No, it wasn't aimed at anyone, actually. Just the general sentiments expressed by the collective in this topic.
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No, it wasn't aimed at anyone, actually. Just the general sentiments expressed by the collective in this topic.
Well in that case, can you stop being so fucking patronizing? You swoop in like you've got the end all answer to a conversation, like our thoughts are just "silly, little immature infj". Do you know me and my situation? Do you know her? No, so stop applying your high horse logic to mine or anyone else's experience as if it's the fucking check mate of the conversation.
T
The Jester
Thanks to those who have listened and to those who have given me advice.
You've helped me fight my teenage angst.
I'm glad I've found these forums.
Good night guys, it's almost 3 am here.
You've helped me fight my teenage angst.
I'm glad I've found these forums.
Good night guys, it's almost 3 am here.
First of all, I'm sorry that you happened to take personal offense to this, because I hadn't even read about what you've posted about you or your situation. Last time I checked, this was a topic started by Prankster, and I'm happy that he found my insights helpful. Most of what I was responding to was Slant's egging on about 'get out now/you're doomed' and fueling the general spirit of pessimism.
If you had an issue with the way I worded my post, you could have pointed out to me calmly instead of jumping to hasty concusions and lashing out with personal insults because I said something that you didn't agree with. I would think that you know me better than to think that I hold myself or my insights 'above' anyone else. Last time I checked, this was a forum, and I'm entitled to posting my experiences (just as you've posted yours) without having them being automatically construed as being 'high horse' because they're more positive-minded. If you have some sort of personal animosity towards me, you should have PM'd and we could have calmly resolved the issue instead you resorting to hurtful language and an unfounded attack on my character.
At the moment I am extremely hurt and deeply insulted.
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Exactly you never even read the thread you just walked in saying this is how it is.
Actually I was gonna ask you, do you have a problem with me? I don't have any animosity towards you, I respected you deeply, but I don't feel that is reciprocated.
Also, I feel that what I said in my previous post applies not because it insulted me directly but because you were making assumptions about me, prank and any guys like us- infj's in our position.
Actually I was gonna ask you, do you have a problem with me? I don't have any animosity towards you, I respected you deeply, but I don't feel that is reciprocated.
Also, I feel that what I said in my previous post applies not because it insulted me directly but because you were making assumptions about me, prank and any guys like us- infj's in our position.
Firstly, I was replying to Prankster's post. And secondly, having been on the forums for quite a while now, it's safe to say that his situation is not at all unique... but it was an observation and not at all intended to be read as condescending. If there was anything I said that indicated that, I apologize.
I'm confused. When have I ever indicated that I have some sort of problem with you, personally? I think there's some sort of misunderstanding here.
I apologize if you were insulted by these assumptions--they were not made with any malicious intent, but rather an anticipation of what one might being telling themselves. They were an amalgamation of what I've told myself before in the past, and a general 'pattern' that most people in these situations seem to tell themselves. If any of those observations were wrong, if they weren't at all helpful but plainly insulting, than I do apologize for them.
Still, now that I've made an attempt to make amends, perhaps you can consider what assumptions you've made about me from one post. Its one thing to call me out on something I've done wrong, but to curse and attack my character because of a minute misunderstanding is very hurtful.
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Please tell me (prankster and yield) that the girl you are pursuing is NOT an ENFP... Otherwise, this thread will be deja vu for me.
It's too easy to over-interpret an ENFP, and it looks like the two of you are over-interpreting (not that I'm innocent)... Snap out of it. Otherwise, you'll probably end up in her mind as "the sweet guy who isn't my type whose feelings I don't want to hurt".
Move as soon as possible...
It's too easy to over-interpret an ENFP, and it looks like the two of you are over-interpreting (not that I'm innocent)... Snap out of it. Otherwise, you'll probably end up in her mind as "the sweet guy who isn't my type whose feelings I don't want to hurt".
Move as soon as possible...
(Through gritted teeth) She is an...ENFP.
But I'm not the sweet guy yet. I don't think.
