The deal-breaker | Page 4 | INFJ Forum

The deal-breaker

mooseman said:
YouTube - Best Bluegrass Clog Dancing Video Ever Made
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Wow, this video was so great. It reminded me so much of "down home," not just the music and the dancers, but the furniture, the pictures on the walls, even the old TV. It could've been in my Aunt Elsie's or Aunt Era's house on a July afternoon. The fact that everyone down home is gone now made it all the more poignant.

But that's not the topic... Um, deal-breakers...someone who's overbearing and abusive. Someone who's condescending, who doesn't treat me as a partner. Someone with no sense of humor. Someone without passion. Someone who can't make a decent cup of coffee? I can make my own, it's true, but it's a treat to have someone else make it just the way I like it and serve it up hot and fresh first thing in the morning. Now that's true love.
 
My freedom is the most precious thing to me. They try to steal it away from me, control me or limit me, then the deal is off. Even if it means a marriage is ruined. (as long as there are no kids involved)

They have to get along with my family. Family is very dear to me.

Religion/Faith is important, or at least they need to have a moral or an ethical code that is somewhat similar to mine.

Intellect is a must. There needs to be a depth of emotions and thoughts, I cannot be with an empty shell.

Drugs, pot, and alcoholism are a no no.

This is somewhat harsh, but no drama queens please. Doubt, questions, and searching one's path is fine, but whining and lamenting without proactively doing anything about it will make me want to push them away and leave.

Finally there has to be some common ground for comfort and stability, but enough differences to keep the relationship interesting and both people growing. Stagnation will put out my flame.


....I think I am too picky. lol!
 
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Any considerable boyfriend must be

- A boy :)P)
- Nice
- Sweet
- Understanding
- Fun
- Funny
- Intelligent
- Clever
- Unique
- Awesome
- Good looking
- Not 500 years old difference between us
- Tall
- Muscled but not too much
- Hair that looks like this
- Brown or blonde hair
- Green or light blue eyes
- His favorite color must be green
- Not religious
- He must have white shoes
- No emo/gangster/people that wash car glasses
- His name must begin by either T, D, M or N
- His last name must begin by P, A, F, L or C
- Likes dolphins!
- Can make good pancakes
- Not too introverted
- Not picky about girlfriends
 
I cannot stand boring.
I refuse to be a part of that dead couple sitting in a restaurant chatting about how their food is.
"Are we like those bored couples you feel sorry for in restaurants? Are we the dining dead?"
If the answer is yes, I have to go.
 
(-s)
Sexist
Prideful
Gossipy
Dishonest
Controlling
Disrespectful
Excessively stubborn


To name a few
 
None really to be honest. Once I love someone it is forever (and it can happen quite fast or not at all). The only way it doesn't work out is if the other person doesn't or stops trying to work with me on whatever issues we're having.
 
-Someone with communication issues. If you don't feel comfortable talking about a relationship or talking to each other, then (IMO) you should not be dating anyone. There IS a difference between this and being shy. I am shy, but I believe in good communication and value coversation. I can communicate, and I want to, as long as it's not constant.

-Someone who is Insincere. You have to be able to hold your word, because I find insincerity as extremely childish and immature. Being able to say you will do something and then do it is very important to me. Atleast try to do it. Another way to look at it.. someone who says things to others because he wants to fit an ideal image vs him being himself. This is harder to detect, but once it is detected is a deal breaker to me as well.

-Someone who's "cold". I appreciate intelligence but if you are 100% incapable of showing honest affection then it's not going to work out.

-Selfishness, I find extremely immature. If your world view is completely centered around getting material benefits for yourself, even if it's subconcious and you are not aware of it, then I don't want to deal with you on a serious level.

-Someone who is smug. This works in tandem to the above. A superiority complex of sorts, even if it's subconcious and you aren't aware of it.

AKA pretty much people who, due to immaturity or their personality type, are not people-concious at all is a deal breaker.

Some other things that I feel like can break a deal for me...

1. Distance. If you live far away then it's going to take a lot of convincing on my part to want to stick around, doubly so if I'm the only one with transportation. I've done the whole "95% of the relationship is online" thing, and I'm never doing it again.

