INFJs and feelings of being alone, different, disconnected or lost

[Poetic Justice]

The problem I face is that I'm so ridiculously, off the charts cerebral that I have trouble interacting with people on any mundane level - and most people need some mundane. Small talk, chit-chat... these are only highly obnoxious necessary evils for me to dance around until I can insinuate real conversation. But once I get there I regularly discover that people are either not particularly interested in deep, abstract conversation or that they have a much lower longevity tolerance.

I think this applies to INFJ's too. I like to either talk about deep, meaningful topics or make jokes (both of which, most people quickly tire of). I used to struggle with the in between stuff (no meaning, no laugh, no point). With INFJ's it is a combination of introversion and intuition that causes this, but I can certainly see how just intuition could cause this too.

I still think my excersise (^^^^^) may work for you as it is your intuition that gives you all this meaningful stuff to say (and intuition is undoubtably internal stimuli). Don't let yourself have internal dialogue whilst talking to people. Just go with the flow. As soon as you hear your voice in your head re shift into uptime.

I think this is very interesting as it adds a dimension I hadn't thought of. Please let me know if it works

 

[Pristinegirl]

I'm going to take this advice as well because when I have the monolouge inside my mind, I even tell myself to SAY IT out loud because I'm oppressing myself otherwise. However that doesnt work to well and I end up regreting 'not saying'.

The no meaning, no point definetly applies to me as it is something deeper that makes me tick ^^

 

[moonbabyam]

This post really resonates with where I am right now. I meet and know lots of people. People gravitate to me so that they can share the problems of their relationships with me and I will show them their options and help them see how each of those decisions will play out. At the end of the day, I'm emotionally exhausted. I go workout so that I'm physically exhausted and will hopefully be able to turn my mind off so that I am able to sleep. I'm either at work, gym or home. Somehow I need to break this cycle. I've always had a difficult time developing relationships with people.

Ahhhhhhh, post after post I keep seeing this as a commonality. I too feel this way, people truly drain me but I get lonely when I never go out.
I also use working out in the same way, it is a necessity for endorphines too which I think helps with the anxiety/depression that might result from being alone.
I used to think it was hormones but If I am not the only one that seems to be feeling exactly what is being described perhaps not.
This could shed light on serious concerns I've had over my health in regards to depression.
Hopefully we can all find what it is that we need to keep us connected but balanced with alone time to re-up.
Again, I find flower essences help...I dunno why but they sort of lighten the since that you are missing something by not being around other individuals. Solitary time can be great for art, meditation and more productive behaviors which I know I certainly should work harder on.

 

[gloomy-optimist]

I've found that I have no problem going without people for a certain while; it's just the feeling like I'm neglecting the people and the relationships that grates on my nerves. I feel like I'm not doing what I should be doing, or that someone might need me or forget me while I'm away...and it gives me a lot of stress sometimes ^^;
A lot of times it's not so much a conscience thought though. It took me a while to realize that; what helps the most is finding time to focus solely on the self, without pressure from outside influences...

 

[Grey Wolf]

cool..
really thank those above that I read this today.
Went out with my closer friends today. these are my secondary school friends. I'm not sure secondary school is called what type of school in the USA though :/.

Anyway, I genearlly felt very alone with them at first. As in, I usually feel very happy to be with them, as in, I feel like I belong but lately I take sometime to ease into that state when I'm with them. Then it dawned upon me that it was due to us having changed schools and all having different friends now, so to speak. The problem is not us having different friends, its just that the "friends" I have now, apart from those few closer ones are all very, very, VERY superficial. They talk in terms of everything that makes them "happy" and ignore those that dont make them happy. The most irritating of all, some of them like to mock what they dont understand. Which believe me, is very annoying. Ultimately, the new "friends" I have now are slowly eating at my soul and degenerating what me and my close friends have built up. I feel super alone now at school, feel better when I'm alone ( very paradoxical ) and even worse when I'm with my family ( they dont undertand anything at all and believe me when I say anything ). I mean, talking to my family will only result in fights or me getting very annoyed at them as they see things very materialistically and think that at 17 , I'm too dumb to know anything -.- .

I miss the old days where me mand my close friends use to debate about things such as life, relationships, death, what is real and stuff like that. I know that the chances of that are happening again are very low but I really miss those moments but then again, thinking of them merely makes me feel more alone, which is annoying.

I think its time for a retreat

ps: sorry about the rant. had to just let it out somewhere

 

[acd]

I tend to feel lonelier when I'm in a roomful of people than I do when I'm alone or with only a few people. I'm not quite sure why that is..

