Do you want to have kids/a family? | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

Do you want to have kids/a family?

I used to want them, but it's a bit late for me now. Not impossible, just...late. That, and I'd rather not be a single parent (I'd rather be married to give the child two points of view, and I'd rather not work myself to death for both of us).

But if the opportunity came to become married, I wouldn't mind children from a previous marriage and I certainly wouldn't mind adopting a child who needs a family. To be honest, I think if he doesn't have children (or he has grown children) and he still wants to raise a child, I'd suggest adoption.
 
No.

If I get into a serious, committed relationship, having children will depend on the person I am with. But nothing about it appeals to me right now.
 
I do want children. It is a desire that I have had ever since I can remember. I am very family oriented and I want a family of my own, and a home and to have close relations with the people I love.

Family bonds are one of the most important bonds in somebody's life. I want to give that to my children along with a home to go back to and parents that would always love them and always are there for them.

There is a special place for children in my heart. I am just waiting for the right circumstances and the right person to come along, but I have always wanted to become a mother.

The thought of it melts my heart. :smile:
 
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oddgirlout said:
**Braces for tomatoes to be lobbed in her direction**

No, I do not want to have children. I am 33 and I remember thinking that maybe as I get older the desire to have children would increase, but honestly it hasn't. That being said, I very much enjoy children but I think they are not for me. Perhaps my own childhood has caused this outcome, who knows.

In my mind when a person commits to having a child, that child, their development, well being...everything becomes the focus of your being. I'm not ready to change my other relationships in order to be the kind of mother I would want to be, nor do I know if I am capable of doing so successfully.

An interesting tidbit, I am finding an almost discrimination like attitude against women my age who are capable of having children but choose not to. This is a topic I really had to think about replying to because I have been met with such disdain. People have used terms such as selfish, abnormal and self involved when discussing this topic. I don't understand where the lack of tolerance has come from when it comes to this issue. Not saying anyone here has made me feel that way but I'm wondering if this is related to the region I live in, my age group, my profession, or is this truly something others with a similar stance experience as well?
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I'm curious as to who is discriminating you, other women or men? Or both equally?

Even if you choose not to have kids for purely selfish reasons that's your own choice and people shouldn't condemn you for it. As long as you are not hurting another being with what you do, you should have the right to do whatever you want with your life.

And I really hate meddlers, but what I have observed over the years when someone is meddling in your life in that manner that usually comes from their own unfulfilled desires and unconscious want for all around to be miserable if they are, or in the other hand from genuine desire for you to be happy as they are but not realising that they are imposing their own prerequisites for happiness that you might not share. Distinguishing between those two groups is fairly easy.
 
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I love kids and look forward to having little mini-mes running around someday. I do want to enjoy life with my non-existent spouse for a few years before having chillin's though.
 
Soulful said:
Do you want to have kids/a family?

What about it appeals to you?

Why do you want to be a parent?

Or anything else?
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Yes and no. I want to have a family, I want to raise children. I don't really know why... I didn't want that until recently. The idea just kind of invaded my thoughts and refused to move out. However, I am terrified of it. First off, I don't trust myself to be responsible for pets, much less an infant. Second, I am slightly scared of babies... The scream, cry, poop, and cry more. I always have this feeling that they don't like me. As if they can sense the fact that I have never had a maternal bone in my body. Which brings me to my third point, I didn't see proper parenting as a child. Actually, I didn't see much parenting at all. I am afraid that I will not have the slightest clue as to how to go about that and will be a worse mother than my own. I wouldn't inflict that kind of pain and damage on anyone else. People argue that I saw what not to do, so I should know what to do, but I just can't see it that way. I think I'd be a horrible parent and that it would be selfish on me to have children. If I even can. It's currently up in the air if I can even get pregnant. If I do find myself to be incapable, I suppose I could visit the idea of adoption at some point in my life, but as much as I want to be a parent, I think it might be a blessing that it's unlikely for me. I just don't feel like I would be a good mother.
 
Yes, I always wanted to have a family, I was raised to be very family oriented, I lost focus of that for a long time, but its so ingrained into my psyche that I don't feel life would be worth living without that as my future. I have plenty of interests to keep me going, plenty to keep me happy and my mind occupied, but at some point, I want to give to the next generation, also, I think I would make a great father. A chance to cultivate life and move it along, extend the human lineage into the abyss of the future, to quote Carl Sagan "For creatures as small as we, the only thing that makes the vastness of space bearable is love." I agree, and even though there are all kinds of love, there is 1 kind that is so deep and intricately woven into our DNA that it could be considered the ultimate love. Love for your children. I want that experience before I shuffle loose the mortal coil.
 
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We are born into a family.
 
Ehhhh, the thought right now terrifies me. I simply am not at the point in my life where I want to have kids, and the thought of it is off-putting. That being said, if I were to have kids I think I would have a completely different mindset and be completely devoted to my child. I think the parent child relationship is so vastly different and has the possibility to have such a deeper intensity than any other human relationship, and I wouldn't want to miss out on that were I to have a child.

My answer right now is maybe someday, like a 4000 somedays from now. I do like kids, but babies kinda creep me out.
 
mf said:
Ehhhh, the thought right now terrifies me. I simply am not at the point in my life where I want to have kids, and the thought of it is off-putting. That being said, if I were to have kids I think I would have a completely different mindset and be completely devoted to my child. I think the parent child relationship is so vastly different and has the possibility to have such a deeper intensity than any other human relationship, and I wouldn't want to miss out on that were I to have a child.

My answer right now is maybe someday, like a 4000 somedays from now. I do like kids, but babies kinda creep me out.
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Babies are creepy.
 
I would have said I wasn't particularly ready for children in my early 20s. However, through helping my niece and nephews, watching them grow, and learning about myself through them, I have developed a very strong desire for children.

Bringing new life into the world is a very large responsibility. Anyone that considers children most likely wants things to be just right. I believe that no one is ever truly prepared for children, although lifestyle circumstances can be adjusted create a healthy environment, mentally and physically.

What are the real reasons people want children? I ask myself why I seek a child. Sometimes it is like wanting a new toy, but the novelty wears of quickly. A child is always in need of your care, always there, and always needing attention. It seems contradictory that I, someone who treasures alone time, would want a child, eliminating the majority of my free time.

Part of me knows that spending so much time to myself is not always a good thing. I have had a taste of how I can grow through the challenges of being a parent and the love I have developed for my own niece and nephews over the years. I suppose I like the idea of being a father.

Part of me still questions whether I am truly ready for something like that.
 
I don't really want kids... I like children (I have a niece and a nephew), but I wouldn't want one.
It's partly that I don't think more children should be born in this world until it's sorted out and partly because I don't want to dedicate my life to just one thing.
 
In the future, propably the distant one: maybe.
 
I want two kids.
If I have a girl then her name is negotiable.
If I have a boy his name is "Liam Joseph ______" and there will be no discussion.
 
That Girl said:
I want two kids.
If I have a girl then her name is negotiable.
If I have a boy his name is "Liam Joseph ______" and there will be no discussion.
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I don't know. Negotiable doesn't sound like a very good name for a girl.
 
That Girl said:
I want two kids.
If I have a girl then her name is negotiable.
If I have a boy his name is "Liam Joseph ______" and there will be no discussion.
Click to expand...

I also have baby names picked out!
My favorite is "Liam Ezra". Though, if I have a son one day his name will likely be "Braden". It's a family name.
 
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