I'm honestly thinking of finding every thread of this nature, merging them all and placing them in the Archive.
Just cause they're so common.
INFJs and feelings of being alone, different, disconnected or lost
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I'm honestly thinking of finding every thread of this nature, merging them all and placing them in the Archive.
Just cause they're so common.
S
Shai Gar
It's a good thing to point that out once in a while.
That should stand in the "before you post read here" thread
Most excellent point, soulseeker. Lurker?
Yes, ignoring the Shaigar is mostly a wise decision . . . ;-)
Yes, ignoring the Shaigar is mostly a wise decision . . . ;-)
soulseeker, don't worry too much. You will grow into your personality and learn how to adjust the controls more easily. It's difficult to feel different but as you get older you will appreciate your differences more and more.
Also creative outlets are great for our type. Do you paint, draw, write or have any hobbies?
Also creative outlets are great for our type. Do you paint, draw, write or have any hobbies?
and i love to eat 
Good point actually.
*slurps in four 'alone' threads, creates a monster, stickies*
Now you can talk about being alone, feeling different and lost in one convenient, sticky location, enjoy
I have felt this way my whole life, and really struggled with it. I only recently found this forum, and I have mixed thoughts about it. Although it feels good to find kindred spirits (which is rare) it makes me think that all my self-help book reading has been futile!! lol. I guess I am the way that I am, and that just has to be good enough! My family moved a lot when I was a kid, 3 different countries, 3 different elementary schools, 2 middle schools, and 2 high schools.....I attributed my difficulties in 'fitting in' to always feeling like I had to match the kids at the new school....try as I might, I never quite got there. Always felt on the outside looking in. Recently read an article on Dustin Hoffman....apparently he has felt that way his whole life as well. He gets uncomfortable going to big Hollywood parties, just as the thought of mingling makes us cringe....I hate small talk...I only want deep conversations that touch on such subjects as...well, I don't even need to list them, do I? :tongue1:
I have just posted an almost identical message as this on another thread but I feel it is more relevant here:
The reason we struggle with things to say is that we are listening to our subconscious too much. you can't pay attention to external stimuli and internal stimuli at the same time. this is called uptime/downtime. we INFJ's practically live in downtime. this is why we have such good intuition and it is also why we struggle with things to say. You feel seperate from those you are with because they are paying attention to external stimuli (uptime) and you are paying attention to internal stimuli (downtime). Other types often don't understand us because they don't have access to our internal worlds, and this is what we are commenting on most of the time.
Heres how you turn off that voice in your head:
take a look around the room you are in. what is there that you have never noticed before? how many things can you see that are green? how about blue? name all the objects around you. begin to only pay attention to your surroundings. the individual objects and as a whole. When you are in a social situation do this with your surroundings and with the people you are with. notice the changes in the persons face. as you get better at this you will feel the difference straight away when you do it and you should instantly feel more talkative. REMEMBER you must be in UPTIME when talking to people. let me know if you want me to elaborate on any of this
Yes it does sound strange, yes it does sound too easy, yes it does work!
The reason we struggle with things to say is that we are listening to our subconscious too much. you can't pay attention to external stimuli and internal stimuli at the same time. this is called uptime/downtime. we INFJ's practically live in downtime. this is why we have such good intuition and it is also why we struggle with things to say. You feel seperate from those you are with because they are paying attention to external stimuli (uptime) and you are paying attention to internal stimuli (downtime). Other types often don't understand us because they don't have access to our internal worlds, and this is what we are commenting on most of the time.
Heres how you turn off that voice in your head:
take a look around the room you are in. what is there that you have never noticed before? how many things can you see that are green? how about blue? name all the objects around you. begin to only pay attention to your surroundings. the individual objects and as a whole. When you are in a social situation do this with your surroundings and with the people you are with. notice the changes in the persons face. as you get better at this you will feel the difference straight away when you do it and you should instantly feel more talkative. REMEMBER you must be in UPTIME when talking to people. let me know if you want me to elaborate on any of this
Yes it does sound strange, yes it does sound too easy, yes it does work!
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PJ, those are some *really* wise words. That reminds me of a book I read a few months back, about helping develop one's weaker cognitive processes. 'Course I read it, but do I follow the exercises--? *Bad me.* 
But I totally agree. It helps to get out of the whole internal world sometimes. It can balance who we are, inside.
But I totally agree. It helps to get out of the whole internal world sometimes. It can balance who we are, inside.
Just so there is no misunderstanding. Downtime isn't a bad thing. It has it's uses. It's just bad for talking to people, driving, sports and other things where you need to be aware of external objects (that includes people). Identify which activities in your life require you to be in uptime and switch to it then. Your default state will probably be downtime so you will have to consciously switch when needed. in time your brain will realise what you are doing and do it for you automatically
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Very good advice! After reading that I've been thinking back to a party I went to on Sat. night and I can clearly see that I was not totally aware of my surroundings. I mean, if I had been following what you were saying above, the party would have been completely different. I would have experienced it differently anyhow.
