What is it like to be you?

I don't know who I am. I don't know what makes me different from other people; there is nothing I can do that others can't do. What is it like to be me? I think you other INFJs know well enough what it is like to be me, though I'm sure we have significant variation. The non-INFJs know to a much lesser extent.

Okay, that isn't very lovely and moving like yours was Last Dawn.

I guess the most striking thing about being me would be a constant sense of normlessness. That means no purpose, which is not good. The existentialists say we should take responsibility for creating purpose in our lives, and then of course create it and live meaningful fulfilled lives. I can accept the responsibility, but then I have no clue what to do with it. I'm unwilling to let go of the freedom, so I am always trying to find meaning while never actually finding it because I want a basis.

 

Confusing---there is an abundance of internal conflict.


"If I was crying in the van with my friends, it was for freedom from myself..."
-Sufjan Stevens "Chicago"

That pretty much sums up the last few years for me.

It's also pretty fun and playful. Certain music really is complete euphoria for me. Being me is normal, stressful, relaxing, playful, and static all in one. I like the idea of going out more than I actually like going out.

 

I find myself getting frustrated at others when they complain about their life but don't do anything to change it. I get sucked in to wanting to help them. Lately, I am finding that putting myself out there for someone who doesn't want it not only wastes my time and energy, but strains the relationship.

I seek peace. I don't like things loud - except on occasion, like a really great song. I don't like large crowds and instead seek the companionship of a few close friends. I share myself openly, yet cautiously. I won't lie to others, I don't see the point. First of all, I WILL get caught. I am a terrible liar. Secondly, what do I gain from doing that? That said, I find myself answering questions honestly but not necessarily divulging information radomly.

I find that because I care for others, I will often bend my boundaries to accomodate the situation. This often times leaves me feeling used or resentful. I am working on establishing my boundaries and letting them be known, tactfully.

I find myself bored with much of life and saddened by what occurs. Occasionally I will find someone of intellect that amuses me greatly. Those people I can't get enough of. I love sarcasm. Ok, Shai Gar, I have a crush on you. You make me laugh so often. Anyway, I appreciate the irony in life and those that present it.

One last item . . . I have noticed that my Feeling characteristic is strong. With that, I believe comes a sensitivity to things, hence, when I am hurt, I am hurt deeply. In general, I am easy going and don't take offense easily. However, when something painful does happen, I find that it takes me a very long time to digest it and get over it. Can anyone else relate to that?

*NOTE: I can't get the spell check to work, please ignore any incorrect spelling.

 

What it's like to be me

Hmm... what is it like to be me?

I exist in a subjective world that is not limited to the 5 senses of touch, taste, sound, sight, and smell. It includes the world of the energies swirling around me... my energy, the energy of other people, the energy of the tree outside my window, etc. It also includes emotions and the emotions I feel from other people. Sometimes it may include things like spirits who pass by. It includes intuitive impressions and information I get from the universe... messages from a higher level of my being, sent to me as dreams at night...perhaps the message implied in seeing a frog on the sidewalk at night. Or the meaning of a seemingly random incident of a tow-truck driver in the next lane asking me how I am doing. I am open and receptive to all of these things. It is full and round, 3-dimensional. Or maybe even 4-dimensional.

I spend my time doing what mundane things I have to (working, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, etc.), but for me the abundance of life exists most in the parts that are not just rote existence... in the 360-degree experience of music that penetrates every cell of my body, in the hug of a friend or embrace of a lover. I feel love, joy, sadness, and all-consuming passion with a sometimes blinding intensity. I create poetry to express all of the desires, feelings, wonderings and intents that I have inside my soul.

I seek the company of those who can mesh with me... and sometimes they are few and far between. But that is OK... not that many people can understand the world that I live in, and I spend time seeking those who can, those whose souls resonate with mine.

 

Insightful, clear plans on what is coming up in the future. Strong drive to succeed, and be sucessful. Feeling a true spiritual connection, and seeing energy in the world. Emotions so strong, that you can't see straight, move fluidly, think clearly, and your entire body feels like it is literally being rearanged hundreds of feet underwater.

 

It's usually a little bit awkward. Sometimes it sounds sketchy but it never actually is. There are occasionally existential crises, but these blow over quickly. There are lots of people around, but only a few ones are really close friends. I retreat into myself a lot and don't really deal too well with new people, but I do try and if I get to know you I will love you forever.

I usually don't understand why people like me, but they seem to; I am so shy when I get to know people that I come across as weird or awkward.

It's hard to concentrate because I have bad ADD at times.

MASSIVE wanderlust. I want to go EVERYWHERE.

I see everything, or try to see everything, with a camera in my head - composition, lines, etc. I try to see the natural beauty in the everyday.

It's really great.

I know the friends that I do have are amazing and I would do anything for them.

