Fear of an INFJ
- Thread starter Trifoilum
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I am afraid to lose the ones who have had such a vital role in shaping my identity. Perhaps it's the realization that I don't have any control over the events that occur, but I more fear the emptiness that accompanies the death of a loved one. On the other hand, I'm THANKFUL that I have no control. That's far too much responsibility to try and put on myself.
I also fear being misunderstood by those I allow to see my private thoughts. I have very few true friends, but I am guarded with every one of them on some level.
I also fear being misunderstood by those I allow to see my private thoughts. I have very few true friends, but I am guarded with every one of them on some level.
Web site TED Talks, is awesome. Brene' Bown is/must be INFJ..Just listened to two of her 20 min. talks/stories;she's a major research/ social worker/ therapist/ storie teller(the true kind).."The Power of Vulnerability", and, "Listening to Shame"...They're incredible (only, my- opinion) but, it's worth the risk, to say that..(-=
..About ISTJ..I found a thread I believe on Typology Central about INFJ/ISTJ Relationships. I recall one success story I found memorable. The auther was about 30, Female, happily married. She was ISTJ, as were all the women in her family. They all- married "feeling" type males, their Mom refering to it as the Yin&Yang dynamic. She said it had taken 2-3 years hard- work to learn to deal constructively with Husband's feeling way of functioning yet when that had been attained, their compatable values- had opportunity, to find each other, making for a very- satisfying relationship. Guess, I just like a true story of the heart, that many say "won't work"
My fear, biggest fear- is bringing something innocent into the world and then seeing it be destroyed. I am afraid of children, I am afraid of marriage. I can't imagine ever bringing anything into the world.
Might be different for a guy, but maybe not. I have said that I don't want to be responsible for screwing someone else's life up. So we never had kids. Didn't want them. Don't regret that decision. I think a large part if it is I can't see bringing a life into this fucked up shit hole. There's a lot of good. If you're stuck here all ready, then there is good.
But I wouldn't do this on purpose.
Nor would I..Nor did- I..No regrets...It's still sad, though that this world is so anti life, as it were. The environment for raising kids, doe's keep getting more challenging. Parents, often (very often) lack a unifying higher purpose for their marriage, other than to stay together and have kids.. so they eventually drift apart, which also messes with their kids (my opinion, some "experts", would argue that point) What's really needed, is to learn how- to have a great- relationship (both partners)...
I don't believe being guarded on some level-even with those most dear to us, is a sign of inauthenticity, on our part. We INFJ's are so aware of the interworkings of others, that, we are also acutely aware of how imperfect- they are, as we are ourselves. Natural fear is in play, I think. Chicken- is good, I like to say..(-=
I fear being misunderstood. I feel like I put up these dumb walls where I act kind of silly and say and do silly things sometimes, sometimes even just being suggesive or a little full on with sex jokes and the like. I don't know why I do it, I know I'm doing it as I do it, but I can't stop myself. And then I worry about being misunderstood, because people never seem to get me. I think I'm just putting up walls, people might not like the serious me, but I even annoy myself sometimes. I hate being misunderstood.
I agree. I think. If you are saying the family dynamic has changed; there is less of a cultural influence and people seem to get married cause , well what the heck. I think people get into marriage often thinking if it doesn't work I'll just get out. That irritates me to no end, but what does that have to do with anything right. But I think it's gotta be so much harder to have kids if you don't have a strong marriage and foundation.
Me and mine have been together for a little while; not our first day. Just good we both got to our thirties and still agreed kids weren't for us.
I guess years ago you didn't spend a lot of time thinking about where to go for dinner, what concert do you want to see, etc.
We just didn't want them. Probably since we both came from bad family break ups, divorced parents. And we both had to find a way to take care of ourselves cause our parents had nothing to offer. Probably had something to do with our decision. But the other part for me is the responsibility. You need to live up to the responsibility. And that's just not forgiving. I never felt I could make and live up to that promise. And I just talk too much. The kid would wind up a freak at school repeating the shit I say. And that would piss me off so I'd start a war with the school. See its already ending badly.
I understand...I had undiagnosed/untreated A.D.D. till age 35..and beyound..Whwew !, what, a ride, it's been..and- being INFJ..But, Hey ..(-=
I see a pattern here, fear of failure, fear of being alone, fear of not being successful, fear of being responsible for someone else. Its kind of a relief to know that I am not the only one who thinks these things.
I always thought that I was unhealthy or fighting against nature with my decision not to have kids because the world is a f*cked up place. Its nice to finally find other people who think so. When I tell other people about my fears they usually just dismiss them. I think there are so many spots along the road where I could have gone insane, just dealing with the irrationality and nonthinking/nonreflection of others.
I always thought that I was unhealthy or fighting against nature with my decision not to have kids because the world is a f*cked up place. Its nice to finally find other people who think so. When I tell other people about my fears they usually just dismiss them. I think there are so many spots along the road where I could have gone insane, just dealing with the irrationality and nonthinking/nonreflection of others.
The whole subject matter gets truly heavy. We (INFJ's-men too) really care about the comfort- let alone safety of kids- especially when they are under our care, when we know- that this world, the way it is, is really scarry, for kids and for us,in our concern for kids, because, we can and doo see things on a basis and at levels most others don't, and the reality is often quite daunting as respects bringing little one's into the equation. We really- care and are very sensitive to the threats to and sufferings of others. We are not- nutts !...We are very intuitive yet of all the NF's, we are we are not just-right brained. I find this of great insight to me as it appears to explain for me, some of our dogged (relentless) complexity; We, are also functioning somehow, with a left brain analytical stream going on, which dos'nt operate it's self similarly to the others (NF's, and other types).. What we have, is a very unique way of making value judgements(NF) in concert with left brain analizing which renders us insights, not even occuring to others, nor the way- others are even capable of grasping the way we ponder and see the dynamics of bringing children into this problematic world.. No wonder we get misunderstood, when being totally frank with others. Listening to us: they're out of their depth!..leaving them no option but to dismiss us as "weird"...So then, what's- the "majical" answer?...Be patient, learn to locate those you can trust with your insights, keep learning more about yourself as much-as any topic/person. We are-(INFJ), one of the most intrinsicaly interesting puzzles, around (to ourselves), and maybe to each other and maybe a skilled/gifted professional who deals with the mind, thus "getting" us. Check out personalityjunkie.com INFJ..You'll find it interesting..tease,.. tease...(-=
Yeah, know pretty much what you mean. Again, I think for us a lot had to do with watching our friends ruin their marriages. I can hear some-people say that's the whole point of marriage. Or what purpose do you have except to have kids. kids make a marriage better.
Of the ten couples that got married when we did they are all divorced except for one. Kids don't always seem to make marriages better. And having both of us come from divorced parents seems to have turned us off to the idea.
She doesn't ever seem to regret it, so I think we made the right call.
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