No Boyfriend Since Birth!! | Page 3 | INFJ Forum

No Boyfriend Since Birth!!

The reward of finding it is far greater then the effort spent searching. That's what I tell myself at least.

Re: "Passion de Amor". You did start it... But it was good imagery of describing something that is hard to describe.

I do fully believe that those people that have hearts burning with passion and love, not in a soap opera sense but in every day reality that is everlasting and in a way subtle, finding someone similar is in a lot of ways letting fire play with fire. They join together and become one flame.

Because love will be worth the wait, the tears and the pain. Then you'll forget you ever waited. (in your case: searched)
Haha.. well, for a relationship to work its "magic" in real life.. a touch of "passion" plays an intriguing role.
There's an intensity to it that I love.. and yep, I can pretty much see the picture. The two becoming one. Nice touch..
 
@Breathlessangle, I haven't read all the posts in this thread, due to... well, it's just too much to read for me right now... as in these latest two years. My God, I haven't been able to read long posts for so long! I better get back to my old days soon.
Anyways! What I was going to say is that I haven't read it all, but I find some of what I've read intresting. Much I can relate to, as being single, 23 yo, and more of a person that holds "a little to much" of a fear of failure - being it love or other things.

I would like to ask you, if I may, what your expectations/demands are on your future man. Do you have a list?
I myself don't have an actual list, and it's difficult to make one, but still there is something going on in my head as I talk myself over "there is nothing going on here" whenever there might be an intrest in any girl.

Hmm. Does this post make any sense? I hope so!
Is your mental list of demands clear to you?
 
Because love will be worth the wait, the tears and the pain. Then you'll forget you ever waited. (in your case: searched)
Haha.. well, for a relationship to work its "magic" in real life.. a touch of "passion" plays an intriguing role.
There's an intensity to it that I love.. and yep, I can pretty much see the picture. The two becoming one. Nice touch..

The one flame needs kindling, although beautiful it can still burn out. Tend the flame and it will forever keep you warm. A touch of passion goes a long way tending that flame. Too much and you can get a fiery blaze that might burn out quick, too little and the flame runs out of fuel. Like with everything in life finding the right balance is key.
 
@Breathlessangle, I haven't read all the posts in this thread, due to... well, it's just too much to read for me right now... as in these latest two years. My God, I haven't been able to read long posts for so long! I better get back to my old days soon.
Anyways! What I was going to say is that I haven't read it all, but I find some of what I've read intresting. Much I can relate to, as being single, 23 yo, and more of a person that holds "a little to much" of a fear of failure - being it love or other things.

I would like to ask you, if I may, what your expectations/demands are on your future man. Do you have a list?
I myself don't have an actual list, and it's difficult to make one, but still there is something going on in my head as I talk myself over "there is nothing going on here" whenever there might be an intrest in any girl.

Hmm. Does this post make any sense? I hope so!
Is your mental list of demands clear to you?

Your post makes sense a lot. lol.
I HAD a long list of what I want from my future man but those are very "unrealistic" to the point that realistically speaking.. no man can match that.
Anyways, now that I am working to balance my idealism and reality of things. I have come up with final 3 expectations/demands now or list.

1. He should be someone I can look up to or respect / Someone I admire : This goes to all his GOOD qualities.. whatever they are and I will happily appreciate them or him as a person.

2. He really cares for me: Well, this means he loves me and accepts me whoever I am.. or me as a flawed; perfectly imperfect individual but most importantly.. his love is translated into actions. I'm not asking for grand gestures just simple things like giving me a blanket or his coat when I'm cold because he truly cares for me.

3. He will never give up on me or us: Every relationship is unique and real relationships are imperfect, so I want him to be strong to be able to deal with any issues/problems/challenges/storms that will naturally come our way or rock our ship.. and someone who will never jump out of it only because of restless waves. When I said that I want him to be my first and my last; I'm really gonna work for it to happen. It's not magic-I know it involves serious hard (real) work yet I am willing to pay the price. I want only one marriage which last a lifetime.. so he should view it the same way or will fight through the end with me and together we can make it happen. Not giving up or walking away easily.. because love is a choice too.

