Can you really fall for someone you don't know that well? | INFJ Forum

Can you really fall for someone you don't know that well?

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Kero

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Dec 11, 2009
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One thing that I've noticed is that there seems to be many who feel extremely drawn to others despite not knowing the other person that well. They confess to the other person, and hope that they like them back and then move forward into a relationship of getting to know each other better. Bottom line: They are already really into the other person.

Perhaps it's the J-talking, or maybe it's just specifically me, but I don't recall ever crushing/becoming infatuate easily. If I don't know someone on an emotional level, there's little chance of me falling head over heels for them. Curious and somewhat interested? Sure. Missing the person/Wishing they were there every moment? Not really...

I've always known that if I was in a relationship, it'd more likely be one formed from an established friendship. I get the feeling that there are fellow Js here that share the same sentiment of experiencing slow building love.

Do you ever find it a problem though?
How do you deal when someone confesses to you that they like you alot, but while you're interested, don't know them that well yet?
 
I believe in love at first sight...it does happen every once in awhile!
 
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Kero said:
One thing that I've noticed is that there seems to be many who feel extremely drawn to others despite not knowing the other person that well. They confess to the other person, and hope that they like them back and then move forward into a relationship of getting to know each other better. Bottom line: They are already really into the other person.

Perhaps it's the J-talking, or maybe it's just specifically me, but I don't recall ever crushing/becoming infatuate easily. If I don't know someone on an emotional level, there's little chance of me falling head over heels for them. Curious and somewhat interested? Sure. Missing the person/Wishing they were there every moment? Not really...

I've always known that if I was in a relationship, it'd more likely be one formed from an established friendship. I get the feeling that there are fellow Js here that share the same sentiment of experiencing slow building love.

Do you ever find it a problem though?
How do you deal when someone confesses to you that they like you alot, but while you're interested, don't know them that well yet?
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Typically, I am like you. It takes a friendship and a certain attraction to make me consider going out with someone. With that being said I have one of those moments where I have liked someone, very intensely, while I did not know her and it's hard to explain.

I guess I could say that my concept of her, based on what I DID know about her, (and perhaps what my Ni fed me) led me to believe that she was the one for me. Apparently she didn't think so, haha. I am all for emotional intimacy and being friends first, but when you have such an intense emotion about someone, even superseding logic(Both emotional and thinking), it's worth the risk to ask that girl out; that's the point of dating, to get to know someone.

Love at first sight? I doubt it's that strong. You can definitely fall for someone you don't know that well though.
 
Kero said:
One thing that I've noticed is that there seems to be many who feel extremely drawn to others despite not knowing the other person that well. They confess to the other person, and hope that they like them back and then move forward into a relationship of getting to know each other better. Bottom line: They are already really into the other person.

Perhaps it's the J-talking, or maybe it's just specifically me, but I don't recall ever crushing/becoming infatuate easily. If I don't know someone on an emotional level, there's little chance of me falling head over heels for them. Curious and somewhat interested? Sure. Missing the person/Wishing they were there every moment? Not really...

I've always known that if I was in a relationship, it'd more likely be one formed from an established friendship. I get the feeling that there are fellow Js here that share the same sentiment of experiencing slow building love.

Do you ever find it a problem though?
How do you deal when someone confesses to you that they like you alot, but while you're interested, don't know them that well yet?
Click to expand...

I need to connect on an emotional level. The thing is, I seem to do this easily--and a lot. Too much empathy (Fe). Therefore, yes, it is easy for me to get too emotionally attached quickly. I have done it quite often. It's usually not a good idea either.
 
I've fallen for someone who I didn't know that well. My Fe can get very overzealous if I don't watch it.
 
It happened to me last year. I was completely crazy about this girl for almost a year. I never did talk to her about it though..
 
I had a life science teacher tell me once that "A lot of people spell love L U S T"
 
IndigoSensor said:
I've fallen for someone who I didn't know that well. My Fe can get very overzealous if I don't watch it.
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seconded, I have fallen for someone else at first sight though I tend to hide it and try to observe the person yet never approach them....if they come near me I get very nervous.
 
