No Boyfriend Since Birth!!

[Breathlessangel]

If you are running into the problem (and what a problem to have..!) that you are beautiful and thus can't determine the intentions of men, go at it with the intent of being platonic friends. No matter how much sexual desire and intimacy you have with your potential partner, if you two are not capable of being friends then its a relationship that is likely to fall apart in spectacular ways eventually.

Maybe because there are just some men who instead of saying the right things they just end up or appearing that they are like after a pretty face. That sounds red flags to me. (Oh- and I'm not that beautiful alright haha.. just a simple and natural looking girl) I want someone who loves my soul more than ever. But maybe I judged them wrongly- maybe it was my fault for not seeing things through. I dismissed the might have been's pretty quickly but now I take all of these as my lessons learned and I would love to have a romance blossomed from friendship. Thinking that friendship is a strong foundation for marriage but whatever works for me.

 

[Breathlessangel]

One last note. It seems that you know what you want and you are looking for it. There is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with wanting to have your first relationship be your last. There is nothing wrong with being selective. There is nothing wrong with not wanting casual relationships. There is nothing wrong with being who you are. Its only when the idea of what you want gets in the way of what you want that you might evaluate your approach to getting it, not what you want or how you want it.

I suspect that you are probably having more difficulties then some in part due to cultural expectations. It seems the cultural preference for women does not fully line up with your own desires and you feel the pressure and probably the cultural preference for men encourages behavior in certain ways that you see as a turnoff. Probability says a lot of the men are indeed just as you judged; this is not meant to encourage you otherwise but instead suggest that not having luck finding someone in the past has absolutely zero to do with the chances of finding someone in the future.

Yes- double standards happening more rampant here. Men can cheat and it's okay while women must be the model of purity. Women are expected to wait and don't do the first moves etc. so I'm pretty much cultured while I am having difficulty trusting my heart to men here. There is no divorce in my country.. once you enter marriage it's for good. So you should be really sure than later be sorry. And.. yes, my close friend once told me that maybe it isn't my time yet.. that my love story will be more of like a "One Shot Survey Design" Haha.. it means I have to wait long but it will strike only once then it will be for a lifetime. It's just an encouragement or sour grape statement but whatever works for me and we still believe that bad guys are rampant but good guys are still everywhere.

 

[Breathlessangel]

experience is the antidote to extreme idealism. i'd say allow yourself to experience or at least be open minded to relationships and this will lead you into balancing your idealism with reality.

Thank you. Speaks so much truth!

 

[Breathlessangel]

When two people begin that journey together, they are both novices no matter what one person may have been through previously. Life will throw all kinds of new crap at both of you that neither of you will be experts at. Be real. Expect real. The dream takes real work.

Yes because every relationship is unique. But, I bet my future bf will have a lots of headache.. I'm kinda a handful! Point taken.. so thank you!

 

[thirdhalf]

Maybe because there are just some men who instead of saying the right things they just end up or appearing that they are like after a pretty face. That sounds red flags to me. (Oh- and I'm not that beautiful alright haha.. just a simple and natural looking girl) I want someone who loves my soul more than ever. But maybe I judged them wrongly- maybe it was my fault for not seeing things through. I dismissed the might have been's pretty quickly but now I take all of these as my lessons learned and I would love to have a romance blossomed from friendship. Thinking that friendship is a strong foundation for marriage but whatever works for me.

Quite modest too I see..

Your male friends that have a better chance of knowing the soul behind the pretty face, you shut them down and run from them when they express interest. The other males don't know you well so complimenting about your looks is probably one of they few things easily available to them (and probably encouraged by culture), you dismiss right right away for commenting about your beauty. Lonely predicament to be in.

Either you are meeting all the wrong men and have rightfully dismissed all of them. Or you have met good men but dismissed them for the wrong reasons. (but probably both) I do believe you will meet 'the one' eventually, my hope is you recognize him.