Like this song perhaps:


[video=youtube;TdN5GyTl8K0]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdN5GyTl8K0[/video]

I hope these are all realistic lol. :) As well as, he can expect the same from me.

Sometimes, our mental list are not clear because we want a lot of things but we need to decipher or reflect so we can prioritize and only the important things should be in it. If not- they will be like our walls; build up only to protect ourselves from pain, or failure but unfortunately also from happiness. So instead of it becoming helpful.. we kinda sabotage ourselves from possible, real healthy relationships. But it's always a good idea to be selective; as long as it matches with the reality of life or in other sense.. it can be applied to real life. Lists are only fun to weed out bad people or abusive people that are very unhealthy to have a relationship with or in short totally not our match. No way we can work out a relationship with them.. and no way we can achieve the happiness we deserve from this short life that we have.
 
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The one flame needs kindling, although beautiful it can still burn out. Tend the flame and it will forever keep you warm. A touch of passion goes a long way tending that flame. Too much and you can get a fiery blaze that might burn out quick, too little and the flame runs out of fuel. Like with everything in life finding the right balance is key.

I strongly agree. It's all about finding balance.. too much and too less are both bad even the thing is supposedly good.. like a medicine for example thus why there are "right doses" which should be given at the right time, place, route and of course right application. Passion is so much like medicine in that case lol, and uhhh.. I really love your poetic words.. :)
 
Your post makes sense a lot. lol.
I HAD a long list of what I want from my future man but those are very "unrealistic" to the point that realistically speaking.. no man can match that.
Anyways, now that I am working to balance my idealism and reality of things. I have come up with final 3 expectations/demands now or list. [...]

I liked the song.

Interesting list. Do you have any preferences when it comes to looks? I'm not feeling all that comfortable asking this question, but still I would like to hear your thoughts on it. You see, these are the things I wonder about a lot - love and my possibly unrealistic claims - being it looks, personality, actions, opinions, etc. I know I should make my "list" shorter, but I'm not sure what to get rid of, sort of. It's not entirely true I've got a list though, as I've already explained I don't. But still there is these thoughts about who this person might be, that will spend her whole life with me.

Also I want a relationship that last for my entire life. I guess that part of the INFJ description.
 
Does NGSB count too?

It's not because I'm looking for the perfect one. I'm (rather was) too eager to just find a girlfriend, so I could experience what it is like. My eagerness made me go too easy and too fast I guess, in the few times that I tried. I just started dating maybe 2 years ago.

I'm not going to look for just a girlfriend now. I'm going to look for a good and fitting girlfriend, maybe not the most perfect one imaginable.
And if possible a bit less eager, although I'm not sure if I can hide it. Fact is that I'm really eager...
 
Your post makes sense a lot. lol.
I HAD a long list of what I want from my future man but those are very "unrealistic" to the point that realistically speaking.. no man can match that.
Anyways, now that I am working to balance my idealism and reality of things. I have come up with final 3 expectations/demands now or list.

1. He should be someone I can look up to or respect / Someone I admire : This goes to all his GOOD qualities.. whatever they are and I will happily appreciate them or him as a person.

2. He really cares for me: Well, this means he loves me and accepts me whoever I am.. or me as a flawed; perfectly imperfect individual but most importantly.. his love is translated into actions. I'm not asking for grand gestures just simple things like giving me a blanket or his coat when I'm cold because he truly cares for me.

3. He will never give up on me or us: Every relationship is unique and real relationships are imperfect, so I want him to be strong to be able to deal with any issues/problems/challenges/storms that will naturally come our way or rock our ship.. and someone who will never jump out of it only because of restless waves. When I said that I want him to be my first and my last; I'm really gonna work for it to happen. It's not magic-I know it involves serious hard (real) work yet I am willing to pay the price. I want only one marriage which last a lifetime.. so he should view it the same way or will fight through the end with me and together we can make it happen. Not giving up or walking away easily.. because love is a choice too.