You wanna volunteer in Nepal??? Tell us about it! That sounds great! (uhh not to get off topic.. hehheh..)

 

[Soulful]

I tend to feel lonelier when I'm in a roomful of people than I do when I'm alone or with only a few people. I'm not quite sure why that is..

From what I have discnerned, I just can't *connect* with a roomful of people as much as I can when there are only a few people around. And when I am by myself... the peace flows.

Even if I don't feel like I connect with the several people in the room - I think on some level, I still may.

I just don't know what to do with a roomful of people :noidea:

 

[AUM]

Hi everyone!!

Well, this is my first post in this forum, and being here just makes me more aware of the traits we all share in respect to loneliness. All of my life I've felt like no one truly understands me, I don't understand myself either most of the time. But despite of that I've always tried to find my own path in this life, whichever that might be. I think my biggest frustration is the idea that I was born to do something and I'm doing everything except accomplishing what I came here to do. This sorrow that my soul and heart grasps each new day is so unbearable sometimes to the point where I no longer see the point in controlling my destructive thoughts that pass through my head, I just let them linger until my conscious once again takes over them and supresses them and become "stable" again without the idea of doing something drastic in my life(running away from here, killing myself, killing others etc, etc). However, after all nobody said that life would be easy, but really, I never thought it would be THAT hard.

I find myself sometimes wanting to be doing something all day without ever stoping because I'm afraid my thoughts will shift yet again to those unbearable thoughts that are waiting to torment me if I let them out of my unconcious. I'd prefer to be working all day instead, keeping myself busy and at the end of the day just go directly to bed and not dream anything. It's like an internal war I have between my concious mind and the unconcious, and to be honest with myself I prefer that my concious wins the war for good. "That" other part of me is full of agony, despair and lots of confusion that one of these days will take a toll on me if I let it loose.

As to all of you, thank you for making this site available to share ideas and feelings that sometimes we take for granted but at the end make a difference of weather or not we will be happy to be the best we can be. Well, I guess we will be seeing each other more often. Later

 

[hughnibley]

It is fascinating to see similar problems, with different causes, then reflected through different eyes. You INFJ's are intriguing.

This issue is the single most dominant issue in my life right now. But I'm not an introvert - I'm pretty much as extroverted as a person can be. The problem I face is that I'm so ridiculously, off the charts cerebral that I have trouble interacting with people on any mundane level - and most people need some mundane. Small talk, chit-chat... these are only highly obnoxious necessary evils for me to dance around until I can insinuate real conversation. But once I get there I regularly discover that people are either not particularly interested in deep, abstract conversation or that they have a much lower longevity tolerance.

I knew a guy who could not sit still. Before bed his mom would let him literally run in circles in their living room to blow some of the steam off. As a teenager he played in every conceivable sport and now he competes as an adult in triathlons. And at 40-ish his energy level still out paces most people half his age. It dawned on me recently - this is how my mind works. It never stops. It's always, always processing. Which would be okay, but as an extrovert my greatest love is conversation and interaction. I don't want to just sit around and think, I want to dialog what's happen in the brain box - it's how I learn best. But I tire nearly every one out, and the frustration of not being able to interchange at the level I desire and feel that I need (at this time in my life) has actually been hurtful. It almost feels like a form of rejection, though I know it is not. Add to that the desire to have a solid social niche (which I have not yet found) I sort of feel like a Stranger in a Strange Land.

I've considered entering the land of Academia, but that seems like a trap to me. Many lifetime academics I've met have been painfully arrogant and out of touch with life in a sort of chicken-and-egg scenario. (My apologies to any academics on the forum.)

It's not just the introverts that feel alone. I actually think it's a curse of being highly intuitive rather than an introvert/extrovert alignment.

A-freaking-men. I feel alone constantly. But I also am over-the-top extroverted. I can walk into any situation and take control, talk to anyone about anything, and do virtually anything without even a shade of embarrassment. And I do love that aspect of my personality. But on the flip side, my mind literally does not shut down, either. I can't not run at full speed.

So, I struggle to connect with people, and it drives me insane. Most people are not intuitive enough to keep up with me, and those that comprehend the literal meaning of what I'm saying, rarely understand the myriad nuances. So, while it is fun to do random and unexpected things and to elicit hilarious reactions from people, I almost never feel like anyone comes close to understanding me (even though they sometimes think they do.)

In short, I definitely feel the loneliness too. I blame it on the high N.

 

[poetrygirl]

Do you ever feel like the outsider?

