What qualities do you idealize and why? | INFJ Forum

What qualities do you idealize and why?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Gaze, Nov 7, 2009.

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  1. Gaze

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    I've been thinking about this for a while. There are qualities or characteristics in people which we like, and even idealize to a degree. Most of the time, it's pretty obvious why we like or idealize them, but sometimes it isn't.

    1) So, what qualities do you idealize and why?



    2) And (this is the question i'm truly curious about), what do you think this says about you?

    I ask the second question, because we often idealize qualities rather than people but mistake one for the other. We may also idealize a person or a quality because we feel we lack the quality or characteristic, meaning that our like for someone is less about them and more about us.

    So, what do you think?
     
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  2. gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

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    1) I really like the ability to be strong in the face of pain and adversity, even if it is long-lasting and difficult to understand. I also like wisdom, which to me is the ability to empathize and make good, sound, logical decisions while understanding the positions of the people involved.

    2) I'm not quite sure -- that's more or less what qualities I strive to have, so take that as you will :D
     
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  3. OP
    Gaze

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    good ones.
     
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  4. Morgain

    Morgain defective wisdom
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    I idealize extreme selfless compassion for other people (even enemies). Loving and giving without asking and without needs. Like the dalai lama for instance

    It is how I want to be but, I'm afraid never ever will manage, I'm to selfish and needy for that!
     
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  5. sassafras

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    Hah, this is going to sound absolutely terrible, but I actually admire people who are able to convince others to do whatever they want them to. Not necessarily by vindictive, manipulative means, but because they're just so gosh darn charming.

    I'd like to be able to do that. To read people and know what they're thinking from their facial expressions and sort of set up a situation where everyone plays their role, just as I anticipated.

    But I'm terrible at that.

    That I'm not charming or manipulative? :D

    I think it can mean a variety of things, although the most apparent idea is that my perfectionism and my need to have control of the situation is bleeding into the one thing I can't anticipate: people and their motives.

    And I think this would come in handy in my future career as an attorney...

    ... Oh jeez, this sounds terrible. I promise I would only use my powers for good!

    That's very insightful and I definitely agree. It's like shopping around for characteristics and saying "Oooh! I want that. I don't have that one yet!"

    And yes, it is more about me than it is about them. For instance, I usually don't like manipulative people at all, although I admire their ability to do it. It's more that I would like to be better equipped to meet them head on if I ever had to than anything else...

    And I do anticipate I will be meeting a lot of them in my near future.
     
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    #5 sassafras, Nov 8, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2009
  6. OP
    Gaze

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    Good stuff. Yeah, I've always secretly admired someone who had that kind of deadly charm, the one who could charm the pants off anyone, someone who no one could figure out however hard they tried, someone who could get someone to do whatever they want, who's always a step ahead of everyone, sees what's coming, and know's how to handle it, someone who can see a cheat a mile away. Someone, who never gives anything away about themselves, they always keep you guessing.

    For better or worse, i admire this for some odd reason.
     
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    #6 Gaze, Nov 8, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2009
  7. Jayce

    Jayce Community Member

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    I admire people who are honest, straightedge, empathetic and passionate about something. It doesn't matter what that passion is, be it a global cause or a hobby. I don't know why but I really like people who invest time and effort into one thing. I also admire people who like to take initiative, aren't afraid of what others think of them and exhibit a calm rationale.

    What does this say about me? I admire people who are similar to myself. I hope that doesn't sound self-centered. I share a special affinity with people who are also straightedge because it's not a common thing and it takes a certain kind of person to be that way, you know? As for taking initiative and taking in the world rationally, those are qualities I lack but appreciate in others.
     
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  8. Lucifer

    Lucifer Registered User #666

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    1) Courage

    I lack it

    2) Acceptance

    Meaning the ability to accept things your cant change, change the things you can, and the ability to know the difference. It is an extremely difficult quality to master. And very few people really have it.
     
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  9. Grasshopper

    Grasshopper Community Member

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    Good question Restraint.

    1. Loving, it is very difficult to love everyone, which is what I try to do, so I admire those who are most loving.
    2. Honesty, I like brutal honesty, anything less is fake and self-serving.
    3. Acceptance, to accept people faults and all is to be a true friend. Ria is very accepting of me and others, and I love her for that.
    4. Tolerance, of people's differences is especially admirable. I think that one is pretty straight forward.
    5. Forgiving. I don't know where I would be if I hadn't been forgiven of some of the things that I have done. Sometimes we make mistakes, but being given a second or third chance can save our lives. Forgiving can be a very difficult thing to do!
     
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  10. TrevOrTrevor

    TrevOrTrevor Community Member

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    Great question!

    There are lots of things I admire in people, but what comes to mind are self-confidence and the ability to share oneself openly and honestly.

