Knowing when to chill | Page 6 | INFJ Forum

Knowing when to chill

No contact since Saturday morning. I'm not feeling very inclined to reach out to her to say hi or ask about her weekend - which just makes me frustrated because we're not communicating.

But if I were to text/call her to say hi, still I'll be frustrated by when and what I get back from her.

Feel like I'm screwed sideways no matter what I do.

I do think she may be old-fashioned so I'm going to ask her about it Friday. Perhaps that's a bad move but I don't really care. I want to be transparent with her. If transparency scares her off, then she needs the wake up call that this is what I'm like now and that won't change, especially as I become more and more comfortable around her.
 
I'm actually much more obsessive than you. That pretty much characterizes my interest in a lot of things though. I'm either super interested or I don't really care. I'm a pretty polarized person. There are certainly in betweens, but I see a lot of intensity that comes and goes easily.
 
Wyst said:
No contact since Saturday morning. I'm not feeling very inclined to reach out to her to say hi or ask about her weekend - which just makes me frustrated because we're not communicating.

But if I were to text/call her to say hi, still I'll be frustrated by when and what I get back from her.

Feel like I'm screwed sideways no matter what I do.

I do think she may be old-fashioned so I'm going to ask her about it Friday. Perhaps that's a bad move but I don't really care. I want to be transparent with her. If transparency scares her off, then she needs the wake up call that this is what I'm like now and that won't change, especially as I become more and more comfortable around her.
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you need to take a walk alone man hahah take a step back to relax :)
 
Wyst said:
No contact since Saturday morning. I'm not feeling very inclined to reach out to her to say hi or ask about her weekend - which just makes me frustrated because we're not communicating.

But if I were to text/call her to say hi, still I'll be frustrated by when and what I get back from her.

Feel like I'm screwed sideways no matter what I do.

I do think she may be old-fashioned so I'm going to ask her about it Friday. Perhaps that's a bad move but I don't really care. I want to be transparent with her. If transparency scares her off, then she needs the wake up call that this is what I'm like now and that won't change, especially as I become more and more comfortable around her.
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IMHO, you should talk the lead and just ask her out. The nebulous zone you are in right now is the space between friendship and relationship, and if you wait too long you'll be in the friend zone. Also, honestly, I think you should go with what feels right. Typically, when I'm interested in someone, I do a lot of what ACD suggested instead of what other people have said. If you're the type that likes to do the sweet and perhaps over the top emotional thing in the beginning of the relationship, do that, don't let us dissuade you.

Anyways. I know it's hard not to but I think you are over thinking this too much. She seems interested at the moment and she is letting you decide where the relationship will go. I'm a man of bluntness, I think you should tell that what you meant by "intentional" is that you wanted her to be "your (My, in your pov) girlfriend" That way, you can move on from this pre-dating friendship zone space and move on to the actual dating, where the rules are more free-form and you two can work out what exactly you want from each other.
 
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acd said:
Really. On second thought, I'm kind of nervous for this girl.
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Crap.. Why are you nervous for her?
Hopefully not bc you think I'm about to make a blunder..

Reon said:
IMHO, you should talk the lead and just ask her out. The nebulous zone you are in right now is the space between friendship and relationship, and if you wait too long you'll be in the friend zone. Also, honestly, I think you should go with what feels right. Typically, when I'm interested in someone, I do a lot of wait ACD suggested instead of what other people have said. If you're the type that likes to do the sweet and perhaps over the top emotional thing in the beginning of the relationship, do that, don't let us dissuade you.

Anyways. I know it's hard not to but I think you are over thinking this too much. She seems interested at the moment and she is letting you decide where the relationship will go. I'm a man of bluntness, I think you should tell that what you meant by "intentional" is that you wanted her to be "your (My, in your pov) girlfriend" That way, you can move on from this pre-dating friendship zone space and move on to the actual dating, where the rules are more free-form and you two can work out what exactly you want from each other.
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Feeling a lot better having taken a third day away from contacting her. Reon I think you're right man. I AM overthinking this whole thing. I think it's time to define intentional. Tomorrow. .... Maybe? Hahaha.
 
