Is it tough to be YOU? | Page 5 | INFJ Forum

Is it tough to be YOU?

Is it tough to be YOU?

  • Woman: Yes

    Votes: 9 28.1%

  • Woman: No

    Votes: 5 15.6%

  • Man: Yes

    Votes: 6 18.8%

  • Man: No

    Votes: 12 37.5%
  • Total voters
    32
KorJax said:
I know this is probably a key difference between INFJ and INTJ and is completely unavoidable but from my perspective this line of thinking always felt very wrong to me, and I always thought of it as a crutch (as it is easier to completly block out an entire part of you vs. not having a clear boundary).

In my eyes, what other people think is very important and makes you a more approachable, interesting and dynamic person over all. And more importantly I feel like it gives you the gift of having an open mind (and heart) which is key when gaining knowledge and new ideas with others (and allows you to give your knowledge). This can create powerful and interesting dynamics.

The problem is, are the people who are out to actively hurt you are are toxic to what keeps you going and your values. People who clearly are not out there to try and help out and are only in it for maximum personal gain in the way that they will actively be the ones to screw you over for themselves. Basically people who just are a bad influence to be around - those are the people who you should ignore and blow off.

There's a key difference though between the above and a friend/stranger who is giving you legitimate constructive critisisim because he/she wants to be helpful to you.

I just feel like the "who cares what other people think" attitude as a whole is the #1 source of why friend/relationship/colleague issues happen, because people often apply that line of thinking as a way of life instead of a case-by-case basis "as it should be".

Again though this is from the perspective of an INFJ, so I value the integrity of my relations and understanding of people as a whole much more than your average person.
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Fair enough, but my sense is that you missed the point of the original post completely.

Sonyab didn't say she didn't care about what other people think - she said she doesn't worry about it.

That makes sense to me in that I also consider it a waste of energy to worry about things outside of my "sphere" of control. What other people think is certainly outside of that "sphere." I care about what other people think, I am interested in what other people think, but I don't worry about what other people think.


cheers,
Ian
 
Not really
 
aeon said:
Sonyab..... said she doesn't worry about it. That makes sense to me in that I also consider it a waste of energy to worry about things outside of my "sphere" of control. What other people think is certainly outside of that "sphere." I care about what other people think, I am interested in what other people think, but I don't worry about what other people think.
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Great distinction.
 
I don't feel like it's tough to be me at all. I think it's awesome to be me. There was a time when I was very 'woe is me' about a lot of things in my life (mostly my panic disorder, but that's not ALL of who I am I realized). I had a very "my life is so hard and no one gets it" phase when I was really depressed and self involved. But now I like being me very, very much.
 
KorJax said:
I just feel like the "who cares what other people think" attitude as a whole is the #1 source of why friend/relationship/colleague issues happen, because people often apply that line of thinking as a way of life instead of a case-by-case basis "as it should be".

Again though this is from the perspective of an INFJ, so I value the integrity of my relations and understanding of people as a whole much more than your average person.
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I just think there comes a time in your life when you realize that you don't have control over what other people think about you. I am very comfortable with the person I have chosen to be. My attitude doesn't reflect that I have no value or don't place importance on others, only that I will not allow someone else to define who I am. There are things I can change and things I can't, there will be people that like me and people that won't. Wasting energy on emotionally investing in assumptions about what people think of me isn't something I choose to do. My attitude doesn't reflect some sort of "screw you" mentaltity about others--as in I don't care what you think therefore I can treat you anyway I want because it doesn't matter. I don't define myself in the eyes of others. I choose to be the person I am and accept the responsibilities of those choices hence, I don't worry about what others think of me.
 
