Is it tough to be YOU? | Page 3 | INFJ Forum

Is it tough to be YOU?

Is it tough to be YOU?

  • Woman: Yes

    Votes: 9 28.1%

  • Woman: No

    Votes: 5 15.6%

  • Man: Yes

    Votes: 6 18.8%

  • Man: No

    Votes: 12 37.5%
  • Total voters
    32
I just want to add to the thread that I don't believe life is meant inherently to be tough for people, or that it helps them to improve, or that this aspect of life will never change. As we can see that toughness is relative - the struggle of some is easy for others, and vice-versa - the absurdity that most people struggle is for the most part due to inefficient matchings and groupings. People push each other on the weak spots, still too much. I am quite certain this will improve over time; it's already improved a lot.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Gaze
Not tough at all.
The only thing is, I make it hard for myself by overthinking everything.
I get myself worked up for silly things.

But really, I can't complain.
I've got a good education, I don't have any financial troubles.
 
I wonder, if this thread were tallied up, if the guys would say yes and the women would say no(ish). I certainly have had a rough time of it, and for no good reason other than the fact that I'm thoroughly non-invasive... most people don't know I exist, and I very much need them to, SO... yeah, it sucks. Life has been unfulfilling.
 
Last edited:
Billy said:
Maybe the guys are just bigger whiners.
Click to expand...

Mebbe; my theory only hinges on this and the typology forum where INFJs seem predominantly in need of being the approachee rather than the approacher, and since it's a tad more rare for the woman to do the approaching (especially with a reserved and quiet and rare infj guy), I wouldn't be too surprised to find out that infj males are a tad more likely to have their needs unmet. So yeah, I'd love to see a poll sometime that has quite a lot of answers (so that outliers are effectively nullified and the trends can emerge.)

It's a point of curiosity more than anything
 
~jet said:
Mebbe; my theory only hinges on this and the typology forum where INFJs seem predominantly in need of being the approachee rather than the approacher, and since it's a tad more rare for the woman to do the approaching (especially with a reserved and quiet and rare infj guy), I wouldn't be too surprised to find out that infj males are a tad more likely to have their needs unmet. So yeah, I'd love to see a poll sometime that has quite a lot of answers (so that outliers are effectively nullified and the trends can emerge.)

It's a point of curiosity more than anything
Click to expand...

I know all too much about it, I think up until I was about 25 I was just like that, needing to be approached etc, at some point my brain snapped and I decided if I was going to ever get something I felt I deserved I had to go out and get it myself... I do fine with it and with life with that as my mantra, the only one defeating those guys, are those guys. They need to literally get the hell over it and go get what they feel they are worth. Become self actualized, make their environment a product of them and not the other way around. Its possible for introverts to do this, and once one gets into the habit of doing it, it gets easier and easier and easier.

To sit around on a forum and complain about it, its just whining because the power to do something about it is something they already possess. They just need to learn to use it properly. IME, INFJ males when bold and willing to sacrifice their comfort for something bigger tend to be well liked by a great many people, well respected and depended and relied upon for much. If you believe in fairy tales, Jesus put down his hammer and saw and went on to huge things evidently.
 
  • Like
Reactions: aeon
Billy said:
I know all too much about it, I think up until I was about 25 I was just like that, needing to be approached etc, at some point my brain snapped and I decided if I was going to ever get something I felt I deserved I had to go out and get it myself... I do fine with it and with life with that as my mantra, the only one defeating those guys, are those guys. They need to literally get the hell over it and go get what they feel they are worth. Become self actualized, make their environment a product of them and not the other way around. Its possible for introverts to do this, and once one gets into the habit of doing it, it gets easier and easier and easier.

To sit around on a forum and complain about it, its just whining because the power to do something about it is something they already possess. They just need to learn to use it properly. IME, INFJ males when bold and willing to sacrifice their comfort for something bigger tend to be well liked by a great many people, well respected and depended and relied upon for much. If you believe in fairy tales, Jesus put down his hammer and saw and went on to huge things evidently.
Click to expand...

Oh, I believe you; that's just not the point tho... the point is, if a large poll did show that infj guys feel as though it is 'tough' being them in larger numbers than women, could it possibly have something to do with this. It's not really a question of whether it is good or not. =)
 
~jet said:
Oh, I believe you; that's just not the point tho... the point is, if a large poll did show that infj guys feel as though it is 'tough' being them in larger numbers than women, could it possibly have something to do with this. It's not really a question of whether it is good or not. =)
Click to expand...

Well in order to make your poll work right you would have to prove that most of the males saying this are in fact INFJs. Then you would need to distinguish if relationships and love life are so huge an issue that they make life "tougher" since the only thing being quiet and reserved seem to effect in your poll is just that, not really anything else. Then you would also have to distinguish if its their quiet and reserved nature thats keeping them from being approached OR their general looks/physical makeup or other issues like where they are going to (not) meet women.