It's easier to fall in a puddle than a lake, but also easier to get out of the puddle than the lake.
 
Why not?

Love and attraction is a feeling.
It is not something you can explain with logic and reasoning.

Watch out though...feeling is not reliable.

It is not uncommon to fall in due to misunderstanding and fall out due to understanding.

:m093:
 
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Tulip said:
Why not?

Watch out though...feeling is not reliable.

It is not uncommon to fall in due to misunderstanding and fall out due to understanding.
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Well said.
 
My first really big crush lasted for a few years. I mostly observed him and would come to the library where he worked to asked to be let into the listening room. Sometimes there was eye contact and he often sat alone, but he never really responded. I had friends who knew him and mentioned some things about him. I felt as though I knew him well, but it was likely in part a projection of my own imagination. It felt pretty real and caused a lot of feelings of loneliness for me because in the end there was never the connection I had imagined. I used to see people I longed to have as friends which never happened either.

Probably the most distant, yet meaningful, connection I experienced was one time when I felt especially lonely during college, I went to sit by my favorite lake which was in walking distance from the school. Someone else was sitting alone on the other side. There was no true way to even size them up since they were a mere dot in the distance. Somehow just seeing them there made me realize that there isn't anything I have ever felt or thought or experienced that hasn't occurred inside someone else. In that way I knew I wasn't as cut-off from humanity as it sometimes felt.
 
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I don't necessarily know about love. But sometimes I can get a sense of infatuation from people that I meet online.

I think the Ni/Fe tends to overidealize sometimes.

This happens from me simply observing people in life too. It usually fades when I talk to them.
 
NeverAmI said:
I don't necessarily know about love. But sometimes I can get a sense of infatuation from people that I meet online.

I think the Ni/Fe tends to overidealize sometimes.

This happens from me simply observing people in life too. It usually fades when I talk to them.
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But is the emotional underpinnings of that ideal achievable? I feel that it is. Which frustrates the crap out of me because I believe both parties have to believe that in their hearts to actualize it.
 
Whenever that happened to me it was really anima projection.
 
Kero said:
Do you ever find it a problem though?
How do you deal when someone confesses to you that they like you alot, but while you're interested, don't know them that well yet?
Click to expand...

Yes! Quite a few people have confessed that they have feelings for me. I find it very problematic. Before the other person's confession, I may have thought nothing in particular of the person in question, but after the confession, I feel annoyed whenever the person comes close to me and I realise that I don't feel anything for them and it annoys me a lot that they have such strong feelings for me without knowing anything about me. At that point I just want to get away from them... but I don't want to be impolite so I usually keep our friendly chitty-chatty acquaintance going if the other person wants to. :/

This is seriously a problem for me. :( Maybe I'm affected by some kind of emotional trauma. I really don't want strangers to fall in love with me, it's yucky. I can't have another person need me when I don't need them. I can't have someone adore me or think I'm "perfect". I need to find someone that I can adore, someone who I can think is "perfect", someone that I can get attached to, and not the other way around. :/

I've had feelings for other people without knowing everything about them but I don't usually confess my feelings... at all. I have confessed my feelings to... two people. Turned out that my feelings for one of them weren't so strong, after all, and the other one... Well, I'd had those feelings for years and every new thing that I found out about the other person was so fantastic that even if I didn't know him on a personal level very well, I sorta... well, I loved him. He didn't have feelings for me, though.

PS. I used to get very attached to people but gor hurt a few times... and now it repulses me to have someone get attached to me. :(

Maybe this was off-topic... but I felt the need to tell someone about this depressing observation.
 
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Questingpoet said:
I need to connect on an emotional level. The thing is, I seem to do this easily--and a lot. Too much empathy (Fe). Therefore, yes, it is easy for me to get too emotionally attached quickly. I have done it quite often. It's usually not a good idea either.
Click to expand...
Same here
 
Solar Empath said:
But is the emotional underpinnings of that ideal achievable? I feel that it is. Which frustrates the crap out of me because I believe both parties have to believe that in their hearts to actualize it.
Click to expand...

Well, if that person I was infatuated with decided to get to know me better and share things about themselves, love would have potential to develop. But not until then.
 
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