Like this song perhaps:

I hope these are all realistic lol. :) As well as, he can expect the same from me.

Sometimes, our mental list are not clear because we want a lot of things but we need to decipher or reflect so we can prioritize and only the important things should be in it. If not- they will be like our walls; build up only to protect ourselves from pain, or failure but unfortunately also from happiness. So instead of it becoming helpful.. we kinda sabotage ourselves from possible, real healthy relationships. But it's always a good idea to be selective; as long as it matches with the reality of life or in other sense.. it can be applied to real life. Lists are only fun to weed out bad people or abusive people that are very unhealthy to have a relationship with or in short totally not our match. No way we can work out a relationship with them.. and no way we can achieve the happiness we deserve from this short life that we have.

Seems like a very reasonable and realistic list, a recipe for your happily ever after. And it seems to speak from your heart.
 
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I relate to it.

I'm neurotically picky, i don't like to fool around with women, and i was extremely restricted and even kind of prude, having just one "official" girlfriend long term as a teenager 3 and a half years and i considered engagement at some point, highschool sweetheart sort of thing. I'm all about soulmates since i was pre-school, and i'm struggling with that now, that i'm opening up to the world, and broadening my circle of friends.

I don't want to sound that i'm just a way too solicited guy by the ladies, because i'm not one by any means. But for the last two years some girls did chased me, and it felt kind of bad in the end, partly because, i was in love (infatuated if you want) with a lady friend from a long time that i dated a couple of times but she ended up taken and it took me a really long time to let that go, and also because i just didn't felt any of it, i don't enter relationships that easily, and just for the sake of it, there's a lot of trust issues that i need to work on. It sucks.

Trust your gut when it comes to love, i would also say that maybe leaving some of your expectations behind it's a really good idea . Ime, a relationship can really turn you upside down, and i'm not talking only about intense feelings, romance, love and whatever. But it does change your mind when suddenly someone loves you as well you do, specially the first relationship.
 
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Does NGSB count too?

It's not because I'm looking for the perfect one. I'm (rather was) too eager to just find a girlfriend, so I could experience what it is like. My eagerness made me go too easy and too fast I guess, in the few times that I tried. I just started dating maybe 2 years ago.

I'm not going to look for just a girlfriend now. I'm going to look for a good and fitting girlfriend, maybe not the most perfect one imaginable.
And if possible a bit less eager, although I'm not sure if I can hide it. Fact is that I'm really eager...

NGSB.. is a legit term.

I'm glad that you want to find a good and fitting girlfriend.. and it depends with a woman I guess, there are others who wanted a really eager man and others wanted to slow it down and let things happen or naturally unfold. It's best to observe what approach she prefers. You can test the waters first to have a better look. Either way.. go get her! If you ask for it; you can make it happen!
 
Seems like a very reasonable and realistic list, a recipe for your happily ever after. And it seems to speak from your heart.

Thank you.. Thirdhalf.. :)
 
I relate to it.

I'm neurotically picky, i don't like to fool around with women, and i was extremely restricted and even kind of prude, having just one "official" girlfriend long term as a teenager 3 and a half years and i considered engagement at some point, highschool sweetheart sort of thing. I'm all about soulmates since i was pre-school, and i'm struggling with that now, that i'm opening up to the world, and broadening my circle of friends.

I don't want to sound that i'm just a way too solicited guy by the ladies, because i'm not one by any means. But for the last two years some girls did chased me, and it felt kind of bad in the end, partly because, i was in love (infatuated if you want) with a lady friend from a long time that i dated a couple of times but she ended up taken and it took me a really long time to let that go, and also because i just didn't felt any of it, i don't enter relationships that easily, and just for the sake of it, there's a lot of trust issues that i need to work on. It sucks.