 

Me: Now and Then

You three are all quite a bit younger than me (Not that I'm old mine you!). Maybe a comparision of me then (early 20's) and now (early 40's) will inform and give some insight. It is not easy being an INFJ--especially if you are a male. Then:

20's Me

* Lonely--I was attractive enough physically, but couldn't keep (or hardly get) anyone. Lack of self confidence was the main culprit I think. Also, my Ni was turned too inwards. Lots of missed opportunities. I was too concerned trying to be what the TS extraverted world wanted. Did not love "me"--and I should have.

* Confused--Didn't know what I wanted to do. I actually did inside, but got confused by the pressures from society (get a safe vocation!) and well meaning, but mis-guided parents. Should have followed my heart--it's the only way for INFJ's.

* Misunderstood--Even the people that though they knew me, didn't. There were a few, that did, that got inside. But I was fanatically loyal, any betrayal devestated me.

There were other things, but this kind of summed up my late teen and early college years. A very difficult time in almost any types life I think. I continued to be a believer though, and a student of life. Things seem a lot different for me now. Your perspective starts to change in your 30's. Most INFJ's are very intelligent, we observe and adapt. I am a very different person in some aspects now. Confidence is the biggest addition. You could almost call it an "I don't give a F..k" attitude. You get centered. Now:

40's Me

* At Peace--Not going to say I'm never lonely, even though I'm married. You may or may not be lucky enough to find your soulmate--that INFJ White Whale that so few find! You may struggle with someone you love, or you may not. But the key here is you realize that you are worthwhile, and people can and do love you--even if they may not ever understand you.

* Wise--I'm not saying I'm Confucius or anything, but I have paid attention in life and learned. I am able to turn my Ni into Ne now, and apply it to the outside world. It wants to look in, but I've developed an "E" that I have to let out quite a bit. We develop our lessers traits as we age is what I'm trying to say I suppose.

* Confident--No, I don't feel extremely "understood" now. There are not enough of us for that I suppose. But I have found a way to fit into an Extraverted world. I know my opinion is a unique (a good thing), and my thougts are not invalid. I work in an ST enviroment, with limited chances for creativity, yet people recognize my unique perspective. I feel that I make a difference, even if I don't alway see it. My Ni (and Ne) serves me well.

My whole point here, besides giving you the "who I am", is to say that we INFJ's often have a hard time finding our place in this world. And we are much concerned with that very thing! But we can adjust as we age. We can become more social and become comfortable with ourselves and our styles. We can even love who we are. I do, and I'm a long ways from where I was 20 years ago. I hope this answers two questions!

 

frustrating

 

I guess it's my internal world that makes me different from others.

I sometimes feel like I'm carrying a giant world in my head, like a world balanced on my shoulders or something.
This tends to leave me a little behind others when they're talking as I'm so lost in the expanse of that world that it takes a little while for me to find my way out. It can get quite annoying for people if they want a fast answer.

Outwardly, that is the only real difference between me and others as I try to act in a way that makes people feel comfortable (in Western society that is to act more outgoing, even though I'm not a very outgoing person). However, if I need to go and talk to people I don't know, I still feel almost panicky. I've only recently (in the last year) gotten over my fear of buying things at the counter in shops (I used to ask other people to buy it for me with what they were buying). I'm still nervous about talking to people in offices, especially in college, in case I say something wrong.
So, basically, I'm shy but act outgoing around friends.
I also have a lot of quirky habits, like not liking to sit with my back to a door.

Inwardly, I tend to feel things a lot more than others seem to on the oddest occasions. When someone tries to annoy me, I feel nothing, but an offhand comment can send me into a depression that lasts for the whole day to even a few weeks.
I also have the bad habit about becoming very obsessive about certain things for a long time (which can get boring for other people). For example, at the moment I am very obsessed with anything to do with universities as I'm going to go there in a couple of years.

Yeah, probably a lot of other stuff, everyone's pretty different from each other...

 

I'm fucking insane. I change constantly. One second I'll have deep understanding and insight into something and the next it'll be gone. It's not necessarily a bad thing but it's not always the best thing. I don't know how many people have noticed it (it might be more apparent online) or not because my voice and overall speech patterns are consistant, but the actual me is constantly changing.

 

What is it like to be me?

Where do I even start?
I don't think this box'll be enough to contain my explanation.

 

Wanderlust

I have that too, the wanderlust... also the wanting to see and experience everything, the natural beauty, etc.

 

I don't know how I see the world. I'm beginning to understand more and more that it's different than most, though. I am childish. I am wise. I am something between old and young, but neither fully.

I want to think, to play, to know, to feel. The world charges me with wonder, and it fuels me, sends electricity through my limbs and makes me want to put my hands to the sky and catch a cloud.

