How long would you date for?

[slant]

eeew. I'd rather date 50+ years than get engaged to somebody.

My theory is: if you can't assess whether someone is suitable for you to marry with 6 months you're probably too stupid to get married.

Delaying marriage is a different matter - but if you're not intending to get married for a few years because of studies/work/etc. why date?

Because marriage is a stupid social construct and is insignificant to a couples happiness, maybe? Not to mention marriage is discriminatory towards several different ways of life?

 

[Satya]

My theory is: if you can't assess whether someone is suitable for you to marry with 6 months you're probably too stupid to get married.

You just like calling people who are different than you, "stupid" doncha?

Delaying marriage is a different matter - but if you're not intending to get married for a few years because of studies/work/etc. why date?

So you can find someone to one day marry. Nothing wrong with being picky with who you are going to spend the rest of your life with so you don't have to get divorced or feel trapped in a bad relationship.

 

[laurie]

I wouldn't get engaged unless it meant a lot to my partner.
So, if I were to get engaged... probably about two-three years (but really, until I feel I know them well enough).

 

[That Girl]

I'd have to date someone for a long time before I considered marrying them. Not only do I tend to get bored easily, but I also have to see if we're heading in the same direction in life. My exboyfriend was someone I could see myself marrying except for the fact he was moving away to be a teacher. I knew I'd probably never see him again and the distance would more than likely break us apart. He was perfect for me but I ended up pushing him away because I was so scared of the outcome.
So yes, a long time now. I don't want to get married, divorced, and married again to someone else, and divorced again like my parents. I want the long haul.

 

[aeon]

Because marriage is a stupid social construct and is insignificant to a couples happiness, maybe?

To some, yea. To others it is a legal status. To others yet, it is a spiritual truth.

Not to mention marriage is discriminatory towards several different ways of life?

No, it is not. Some faiths and governments are discriminatory, but marriage itself is not, especially if we consider that marriage is not one thing to all, but varies according to values and experience.


cheers,
Ian

 

[aeon]

How long do you see yourself dating someone before wanting to get engaged?

I have no idea. I don't value including the temporal dimension to that consideration. Love is eternal, and has no use for a clock.


cheers,
Ian

 

[Morpheus]

My theory is: if you can't assess whether someone is suitable for you to marry with 6 months you're probably too stupid to get married.

Delaying marriage is a different matter - but if you're not intending to get married for a few years because of studies/work/etc. why date?

Why date without intending to get married within the next few years? Because people need close relationships, whether they want to enter a lifelong contract or not. Is marriage, in your opinion, the ultimate goal of any romantic relationship or dating in general?

Things don't need to last forever to be meaningful.

 

[acd]

For me: Who knows. Honestly, I don't even know. I like to make up fancy projections and agendas and regiment my decisions on slow reasoning, but then I just throw it all away to do whatever the hell I feel like doing anyway.

I don't date to seek a future husband, I date to find someone to relate to in all the important aspects and someone to love and enjoy life with.

Marriage seems like one long homework assignment to me.
(It's not something I look forward to or plan on doing.)

I've moved in with my boyfriend after about 10 months of dating. We have no plans to get engaged or married, yet ironically enough, we both have decided to stay together indefinitely as if married.

We're both pretty solid Perceiving types though... or maybe we both just need to grow the eff up.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

You just like calling people who are different than you, "stupid" doncha?

No, I like calling stupid people stupid.

Why date without intending to get married within the next few years? Because people need close relationships, whether they want to enter a lifelong contract or not. Is marriage, in your opinion, the ultimate goal of any romantic relationship or dating in general?

Things don't need to last forever to be meaningful.

Friends make for long-term close relationships, just as marriage does.

Dating, in my opinion, only serves to help one find/determine if someone is suitable for marriage.
It would seem odd for a married person to date, but it isn't odd for them to have friends. Similarly, guys don't date guys (unless they are gay) - they are friends with guys.
Dating is an activity - in my books - which does not preclude eventual marriage, unless it is decidedly undertaken as an activity for pleasure/utility in which total commitment is actively witheld - I don't engage in this kind of dating because I would feel that I would simply be using the girl.

 

[Morpheus]

Dating, in my opinion, only serves to help one find/determine if someone is suitable for marriage.
It would seem odd for a married person to date, but it isn't odd for them to have friends. Similarly, guys don't date guys (unless they are gay) - they are friends with guys.
Dating is an activity - in my books - which does not preclude eventual marriage, unless it is decidedly undertaken as an activity for pleasure/utility in which total commitment is actively witheld - I don't engage in this kind of dating because I would feel that I would simply be using the girl.

Well yes, the real difference between someone you date and someone you are friends with, is the active sexuality. Non gay guys don't date other guys, because they aren't sexually attracted to them, and married people don't usually date anyone since that's part of the contract.