She may be buying time to see how you are... I mean you probably blind sided her and now she is weighing you as an option. My advice is to play it cool... don't be around her any more than usual, IF anything pick up a hobby and look like you got stuff going on other than waiting for her answer. Women dont like love sick puppies for men, if that's what they want they will buy the damned puppy. Just go about your regular life and keep her in mind and make sure you dont get used up or taken advantage of. SOME women like to use men in your situation for attention, dont fall prey to that. Just go about your regular life and get your prospects up, if you got stuff going on the ball she will come to you or try to get in your life in a more obvious way if she likes you.
I was kinda into this ENFP girl I know, but I've realized its a lost cause. She couldn't date me if she wanted to, which she probably wouldn't; she wont have time, poor girl.
Sorry TDHT, I like my pessimism.
One person is all it takes to destroy another person's life.
Sorry TDHT, I like my pessimism.
One person is all it takes to destroy another person's life.
Here's my 2 cents on the situation. I guess I greatly enjoy reading about relationships and such and trying to help where I can, so I kinda got "sucked" into reading this. It is just my opinion, of course, but I do feel like I have some "expertise" on the subject since I myself have had good success with relationships (getting married in July) and will also have a BA in Psychology come December. I know that some of this might come off as "pessimistic", but I really like to think of it as more "realistic" and mature". Of course, I don't know your exact situations, and I realize it's different for every person. So anyway, here goes.
prank: Sounds like a sticky situation! Well, the girl says that she has just gotten out of a relationship and doesn't want to start another one right now. That may be true, but usually, a few months is more than enough to "get over" someone- at least to the point that you want to start dating other people. Know what I mean? If it had been a few days, that would have been different. But if a girl (or guy) really likes someone, and finds out that they are interested, 99% of the time they will jump in and not let the lingering pain of past relationships hold them back. I'm sure this girl is not mean or trying to play you- she probably does think that she might like to date you "sometime". Why? Because her feelings right now just aren't that strong for you. But she thinks they might be sometime. She doesn't want to shut you out. And that's probably why she responded "yes" when you asked if you would ever have a chance with her. Sure, you might. Maybe in a few months or years. Maybe someday she might develop feelings similar to yours. But they aren't there now, and there's no guarantee that they will be. It sounds like she just doesn't feel that way about you. I know what's coming now: "But I love her so much, I will wait for her forever!" Sure, you could do that. But waiting gets hard. Waiting hurts. The way you're feeling now? You could feel like this for years if you keep waiting. During that time, you might have to watch her date other guys who she feels more strongly about. Even if you two do enter a relationship, if you start out "really in love" and she just starts out "liking you a lot", would you really be happy? Or would you feel unsatisfied? My advice is to not draw this out any longer. You deserve better than limbo. The truth is, not everybody is going to be attracted to everybody and that's all right, but it's not worth it to waste time on someone who isn't attracted to you or doesn't like you "enough". If you'd like to ask her one last time, or "give it a shot", then fine. If you want to steal a kiss, then fine. I wouldn't discourage you getting some closure. But sometimes, it really does have to be all or nothing. Either you two date, or she must be out of your life. Because waiting causes pain, and you are much too good for that. And I don't think that you could ever really stop feeling strongly about her if you see/talk to her all the time. You know?
Yield: I'm sorry. You sound like a really sweet person. I don't know that much about your situation, but I think that you really should call her! Seriously! A lot of girls don't think a guy is "really" interested unless he calls. I think that she wouldn't give you her number if she didn't expect you to call. And, maybe her getting on and off Facebook had nothing to do with you. Or maybe it did. Wouldn't you like to know, though? If you call her a couple of times and she doesn't pick up and doesn't return your call, then you've got a clear answer. But if she does pick up, wouldn't it be nice to hear her voice right about now?