I have come to view romance and intimacy as two very different things and people are free to disagree with me if they wish. Romance is a lot about the mystery and discovery of someone else. Its exciting. Intimacy is what is left when two people know each other fully and the excitement of romance is fading. Intimacy is being completely vulnerable and putting your heart in the hands of another for them to care for. I personally do not like dating, if I could I would skip right into a committed relationship with intimacy because the uncertainty (and possible pain) from the romance is very uncomfortable for me. Also have had to learn how to control the intensity that I feel the urge for early on because I've been told its very offputting. Its all things I've learned and try to practice so what I want doesn't get in the way of what I want.

 

[Breathlessangel]

Quite modest too I see..

Your male friends that have a better chance of knowing the soul behind the pretty face, you shut them down and run from them when they express interest. The other males don't know you well so complimenting about your looks is probably one of they few things easily available to them (and probably encouraged by culture), you dismiss right right away for commenting about your beauty. Lonely predicament to be in.

Either you are meeting all the wrong men and have rightfully dismissed all of them. Or you have met good men but dismissed them for the wrong reasons. (but probably both) I do believe you will meet 'the one' eventually, my hope is you recognize him.

Sir, you just hit the bull's eye.. hands down!! And yep.. if I try to look back I will surely have plenty of regrets. So I'm choosing to learn from my mistakes and looking forward. Aiming to be the hopeful romantic and it's a lot healthier in mind, heart and soul.

 

[Breathlessangel]

I have come to view romance and intimacy as two very different things and people are free to disagree with me if they wish. Romance is a lot about the mystery and discovery of someone else. Its exciting. Intimacy is what is left when two people know each other fully and the excitement of romance is fading. Intimacy is being completely vulnerable and putting your heart in the hands of another for them to care for. I personally do not like dating, if I could I would skip right into a committed relationship with intimacy because the uncertainty (and possible pain) from the romance is very uncomfortable for me. Also have had to learn how to control the intensity that I feel the urge for early on because I've been told its very offputting. Its all things I've learned and try to practice so what I want doesn't get in the way of what I want.

We are on the same boat. That's why I never dated in the first place because if I'm going to date.. it clearly means that "man" I want him to be my boyfriend. I'm also thinking if only I could skip the "whole messy confusion stage" of getting to know.. or falling in love. Like, I'm wishing to God.. what if He just give me a sign like a light glowing so I can recognize that is the man I am meant to be with. Haha. Pure wishful thinking. It's just that I can;t handle the whole thing or it's too much to handle.. the feelings are just CRAZY. Like.. can I just have a shortcut with this whole thing? Fast forward.. so we just end up together period. But then I realized.. you can't skip the whole thing, that's where the real action or magic happens. That's when the memories created, the romance for me happens more in the "little moments" than in grand gestures. The story should have a build up first right.. the climax and then the ending. So I think we can put up with all of this- the pain, struggles, mini and huge heartbreaks as long as it will be worth it at the end. It's not the destination but the journey plus we don't really get into a destination because the road of living is never-ending. When we reach a certain point- a new journey seems to begin. (And I agree with your Romance and Intimacy concept.. the whole thing makes sense!)

 

[thirdhalf]

We are on the same boat. That's why I never dated in the first place because if I'm going to date.. it clearly means that "man" I want him to be my boyfriend. I'm also thinking if only I could skip the "whole messy confusion stage" of getting to know.. or falling in love. Like, I'm wishing to God.. what if He just give me a sign like a light glowing so I can recognize that is the man I am meant to be with. Haha. Pure wishful thinking. It's just that I can;t handle the whole thing or it's too much to handle.. the feelings are just CRAZY. Like.. can I just have a shortcut with this whole thing? Fast forward.. so we just end up together period. But then I realized.. you can't skip the whole thing, that's where the real action or magic happens. That's when the memories created, the romance for me happens more in the "little moments" than in grand gestures. The story should have a build up first right.. the climax and then the ending. So I think we can put up with all of this- the pain, struggles, mini and huge heartbreaks as long as it will be worth it at the end. It's not the destination but the journey plus we don't really get into a destination because the road of living is never-ending. When we reach a certain point- a new journey seems to begin. (And I agree with your Romance and Intimacy concept.. the whole thing makes sense!)

