Knowing when to chill
- Thread starter Wyst
- Start date
Wyst,
Hope things go well. If you need any help, text us during your next date and ask us how to respond to specific questions. (JUST KIDDING!)
Seriously, you never know how these things will go, so just take it one step at a time and be yourself. No one can ask any more. Don't try to hard to make a false impression unless you want to end up with someone hung up on impressions, IMHO. Be natural, dude!
Hope things go well. If you need any help, text us during your next date and ask us how to respond to specific questions. (JUST KIDDING!)
Seriously, you never know how these things will go, so just take it one step at a time and be yourself. No one can ask any more. Don't try to hard to make a false impression unless you want to end up with someone hung up on impressions, IMHO. Be natural, dude!
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So I went out for coffee with her last night. Actually, we ended up doing dinner. We talked for about two hours and it seemed like things were winding down in our convo and I suddenly felt like I needed to get serious.
So I said something like, 'Hey before we leave I just want you to know that I've really, really enjoyed getting to know you and that if we go out again, I really want to be intentional with moving forward so that we're both on the same page and no one gets surprised. Are you ok with that?'
She looked like she had tears in her eyes and I thought I had said the very thing she didn't want to hear. I had ruined it by being to up front with her. "Thanks, I appreciate you being intentional like this. Not many men are intentional anymore." Then she went on to say how much she enjoys our times together, that she's always encouraged, and that I get her thinking about things. She's up for a next time and we're doing something again on Friday!
Neither of have us have asked/defined what 'intentional' means. But now we both no we like each other and we don't have to worry about what the other person is thinking. From here on out I can just enjoy getting to know this awesome woman.
I find her endlessly interesting.
So I said something like, 'Hey before we leave I just want you to know that I've really, really enjoyed getting to know you and that if we go out again, I really want to be intentional with moving forward so that we're both on the same page and no one gets surprised. Are you ok with that?'
She looked like she had tears in her eyes and I thought I had said the very thing she didn't want to hear. I had ruined it by being to up front with her. "Thanks, I appreciate you being intentional like this. Not many men are intentional anymore." Then she went on to say how much she enjoys our times together, that she's always encouraged, and that I get her thinking about things. She's up for a next time and we're doing something again on Friday!
Neither of have us have asked/defined what 'intentional' means. But now we both no we like each other and we don't have to worry about what the other person is thinking. From here on out I can just enjoy getting to know this awesome woman.
I find her endlessly interesting.
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Wow this is great. I'm so happy for you. This sounds like it could be a good experience for you both and sounds like your both on the same page.
Insecurity sucks
I talked with her on the phone for about 40 minutes last night. I had fun talking but I was left with this feeling of... lacking?
She talked about regular stuff, funny, stuff, and some pretty serious stuff too. Last week we set up something for this coming Friday. We're going to a church thing - I have to be there early since I've been asked to help with some logistics, she'll come later with some of her friends. In trying to work out the details (without pushing too hard) of if we would/could sit together, it's up in the air because of when she'll get there, how full attendence will be. So who knows what'll happen Friday.
The other thing that is starting to bother me is a complete lack of convo on what we talked about last Friday about being intentional. We never actually got to finish that convo and that's leaving me feeling, hate to say it but.., insecure. Dang.
I'm really trying to be openhanded with this and not control or manipulate the situation. I don't want to rush a 'so are we dating then?' kinda talk. But I do like her a lot and really wish I knew what she was thinking now.
I talked with her on the phone for about 40 minutes last night. I had fun talking but I was left with this feeling of... lacking?
She talked about regular stuff, funny, stuff, and some pretty serious stuff too. Last week we set up something for this coming Friday. We're going to a church thing - I have to be there early since I've been asked to help with some logistics, she'll come later with some of her friends. In trying to work out the details (without pushing too hard) of if we would/could sit together, it's up in the air because of when she'll get there, how full attendence will be. So who knows what'll happen Friday.
The other thing that is starting to bother me is a complete lack of convo on what we talked about last Friday about being intentional. We never actually got to finish that convo and that's leaving me feeling, hate to say it but.., insecure. Dang.
I'm really trying to be openhanded with this and not control or manipulate the situation. I don't want to rush a 'so are we dating then?' kinda talk. But I do like her a lot and really wish I knew what she was thinking now.
I think you need to give things some time before you start thinking this way. No offense but I feel the typical INFJ nitpick going on Fe rearing its head and bringing forth doubts. All I can say is just let things happen and if there is a problem you will know.
She may be thinking just as hard about it as you are, thus the silence....
She will probably bring it up when she is ready to talk about it.
I'll finally see her again tomorrow. Geeez. Only getting to see her once a week is really rough.
Aside from our talk on Monday night, I sent her one text yesterday and got a reply back, but that's all we've communicated since our last date on Friday last week.
I'm really curious if she'll want to/bring up the 'let's be intentional about this' discussion. Wouldn't it be odd if we go another week without talking about it? I think it would.
I'm trying to balance that with knowing that women take longer to 'warm up' than guys do. I certainly don't want to force that discussion if she doesn't feel safe with me yet. But I don't want her to wonder if my definition of being intentional is saying 'let's be intentional' as a roundabout way of saying 'I like you'. Because it leaves in question, how serious I am/am not.
I don't think we'll get much time to talk at all since it's a group thing
Aside from our talk on Monday night, I sent her one text yesterday and got a reply back, but that's all we've communicated since our last date on Friday last week.
I'm really curious if she'll want to/bring up the 'let's be intentional about this' discussion. Wouldn't it be odd if we go another week without talking about it? I think it would.
I'm trying to balance that with knowing that women take longer to 'warm up' than guys do. I certainly don't want to force that discussion if she doesn't feel safe with me yet. But I don't want her to wonder if my definition of being intentional is saying 'let's be intentional' as a roundabout way of saying 'I like you'. Because it leaves in question, how serious I am/am not.
I don't think we'll get much time to talk at all since it's a group thing
are you guys going out as in dancing?
in that case you can really examine whether she is interested in you. Talk to other people but keep an eye on her and see if she looks at you every other minute. Then you'll know :w:. I hope it turns out great for you, I really do!!
in that case you can really examine whether she is interested in you. Talk to other people but keep an eye on her and see if she looks at you every other minute. Then you'll know :w:. I hope it turns out great for you, I really do!!