I don't want to get married, yet I date. I have nothing against the idea of finding myself in a long-term relationship againg, but I don't actively seek it. I date mainly for pleasure: physical, emotional and intellectual. In a way all social interaction is using other people, but when it's not sneaky or manipulative, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Quite on the contrary actually: we like to be useful, it gratifies us, as long as the usefulness goes both ways.

The point I'm trying to make, I guess, is that sexuality and romantic relationships are more fundamental things than marriage: they don't need it to work and to be healthy. Marriage is something that has been added to them from outside, something that can't exist without it's basis. I'm not saying that marriage is nescessarily a bad thing, but that it's not a very important thing.

 

[slant]

To some, yea. To others it is a legal status. To others yet, it is a spiritual truth.



No, it is not. Some faiths and governments are discriminatory, but marriage itself is not, especially if we consider that marriage is not one thing to all, but varies according to values and experience.


cheers,
Ian

I am stunned by these statements. What is marriage without a governmental or religious bend? There is no such thing.

Please give me an example of an instance where two persons are married without being involved in a governmental process or something of faith.

 

[anica]

An eternity.

Though that's only because I don't see any real point in engagement in the first place: I don't think such a symbolic contract would improve any given relationship.

You're right in that engagement or marriage won't improve a relationship. If you don't have a deep connection emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally, no contract is going to provide it. As for how long it takes to get to that point, I believe it varies with the individual couple.

 

[Satya]

No, I like calling stupid people stupid.

And when I do that, I get accused of being a bigot.

Friends make for long-term close relationships, just as marriage does.

Dating, in my opinion, only serves to help one find/determine if someone is suitable for marriage.
It would seem odd for a married person to date, but it isn't odd for them to have friends. Similarly, guys don't date guys (unless they are gay) - they are friends with guys.
Dating is an activity - in my books - which does not preclude eventual marriage, unless it is decidedly undertaken as an activity for pleasure/utility in which total commitment is actively witheld - I don't engage in this kind of dating because I would feel that I would simply be using the girl.

I date to get to know people. In my opinion, it's only using a person when you continue to date them after you realize that you have no interest in committment. If you go into every single date asking yourself if this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, then you are certain to never meet the right person. Dating is not courtship. It isn't trying to win over the fair maiden. It's simply saying you have an interest in a person and you want to spend more time with them to find out if you are cmpatiable.

 

[Siamese cat]

I don't think that there is a right quantity of time that someone could say is the right one before you know if someone is the one for you or not. This type of questions, no offense to the OP, seems like a want for a confirmation or some form of security that relationship won't fall apart. There is no such thing in my opinion, so I don't have any aganda or a general view on such things.

 

[whytiger]

I dated my wife for 2 1/2 years before getting engaged. It was about right.

 

[MindYourHead]

I don't know that you can put a set time on such a thing.

When I met my wife neither one of us was looking to get into a relationship at all. We both were of the mindset that we would never marry again. (I call my first marriage my practice marriage.)

We were set up on a blind date by mutual friends in April of '98, and in Nov. that same year we got married.
It just happened, and it has been a very comfortable marriage.
We both just knew it was right.

One thing we both agree on is that most people should not consider marriage until they are in their mid 30's since a person evolves so much in their 20's.

 

[analyst]

Depends how old you are and on your relationship with the significant other. In general, if you're under 30, you might want to consider the 2-3 year time frame. Over 30, probably the 1-2 range. For me personally, I'm 34 so it's getting to be do or die time for kiddo's, depending upon the age of the woman (my current gf is 31, so I'm probably on the 2ish year time frame if all goes well). We're INFJ's, we like to plan things.

I'm a fan of living together first too. Try before you buy.

How solid is the relationship? Is there zero doubt in your mind, or is there a "I always figured if it'd end, it would be for this reason" kind of a thought? I have found that ultimately, every relationship I've had in my life has ended for exactly the reason I thought it would in the first few months. If you're living the dream, then don't stress the time frame, because it's right. Believe it or not, you really can have everything.

 

[Soulful]

I don't think that there is a right quantity of time that someone could say is the right one before you know if someone is the one for you or not. This type of questions, no offense to the OP, seems like a want for a confirmation or some form of security that relationship won't fall apart. There is no such thing in my opinion, so I don't have any aganda or a general view on such things.

Lol, not at all. I agree with you but I think people tend to follow a trend and sometimes have definite ideas about it so I thought it would be interesting to ask about/discuss.

 

[Holden On]

My husband and I got engaged on our 2-year anniv of dating, and our wedding was exactly 1 year later.

Normally, I'd say 2 years is about right, but it actually turned out to be too slow for me, because we were talking about getting married about a month after we started dating, and we moved in together 2 months after we started dating. Then when he waited 1 year and 10 months after we moved in together.... well, I'd started to wonder if he'd changed his mind.

 

[Billy]

I dunno I think If I loved someone enough after 6 or 7 months that i married them would be a pretty rare thing. I don't even want to get married unless I have children. And even then I don't need to be married to have children these days. I guess it depends on the person I dated someone 8 years and didnt marry them. For a good reason I like to beleive.