Trust your gut when it comes to love, i would also say that maybe leaving some of your expectations behind it's a really good idea . Ime, a relationship can really turn you upside down, and i'm not talking only about intense feelings, romance, love and whatever. But it does change your mind when suddenly someone loves you as well you do, specially the first relationship.

Sounds that we have so much in common.. typical of an INFJ I guess. Thank you for the advice.. I know it will be really a roller coaster ride when it finally happen.
 
I liked the song.

Interesting list. Do you have any preferences when it comes to looks? I'm not feeling all that comfortable asking this question, but still I would like to hear your thoughts on it. You see, these are the things I wonder about a lot - love and my possibly unrealistic claims - being it looks, personality, actions, opinions, etc. I know I should make my "list" shorter, but I'm not sure what to get rid of, sort of. It's not entirely true I've got a list though, as I've already explained I don't. But still there is these thoughts about who this person might be, that will spend her whole life with me.

Also I want a relationship that last for my entire life. I guess that part of the INFJ description.

Glad you liked the song. :)

And wow, you just kinda put me in a hot seat there. Lol. Since, you are also wondering about all this and you can relate so much on my situation. Okay, fine.. I will share my thoughts specifically on this matter. In a list form:

1. I am not after good looking men - in fact I am kinda suspicious of them. (Mostly or usually: this kind are cheaters or prone to cheating)
So if he is good looking.. most likely he will be put on my watch list folder or he will surely have a hard time proving that his intentions are good, pure and real; if not I will steer clear.
2. I'm after with the "easy on the eyes" men - Men who are decent looking or they look presentable.
3. Most importantly- I am attracted more to the beauty of his mind, heart and soul.
(Not really physical looks but if he happened to be really good looking.. then- it will only be a bonus.
4. But I admit I want a man who is physically fit or healthy and who knows how to take care of himself.
(because I am also taking care of myself and for me "when I look good.. in effect I feel good" - Feeling good is really important to me!)
5. I don't care what color his hair, eyes or his skin is.. I just hope that he is a lot taller than me.

Now, it is your turn..

How about you??
 
Glad you liked the song. :)

And wow, you just kinda put me in a hot seat there. Lol. Since, you are also wondering about all this and you can relate so much on my situation. Okay, fine.. I will share my thoughts specifically on this matter. In a list form:

1. I am not after good looking men - in fact I am kinda suspicious of them. (Mostly or usually: this kind are cheaters or prone to cheating)
So if he is good looking.. most likely he will be put on my watch list folder or he will surely have a hard time proving that his intentions are good, pure and real; if not I will steer clear.
2. I'm after with the "easy on the eyes" men - Men who are decent looking or they look presentable.
3. Most importantly- I am attracted more to the beauty of his mind, heart and soul.
(Not really physical looks but if he happened to be really good looking.. then- it will only be a bonus.
4. But I admit I want a man who is physically fit or healthy and who knows how to take care of himself.
(because I am also taking care of myself and for me "when I look good.. in effect I feel good" - Feeling good is really important to me!)
5. I don't care what color his hair, eyes or his skin is.. I just hope that he is a lot taller than me.

Now, it is your turn..

How about you??

I will try to articulate myself as well as I can, and as simply as I can.

I can spend quite some time introspect myself, and I've done so even on this topic: what do I like in women's appearance? First of, I'd like to clear out any thoughts that would think I'm a guy that spends time looking out girls... I'm just not that kind of man. My own thoughts on womens looks simply started as an "experiment", as to curiously answer a question I've never encountered before. As a teenager I never really found these things that interesting. Now I can turn my eyes towards a girl at some times, just to examine my heart and preference. I don't really know why - it just happens, as a result of a mind that's been awaken.

Now, to the topic!

I've noticed that girls I find attractive have a couple of attributes in common:
(1) broad-shouldered, or you might call it good posture (This is probably a subconscious reaction to my own bad posture),
(2) freckles,
(3) a straight nose.
I also have a tendency to like brown or red and long hair.

