. Here are some ideas:
1. :)
she'll say "?" or "hi" or something
you can reply with ":) :)"
and she'll be like "What's up?"
And you can reply with ":) :) :)"
And she'll be like "ha ha ha, you're a dumbass"
2. peer
she'll be like "what?"
and then you can say.......
3. Hey girl
She'll be like "hey... what's up?"
And you can do maybe a #5 here.
4. I am having Mountain Dew and I am really enjoying it.
5. Will you marry me?

I dunno.. Just millions of funny little text things u can do.
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HAHAH I laughed out loud at this one! I might try this next time myself HAHA just to see what happens ;)
 
Wyst, is she "old fashioned?" I was taught never to call a guy I was dating. Of course I went through my rebellious years where I rejected this idea completely, but if she's old school, she's old school.
 
Blind Bandit said:
I can respect that and you bring up good points. But its important for both to be willing to take a step forward. But that's my take.
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You're right. I'm just saying maybe she is shy or hasn't dated very much or has traditional notions so she's being cautious and waiting to determine Wyst's real intentions.
 
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