Wyst said:
Crap.. Why are you nervous for her?
Hopefully not bc you think I'm about to make a blunder..



Feeling a lot better having taken a third day away from contacting her. Reon I think you're right man. I AM overthinking this whole thing. I think it's time to define intentional. Tomorrow. .... Maybe? Hahaha.
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Because you're way over-thinking it and stressing about it. It's supposed to be fun.
Just take a breather and yes. Chill. Now would be the quintessential time to chill.
Though my contributing dating tactics to this thread may not have helped with that.. Sorry.
I didn't mean to stress you out with my advice.
 
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Wyst said:
Crap.. Why are you nervous for her?
Hopefully not bc you think I'm about to make a blunder..



Feeling a lot better having taken a third day away from contacting her. Reon I think you're right man. I AM overthinking this whole thing. I think it's time to define intentional. Tomorrow. .... Maybe? Hahaha.
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Perhaps. If you do make it clear what you mean by intentional, then the next time you should see her you should be on a date. Personally, I'd probably wait until the next coffee meet and tell her about the fact that I wanted to go out with her. I think it's something you should tell her in person (and I have a natural tendency to put everything off) If she's one of those types that needs time to think, she has the whole weekend. If she doesn't like you, you can move on with a little bit of money still in your pocket. If she does, you already know when to arrange the next day and you can feel confident that you are heading in the right direction.

With that being said, I consider your coffee meets "dates." I think you've been dating for a while, now you just need to make it official.
 
acd said:
Because you're way over-thinking it and stressing about it. It's supposed to be fun.
Just take a breather and yes. Chill. Now would be the quintessential time to chill.
Though my contributing dating tactics to this thread may not have helped with that.. Sorry.
I didn't mean to stress you out with my advice.
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Trust me.. This is me being chill. Although I wasn't chill in my post earlier today... I've never had an IRL girlfriend. They've all been LDR and have started VERY quickly. So I have no experience to draw on in this situation and flying by the seat of my pants is just about the best I can do.

But you're right. This should be fun :)
 
Heh - ok, this is got me curious and I need some help figuring it out.
So I met a friend of hers over the weekend. When I told her my name, she asked what my last name was and if I knew the her friend (the girl I've been seeing). When I said, 'Yes', she said, 'Oh, so you're the reason I could go see Iron Man 2 with her a few Fridays ago.'

Ok, fast forward to today
 
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Ask her what she'd prefer to do. If she says she doesn't care which one, go with the dinner and fireworks, and ask if she wants to see Iron Man on Saturday.
 
mf said:
Ask her what she'd prefer to do. If she says she doesn't care which one, go with the dinner and fireworks, and ask if she wants to see Iron Man on Saturday.
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Wow. Aggressive but I like it.
 
mf said:
Ask her what she'd prefer to do. If she says she doesn't care which one, go with the dinner and fireworks, and ask if she wants to see Iron Man on Saturday.
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+1
 
So several texts layer and after my dinner company left I called her at 10:30 and got her voicemail. Started washing my face and of course she calls when my face is covered in soap! Lol

Had a really fun chat but it was way too short. Talked about Friday a bit and I totally took mf's idea. She says both the dinner and fireworks or a movie sound great. So I'm going with the former and will see if she's got Saturday night open too for the movie :D

Seriously. I don't know why I was being so pissy before.
Fe meltdown...!
 
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mf said:
Ask her what she'd prefer to do. If she says she doesn't care which one, go with the dinner and fireworks, and ask if she wants to see Iron Man on Saturday.
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This^^^
 
Wyst said:
So several texts layer and after my dinner company left I called her at 10:30 and got her voicemail. Started washing my face and of course she calls when my face is covered in soap! Lol

Had a really fun chat but it was way too short. Talked about Friday a bit and I totally took mf's idea. She says both the dinner and fireworks or a movie sound great. So I'm going with the former and will see if she's got Saturday night open too for the movie :D

Seriously. I don't know why I was being so pissy before.
Fe meltdown...!
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Awesome awesome awesome!
 
Captain, date is a go. I repeat, date is a go.
 
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