I dont think the poll would really be indicative of anything other then that self described INFJs on an INFJ website are more apt to whine because of 1 specific double standard thats actually only really a double standard in the Western cultures. Said double standard is also ridiculously easy to overcome if one has any strength of will, since the only thing that needs to be changed is the way one approaches things.
 
You're over-dramatizing a simple curiosity based on wanting to know one very simple thing; is this one trait an issue that has a measurable effect on the wellbeing of INFJ males vs. INFJ females. Establishing whether it does or does not continues to have nothing to do with wither or not it is recommended behavior, will be difficult or not, or regarding other issues entirely (such as getting recognition in your career, etc (which may be inversely gender specific, perhaps)... those are separate and equally distillable topics anyone can take the time to be interest in if they want.) There's no argument you can make, at any length, that can make this an irrelevant point of interest, so you might as well lay off. =P
 
Last edited:
~jet said:
You're over-dramatizing a simple curiosity based on wanting to know one very simple thing; is this one trait an issue that has a measurable effect on the wellbeing of INFJ males vs. INFJ females. Establishing whether it does or does not continues to have nothing to do with wither or not it is recommended behavior, will be difficult or not, or regarding other issues entirely (such as getting recognition in your career, etc (which may be inversely gender specific, perhaps)... those are separate and equally distillable topics anyone can take the time to be interest in if they want.) There's no argument you can make, at any length, that can make this an irrelevant point of interest, so you might as well lay off. =P
Click to expand...

Im not trying to make it an irrelevant point of interest, I am having a hard time understanding exactly what it is you're trying to say. You want to make a poll to see if something is something, except you don't want to make an accurate poll? Maybe reword it a little then stop saying INFJ males and say the males who post on this website or something, because that would be better, it certainly doesn't have much to do with type, its more of an individual thing then anything as shown by the differences in everyones answers. You cant claim that the tally shows any trend if the trend isn't really that clear because the people taking the tally didn't bother to check up on all the variables being measured.

Does being an INFJ have negative effect on INFJs wellbeing? I certainly doubt it, especially if being an INFJ is the baseline of their existence already anyway. If you are asking does being an NF male in a society of ST males have an effect, well yeah, we aren't mainstream. Does being different from the mainstream have a negative net effect on people in general? sometimes yes, sometimes no. It depends on who you are asking and about what. Again IME being intuitive, and feeling and sensitive and open to emotional connectivity has had a good effect on my well being as it relates to dealing with women etc.

If thats not what you are talking about then I assume you are talking about being introverted. but there are many introverts, so that wouldn't really mean anything in terms of INFJs.
 
For a second here I thought I was back on the INTJ website.....
To poll or not to poll, that is the question??
 
Billy said:
Actually, its your lack of courage to make a move or lack of confidence thats killing you. Women rather enjoy my nice guy routine, I just dont let them walk all over me.
Click to expand...

Routine? As in an act? So your 'nice guy routine' is a mask you put on or is that really who you are?

Tamagochi said:
One or two girls can be an exception. But the whole gender - that sounds awful :) Maybe you're doing something unconsciously that causes them to behave that way towards you.
Click to expand...

Ok to maybe I'm exaggerating. A lot.

When it comes to confidence, I've got it. I just haven't really met anyone worth taking the plunge for yet.

I should just stop complaining and wait for her.
I know she's out there somewhere...!
 
Wyst said:
Routine? As in an act? So your 'nice guy routine' is a mask you put on or is that really who you are?



Ok to maybe I'm exaggerating. A lot.

When it comes to confidence, I've got it. I just haven't really met anyone worth taking the plunge for yet.

I should just stop complaining and wait for her.
I know she's out there somewhere...!
Click to expand...

Dont deflect, dont pretend women are the problem, you said it in this very post, you are the problem if you haven't found someone worth taking the "plunge" for (is it reallllly a plunge?) then maybe you are being too picky.
 
Billy said:
Dont deflect, dont pretend women are the problem, you said it in this very post, you are the problem if you haven't found someone worth taking the "plunge" for (is it reallllly a plunge?) then maybe you are being too picky.
Click to expand...

Perhaps I am deflecting. But so did you.
Does routine equate to an act or a little number you do?

Pickiness may have something to do with it but if the spark isn't there, the spark isn't there. I'm not going to start a relationship out of convenience or base loneliness.
 
  • Like
Reactions: ~jet
Wyst said:
Pickiness may have something to do with it but if the spark isn't there, the spark isn't there.
Click to expand...

Agreed, and this plays back to an INFJs need for authenticity. If the spark/attraction/whathaveyou isn't there, going forward anyways is disingenuous... a deceit. And deceit is a turnoff, too.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Gaze and Wyst
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back