Fear of an INFJ
- Thread starter Trifoilum
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That’s right so don’t forget it!! Lol
- Sep 28, 2008
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I like that. What you said is very nice and helpful. But that pain clearly still racks in your veins, and so does mine. Mine, however, won't go away anytime soon, or at all. I'm already in a bad mood because I'm very, very lonely as always and nothing I try is ever successful, so I'm not going to write anything else until I've calmed down.I was with you there and possibly still are from time to time .. I think a lot of what I do sometimes is to bring me to the brink of being so totally alone so that I can force myself to overcome it.
In fact I tried on two occasions and hated it so much I came back. but then I was (I say now) fortunate to have my partner leave me. She was my only real friend for fifteen years as I didn't feel I needed anyone else.
I was so abysmally lonely I would cry in the middle of the night. I would envision the horrors of what lay ahead of me as the loneliest person in the world and I would be terrified.
But then I noticed that any new friends I would make I was pushing away. Thinking about it I came to the conclusion that maybe this was a test I had to take. That is to be alone as possible.
So slowly any new friendships I had made dissolved. I have just changed jobs and not made any new friends there so that is lonely as well. I have nothing to do most nights but go for walks and think - and that is what i do - walk and think.
And you know what .. society has taught us to hate being alone but for me I am not finding it that bad after all. I just figured I would face that which I was scared of.
I know I want someone in my life, but I don't think that I can right now, not until I have conquered this fear of being lonely, otherwise I will always be lonely, with someone, by myself, with a million people around me.
Even though I still dislike being alone and loneliness, I have realised that I have my own imagination, my own mind to keep me company. Sometimes I bore myselfbut all in all I can say I can get by quite nicely.
I used to be so afraid of failure and then I grew afraid of death. Eventually, I feared bad spirits. Now, I'm afraid of my own mind: of my own incapacity to hold on to my sanity.
No they're not...they are fascinating
- Sep 28, 2008
- 41,193
- 246,463
- 4,281
- MBTI
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- Enneagram
- 954 so/sx
Just love this kind of question.
Well…. I'm not really afraid…. sometimes I must be careful not to silence my emotions. I found my self able to shout out all the emotion and I really liked it. It was quite inside me, I was in peace with me and the world outside but when I opened the door it was painfull and I was afraid.
Emotions are an integral part of us but by dint of feeling almost only the negative ones coming from others I get tired.
so….. maybe I'm afraid to shut the door again and again hurting people near me.
I'm afraid of what I can do
Am I the only one????
You did something wrong to an INFJ
D
Deleted member 16771
Do you mean corruption of yourself or others?
I fear being denied the truth. Betrayal, treason, lies, liars, &c.
'Within the scope' of INTJ, I suppose this could be related to that tertiary Fi - that when we trust, we trust like children. Very ideal and naive in actuality, until it gets torn to shreds by Te cynicism and realism.
I think corruption as a trait in myself and others is my blindspot (I use a lot of energy to detect it in myself and others and protect myself and others from it). I'm not afraid of lies and betrayal because it doesn't distort the truth for me (it's just another part of it), and it's not necessarily an "evil" act, it could for instance be a result of fear/escape from something unbearable. Corruption is giving oneself the right to manipulate and control the truth for ones own advantage/gain. To me corruption is the worst threat to 'the truth', because ego and truth don't mix well together.
Hmmm ... To me it's all about the intentions of others (and myself). If I'm being lied to, the act of lying doesn't mean much by itself. A lie can be an act of love, self-defense, hate, greed, or whatever, it's the intention behind it I care about.
To you the intention is irrelevant compared to the act itself? Maybe that's what blind Fe (socionics) is like? You have to work extra hard to figure out intentions, like I have to work extra hard to detect corruption (blind Te???)? Hm hm hm. .. Do you see corruption everywhere (where I see intentions)?
D
Deleted member 16771
Fascinating answer, Innie.
I think lying is intrinsically evil/wrong based on the (Kantian) understanding that human beings are ends in themselves, and rely on the truth in order to make rational decisions. If a human being doesn't have access to the truth, their capacity to make free choices about their own lives in impaired - when we lie to someone, whatever the motivation, we've taken their choice and therefore their freedom. We've made them slaves.
Hmm... do I have to work extra hard to figure out intentions? This is really difficult (and hence interesting), because what you're asking is something like 'what are your fundamental fears and concerns when interacting with people (specifically in trust-based scenarios)?' I'll have to come back to this.
For me, I don't see corruption everywhere (I tend to think most people are 'good' but 'weak'), but I am very sensitive to it, and it's easy to detect. For example, a turn of phrase, a hesitation, or change in eye movement can indicate if a person has tricked themselves into thinking that their course of action is acceptable. I can detect self-deception and straying from a principle ('corruption', including 'white lies') better than I can detect 'intentions' I think. Or rather, I care more about it than I care about intentions. I almost don't care about 'intentions', really - maybe they're obvious to me based on the simple fact of strategic positioning between individuals. 'Intentions' are almost an automatic result of where people are positioned in relation to each other, and so I don't really have to ask to figure out what your probable intentions are. I would say this is Te - being aware of the 'strategic web' individuals are positioned within.
Maybe I would have trouble if someone has intentions that contradicts their position, because I have an overconfidence in 'the map' of position.
