More friends here than in real life? | INFJ Forum

More friends here than in real life?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Grasshopper, Jan 6, 2010.

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  1. Grasshopper

    Grasshopper Community Member

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    I noticed that there are at least a few regular members here who say that they have more friends here on the forum than in real life, or they have no friends in real life. I am just looking for opinions as to why that is.

    Is the forum just an easier way to socialize? Does it provide a format more conducive to easy interaction? For example, in real life it may be awkward to go up to a stranger and introduce yourself, but it wouldn't be strange at all to do it in place like this.

    Another possibility is that being introverts, we may be too shy in real life to make the initial connection with people so that they can get to know us and see that they like us. (I feel that this is true for me)

    Or, maybe, either the people are not being their true selves here, but they are irl, or vice versa. I mean no offence, it's just an idea.

    For those of you who have more friends here than irl, what do you think? And, do you have the same social struggles here that you do irl?
     
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  2. Raccoon Love

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    I am one of those with no friends in real life, I have always had trouble socializing in any way, I get nervous and anxious when arond others and I am much better at expressing my thoughts in writting, I am also very shy and have trouble trusting others, people often misunderstand me, and find me veryhard to get to know, they often avoid me. I have also been a victim of physical and verbal abuse, I just avoid people in general. In here, I can be myself, I am understood, I feel like I am at home, I can freely interact with others here without fear.
     
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  3. Agnus

    Agnus Community Member

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    :m190: isn't this forum the real life? ups! I've lost reality understanding again :m163: :m197:
     
  4. Gaze

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    Sometimes, the reasons are practical as well. Sometimes, we can have a job that doesn't allow us to socialize with others that much or get to know peers outside of work. And if you don't frequent a particular scene such as bars or clubs, then it becomes even more limited. So, it's not a simple case of not feeling comfortable approaching others. Most people are coming and going, and don't have the time to sit and chat. If they are married and/or have a family to support, their focus is not going to be social, it's going to be professional, do what they have to do, and move on with their lives. Each person they meet is a momentary stop along the way. We size up people pretty quickly, and decide whether or not we want to know them from initial impressions. So we don't think we have the time to engage with them.
     
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    #4 Gaze, Jan 6, 2010
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2010
  5. Roger

    Roger ...

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    I have to say i have kept limited and true friends in my real life. I am not interested to have more than 7-8 friends, otherwise i know i will not able to maintain friendship with them. I need this, i like to do it. I love my friends. I really take care of them. We are family alike.

    For online friends, i made only two friends who have been honest with me from last one year. SO i consider them as my friends. I need trust, loyalty and honesty. I want working friends, not leisure. Yes, i am thinking to collect some good friends from here, want to be with them. If interest is welcomed from both side, then it will be great for me. :)
     
  6. Matariki

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    I have very few friends in real life.

    But online I feel comfortable and I can get away with saying things that I wouldn't say in real life. I find I can express myself better behind words and pictures rather than my physical being.
     
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  7. Faye

    Faye ^_^
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    It is easier to relate to people online. You are also removed from the responsibility for what you say to some extent.

    I do have more friends in real life than I do online, and I should probably call them or something. I could facebook message them, but what is the point of that?
     
  8. bamf

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    I have a pretty good number of people with whom I associate on a day-to-day or weekly basis. Most of them are from work or classes, and I'll occasionally do something social with them. I also have a decently sized group of people I consider actual friends. By that I mean that I'd feel comfortable calling any of them out of the blue to hang out. I have a number of acquaintances that I'll hang out with if they're in the same social situation I am. However, there are very few people in my life with whom I get very personal about my life. There are maybe two friends with whom I trust enough to talk about emotions and what not.

    That's where this forum, and the people on it come in to play. I feel completely free to open up to people on this forum, and have almost no qualms about sharing emotional baggage/history. Everyone here (for the most part) is understanding and empathetic. I know I can always be accepted here.

    I consider almost everyone on this forum an acquaintance, and number of you friends. There are a few that I trust a great deal, and I'm not shy about communicating freely with them.

    The friends I have here, and the friends I have 'out there' are different, but both have their perks. The best part about the 'out there' friends (which I wish I could say the same about this place :/ ) is that I get to spend time in their physical presence. Too much time by myself, even with internet friendships, I tend to get batty. I need to be with people after some time. Generally I can spend a day or two without seeing people, and it's great, but after that I start to get cabin fever.
     
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  9. randomsomeone

    randomsomeone Well-known member

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    I have an equal scarcity of friends both here and in real life. But, hey, I'm an INFJ...is that supposed to bother me???? :)
     
  10. IndigoSensor

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    I don't concider many people online "friends" by the classic definition. There are perhaps only a handful of people whom I concider friends, and only do so because I have interacted with them off the forums in different ways (not in person though). This does not mean though at all that I dislike or don't value people here at all. It is just that, strictly online relations can go only so far.

    I have a good amount of friends outside of the forums. Over this winter break I actually had to push a lot of my friends away, because I was too drained to see them.
     
