Sooo...I've got an INFJ boyfriend. | INFJ Forum

Sooo...I've got an INFJ boyfriend.

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Nevermore, Sep 15, 2010.

Share This Page

Watchers:
This thread is being watched by 4 users.
More threads by Nevermore
  1. Nevermore

    Nevermore Regular Poster

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2010
    Threads:
    2
    Messages:
    82
    Likes Received:
    19
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INTJ
    Enneagram:
    None
    And I feel out of my depth already. He's really expressive verbally and I love that, I just choke on words if I try and do the same. He will just come right out and say stuff that frankly floors me and then I don't know where to go with that or reciprocate in a way that's meaningful to him. The last thing I want to do is come off indifferent but I fear that's how I'm appearing at times. I need a manual here...:m107: He says things which I read (Ni) as hints but hinting at what I'm uncertain and then I think he gets disappointed when I don't pick up the ball and run with it. We are also culturally different which adds another layer as well..
     
    #1 Nevermore, Sep 15, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2010
  2. Wyst

    Wyst Are you there?

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2009
    Threads:
    57
    Messages:
    1,913
    Likes Received:
    233
    Trophy Points:
    622
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    You should tell him this and then work through it together. If you hold back and wait for answers to start coming to you, he's going to wonder what's wrong.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  3. Saru Inc

    Saru Inc Schrödinger's Pussy
    Donor

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2010
    Threads:
    100
    Messages:
    3,861
    Likes Received:
    1,155
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    ENFJ
    Enneagram:
    3w4
    You chose well. :mhula:


    At least for me, we don't expect others to be as verbally expressive, as corny as it sounds, be yourself. Thats why we (infj) like you, we like you at your core. You try to be like us? Girl quit playing. :p Trust me, if he's an infj he knows you inside and out, so if you're not as verbally expressive? He knows. and he's ok with that.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  4. Matariki

    Donor

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2009
    Threads:
    106
    Messages:
    3,491
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    499
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    N/A
    Enneagram:
    N/A
    Darn it! I'm still waiting for mine! Where do I purchase mine from?

    Just Joking, I hope everything goes smoothly for you love birds.
    My only piece of advice would be is to take it slowly, one step at a time, one day at a time.
    There's no need to rush as far as relationship's go.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  5. ~jet

    ~jet Director of Space Exploration

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2010
    Threads:
    30
    Messages:
    1,171
    Likes Received:
    218
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    4w5 or 5w4, so/sp/sx
    This! INFJs can fracture without a sense of authenticity... so he's being authentic with you, and will need the same in return. If what you say to him feels obligatory or pressured or like some kind of credit check, he'll detect it and feel like he's doing something wrong to you... or if nothing comes out of you at all, he may feel like he's becoming a pest. So every once in a while, to keep him next to you, you'll need to do/say something genuine and unexpected and unsolicited. In the meantime, just be honest... even if that is to say 'I'm not the best talker in the world, I'll occasionally need time to process my thoughts first.' He'll understand and feel motivated to give you what you need, I think.

    A lot of assumptions above, since INFJs are different from one another due to life experiences and hormone levels and tons of other factors... but the above is probably close enough to be modestly useful information to you.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  6. Wyote

    Wyote (#/-\[]$ ([]`/[]'|'[-
    Staff Member Administrator

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2008
    Threads:
    249
    Messages:
    38,157
    Featured Threads:
    19
    Likes Received:
    209,494
    Trophy Points:
    4,271
    Gender:
    Male
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    954 so/sx
    Yea, tell him about this, be yourself. He'll love you for it.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  7. OP
    Nevermore

    Nevermore Regular Poster

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2010
    Threads:
    2
    Messages:
    82
    Likes Received:
    19
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INTJ
    Enneagram:
    None
    Great!! Thank you. I know, I know the Net isn't the best place to turn to but this relationship is greener than grass and I don't want to scare him away by getting all 'relationship chat' straight up.

    God I hope you're right. Because with me its all on the inside, my happy face\sad face\annoyed face\surprised face\LMOA face...all very much the same.

    You have to use fabulous Ni and hope for the best. Smooth it has not been, which kind of gives me hope that the relationship's got legs. One rough patch navigated...

    Good, I've been dying to be with someone who'll be real with me and I can be real with too. I'm a show-don't-tell kind of gal, I perform acts of service\kindness\love (yes I bake cookies and give foot massages..etc) by way of expression, hope it's enough.
     