Life is indeed a journey, there is a lot to be had if you enjoy the ride to the end versus waiting to the end to enjoy it. I learn through heartbreak and loneliness just as much as through joy and love, they can all shape me to be better if I want them to. I do not seek out heartbreak, but also don't rule out possible joy out of fear of heartbreak.

As far as your journey, consider looking for the same thing in a different place or a different thing in the same place. They are the only two things you can control after all.

PS. I like your glowing light idea..

 

[Breathlessangel]

Life is indeed a journey, there is a lot to be had if you enjoy the ride to the end versus waiting to the end to enjoy it. I learn through heartbreak and loneliness just as much as through joy and love, they can all shape me to be better if I want them to. I do not seek out heartbreak, but also don't rule out possible joy out of fear of heartbreak.

As far as your journey, consider looking for the same thing in a different place or a different thing in the same place. They are the only two things you can control after all.

PS. I like your glowing light idea..

That's my idea.. don't steal it!! Ask God for another sign.. like blazing fire on her forehead just kidding!
Yes- I don't limit myself now.. I've been entertaining the possibility that maybe he is in another side of the world.
Or just around here.. might bump into him someday. I badly need exposure. Lol.
Yes- it's better not to ask for drama because tendencies are we attract them.
Being positive/optimistic in the process of falling in love esp. being in a relationship is a strong ingredient for success.
Although- our hearts are like containers of magma; it can just explode anytime.

 

[thirdhalf]

That's my idea.. don't steal it!! Ask God for another sign.. like blazing fire in her forehead just kidding!
Yes- I don't limit myself now.. I've been entertaining the possibility that maybe he is in another side of the world.
Or just around here.. might bump into him someday. I badly need exposure. Lol.
Yes- it's better not to ask for drama because tendencies are we attract them.
Being positive/optimistic in the process of falling in love esp. being in a relationship is a strong ingredient for success.
Although- our hearts are like containers of magma; it can just explode anytime.

"Your forehead is glowing, will you marry me?" ...Might have to keep that to myself when I meet 'the one', not sure it would be fully understood and appreciated.

There are many names for it and many different was to describe it, but in general if you live your life the way that is true to you a lot of truth will find its way into your life. If your truth is joy, you and joy will find each other. If your truth is love, you and love will find each other.

Although- our hearts are like containers of magma; it can just explode anytime.

Such a hot and powerful heart, if allowed to release its pressure of love onto those that can reciprocate, will never explode nor go cold.

 

[Breathlessangel]

"Your forehead is glowing, will you marry me?" ...Might have to keep that to myself when I meet 'the one', not sure it would be fully understood and appreciated.

There are many names for it and many different was to describe it, but in general if you live your life the way that is true to you a lot of truth will find its way into your life. If your truth is joy, you and joy will find each other. If your truth is love, you and love will find each other.

We could always use a little humor in our lives.. and you never know that line might work?
and I couldn't agree more..

(Such a hot and powerful heart, if allowed to release its pressure of love onto those that can reciprocate, will never explode nor go cold.)

Yes.. that stings. Very true! Thank you for all the valuable insights. Hope that you'll meet your "The One" too and uhhh this time without any glowing light or flame.. that might burn her.

 

[thirdhalf]

We could always use a little humor in our lives.. and you never know that line might work?
and I couldn't agree more..

(Such a hot and powerful heart, if allowed to release its pressure of love onto those that can reciprocate, will never explode nor go cold.)

Yes.. that stings. Very true! Thank you for all the valuable insights. Hope that you'll meet your "The One" too and uhhh this time without any glowing light or flame.. that might burn her.

Fire cannot hurt fire

 

[Oscillation]

I assume this is your first thread, as it seems in your introduction, so I wish to greet you welcome to the forum.

Welcome!