Now, again, this is about physical appearance, and I don't find it that easy just to talk about, as I'm afraid to be missunderstood as that kind of guy that goes for looks. But still, as I've discovered, looks are important... just not as important as I think the stereotype guy finds it. So I've thought about it just to be honest with myself, and confess that there are certain attributes I do like, as the once I've stated above.

But when it comes to other aspect than physical appearance, there is a much longer list. Trust me. (Is it bad? Good? I don't know. Probably both).
 
[MENTION=13900]Breathlessangel[/MENTION] I sincerely wish you find the person best suited for you. :)

I'm older than you, never been in a relationship as well, but I don't let it bother me too much.
At times that I feel a bit lonely about being alone though, I try to remember this:

happy being single2.jpg

I really love that song too. Mraz-y fan here. :)

Btw, the more I read you, the stronger my hunch about where you're from gets.
:m155:
 
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[MENTION=13900]Breathlessangel[/MENTION] I sincerely wish you find the person best suited for you. :)

I'm older than you, never been in a relationship as well, but I don't let it bother me too much.
At times that I feel a bit lonely about being alone though, I try to remember this:

View attachment 23944

I really love that song too. Mraz-y fan here. :)

Btw, the more I read you, the stronger my hunch about where you're from gets.
:m155:

Thank you.. :) Yes, we tend to get lonely but I get more enthusiastic most of the time lol.
I know how to kinda manipulate my emotions so I get inspired instead of feeling down
it's a good skill lol.. :m111: I can say really helpful..
and also I wish you well, you are one lovely girl (inside and out)..
Definitely a gem to a man who can win your heart (that rhymes)
Jason Mraz haha.. I'm dying to watch his concerts lol.. it's on my list!

Yep, whatever your hunch is telling; I think it's right haha. I have sprinkled clues everywhere. Lol.
 
I will try to articulate myself as well as I can, and as simply as I can.

I can spend quite some time introspect myself, and I've done so even on this topic: what do I like in women's appearance? First of, I'd like to clear out any thoughts that would think I'm a guy that spends time looking out girls... I'm just not that kind of man. My own thoughts on womens looks simply started as an "experiment", as to curiously answer a question I've never encountered before. As a teenager I never really found these things that interesting. Now I can turn my eyes towards a girl at some times, just to examine my heart and preference. I don't really know why - it just happens, as a result of a mind that's been awaken.

Now, to the topic!

I've noticed that girls I find attractive have a couple of attributes in common:
(1) broad-shouldered, or you might call it good posture (This is probably a subconscious reaction to my own bad posture),
(2) freckles,
(3) a straight nose.
I also have a tendency to like brown or red and long hair.

Now, again, this is about physical appearance, and I don't find it that easy just to talk about, as I'm afraid to be missunderstood as that kind of guy that goes for looks. But still, as I've discovered, looks are important... just not as important as I think the stereotype guy finds it. So I've thought about it just to be honest with myself, and confess that there are certain attributes I do like, as the once I've stated above.

But when it comes to other aspect than physical appearance, there is a much longer list. Trust me. (Is it bad? Good? I don't know. Probably both).

Your points above are all legit. Lol, don't worry if you have certain preferences when it comes to physical looks. It's not really a bad thing.. it's just all attributed to physical attraction. Which is downright normal to all of us.. humans. The beauty of it all is that we can recognize that it's not only about physical looks.. that we are aware we aren't the superficial type of person; we tend to delve into the deeper sense of it all and able to recognize the "more important aspects" that one should really take into account especially when it comes to entering and being in committed relationships. Also, yes- we need to really be honest with ourselves; there is no denying the fact that we tend to get attracted more to a person who knows how to take care of himself than someone who isn't. I'm not speaking of vanity; more of expression of self-love and self-care of that person and in effect reflects how they look.. looking nice or presentable is enough to attract the right person.