2. No common ground. Kinda obvious but if we got no common ground or interests then it's not going to work.

3. A very passive attitude. I need to be around people who can inspire me in some form or another, or who have a clear passion/drive. People who are extremely passive agressive tend to not be that, and I find it very very draining. I imagine I would find this trait more common in extraverted people, but you don't have to be extroverted to fit the requirement. As long as you have the capacity for expression passion or something inspirational when you get comfortable is good. I've just through experience realized that if I'm around a really passive super introvert I feel extremely uncomfortable and uninspired.
 
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Revenwyn said:
What if he has a disability that prevents him from being able to drive? Either tunnel vision, or he's epilectic, or something of that sort?

Sorry, but that one seems a bit shallow to me.
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My last boyfriend didn't even have a license, nevermind a car. 2 years of driving someone else around (who's perfectly capable of driving themselves) gets ridiculously old. Plus, it's nice to be old-fashioned sometimes and have the guy take care of things like driving.

I don't think it's shallow, because a guy who can't get himself from point A to point B will have underlying issues as well. (with the obvious exception of someone who has a legitimate disability)
 
Also, someone who rubs their feet together at the bottom of the bed because their feet are itchy.. and so they leave feet crumbs all inside the sheets instead of just taking a bath.

Or someone who doesn't say thank you, or hold doors open for people behind them (even if the person behind them isn't me, but is some stranger).

Or a guy who doesn't ALWAYS offer to pay, even if they know full well that I already owe them money or that I already offered to pay... this may seem diva-ish, but it's not really, because I really almost always rather to split the cost of things--I just appreciate a guy who OFFERS all the time, because it assures me that, if I needed him to, he'd be able and willing to take care of me.
 
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Feet crumbs? That one made me laugh.
Actually, the only really shallow thing that gets to me is hairy men. I just can't stand a really hairy man. There is one Robin Williams movie he did called Moscow on the Hudson (I think) where he has his shirt off and it is like EWWWWWW.
 
Sonyab said:
Feet crumbs? That one made me laugh.
Actually, the only really shallow thing that gets to me is hairy men. I just can't stand a really hairy man. There is one Robin Williams movie he did called Moscow on the Hudson (I think) where he has his shirt off and it is like EWWWWWW.
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yes. feet crumbs.

and Robin Williams is pushing it (because he wouldn't be much improved if he lost all the hair)... but I generally think body hair on a guy is super sexy. Hugh Jackman? you can't say no to that. It's like he'll sweep you off your feet and then go chop wood. HAWT.
 
Sonyab said:
Feet crumbs? That one made me laugh.
Actually, the only really shallow thing that gets to me is hairy men. I just can't stand a really hairy man. There is one Robin Williams movie he did called Moscow on the Hudson (I think) where he has his shirt off and it is like EWWWWWW.
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Hairy men are gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood.
 
I will assume your avatar is your irl picture, if thats the case. Not that kind of hair.
 
If my avatar was my irl picture I'd be batshit crazy.
 
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KorJax said:
-Someone with communication issues. If you don't feel comfortable talking about a relationship or talking to each other, then (IMO) you should not be dating anyone. There IS a difference between this and being shy. I am shy, but I believe in good communication and value coversation. I can communicate, and I want to, as long as it's not constant.

-Someone who is smug. This works in tandem to the above. A superiority complex of sorts, even if it's subconcious and you aren't aware of it.

AKA pretty much people who, due to immaturity or their personality type, are not people-concious at all is a deal breaker.

Some other things that I feel like can break a deal for me...

2. No common ground. Kinda obvious but if we got no common ground or interests then it's not going to work.
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+1
 
freybell said:
yes. feet crumbs.

and Robin Williams is pushing it (because he wouldn't be much improved if he lost all the hair)... but I generally think body hair on a guy is super sexy. Hugh Jackman? you can't say no to that. It's like he'll sweep you off your feet and then go chop wood. HAWT.
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I only mentioned Robin Williams becuase the whole thing was EWWWWWW to me. Hugh Jackman--not impressed. Indian men in general are not overly hairy. I especially don't like beards.

Is it just feet crumbs or skin crumbs in general? Still makes me laugh.
 
I guess any skin crumbs.. but feet are just generally smelly so it makes it worse.

And I'm still gonna fight for guys with reasonable amounts of hair because I think it makes them look manlier :D... although back hair totally grosses me out--so I can at least understand where you're coming from.
 
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