Sooo...I've got an INFJ boyfriend. | INFJ Forum

Sooo...I've got an INFJ boyfriend.

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Nevermore

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Aug 31, 2010
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And I feel out of my depth already. He's really expressive verbally and I love that, I just choke on words if I try and do the same. He will just come right out and say stuff that frankly floors me and then I don't know where to go with that or reciprocate in a way that's meaningful to him. The last thing I want to do is come off indifferent but I fear that's how I'm appearing at times. I need a manual here...:m107: He says things which I read (Ni) as hints but hinting at what I'm uncertain and then I think he gets disappointed when I don't pick up the ball and run with it. We are also culturally different which adds another layer as well..
 
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Nevermore said:
And I feel out of my depth already. He's really expressive verbally and I love that, I just choke on words if I try and do the same. He will just come right out and say stuff that frankly floors me and then I don't know where to go with that or reciprocate in a way that's meaningful to him.
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You should tell him this and then work through it together. If you hold back and wait for answers to start coming to you, he's going to wonder what's wrong.
 
You chose well. :mhula:


At least for me, we don't expect others to be as verbally expressive, as corny as it sounds, be yourself. Thats why we (infj) like you, we like you at your core. You try to be like us? Girl quit playing. :p Trust me, if he's an infj he knows you inside and out, so if you're not as verbally expressive? He knows. and he's ok with that.
 
Nevermore said:
And I feel out of my depth already. He's really expressive verbally and I love that, I just choke on words if I try and do the same. He will just come right out and say stuff that frankly floors me and then I don't know where to go with that or reciprocate in a way that's meaningful to him. The last thing I want to do is come off indifferent but I fear that's how I'm appearing at times. I need a manual here...:m107: He says things which I read (Ni) as hints but hinting at what I'm uncertain and then I think he gets disappointed when I don't pick up the ball and run with it. We are also culturally different which adds another layer as well..
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Darn it! I'm still waiting for mine! Where do I purchase mine from?

Just Joking, I hope everything goes smoothly for you love birds.
My only piece of advice would be is to take it slowly, one step at a time, one day at a time.
There's no need to rush as far as relationship's go.
 
Wyst said:
You should tell him this and then work through it together. If you hold back and wait for answers to start coming to you, he's going to wonder what's wrong.
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This! INFJs can fracture without a sense of authenticity... so he's being authentic with you, and will need the same in return. If what you say to him feels obligatory or pressured or like some kind of credit check, he'll detect it and feel like he's doing something wrong to you... or if nothing comes out of you at all, he may feel like he's becoming a pest. So every once in a while, to keep him next to you, you'll need to do/say something genuine and unexpected and unsolicited. In the meantime, just be honest... even if that is to say 'I'm not the best talker in the world, I'll occasionally need time to process my thoughts first.' He'll understand and feel motivated to give you what you need, I think.

A lot of assumptions above, since INFJs are different from one another due to life experiences and hormone levels and tons of other factors... but the above is probably close enough to be modestly useful information to you.
 
Yea, tell him about this, be yourself. He'll love you for it.
 
Wyst said:
You should tell him this and then work through it together. If you hold back and wait for answers to start coming to you, he's going to wonder what's wrong.
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Great!! Thank you. I know, I know the Net isn't the best place to turn to but this relationship is greener than grass and I don't want to scare him away by getting all 'relationship chat' straight up.

Urtehnoes said:
Trust me, if he's an infj he knows you inside and out, so if you're not as verbally expressive? He knows. and he's ok with that.
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God I hope you're right. Because with me its all on the inside, my happy face\sad face\annoyed face\surprised face\LMOA face...all very much the same.

Hotkebab said:
Darn it! I'm still waiting for mine! Where do I purchase mine from?
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You have to use fabulous Ni and hope for the best. Smooth it has not been, which kind of gives me hope that the relationship's got legs. One rough patch navigated...

~jet said:
This! INFJs can fracture without a sense of authenticity... so he's being authentic with you, and will need the same in return. So every once in a while, to keep him next to you, you'll need to do/say something genuine and unexpected and unsolicited.
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Good, I've been dying to be with someone who'll be real with me and I can be real with too. I'm a show-don't-tell kind of gal, I perform acts of service\kindness\love (yes I bake cookies and give foot massages..etc) by way of expression, hope it's enough.
 
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Nevermore said:
Good, I've been dying to be with someone who'll be real with me and I can be real with too. I'm a show-don't-tell kind of gal, I perform acts of service\kindness\love (yes I bake cookies and give foot massages..etc) by way of expression, hope it's enough.
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Oh that should be fine; it just needs to be real. The only thing I'd stress is that if something is on your mind, make sure he knows about it. Even if it seems bad at first, it'll be a lot better if it's just plain said.
 
HOW LUCKY YOU ARE!!!!! :O~ Well I'm more than happy with my INTP though ^^; Good luck!! I'm sure he's going to take really good care of you~
 
The Jester said:
I did not know that INFJs were able to read a person like this.
Sounds mighty fine to me.
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I just learned this as well, apparently.
 
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Well, I've always believed in communication. Like everyone else said, you have to tell him what you're thinking from time to time so that he won't be left confused and misinterpret your lack of expression, or maybe, your overcompensation for it. For a start, maybe you can tell him what you wrote in here. It doesn't have to be elaborate, simple, frank, and like what jet said, real, that's what matters.

I forgot what else I was going to say here, so maybe I'll edit this post later. Lol.

Good luck with the relationship! One step at a time, together, and enjoy every moment. :) <3
Just remember, good communication = good stuff. :]
 
I agree. Just make it clear that you care and then make opportunitie to grow closer. If he is a typical smart INFJ male he'll be breaking down your barriers for you, so just relax.

As for cultural difference: make sure your bf understands when you may have a different expectations, inhibitions, etc.

INFJs can emphasize different elements of their personality to the outside, but in general guard strong personal values yet have a strong desire to connect with another person's inner life.

An INFJ wants to share their inner Emotional IQ. Just feel free to get more comfortable and express yourself in whatever ways show the real you. Like the others have said it doesn't need to be verbal.

As a final note INFJ is just a bunch of default modalities. Your individual will have their own makeup, so in that sense common sense relationship advice is the most important.

Have fun!
 
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If anything melts me, it's seeing heartfelt effort. You may feel awkward and idiotic but if your INFJ is sensitive at all, I think he'll find your attempts (even though they might feel feeble to you) very endearing.

It will pay dividends. So start investing.
 
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Bird said:
I just learned this as well, apparently.
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haha ditto, I usually get to know people pretty well, but its not instant, I have to "learn" them 1st and digest them in my mind to build up an accurate model.
 
*Takes notes*
 
Billy said:
haha ditto, I usually get to know people pretty well, but its not instant, I have to "learn" them 1st and digest them in my mind to build up an accurate model.
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this
 
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