[PAX] Interracial/cultural relationships

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INFPishy
I'm going to use intercultural rather than interracial because it's more inclusive and better describes the things which affect our interaction - things related to culture such as ethnicity, nationality, class, background, experiences, etc.

Now, we are living in times when race shouldn't matter when determining whether we're interested in someone. But i think, cultural differences especially often still play a role in how we function in a relationship because we are more likely to feel understood or compatible with someone from the same race and culture than the reverse. But yet, these things are not supposed to be considered when trying to determine how we should feel.

So, what's your experience with intercultural relationships (rather than using race)?

I want to avoid stereotypes of any group in this thread, so i think everyone would appreciate a healthy respect for each group discussed or mentioned.

Mods, feel free to close or delete thread if comments in this thread seem to demean any group. thank you.
 
Anita said:
Now, we are living in times when race shouldn't matter when determining whether we're interested in someone. But i think, cultural differences especially often still play a role in how we function in a relationship because we are more likely to feel understood or compatible with someone from the same race and culture than the reverse. But yet, these things are not supposed to be considered when trying to determine how we should feel.
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It's not PC to say that it does, but of course it does and I think that's only fair to acknowledge. That's not to say intercultural relationships are impossible, unlikely, or shouldn't exist - not at all! - but in my opinion cultural differences are real and can be difficult to bridge, especially when family and religion come into the mix, as they often do.
 
I have friends from a variety of cultures and backgrounds, and adjusting to some of their cultures was a bit of a challenge at first. For example, before they moved, we always had my two Peruvian friends, Mexican Friend, and two Filipino friends over. As custom, I always offer them a snack and a drink when they visit. Carlos and Jose would always immediately take into my offer, but Alex and Meek would always get stiff and decline.

One day, i decided to investigate why, and it turned out that it was customary for a Peruvian to accept an offer for a drink or refreshment to be polite, but that it was considered impolite for a Filipino.

I also remind my friends time and time again, that they don't have to call to come over, as it is the norm for a Ghanian to have unexpected guests.
 
I dated a girl in high school who's dad was born in India, and moved to the United States for school. I always enjoyed going out to dinner with them at a local Indian restaurant because of the amazing food. I never got to meet her extended family because they lived a couple hundred miles away, but I always wanted to so as to learn more of the culture.
 
mf said:
I dated a girl in high school who's dad was born in India, and moved to the United States for school. I always enjoyed going out to dinner with them at a local Indian restaurant because of the amazing food. I never got to meet her extended family because they lived a couple hundred miles away, but I always wanted to so as to learn more of the culture.
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Amazing Indian food is life changing.

My boss from my last job as a motel clerk and his whole family who ran the place were Hindu, and his wife (who was an amaaazing cook) always brought me out a plate of food whenever she cooked a big meal for them. I really miss that place sometimes. They were also some of the nicest people I have known. Such a joy to work for.

I really loved it there, I would help her and her daughter tie up the backs of their festive saris for Diwali.

I think that cultural differences can be easily overcome in personal relationships if respect and love are in plentiful supply.
 
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I dont judge or discriminate against others, I dont have one type of race that I only date, I date based on personality, respect, trust, and how well we get along. I've dated guys from my own race and outside of my race. I've dated interracially since I was 18 ( Im 22 now) and to me you should choose someone who makes you happy, regardless if there the same race as you or not.
 
I dated a guy who was born and raised in Kuwait (he is here for school, so he's not a citizen of the US) this spring. Both of us being gay, it was... tough to say the least. Much more so for him. He could not tell any single person in his family or he'd risk getting disowned. There was a huge cultural difference between us. While he was americanised and really enjoyed amercian culture, his family demanded that he retain his muslim roots (even though he himself did not subscribe to the belief, he had to pretend to, as an ISFP that really bothered him). It was a big secret between us, and that bothered me because I want to be open. I wanted to work towards eventually being open, but because of his culture he was petrified of any person knowning, and there was little rhyme or reason to what was ok or not to him (For example, he'd rather obviously and roughly grab my crotch in public, of nuzzle on my shoulder one day, the next he'd be too afraid. God forbid I mention him on facebook).

So it was very hard for us in a culture sense because we were in different worlds. I would not be opposed to dating another middle eastern man (partly cause I find so many of them really attractive :D). However, I would be very wary of the cultural bits, and I would take that into consideration very very strongly.
 
We have a variety of Ethnic groups here in Miami.

We have quite a large Hispanic population. They place a lot of importance on family. They also value extroversion and friendliness. They are generally warm but can be quite closed on accepting others, I'm guessing it has to due with religious influence. That might have been from my personal experience though, as I have always felt left out here where I live.
 