 

[Chalti]

Hello, I can really get where you're coming from.
I'm slowly coming to terms that I might not end up with anyone, and it's been a struggle because I am a hopeless romantic as well. I'm biromantic and I think I'm an asexual.
I am a perfectionist when it comes to love, but I actually have dated people (online) with so many flaws and who have showed me my flaws as well. I've been loved and I've loved back, and it definitely is the fear of failure - I'm too afraid to be in close affection with someone, and maybe that's why I prefer online dating (but I'll slowlly want to meet them, they just have to know me REAL REAL WELL), but it's also because I never connected to anyone in a spiritual level.

 

[Breathlessangel]

Hello, I can really get where you're coming from.
I'm slowly coming to terms that I might not end up with anyone, and it's been a struggle because I am a hopeless romantic as well. I'm biromantic and I think I'm an asexual.
I am a perfectionist when it comes to love, but I actually have dated people (online) with so many flaws and who have showed me my flaws as well. I've been loved and I've loved back, and it definitely is the fear of failure - I'm too afraid to be in close affection with someone, and maybe that's why I prefer online dating (but I'll slowlly want to meet them, they just have to know me REAL REAL WELL), but it's also because I never connected to anyone in a spiritual level.

Hello.. Chalti

It's best to find balance between reality and our ideals so we can hold back our perfectionism when it comes to love.. and don't lose hope. I know it might be more difficult in your part but we are still young and we couldn't really make up a conclusion this time. It's better to be open to possibilities and if we avoid pain.. we are also avoiding happiness. We couldn't live our lives in its most potential. As hopeless romantic, we know that in our very core we find meaning in our lives through romance because even just the idea of love excites us. It's much healthier approach if we keep staying optimistic, I know sometimes we hit it badly like if we are down and discouraged.. its too much to handle. But what I do, I keep inspiring myself. Don't lose that sparkle. If you need a recovery period.. that's what I do every after heartache. Take your time.. then bounce back. if you close your door.. be sure not to lose your keys so you can reopen your heart anytime. For the sake of happiness.. its gonna be worth it. Sorry, I'm just in my happy mood today. I hope you are too..

 

[Breathlessangel]

Fire cannot hurt fire

She's that hot huh...or you mean the other thing? Hahaha..

I assume this is your first thread, as it seems in your introduction, so I wish to greet you welcome to the forum.

Welcome!

Thank you so much.. That's why be good to me.. so I'll stay (just kidding!)

 

[thirdhalf]

She's that hot huh...or you mean the other thing? Hahaha..

Na, true beauty is in the heart and mind. Fires in forheads, hears of hot magma, they all burn together not each other. You wouldn't let me take your holding a light idea so I have to play with fire instead..

 

[Breathlessangel]

Na, true beauty is in the heart and mind. Fires in forheads, hears of hot magma, they all burn together not each other. You wouldn't let me take your holding a light idea so I have to play with fire instead..

If only men nowadays can realize what true beauty is.. weeding out is more challenging than ever.
Fires in forehead.. hearts of hot magma sounds "Passion de Amor" to me. Lol.
Playing with fire?! haha.. that also rings with a different connotation to me but I get what you mean.

 

[thirdhalf]

If only men nowadays can realize what true beauty is.. weeding out is more challenging than ever.
Fires in forehead.. hearts of hot magma sounds "Passion de Amor" to me. Lol.
Playing with fire?! haha.. that also rings with a different connotation to me but I get what you mean.

The reward of finding it is far greater then the effort spent searching. That's what I tell myself at least.

Re: "Passion de Amor". You did start it... But it was good imagery of describing something that is hard to describe.

I do fully believe that those people that have hearts burning with passion and love, not in a soap opera sense but in every day reality that is everlasting and in a way subtle, finding someone similar is in a lot of ways letting fire play with fire. They join together and become one flame.

 

[Breathlessangel]

The reward of finding it is far greater then the effort spent searching. That's what I tell myself at least.

Re: "Passion de Amor". You did start it... But it was good imagery of describing something that is hard to describe.

I do fully believe that those people that have hearts burning with passion and love, not in a soap opera sense but in every day reality that is everlasting and in a way subtle, finding someone similar is in a lot of ways letting fire play with fire. They join together and become one flame.

Hahaha. It's my sleeping time already but will reply to you soon. Beautiful words coming from you though... and good night from here!