No not at all. It is simply a way to change your perception from your inner world to your outer world. don't simply describe the objects around you to the people you are with. It's no good being talkative if you bore the pants off everyone. This isn't about commenting on your surroundings. you just do that in your head to initially enter uptime. after a few days/weeks you won't have to do this anymore. you will just be able to "shift" to uptime. The better you get at uptime the more the conversation will just flow. Don't worry about having something to say straight away, simply follow the excercise I described on a regular basis and all will become clear.
Let me know if this clears things up
Trust me this works and it could change your life. I'm an INFJ who used to suffer this same problem. Sometimes I could be the life and soul of the party and sometimes I would have literally nothing to say. It wasn't shyness at all. I doubt you will find a less shy person than me. the problem was that I literally had nothing to say. I made a point of finding out what the difference between these two states was and this is it. I still retreat into downtime but i can now pull myself out of it whenever I like.
I have lots more stuff like this by the way. It's hard to think of good stuff straight off the top of my head though. I need something to spark off my thoughts in that area. Hit me with a problem, you might be surprised.
I have lots more stuff like this by the way. It's hard to think of good stuff straight off the top of my head though. I need something to spark off my thoughts in that area. Hit me with a problem, you might be surprised.
Wow, that will help a lot. I'm a lot the same way; I have issues in the fact that I'm not "shy" or "withdrawn" so much as the fact that I get lost in social situations sometimes >.>
But it makes sense. I think I've been getting better at coming into uptime--it's one of the reasons I like being around ESxP types--I think they helped me become more aware of my surroundings when I was around them. I think I'm getting better at doing it one my own, now...
I'm definitely going to give that a try-- I need a conscious way to get out of my head by myself, and that seems like it'll work :3
But it makes sense. I think I've been getting better at coming into uptime--it's one of the reasons I like being around ESxP types--I think they helped me become more aware of my surroundings when I was around them. I think I'm getting better at doing it one my own, now...
I'm definitely going to give that a try-- I need a conscious way to get out of my head by myself, and that seems like it'll work :3
This issue is the single most dominant issue in my life right now. But I'm not an introvert - I'm pretty much as extroverted as a person can be. The problem I face is that I'm so ridiculously, off the charts cerebral that I have trouble interacting with people on any mundane level - and most people need some mundane. Small talk, chit-chat... these are only highly obnoxious necessary evils for me to dance around until I can insinuate real conversation. But once I get there I regularly discover that people are either not particularly interested in deep, abstract conversation or that they have a much lower longevity tolerance.
I knew a guy who could not sit still. Before bed his mom would let him literally run in circles in their living room to blow some of the steam off. As a teenager he played in every conceivable sport and now he competes as an adult in triathlons. And at 40-ish his energy level still out paces most people half his age. It dawned on me recently - this is how my mind works. It never stops. It's always, always processing. Which would be okay, but as an extrovert my greatest love is conversation and interaction. I don't want to just sit around and think, I want to dialog what's happen in the brain box - it's how I learn best. But I tire nearly every one out, and the frustration of not being able to interchange at the level I desire and feel that I need (at this time in my life) has actually been hurtful. It almost feels like a form of rejection, though I know it is not. Add to that the desire to have a solid social niche (which I have not yet found) I sort of feel like a Stranger in a Strange Land.
I've considered entering the land of Academia, but that seems like a trap to me. Many lifetime academics I've met have been painfully arrogant and out of touch with life in a sort of chicken-and-egg scenario. (My apologies to any academics on the forum.)
It's not just the introverts that feel alone. I actually think it's a curse of being highly intuitive rather than an introvert/extrovert alignment.
I knew a guy who could not sit still. Before bed his mom would let him literally run in circles in their living room to blow some of the steam off. As a teenager he played in every conceivable sport and now he competes as an adult in triathlons. And at 40-ish his energy level still out paces most people half his age. It dawned on me recently - this is how my mind works. It never stops. It's always, always processing. Which would be okay, but as an extrovert my greatest love is conversation and interaction. I don't want to just sit around and think, I want to dialog what's happen in the brain box - it's how I learn best. But I tire nearly every one out, and the frustration of not being able to interchange at the level I desire and feel that I need (at this time in my life) has actually been hurtful. It almost feels like a form of rejection, though I know it is not. Add to that the desire to have a solid social niche (which I have not yet found) I sort of feel like a Stranger in a Strange Land.
I've considered entering the land of Academia, but that seems like a trap to me. Many lifetime academics I've met have been painfully arrogant and out of touch with life in a sort of chicken-and-egg scenario. (My apologies to any academics on the forum.)
It's not just the introverts that feel alone. I actually think it's a curse of being highly intuitive rather than an introvert/extrovert alignment.
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I've pretty much alienated everyone on the fac that I honestly hate most things about high school, and this suburban town that I live in. On a daily basis at school I'm made fun of for not being like everyone else and feel so withdrawn most of the time. I just wish I could find a few people I could relate to at times. I just want to leave here so bad, and go to college where there would at be quite a few people I can relate to. I just feel really alone here, like I don't belong at all. Yet most people see that as being pretentious. It's really hard to try to be like them, when you don't really want to be. And I'm alienating quite a few people in the process. Even apologizing won't work.