The town I live in lacks cultural diversity, so many of the non-Caucasian cultures feel alienated here (still some unfortunate bigotry/ discrimination). They tend to keep to themselves, and often feel the need to hide their cultural identities, as opposed to places like Toronto where many cultures are more visibly represented. Unfortunately, but understandibly, it seems that most people who identify with minority groups here tend to stick together and open up only to eachother, almost as an unspoken law. I wish I knew more people of other cultures. I only get to enjoy that kind of wonderful diversity when I visit the U.S. or the Greater Toronto Area. I'm very open to the idea of being in a romantic relationship with someone of a culture other than mine. In fact, I find the idea of understanding someone who lives with (or comes from) different cultural values to be quite attractive and intriguing.

I have a multicultural ethnic background myself, and people often don't know how to respond to it. Also, because of my multicultural background, I don't feel I really identify with any cultural group exactly, so I don't think it's ever really a factor for me to be understood in that respect.
 
I have no need to impose my point of view on others but I personally have no interest in anyone with a certain homogeneous and restricted cultural background and set of values, such people tend to be tedious.
I'm interested in people whose culture is global and versified, ethnicity and nationality are irrelevant by themselves.
 
Anita said:
I'm going to use intercultural rather than interracial because it's more inclusive and better describes the things which affect our interaction - things related to culture such as ethnicity, nationality, class, background, experiences, etc.

Now, we are living in times when race shouldn't matter when determining whether we're interested in someone. But i think, cultural differences especially often still play a role in how we function in a relationship because we are more likely to feel understood or compatible with someone from the same race and culture than the reverse. But yet, these things are not supposed to be considered when trying to determine how we should feel.

So, what's your experience with intercultural relationships (rather than using race)?

I want to avoid stereotypes of any group in this thread, so i think everyone would appreciate a healthy respect for each group discussed or mentioned.

Mods, feel free to close or delete thread if comments in this thread seem to demean any group. thank you.
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I have always found myself attracted to women in general. I think I always based my love and attraction for women, emotionally as opposed to physically or at least emotionally 1st. Meaning, I am not so much attracted by breasts, hips, curves, round faces, pretty eyes etc (I am but on a different level) I am mostly attracted to the femininity, the gentleness, the caring-ness, the genuine-ness of the female personality. These were traits I came to love and respect. I think its because I was lucky to have a very caring and genuinely loving mother who always encouraged me.

Anywho, that had always been the source of my attraction, so that plus growing up for a while in a poorer urban area and being exposed to many different races, I was able to find all of them equally attractive, but in their own unique ways. Black girls, white girls, asian girls, latina girls... they all have their own charms and I usually feel remiss to say I prefer 1 over the other.

As a consequence I have dated people, not races my whole life. My 1st girlfriend was Latina, my 2nd asian so on and so forth. No need to go into the numbers etc, but needless to say I wasn't discriminate based on racial preference as I dont have any.

My current gf is Haitian.
 
Culture grates on me over time; my life history and personality has lead me to see cultures as illogical junk. However, cultural barriers makes connecting with people much more difficult for me. My best friends are ones who regularly defy or ignore social/cultural norms, so I think it would be hard for me to connect with anyone who was really engrossed in their culture.

As for race, well, I'm half-black, so that's supposed to make me black I guess, but I dislike the subculture associated with it. You could say all my relationships have been 'interracial', but none intercultural.
 
I have no real reservations about inter-racial/inter-cultural relationships if the couple is happy and whole within themselves. However, I have observed that while culture can bring a great deal of richness to a person's life it can also, under other circumstances, limit one to a more narrow set of mores and create inhibitions to one's own personal freedom. In this case I think there would be problems, but that is more an individual matter. Narrowmindedness, I was surprised to find, exists in places I might never have suspected.
 
Do only interracial relationships count?

If not, me and Dove certainly hit some cultural differences. I for one never had an ice cream sandwich before. Now I hold them as the food of the gods!

I also tend to slip into more English slang around her now, and sometimes get stares of confusion.
 
Culture is very important to me and plays a huge part of who I am. I would not stay with someone who could not get along with my family--it would be too hard on both of us. I think that there would be barriers with the differences because my tribal identity is well defined and many of the ways I look at the world are different from western society in general. I am not opposed per se but recognize that there will have to be discussions regarding this topic if I decide to marry or seriously get involved with someone who is not Native. While not opposed, my hope is to marry a Native rather than a non-native.
 
So, what's your experience with intercultural relationships (rather than using race)?
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I hate to say it but my handful of experiences have fit the stereotype. I was raised to abhor racism which developed into a naivete about cultural differences. Perhaps it has to do with where I've grown up since I'm told that Detroit is one of the most segregated and racially charged cities in America. There are a slew of cultures that exist here but they certainly don't coexist.

I'm also aware that my negative experiences could be chalked up to age and low expectations though I think there are other elements to consider.
 
Intercultural relationships can be difficult if you don't know what you're getting into. I don't adhere to every part of any culture especially those that have to deal with race, I suppose that I've been around enough people of different elasticities to pick up little things about their culture and such. Culture can be beneficial and detrimental depending on the way it's used so...eh. I can't really say. In respects to me, it's been a mixed bag. I've dated girls of complete other cultures and have no issues and I've also been told that I was undateable based on my culture (based on both my race and my perceived culture)
 
I've never dated anyone who was not an American.
 
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