"So.....what were you thinking when you made Tom Cruize and why didn't you correct the mistake....he's a short guy, surely getting him trampled would be within your abilities".
"You realise that all that leave you just took was unpaid right?"
Me: "I'm sorry but I'm going to have to inform child services, what you made your son go through just isn't right."
God: "He died for your sins!"
Me: "Yeah, but, you let him, and I'm afraid thats neglect right there."
"So how come America is the only nation under you? and with that considered does that mean that the people living in other countries are off the hook? cause if so then can you send me back down for a few minutes, I have a person in mind who needs some physical encouragement to shut up."
"I'm sure that a lot of people prayed for it....but really, why, why why....did you allow there to be a matrix 2 and 3 I mean if anything could really be described as ungodly those would be it...especially the 3rd one, you seriously dropped the ball on that one mate."
Me: "So....do I follow you or am I going to see Satan?"
God: "oh actually, his name isn't Satan, it's Stan, it was a typo, he's never let me forget that."
Me: "oh really?...you know it's funny, people have been making that joke the wrong way around for years."
Me: "Some people have been using facts to prove you don't exist"
God: "Oh really? which ones are they using now?"
Me: "The current one I believe is the fact that it takes an average women 20-30 minutes to reach an orgasm and a average male around 5 minutes."
God: "Oh well, at least it's a step up from those idiots who say 'if god created everything then who created god."
Me: ".....speaking of which....who did create you?
God sighs
Me: "oh! oh!, god! what did Jesus do when he went up to the inn keeper?"
God: "I don't know what did Jesus do when he went up to the inn keeper?"
Me: "He put three nails on the counter and asked if he could be put up for the night"
*God gets enraged*
God: "Are you making fun of my son Jesus! who died for your sins! did you really think that telling me that joke was a good idea?!!!"
*God looks threatening....in an all forgiving and accepting way*
Me: "Ermm....well....I did....at first.....now I'm not so sure. Whats that over there!"
*Me points at something over Gods shoulder*
*God looks round*
*Me scarpers*
(Figures that the oldest one in the book would still be new to him
)