I always feel like I understand everyone ,but no one understands me. I want people to understand me without having to put too much attention to myself. I don't want to be the loner. But I like to be alone. Do you ever feel this way?

 

[PsilocinProject]

Well, I know how you feel. I used to think it mattered if people understood me.

After a while, I stopped giving a shit. As far as I'm concerned at this point, people have no place understanding me. I have no problem if they try; I just don't expect them to. Plus, I'm just odd. If someone asks me why I did something that seems off-the-wall, I reply with "I am who I am and I do what I do." I don't think my actions should have to be justified with other people, so long as it doesn't effect them.

Edit: As far as wanting to be alone but not... you can do that too. Just takes balance. Have a persona, be charismatic, tell jokes, have a good time. As long as you look like you're having a good time and harm no one, people should take well to you. You can just balance that out by not going out too often.

Hope that help'd. :3

 

[Blind Bandit]

I always feel like I understand everyone ,but no one understands me. I want people to understand me without having to put too much attention to myself. I don't want to be the loner. But I like to be alone. Do you ever feel this way?

As I'm sure you will found out. Yes

I know I've felt this way for a long time.

I'm so sick of trying to explain the same issue over and over again. I don't mind explaining. People don't feel they need to explain anything to me.

As a child I like many was forced to be more social and I hated it. i like being social I'm just more pick about it than some others would be. I think many of the "I" personality types would understand.

Thats one of the many things I would love to pass on to people who don't get us. please don't force us into a situation simply on the notion that you think we need it.

Now I love being invited to things or to go places. But I might not always go.

Well, I know how you feel. I used to think it mattered if people understood me.

After a while, I stopped giving a shit. As far as I'm concerned at this point, people have no place understanding me. I have no problem if they try; I just don't expect them to. Plus, I'm just odd. If someone asks me why I did something that seems off-the-wall, I reply with "I am who I am and I do what I do." I don't think my actions should have to be justified with other people, so long as it doesn't effect them.

Edit: As far as wanting to be alone but not... you can do that too. Just takes balance. Have a persona, be charismatic, tell jokes, have a good time. As long as you look like you're having a good time and harm no one, people should take well to you. You can just balance that out by not going out too often.

Hope that help'd. :3

Pretty much where I'm at now myself.

If the person asking me this isn't willing to explain to me what they do and why. Then I won't feel the need to explain to them especially if I don't know them.

 

[arbygil]

Lol! Actually, the question should be when do I *not* feel like an alien outsider with two heads. I think it's normal, but it's hard to accept when you have so much passion inside of you, and you're not sure how to express it in the best way.

It's really an INxx thing to feel alienated and misunderstood...so you're in good company.

 

[Blind Bandit]

Lol! Actually, the question should be when do I *not* feel like an alien outsider with two heads. I think it's normal, but it's hard to accept when you have so much passion inside of you, and you're not sure how to express it in the best way.

It's really an INxx thing to feel alienated and misunderstood...so you're in good company.

LOl that was awesome and so true.

I think we need a shirt that says "I'm not weird you just not cool enough to get me!" (on back) "PS I will not explain myself to you, I don't have that kind of time! .. ROFL

Another way to think about is we are deep and you have to have someone who is will to not just look and keep walking. People need to push past the initial impression and really go hmmmmm and see if they like you or not.

 

[Milon]

arbygil: So true!

bandit: We need that T-shirt!

hughnibley: If you're reading this, I conscript you to create it!


And I totally know the "no one gets me" feeling. Even when I try to explain myself to others, they still seem not to understand. But INFJ's understand! :thumb:

 

[IndigoSensor]

Welcome to the world that is known as INFJ

 

[Quinlan]

Sometimes I get this weird feeling around here, it's like everyone else is the same and I'm different somehow...

 

[hughnibley]

I always feel like I understand everyone ,but no one understands me. I want people to understand me without having to put too much attention to myself. I don't want to be the loner. But I like to be alone. Do you ever feel this way?

Nope.

 

[gloomy-optimist]

What I hate the most is wanting to just rip your soul open and scream, "I DON'T CARE WHAT SOCIETY SAYS, THIS IS ME!!".....but never being able to do it. I've never felt as if I could truly be myself; I mean, I could to a degree, but only a small bit....

But yeah, as IndigoSensor said, welcome to INFJ-dom

 

[TK*]

When I was really young I used to think that way. I prefer being the "loner" to be quite honest. And to a certain degree, everyone wants to be understood and not alone. I found that those who don't get me probably weren't worth the time anyways. Their loss, not mine. Just be yourself.

Welcome to the forum!