    #7 Nevermore, Sep 15, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2010
  8. The Jester

    I did not know that INFJs were able to read a person like this.
    Sounds mighty fine to me.
     
  9. ~jet

    ~jet Director of Space Exploration

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2010
    Threads:
    30
    Messages:
    1,171
    Likes Received:
    218
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    4w5 or 5w4, so/sp/sx
    Oh that should be fine; it just needs to be real. The only thing I'd stress is that if something is on your mind, make sure he knows about it. Even if it seems bad at first, it'll be a lot better if it's just plain said.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  10. yepunsarang

    yepunsarang Community Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2008
    Threads:
    5
    Messages:
    341
    Likes Received:
    48
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    HOW LUCKY YOU ARE!!!!! :O~ Well I'm more than happy with my INTP though ^^; Good luck!! I'm sure he's going to take really good care of you~
     
  11. Bird

    Bird Happy Go Lucky

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2010
    Threads:
    120
    Messages:
    6,160
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    3,487
    Trophy Points:
    878
    MBTI:
    -
    Enneagram:
    -


    I just learned this as well, apparently.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Wyst likes this.
  12. yumiii

    yumiii Community Member

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2009
    Threads:
    5
    Messages:
    766
    Likes Received:
    59
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    ENFJ
    Enneagram:
    2w1
    Well, I've always believed in communication. Like everyone else said, you have to tell him what you're thinking from time to time so that he won't be left confused and misinterpret your lack of expression, or maybe, your overcompensation for it. For a start, maybe you can tell him what you wrote in here. It doesn't have to be elaborate, simple, frank, and like what jet said, real, that's what matters.

    I forgot what else I was going to say here, so maybe I'll edit this post later. Lol.

    Good luck with the relationship! One step at a time, together, and enjoy every moment. :) <3
    Just remember, good communication = good stuff. :]
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  13. Ecton

    Ecton Community Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2010
    Threads:
    4
    Messages:
    894
    Likes Received:
    126
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJr
    I agree. Just make it clear that you care and then make opportunitie to grow closer. If he is a typical smart INFJ male he'll be breaking down your barriers for you, so just relax.

    As for cultural difference: make sure your bf understands when you may have a different expectations, inhibitions, etc.

    INFJs can emphasize different elements of their personality to the outside, but in general guard strong personal values yet have a strong desire to connect with another person's inner life.

    An INFJ wants to share their inner Emotional IQ. Just feel free to get more comfortable and express yourself in whatever ways show the real you. Like the others have said it doesn't need to be verbal.

    As a final note INFJ is just a bunch of default modalities. Your individual will have their own makeup, so in that sense common sense relationship advice is the most important.

    Have fun!
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Blind Bandit likes this.
  14. Wyst

    Wyst Are you there?

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2009
    Threads:
    57
    Messages:
    1,913
    Likes Received:
    233
    Trophy Points:
    622
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    If anything melts me, it's seeing heartfelt effort. You may feel awkward and idiotic but if your INFJ is sensitive at all, I think he'll find your attempts (even though they might feel feeble to you) very endearing.

    It will pay dividends. So start investing.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Blind Bandit likes this.
  15. The Jester

    I may not be a pure INFJ (crossbreed here) but this ^
    If a person shows he/she cares about you. Well, that's lovely.
     
  16. Billy

    Billy Contents Under Pressure
    Donor

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2009
    Threads:
    95
    Messages:
    4,821
    Featured Threads:
    2
    Likes Received:
    1,253
    Trophy Points:
    381
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    CT
    MBTI:
    infj
    Enneagram:
    ....
    haha ditto, I usually get to know people pretty well, but its not instant, I have to "learn" them 1st and digest them in my mind to build up an accurate model.
     
  17. NeverAmI

    NeverAmI Satisclassifaction
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2009
    Threads:
    197
    Messages:
    8,792
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    950
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFP
    Enneagram:
    5w4
    *Takes notes*
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  18. mooseman

    mooseman Local Claviger
    Donor

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2009
    Threads:
    18
    Messages:
    880
    Likes Received:
    105
    Trophy Points:
    175
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    9-ish
    this
     
  19. dneecey

    dneecey I am who I am.

    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2009
    Threads:
    132
    Messages:
    3,528
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    879
    Trophy Points:
    672
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    9w1
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    DoveAlexa likes this.
  20. DoveAlexa

    DoveAlexa Chaz's Lovey Bunny
    Donor

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2010
    Threads:
    30
    Messages:
    1,996
    Likes Received:
    271
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    9
    I love that thread!
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
Loading...

Share This Page