P.S. Or in other words, I know intentions based on strategic position (Te) rather than feeling intentions based upon how an individual interacts (Fe). I impute intentions based upon someone's place within a functional social system, mediated by the things they say, how they behave and the ideals they hold.
Corruption is giving oneself the right to manipulate and control the truth for one's own advantage/gain.
I think lying is intrinsically evil/wrong based on the (Kantian) understanding that human beings are ends in themselves, and rely on the truth in order to make rational decisions. If a human being doesn't have access to the truth, their capacity to make free choices about their own lives in impaired - when we lie to someone, whatever the motivation, we've taken their choice and therefore their freedom. We've made them slaves.
Again, the intention is irrelevant because no one has the right to dictate the reality of others. I made you a slave for your own good. To be denied this freedom, even if the liar has our best interests at heart, is the worst insult imaginable to me - having truth is inseparable from having freedom to me. The act of lying is the harm.
Exactly as you say - to me the intention is irrelevant, because lying is a terrible act in itself.To you the intention is irrelevant compared to the act itself? Maybe that's what blind Fe (socionics) is like? You have to work extra hard to figure out intentions, like I have to work extra hard to detect corruption (blind Te???)? Hm hm hm. .. Do you see corruption everywhere (where I see intentions)?
Hmm... do I have to work extra hard to figure out intentions? This is really difficult (and hence interesting), because what you're asking is something like 'what are your fundamental fears and concerns when interacting with people (specifically in trust-based scenarios)?' I'll have to come back to this.
For me, I don't see corruption everywhere (I tend to think most people are 'good' but 'weak'), but I am very sensitive to it, and it's easy to detect. For example, a turn of phrase, a hesitation, or change in eye movement can indicate if a person has tricked themselves into thinking that their course of action is acceptable. I can detect self-deception and straying from a principle ('corruption', including 'white lies') better than I can detect 'intentions' I think. Or rather, I care more about it than I care about intentions. I almost don't care about 'intentions', really - maybe they're obvious to me based on the simple fact of strategic positioning between individuals. 'Intentions' are almost an automatic result of where people are positioned in relation to each other, and so I don't really have to ask to figure out what your probable intentions are. I would say this is Te - being aware of the 'strategic web' individuals are positioned within.
Maybe I would have trouble if someone has intentions that contradicts their position, because I have an overconfidence in 'the map' of position.
P.S. Or in other words, I know intentions based on strategic position (Te) rather than feeling intentions based upon how an individual interacts (Fe). I impute intentions based upon someone's place within a functional social system, mediated by the things they say, how they behave and the ideals they hold.
Fantastic answer! I'm busy right now, so I'll reply a little later.
D
Deleted member 16771
Same, I'm just about to go out, but I kinda don't want to now because I'm thinking about this!
Whole heartily agree here. I want the truth in order to make the best decision. I'm not sure where I fall in the intention/corruption discussion yet. Great think piece though. I'll have to think on it.
I'm overwhelmed by everything I want to say about this
I get what you mean! But I think that the need for truth is as strong as the need to withhold it (in people generally). I think that's why I've accepted lies and betrayal as 'human behavior' (not taking/making it personal) so I won't be blinded by it while searching for the underlying truth aka intention (because it's more relevant to me in order to move forward (not very efficient, I know)).
In my mind, the act alone is just half the truth, or the "shell" of the "other" truth. Since I'm basing the "other" truth on my own imagination, I kind of owe people the benefit of the doubt. My nightmare is people who can fool me into believing their self serving intentions are good. If I get in a situation like this, I will need concrete truth to get out, because the abstract has failed me badly. Being denied the truth in a situation like this is emotional kidnapping and torture. Stagnation and regression.
I half disagree. If people weren't allowed to lie, there wouldn't exist a private self (which is also freedom). The act of demanding the truth could just as well be the harm.
It is terrible, but the intention decides how terrible it is(?).
This is gold. It's the same for me if we swap act with intention. The strategic web you see, I think for me is the defensive web people are positioned in (people protecting their false self).
Oh my God, I'm probably chronicly corrupt That's why I can't see it!
I get what you mean! But I think that the need for truth is as strong as the need to withhold it (in people generally). I think that's why I've accepted lies and betrayal as 'human behavior' (not taking/making it personal) so I won't be blinded by it while searching for the underlying truth aka intention (because it's more relevant to me in order to move forward (not very efficient, I know)).
In my mind, the act alone is just half the truth, or the "shell" of the "other" truth. Since I'm basing the "other" truth on my own imagination, I kind of owe people the benefit of the doubt. My nightmare is people who can fool me into believing their self serving intentions are good. If I get in a situation like this, I will need concrete truth to get out, because the abstract has failed me badly. Being denied the truth in a situation like this is emotional kidnapping and torture. Stagnation and regression.
I half disagree. If people weren't allowed to lie, there wouldn't exist a private self (which is also freedom). The act of demanding the truth could just as well be the harm.
It is terrible, but the intention decides how terrible it is(?).
This is gold. It's the same for me if we swap act with intention. The strategic web you see, I think for me is the defensive web people are positioned in (people protecting their false self).
Oh my God, I'm probably chronicly corrupt
That's why I can't see it!