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  11. 894tt3h9

    On Holiday

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    I have a lot of friends in real life and a lot of friends online. When I have close online friendships I actually make a lot of effort to meet them in person. I've met over 20 so far from online from different places and it's been awesome. Some of them I didn't really connect with in person and we talk a lot less now, but some have become wonderful life long friends. I feel like online is IRL in that way for me. If I connect with someone really well, I see no reason not to bring that connection face to face.

    People in real life tend to find their way to me. I don't go out of my way to meet people or talk to people but for some reason they'll come and talk to me. Most of my friendships have been built this way. Then again, all of my friends are pretty much extroverted so I never had to put in a lot of effort lol.
     
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  12. Quinlan

    Quinlan Right the First Time!

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    Outside of my family, I don't have hardly any friends, I barely have enough time for me and my family let alone other randoms, maintaining all those relationships must be exhausting!
     
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  13. Gaze

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    It's hard to meet people today. It's rare to find people you can connect with on a personal level. I mean, it's not really about simply having friends. It's about having quality friendships with people who understand you, support you, hang out, whatever you need, etc.

    So, I wouldn't classify online friends in the same way i see real world friendships. A friend is someone i can hang with, go out with, talk on the phone with, vent about stuff in person, and not feel self conscious or weird about it.

    A real relationship or connection (for me) can't develop from PMs, chat, AIM or Facebook. Those forms of communication never feel natural or comfortable. There's the feeling that you're a virtual person with online interaction. Doesn't feel real in the least. Online friends are great and supportive but there's no sense that you're really known by someone online. And i think it's easy to mistake online chemistry for real chemistry. One doesn't always translate to the other.
     
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    #13 Gaze, Jul 13, 2010
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2010
  14. the

    the Si master race.
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    i feel the same way
     
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  15. Questingpoet

    Questingpoet Not Afraid to Use His Beard
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    I am one who claims more friends here than irl. There are several reasons, but Res hit on the main one--time. I am very busy with my work and all my kids. I just don't have the time to maintain a lot of friendships or meet new people irl. Online it is different, I can meet and maintain. I have two very close and dear friends from this forum, and 3 or four more people, that I talk to on other media (IM, email, chat, vidchat) that I also consider good friends. I would feel comfortable talking to any of those people about pretty much anything.

    The other reason I'll mention is that it's actually easier and quicker to get to know someone here because we have common interests that become apparent pretty quickly. Obviously if you are here you are interested in MBTI. I find I have a lot in common with all the INFJ's. The internet is full of targeted interest places like this. And we seem to talk more about deeper, more meaningful things too. Not a ton of small talk, though we do goof around sometimes.
     
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  16. j e s s i e

    j e s s i e Buried Myself Alive
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    It's about equal for me. 2-3 friends IRL, 2-3 online friends that I talk to on a regular basis. No one from this forum, but online friends I've met years and years ago on other sites. I talk to my online friends much more frequently than those IRL, and they're just as good of friends as those I know in real life. Even if we can't hang out or meet face to face, we share everything else with each other and can confide in each other about anything. The internet just makes it that much easier.

    As much as I crave connection, making friends is so difficult nowadays that I'll often not even bother. Most of the people I've met in the past few years are the extroverts that came to me first. Approaching someone new and starting up small-talk is awkward as hell, partly because it's nerve-wracking (I always think they'll hate me for talking to them or something, haha) and partly because I could care less about small-talk. Though I guess it goes over a lot better than walking up to a complete stranger like, "hey, tell me your life's story" like my head wants to do. :tongue:
     
  17. Jonathan

    Jonathan Community Member

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    Outside of my family, I have a few close friends, but there's only 4, and they're not all friends with eachother. I don't really have any close friends online, not really on this forum, but I guess that has to do with me trying to learn how to be more friendly and open with others instead of just being stuck within myself (online.) It's also hard for me to know how to conduct myself properly even when I'm on the computer.
    On this forum, I try to be open and contribute something worth reading, because I know people here are willing to take me seriously and understand, where people irl usually don't.
    In real life, I've had quite a few friendships that ended because they decided to ditch me for other people, so I really cherish the friendships I have now and worry if they're going to last. What it's left for me, though, is this feeling that people are always judging or rejecting me somehow, so I worry about meeting new people and trusting them. My social skills are generally not the best, either. Overall a confidence issue, I guess.
    Actually, it is still surprisingly hard for me to just go and talk to someone even on this forum!
     
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  18. Orion

    Orion Strength through understanding
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    When I first started, I had a good amount of people to talk to on here and one good friend in real life. Now, I have no friends in real life and no real friends on here either- except my girlfriend.

    I frequently feel ashamed about having no friends and non-existent relationship with my family- when I know she has a good few friends and close sister.
     
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  19. Poetic Justice

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    I have lots of friends in real life who I hardly ever speak to. I am a recluse by choice.

    I don't have any friends IRL who are into psychology, physics, personality types etc which is hard for me as I don't have anyone to talk to about the things that interest me.

    I have to come here for my philisophical fix

    I wish I could pick my real life friends from the people on this forum. That would be a dream come true.
     
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  20. Feelings

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    1 friend IRL, zero friends online. It's difficult for me to find compatible personalities for myself. My personality is not the type that gets along that well, and what I want/need in a friend is very specific as well.
     
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