    I'm a confident person but not very open about myself to others that I don't know well, which hinders me in a lot of ways.
    I find I'm able to talk more personally when I'm around someone that is easy going and honest about themselves...that's a good feeling for me! :m027:
     
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  11. OP
    Gaze

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    +1
     
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  12. IndigoSensor

    IndigoSensor Product Obtained
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    Honestly, there aren't really traits that I "idealize" partly because I like who I am. While yes, there are many problems with me, that I do need to fix in this life time (many of which I am working on now), I also don't really want to change who I am. To add another personality trait that would be big enough for me to idealize would cause a pretty big shift in the core of who I am. One that comes to mind is being physical/fighting. I do have a inner part of me that greatly desires to be strong, fit, and have a fighting/competive spirit. In some people I look up to it, but more that I am just facinated by it, and subsequently drawn to it in a detracted way. The thing is though, if I were suddenly able to take on this personality aspect, it would change who I am at my very core, and I do not want to do that. There are other aspects and personality traits that are somewhat like this.
     
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  13. bamf

    bamf Is Watching You
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    I admire people who are outgoing and can make friends/small talk with everyone. I have no problem making friends but often times find myself at a loss for words. It's a trait I am envious of.

    I also admire the 'go get 'em' attitude. I like people who are spontaneous and are willing to follow a whim. I often get urges to do something rash and on the fly, but if I don't have that extra push, I'll usually just sit still. I love being with people who have the capability to be completely random at times.

    Lastly, I admire people who actively chase their dreams.
     
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  14. daydreamer

    daydreamer Permanent Fixture

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    People who aren't afraid to be themselves and don't care what other people think of them.
     
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  15. DeadlyPacifist

    DeadlyPacifist Regular Poster

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    1) Purity. Being untainted. If a guy is perverted, there is 0% chance that I will like him in any way as more than a simple friend. I know that most humans are all at least a little bit interested in sex, but minimal interest in sex=yay. My idealistic romance is the pure, child-best-friend kind. The kind where two kids aren't tainted by lust, or the "evils of the real world" [lol cliche], and they're just holding hands happily, running around, eating and sharing food, sleeping next to each other by a fireplace with no thoughts of wanting to have sex with each other. Of course, it's pretty much impossible to be untainted from the "evils of the outside world" unless you live in a box for your entire life...so after a guy is aware/experiences those things, it'd be attractive if he didn't change himself negatively because of those evil things. To sum it up, true friendship IS love to me. The whole lust sex blahblah stuff has no appeal to me. Zero appeal. Oh, I also like it when guys don't cuss very much....I also like it if guys don't act obnoxiously excited, such as laughing and giggling like a girl [lol stereotype] and they remain semi-emotionless/calm on the outside..

    2) Well, the purity part describes myself. So I want someone similar to me in that aspect. The calmness is to counter my overly excitedness. If the other person is also super hyper-excited, then it would be too much for me o_o.

    Also, I won't start a relationship until I'm in love with that person. The last time it took around 1.5~ years for me to fall in love with him....this time 3~ years? Although I don't know if I love him =\. So basically, we have to become really close friends for x years first, before I possibly fall in love with him, and only THEN would I want to start a relationship. The kinds of relationships where you just "date" when you're strangers seems boring as fuck.
     
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  16. sookie

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    Wow, this is such an amazing thread. I admire a great sense of humor. I want to qualify this though. I do not admire people who use it in a hurtful way. I dont admire sarcasm. Sarcasm can be very hurtful. I do admire a quick wit that is somewhat self deprecating.
     
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  17. Moxie

    Moxie Absent-Minded Professor

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    I agree with you too Sookie!

    Personally, I really admire people who are awesome at managing their money. I also admire people who are good cooks.

    Why? Because I try and try, and it's such an effort to get it right. I don't know if I'll ever be one of those people.

    But I'd like to be.

    I know this isn't like personal qualities someone has, but practical ones. But still, I admire these things!
     
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  18. Not2bforgot10

    Not2bforgot10 Community Member

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    See, I have never understood this... idealizing qualities we lack in ourselves? I may have done that in the past (I can't be exact), but I certainly don't now. The qualities that I look for in someone are the qualities that I have identified are important via my own personal experience and research. Moreover, these are qualities that I demonstrate myself and will continue to demonstrate. These qualities are: Honesty, Respect, Dependability, Communication, and Commitment to personal growth. Under each of these categories falls subcategories that help to define the categories :) I am working on internalizing this list.

    Side note: I would like to connect with other intuitives who demonstrate these qualities. Additionally, I would enjoy chatting with other members who are familiar (personal experience) with a 12-step program such as: Al-anon, Codependent's Anonymous (CODA), and Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA). We can share our experiences and wisdom. I am on step 4, transitioning to step 5 in Adult Children of Alcoholics. If you grew up with a co-dependent parent you would definitely fit in here! Moreover, if you have unresolved grief work or grew up with an alcoholic (hence the name) you would also nicely belong :) These steps involve examining ourselves and being rawly honest with ourselves and our "character defects." Step 5 involves grief-work.
     
    #18 Not2bforgot10, Nov 10, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 10, 2009
  19. Solar Empath

    Solar Empath Community Member

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    Pretty Much this. If everyone had this, then the world would be a much better place.
     
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  20. laurie

    laurie Snowblind in Dreamland

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    1) So, what qualities do you idealize and why?
    Charm, passion, strength (mental mostly), honesty, conviction.

    2) And (this is the question i'm truly curious about), what do you think this says about you?
    I admire people who are honourable and can stand up for what they, and others, believe in. I'm just drawn to those qualities for no real reason. I guess it's respect for them.
    I guess it's also impossibly high standards. No one's like that in real life XD
     
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