prank: Sounds like a sticky situation! Well, the girl says that she has just gotten out of a relationship and doesn't want to start another one right now. That may be true, but usually, a few months is more than enough to "get over" someone- at least to the point that you want to start dating other people. Know what I mean? If it had been a few days, that would have been different. But if a girl (or guy) really likes someone, and finds out that they are interested, 99% of the time they will jump in and not let the lingering pain of past relationships hold them back. I'm sure this girl is not mean or trying to play you- she probably does think that she might like to date you "sometime". Why? Because her feelings right now just aren't that strong for you. But she thinks they might be sometime. She doesn't want to shut you out. And that's probably why she responded "yes" when you asked if you would ever have a chance with her. Sure, you might. Maybe in a few months or years. Maybe someday she might develop feelings similar to yours. But they aren't there now, and there's no guarantee that they will be. It sounds like she just doesn't feel that way about you. I know what's coming now: "But I love her so much, I will wait for her forever!" Sure, you could do that. But waiting gets hard. Waiting hurts. The way you're feeling now? You could feel like this for years if you keep waiting. During that time, you might have to watch her date other guys who she feels more strongly about. Even if you two do enter a relationship, if you start out "really in love" and she just starts out "liking you a lot", would you really be happy? Or would you feel unsatisfied? My advice is to not draw this out any longer. You deserve better than limbo. The truth is, not everybody is going to be attracted to everybody and that's all right, but it's not worth it to waste time on someone who isn't attracted to you or doesn't like you "enough". If you'd like to ask her one last time, or "give it a shot", then fine. If you want to steal a kiss, then fine. I wouldn't discourage you getting some closure. But sometimes, it really does have to be all or nothing. Either you two date, or she must be out of your life. Because waiting causes pain, and you are much too good for that. And I don't think that you could ever really stop feeling strongly about her if you see/talk to her all the time. You know?
Yield: I'm sorry. You sound like a really sweet person. I don't know that much about your situation, but I think that you really should call her! Seriously! A lot of girls don't think a guy is "really" interested unless he calls. I think that she wouldn't give you her number if she didn't expect you to call. And, maybe her getting on and off Facebook had nothing to do with you. Or maybe it did. Wouldn't you like to know, though? If you call her a couple of times and she doesn't pick up and doesn't return your call, then you've got a clear answer. But if she does pick up, wouldn't it be nice to hear her voice right about now?
Yield: I'm sorry. You sound like a really sweet person. I don't know that much about your situation, but I think that you really should call her! Seriously! A lot of girls don't think a guy is "really" interested unless he calls. I think that she wouldn't give you her number if she didn't expect you to call. And, maybe her getting on and off Facebook had nothing to do with you. Or maybe it did. Wouldn't you like to know, though? If you call her a couple of times and she doesn't pick up and doesn't return your call, then you've got a clear answer. But if she does pick up, wouldn't it be nice to hear her voice right about now?
I really do think it's getting to that point. If she doesn't reply by the end of tomorrow I shall call her. I'll ask her what she thinks and take it from there.
crazy thread.
to the OP.
you already half in the door if you guys are friends. I dont want to bore you with long winded advice and further to that those who have bored use with long winded advice actually had some valuable points.
I just want to tell you that you should stop trying to focus your current energy of friendship into something more with her. Let it happen. You will push her away if you 'hound' her to be your 'girlfriend' as opposed to just going out with her on normal 'friend' outings and getting her to fall in love with you.
you are an INFJ - you should be able to do anything although I know how our emotions can sometimes weigh us down.
I appreciate the candid and geniune responses from everyone here. great to see a forum help with such advice.
in short - go for it as you only live once
to the OP.
you already half in the door if you guys are friends. I dont want to bore you with long winded advice and further to that those who have bored use with long winded advice actually had some valuable points.
I just want to tell you that you should stop trying to focus your current energy of friendship into something more with her. Let it happen. You will push her away if you 'hound' her to be your 'girlfriend' as opposed to just going out with her on normal 'friend' outings and getting her to fall in love with you.
you are an INFJ - you should be able to do anything although I know how our emotions can sometimes weigh us down.
I appreciate the candid and geniune responses from everyone here. great to see a forum help with such advice.
in short - go for it as you only live once
T
The Jester
I think she's an ENFP or ENTP. Not sure tho.
To Dragon: No. I'm not going to date a doll.
To Lilchamor: I'm afraid I'll have to complete cut contact I guess. And delete my facebook. (Which is funny, because 2 months ago I was opposed to it, and now I spend time on it every day.) But always when she updates her pictures, I can't control myself and I'm looking at them.
To Yield: And, what's happening now? did she reply yet? Did you call her?
To Halicon: That's a bit a mixed message, I'd have to lay back and at the same time go for it?
And I really appreciate all you peoples advice here. I have learnt from the past that I can only turn to one good friend for such issues, and he is dealing with his own relation problems himself now. I know some of you might see my problem as a cliche
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