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Sonyab said:
I just think there comes a time in your life when you realize that you don't have control over what other people think about you. I am very comfortable with the person I have chosen to be. My attitude doesn't reflect that I have no value or don't place importance on others, only that I will not allow someone else to define who I am. There are things I can change and things I can't, there will be people that like me and people that won't. Wasting energy on emotionally investing in assumptions about what people think of me isn't something I choose to do. My attitude doesn't reflect some sort of "screw you" mentaltity about others--as in I don't care what you think therefore I can treat you anyway I want because it doesn't matter. I don't define myself in the eyes of others. I choose to be the person I am and accept the responsibilities of those choices hence, I don't worry about what others think of me.
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+1 totally. I care how I am effecting other people with my words/actions and I go to great lengths to make sure I am respectful as I possibly can be to keep things from getting bad, but what other people think of me in the scheme of things is completely irrelevant to who I am and what I want. Unless its like my gf or my mother or something, I put value in what they think of me and want them to think highly of me, other then them though I know who and what I am, and what other ignorant people think/believe of me is their own ignorant assumptions and since most people think selfishly and ignorantly anyway I choose not to put any faith or stock in their faulty misconceptions of who I am.

I think INFJs and INTJs share a very powerful sense of inner self, and know who they are and don't require too much outside influence which is probably why we make such efficient loners.
 
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Not really. For the most part I have a good life, and things are easy. The "tough" part would be my internal world dealing with emotions and feelings that are very hard to suppress. I also do not stop thinking so it requires a lot of mental energy to do so. I sort of look at it this way, if some people had to be me for a few days, they would get worn out very quicky and could not do it. Others, could do it no problem. In the end I said no because there is nothing too blaring that makes being me overtly tough. Aside from mental/emotional problems, I am of very good health, and I have all my ducks in a row (mostly) with life.
 
bananaphone said:
:-(
I'm also usually fatigued...
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Do you think its a "P" thing? Most of the P's I know seem to say things like that, whereas most J's I know seem to have boundless energy, maybe because its more of a focused nature or something?
 
Billy said:
Do you think its a "P" thing? Most of the P's I know seem to say things like that, whereas most J's I know seem to have boundless energy, maybe because its more of a focused nature or something?
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No. I'm diabetic..
Being a Perceiver may or may not make it more difficult to stick to routine.
I've improved a lot in regulating it.. but it still takes a toll. Physically and mentally and emotionally.
 
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aeon said:
Fair enough, but my sense is that you missed the point of the original post completely.

Sonyab didn't say she didn't care about what other people think - she said she doesn't worry about it.

That makes sense to me in that I also consider it a waste of energy to worry about things outside of my "sphere" of control. What other people think is certainly outside of that "sphere." I care about what other people think, I am interested in what other people think, but I don't worry about what other people think.


cheers,
Ian
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I realize that's what the probable intention of the post was after the fact now.

In any case, my point still stands (even if it's not the perspective that Sonya was intending), I just got off on my own tangent.

I definatly think how mature someone is fits into it though. Because I can relate to on some level to what sonya said in the posts above (only somewhat because I'm still learning about myself), but I do notice people who actively have that negative "Who cares?" attitude toward people in the connotation that I alluded to, vs the one that Sonyab was.
 
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No one on the planet could fill my shoes, nor I theirs.
 
It's pretty damn easy to be me, but my problem is that I tend to exasperate myself by taking myself way too seriously. Can we say imaginary audience?
 
This is actually a funny question, now that I think about it (more).

Really can't be translated to a simpler one without losing robustness though.
 
I think it feels tough to be me, but it probably isn't if someone else was asked.
 
When I'm doing what I should be doing, no it's not tough. But when I'm doing a bunch of unfruitful waffling or if I start getting caught up in anxiety then yes, it is. It's only tough when I make it harder on myself by not following through on what I should be doing.
 
Someone once said to Voltaire, "Life is hard."

Voltaire replied, "Compared to what?"

Always loved that quote even if I have been forgetting it lately.
 
My life has its share of ups and downs, but by comparison, I realize things can be much worse. So, no, I don't think it's tough to live my life.
 
Nope. It just comes naturally.
 
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