I want to see everything. I want to do everything. And I feel trapped and frustrated in this world.

My close friends are my emotions. If they are happy, then I am happy. I'm incredibly simple like that. And yet, I feel as if my simpleness is different than most people know how to comprehend, so in my simpleness I become complex.

I like holding hands with people. I like taking care of them, like a mother. I like being taken care of, like a child. I like helping someone know themselves and then smile because the stars are out.

I feel like a mass contradiction.

People don't know me, because I don't make myself knowable. I don't condemn them for that. I've never got below a 135 on any IQ test, although 140 is more normal and 150s is not unheard of. I still don't really have to try that hard in school, but I have to try terribly hard in life. I understand, I've always understood, without trying, without thought.

I'm waiting to shed this skin and fly away -- I still have the entire world to see.

 

I read this analogy once somewhere, and I like it so much that I have to put this here because it describes exactly what its like to be me: it's like I'm a charioteer and I'm trying to steer two horses that insist on going in opposite directions. Keeping to the middle ground is a colossal task and one I grapple with every day.

For example, I'm very particular about the way I want things done, and I like to have things done my way, but at the same time, I feel this need to compromise things so that they accommodate others. It can be a very frustrating balance, because I don't know who's needs I should satisfy.

The other thing is that I have an idea of what needs to be done for the day, and I go through great lengths to organize myself and do everything step by step, but at the same time, I'm always bursting at the seams with different ideas. It becomes very difficult to reconcile the two, and I'm always caught between knowing when to follow the path I've set out for myself or try something different or creative.

I'm very hard on myself. I have a lot of wild emotions, but I try so hard to temper them with reason. Every once in a while, I'll "crack" and let everything pour out like a violent tide.

It's a balancing act for me on a daily basis, essentially. There's a lot of frustration and anxiety that's hiding behind (what I'm told is) a pretty cool, and detached shell.

 

exsausting... a whirl wind of emotions and thoughts that change rapidly then dissapte after a while but not completely with the knowledge that sooner than later, they will be back again in full swing and that I often dread the overwealment of their return... settle in when they have been there a while and they become my new sense of normal until they fade away somewhat again... Triggered by my own inner thoughts and feeling, the thoughts and feeling of others and the energies of my environment around me.

 

There are always too many thoughts going round in my brain.

I am always concerned with what needs to be done,
What I should do better next time,
What does it all mean,
What do I need to prioritize in my life,
and just pondering about life in general.

I am always asking questions.

I struggle to get things done, but am very motivated. (Type A).
I always wonder how I appear to others.
Looking to complete my short term goals while moving towards the long term ones.
Constantly misunderstanding what other people are saying.
Trying to work on communication... and the list never ends.

I need a vacation.

 

when I'm alone I can be filled with energy, feel the world like electricity. Then I have a great desire to create beautiful thinks, feel people on an intuitive level and try to understand and help them. Then I love deep feelings, even the bad ones and I can explore them to the fullest. Then I'm filled with joy and acceptation of myself and I'm grateful to be able to feel all this.

But most of the time, when I'm with other people, I'm trying to fit in, act like I'm nothing more than my surface. I completely forget to use my intuition. And maybe that is because there is to much going on, I can't take in all the signals. I don't want to feel an other person completely because then I will feel responsible for the happiness of that people and I feel obligated to please them. When I'm with people I'm thinking to much, what do they want from me, how do they see me, do they like me, will they abandon me? I change myself to fit in and then I'm angry with everybody because they make me change myself. Nobody gets me, nobody is even interested in understanding me. As long as I'm fitting in in there shallow world, everything is alright. The outside world see me as cold and hard but I'm very sensitive, easily hurt, I can be very loyal when I'm not deceived or used, I can be very loving when I let myself. I seem not be able to keep up with the world, I'm always tiered and drained. And when I tell my friends that I don't go out with them because I'm tiered, they stare at me with this anoid expression, how can you be tiered all the time????

And I'm trying to unite my two different worlds so I can be myself in company. But I'm still searching for a method that works

 

It feels like my whole life is just a big contradiction.

When I'm alone, I'm feeling lonely. If I'm interacting with people too long, I want to just withdraw and stay alone. I'd like to connect with people but somehow I never can... I always feel like I'm the weird one, maybe that's true. It just annoys me that almost no one ever understands me,

In my life, I have only a few persons I can truly connect with. It's easy to talk with them about everything and I don't need to be afraid of any judgment or anything. I'm happy that those persons exist...

It's also difficult for me to live here and now. I'm always worrying about the future.

 

That used to be an issue with me too--worring about the future. It would tear me up. Could see too many possibilities, and I would dwell on the negative ones. Had to let it go, and stay in the here and now. That's not always the best way to be either--especially with a family. I try to peek, but not stay, too focused on future things I may or may not be able to affect.