Nope, unless you spent time mostly with unhealthy INFJs—which sounds like the case in your situation and what you mentioned in your previous posts. Unfortunately I can attest that unhealthy INFJs are the worst in relationships.
Typically healthy INFJs value healthy doses of independence in relationships and although we love spending time with our partners, we need our alone time too.
And also with the perfectionist aspect, while we INFJs do realize that our perspectives regarding relationships are idealistic and it’s a bit of our downfall, we don’t take relationships for granted if we are serious about a person. Once we are really set and care about a person, we truly mean it and we are in it for the long haul. It’s a double edged sword tbh.
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Another INFJ here, and I agree. Those were either very unhealthy INFJs or they were mistyped (quite possibly the latter. I agree that for being the minority of the population, I have met a lot of people who test as INFJ merely because self-reporting tests are highly inaccurate and entirely dependent on someone being honest with themselves and self-aware).
I've been in two relationships, one that lasted over 20 years and another that lasted 10 years, and right now is the longest time I've been single in my adult life (6 months). Speaking for myself, it does take me a while to actually decide I want to make a commitment to someone, but once I do, I'm in it for the long haul and I will do everything I can to protect and maintain the relationship, often to my detriment.
My son (18) tests as an INTP. I know his frankness and "forthrightness" rubs me the wrong way quite often, and his thoughts and opinions on things leave me shaking my head with how seemingly cold he can be. On the other hand, I can have some very interesting conversations with him that challenge my perspectives and cause me to reevaluate my opinions. I'm not sure how well I would get along with an INTP in a romantic context. It would probably be a difficult relationship.
I haven't spoken to my ex from my 10 year-relationship since we broke up 6 months ago. I suppose that could be called a doorslam. I blocked him and removed all avenues of communication with him, not because I hold a grudge or bear him ill will but for self-preservation. This was the last of many such break-ups in that relationship, and I don't want to leave open the possibility of me being sucked back into that toxicity yet another time, i.e., I don't want him to have another opportunity to cause me a another moment of pain.
I believe that is the purpose behind the infamous INFJ door slam--self-preservation. I know I have a lot of conversations in my head and a lot of decisions that are made there that result in an action or behavior that surprises those who are not privy to those thoughts. As a result, something like the doorslam could come across as vengeful, spiteful or holding a grudge, but that is only because at that point the reasons for my actions I feel should be self-evident, and I sometimes forget which conversations I've had outside of my head versus the ones I've had inside.
Yes, INFJs are sensitive, and appear especially sensitive to the "Thinking" types (by the way, both long-term relationships I had were with NTs). We may not appear to Thinking types as assertive, but I believe that is more because of our communication style. Thinkers tend to be direct and feelers tend to be indirect. I know which hills in which battles I want to die on, and those are usually related to some core value I hold. Everything else is negotiable and just not that important. There have been many times when I have been blunt and direct on what I will put up with and what I won't. I'm just not good at protecting those boundaries, which is when things become problematic.
I believe INFJs do need to be more psychologically flexible in relationships and remember that others can't hear the thoughts inside your head and are not as attuned to moods and body language as we are. Quite often, things do need to be "spelled out," and once that has been done, keeping the communication open to ensure that they know this isn't one of your negotiables.
I hate confrontations, but when I choose to stand my ground, in my mind, it's significant and shouldn't need to be done again. If the boundary continues to be violated, I don't typically reiterate what I thought I made clear. I just reach the point where that's it. I think for others that moment of confrontation was just one of many conversations to be had, and when there aren't any follow-ups, the moment of "that's it" for me comes as a surprise to them.
I will say I agree with the assessment that, of all the personality types, INFJs are the most relationship oriented and the ones that will work the hardest to make it the best relationship you've ever been in.
Obviously, I don't fall into the INFJ category of being single longer than other types, but I am one that is slow to love (fast to lust). I quite enjoy being single and having my alone time and I'm not in any hurry to change my circumstances.