Can you please let me know the "longer list" you are referring which this time doesn't talk about physical looks.. I want to know what it's like in a male perspective.
 
Your points above are all legit. Lol, don't worry if you have certain preferences when it comes to physical looks. It's not really a bad thing.. it's just all attributed to physical attraction. Which is downright normal to all of us.. humans. The beauty of it all is that we can recognize that it's not only about physical looks.. that we are aware we aren't the superficial type of person; we tend to delve into the deeper sense of it all and able to recognize the "more important aspects" that one should really take into account especially when it comes to entering and being in committed relationships. Also, yes- we need to really be honest with ourselves; there is no denying the fact that we tend to get attracted more to a person who knows how to take care of himself than someone who isn't. I'm not speaking of vanity; more of expression of self-love and self-care of that person and in effect reflects how they look.. looking nice or presentable is enough to attract the right person.

Can you please let me know the "longer list" you are referring which this time doesn't talk about physical looks.. I want to know what it's like in a male perspective.

My self-image is not the best when it comes to attractiveness, physical touch, sensuality - all those things. It has taken me a few years to accept that I am a "normal person" who also have a sexuality. I still have some difficulties to admit it to myself, giving rise to a broken self-image in this matter. however, it has been getting better.

About that "longer list" (which also feels a bit prohibited*). My brother once told me you could look for specific qualities in a woman that you think would suit yourself, but that it's probably better to look for a woman who brings out qualities in yourself that you like.

I want to be able to think along with my girlfriend. I don't want her to think that it feels bad when I think too much, but she might even be ready to help me and lead me forward, deciding when it is time to stop thinking, and time to continue on a thought . Deep thoughts are so much a part of my personality that I do not believe that anyone could manage to live with me if she couldn't appreciate it somehow. Above all, I would never be able to appreciate the relationship if I constantly felt I had to conceal my thoughts in fear that she wasn't able to hear or wouldn't even understand what I'm talking about. Therefore intelligence is also a little too important for me. She does not have to be a super genius, but for both's sake, I think it would be best if we could talk in about the same level, to really get to know each other. I would also like to talk about feelings, perhaps more than I want to talk intellectualy actually. Or they are of equal importance!

Humor can be a big part of my personality. However, I can also have the tendency to be quite "dead" in my expression, but when I spend time with people who make me live up to my humorous mind, I enjoy myself best. It is difficult to determine what it is with these people that causes this, but I have some friends that is that way - Both boys and girls!

An important aspect is ethics and worldview. I've been with a girl before, and from what I felt to be the most difficult in the relationship, was that we stood on different ground when it came to how we see the world. It gets tough! How we think that children should be brought up? Is there a God? Is it important to care about others? etc. Such questions I asked myself, and still do, and I realize it doesn't work unless we have a common ground.

Another element that is important for me is that I need time for myself, or at least the time when I don't need to interact with others - I can still sit in the same room! It means that my wife will have to allow for this, but also that she sometimes needs to pull me out of my bunker, so I don't become isolated from the outside world. Alternatively, we get such a big family that I don't have to socialize with the world around me.

She should be nice, but to be able to speak up.
She should be strong, but humble.
Oh, she'll simply be a Christian! A smart Christian**, like me. That's the easiest way of putting it!
However, there is a risk that it'll be interpreted as something other than what I mean (I'm often afraid of misunderstandings).

*Prohibited. Am I using it correctly? Perhaps there is a more sutible word? [MENTION=3998]niffer[/MENTION], would this be a good idea to consult you on these issues?
** A smart Christian is in my view a person who does not necessarily vote "Christian" (non-Christian, it feels like) in political issues, but understands to see the world from multiple perspectives and choose critically based on what is actually the smartest. However, she is still such that she tries as best she can to live up to Christian ideals of loving, Christ-like, and so on. Gladly the spiritual bit too, otherwise there is a risk that we do not understand each other.
 
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