How long would you date for? | INFJ Forum

How long would you date for?


life is good
Nov 18, 2008
How long do you see yourself dating someone before wanting to get engaged? If I'm not mistaken, the "popular" view is 1-2 years.. is this true for you and people you know?
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Probably closer to four years for me.
I've dated twice for two years each, with not too much long-term thoughts. Then again, I wasn't too old then.

As far as people I know, one couple with a best friend of mine have been dating for four years, they might be breaking up due to one of them not wanting to talk about engagement.
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minimum 3 years.
As long as it takes me to feel that I can trust this person with my life and be sure that he's the man I wanna spend the rest of it with. I havnt been in that many relationships, so I don't know how long it takes, but that's what i'd be measuring upon.

When I look far in my future, I have to be able to imagine him there with me. If I can't do that, then the relationship is still going nowhere, and I'll probably have to move on.
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An eternity.

Though that's only because I don't see any real point in engagement in the first place: I don't think such a symbolic contract would improve any given relationship.
Yes, a friend I currently know is going to be engaged---she's known her boyfriend for 3 years now.
Personally, it all depends. As with friends sometimes I click immediately and feel as if I'd never grow tired of the person. Those kinds of people, I could understand one marrying after 2 years or so. But on average, I'd like to give myself good time to ponder, reflect, experience, and develop the relationship.
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I used to think 1 year, but i think 3-5 years sounds more like it. But if that time is up, and we don't seem to be headed for marriage, then i see the relationship breaking up.
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Definitely more than two years. I'm not sure exactly how long, though. I'm going to need a lot of convincing to be sure.
My fiance and I had known each other for nearly two years when we got engaged (we were not, however, always dating as a couple during those two years). When we get married, we will have had a long engagement of over 19 months. So, total, we will have known each other for 3 1/2 years and have been dating/engaged for about 2 3/4 years of that time.

However, I knew about two weeks after meeting him that I wanted to marry him. It was one of those "instant" connections. I personally think that when someone is right for you, you know almost instantly. Thus, I don't believe in those kind of relationships where two people have been dating for several years, but don't want to get married because "they don't feel ready yet". If you don't feel it "yet", you're wasting your time, IMO.

And I don't think there's a certain length of time two people need to be dating before they become engaged.
Minimum for me is 5 years. No exception, no matter how in love I am. Marriage is a privilege and if they are interested they will wait. Engagement is good after 2 or 3 years.

Other people around me go with the flow of the relationship.

Edit: It looks like I am waiting 7-8 years, but I mean 5 years being together before marriage, and after 2 or 3 of those 5 years, an engagement would be good with me. I just like to have been through fights and obstacles to observe my partner's ways, that way I know what to expect when we live together, or at least an idea.
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My parents dated for six weeks, then got engaged, then were married 5 months later - short and sweet.
And they've been married happily for 25 years.

I guess if you feel within yourself that it's the right thing, why wait?

I agree with you.
However long it takes. Can't put a number on something like this.
Generally I would say a couple of years, but there are always exceptions to rules. My aunt and uncle got married after my aunt got out of an engagement. They were married a few months later. Their still married to this day, and are going strong.
If it came to proposing a long term relationship, I would probably have to have sex at least a few times and have known them extremely well. I can't lay down a set quantity of time.

There are plenty of arbitrary factors which could determine how long is 'long enough' to guarantee the health of a relationship. I am polyamorous however and I tend to find that more time actually decreases the chance I will ask for a long term romantic relationship. I may have a long term sexual relationship or a long term friendship with a sexual side, or just a friendship but romantic relationships are built on intensity and that fades with time.

I don't particularly believe marriage is a good thing for me but I believe for those few who can make it work, it adds mightily to their lives. If you're looking for a set time, one should examine their relationship for the following criteria.

A)When we fight, are we fighting about things of significance or tiny things which express deeper held resentments?

B)Are we carrying our past relationships with us into this one?

C)Are we sexually compatible? At the end of sex, do we feel limp, tired, and happy to have the experience while looking forward to the next one?

D)Is this person jealous? Jealousy precludes love and ultimately will end a relationship. Period. People must fix their jealousy before they have a lover or a mate.

If a person can fulfill these criterion in a positive way, I would pursue a long term relationship (monogamous or not). Otherwise, I would focus on the one or ones they don't fulfill and see if those can be fixed. Marriage does not fix an incompatible relationship.
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Let me examine my 18 years of wisdom on this one.

In the past I've been known to decide on marrying someone rather quick. However, that's really just how it looks externally. I tend to want to get engaged rather quickly, get super serious super fast to get rid of all the annoying little superficialities of relationships. The actual act of marriage is actually something I've never wanted to do with anyone I know. I don't know how long it would take me to decide when I'm ready to get married, but I know there will come a time when I know that's what I want.

On the flip side, this mentality has probably been what's gotten me into my current situation (subject of a torturous mind control experiment). You see what happened, someone who I happen to resentfully be in a current relationship with and who owns a forum website much like this one we have here, asked me to marry him. Of course, seeing this as a chance to get serious and stop with the ridiculousness of the relationship, I said yes. THIS WASN'T EVEN CLOSE TO THE OUTCOME OF THE SITUATION. Instead, he used it as leverage to manipulate my easily manipulated parents into perpetuating the relationship until the device could be implanted into my body, with my parents help. After this happened, he punched me in the face. I still don't really know why, probably because I went over to his house wanting to talk about this mind control device but found a loophole around his bullheaded argument. He then decided the best course of action was a punch in the face I guess.

I vent here because I figure I should finally let my side known in the whole thing.
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My theory is: if you can't assess whether someone is suitable for you to marry with 6 months you're probably too stupid to get married.

Delaying marriage is a different matter - but if you're not intending to get married for a few years because of studies/work/etc. why date?