Do INFJs like sex?
- Thread starter Satya
- Start date
Ditto on that.
I have no idea why, but to me sex has always been viewed in my mind as a sacred of act of two souls being bound together through love. That's why I believe that it should be saved for marriage.
Sex is not an easy subject for me to talk about because of the mindset I have on it. I'm glad to hear that other people here share the same or similar views.
For me it has never been a spiritual thing, nor anything emotionally intense, but I could easily argue that it has been with the wrong people. I'd like to imagine that with the right person it would be everything it is, plus a whole lot more. Right now with my experience it has just been enjoyable in the physical sense.
To a large extent I wouldn't know how to hypothetically talk about sex. That'd be like trying to hypothetically talk about what it's like to be an actor on broadway.
I mean, I'm just like any other guy who's driven by testosterone. Sex is a huge part of what I think about every day. I guess the difference is self-control. The desire is absolutely there though.
So hypothetically, yeah, I guess you could say that like it. Or like what I think it's going to be like.
Or talking hypothetically can simply mean learning from others about myths or misconceptions about sex. Many with little or no sexual experience walk into marriage with naive ideas about sex which negatively affects their view of their partner and the stability of the relationship later on.
I think the principle of everything in moderation works here - a little knowledge, as long as it's appropriate and helpful is good. But inaccurate information based on idealistic notions or no knowledge at all can set someone up for major disappointments later on.
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Nobody said people were cars, the metaphor still works. Saving yourself for marriage while Noble to some is seen as stupid to others for the same reason you wouldn't buy a car without test driving it. Because like it or not, sex is actually a pretty huge portion of any relationship, no not the ONLY part but a big part.
How do you even know what you will like, or if you are even remotely compatible? What if the things you discover once you are no longer a virgin about yourself dont mesh with your wife and now you are stuck in a sexually unsatisfied relationship for the rest of your life?
I dunno, maybe some people are just under-sexualized. In my un-tested opinion people who buy into the notion of saving themselves for marriage if not extremely religious are just not very sexual and find it a convenient excuse for delaying it for some reason.
Then again, maybe I am just over-sexualized. I dont really care though I love sex, and I love love... I love love and sex together. I could have sex alone without love, but I dont think I would want love without sex (not romantic love) because it would feel like I was just spinning my wheels with no place to go or nothing to physically do with my feelings. Hand holding and kissing while great on their own need to lead to something at some point. Denying a biological imperative is just silly to me. But hey, to each their own.
I feel that sex is something rather important and is a great expression of undying love, and therefore mostly sympathize with those who want to wait for marriage. However, I also feel that the expression of love can be made outside of marriage, and lose none of its meaning.
That said, I also know that it is a very pleasurable activity that can be done without it being a an expression. I therefore do not look down on those who have frivolous sex, nor wholly disagree with them. I just prefer to hold out for the one I love.
That said, I also know that it is a very pleasurable activity that can be done without it being a an expression. I therefore do not look down on those who have frivolous sex, nor wholly disagree with them. I just prefer to hold out for the one I love.
I dunno, I thought it would be good to get good at sex when I was younger so that when I did meet the person who I really really wanted to be with I would be A. able to please her. B. Know what I wanted her to do to me when the time was right... I always have this wierd feeling about people who over-value sex + love, sex is a mechanical thing like eating, or urinating or sneezing, the true value in a relationship should come from the bond between 2 people, sex is just 1 expression of that bond, its not even the ultimate expression of that bond. IMO kissing is far more "love" based then sex is.
For those of you waiting for your loved one, please don't tell me you masturbate, isn't that like cheating on your future husband/wife? And where do you draw the line? Some "virgins" will go as far as having oral sex and being in a relationship and yet still remain "virgins" which is ridiculous to me personally...
Why is there so much value placed on intercourse? (speaking heterosexually, I dont know about gay people) I think a lot of it stems from the irresponsible placing of importance on female chastity thats just a horrible holdover from ages long past, society literally tells women that their worth is between their legs, and thats just absurd to me. Women are so much more, so why would so many of us fall into this trap of thinking that sex = everything when it clearly isnt. I am not advocating people rush out and bed everything, but thats just as bad as withholding from what you can be experiencing based on some rigid belief thats been put into us.
I dunno, short version, Sex is sex and love is love. Sex and love can come together and its great when it does, but sex does not = love. Sex is a mechanical, love is emotional.
For those of you waiting for your loved one, please don't tell me you masturbate, isn't that like cheating on your future husband/wife? And where do you draw the line? Some "virgins" will go as far as having oral sex and being in a relationship and yet still remain "virgins" which is ridiculous to me personally...
Why is there so much value placed on intercourse? (speaking heterosexually, I dont know about gay people) I think a lot of it stems from the irresponsible placing of importance on female chastity thats just a horrible holdover from ages long past, society literally tells women that their worth is between their legs, and thats just absurd to me. Women are so much more, so why would so many of us fall into this trap of thinking that sex = everything when it clearly isnt. I am not advocating people rush out and bed everything, but thats just as bad as withholding from what you can be experiencing based on some rigid belief thats been put into us.
I dunno, short version, Sex is sex and love is love. Sex and love can come together and its great when it does, but sex does not = love. Sex is a mechanical, love is emotional.
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I guess it really depends on the value you put on sex.
As a Christian, sex is regarded as an act of love, hence why some of us choose to save it for marriage.
Technically speaking sex does not have to equal love, rape and molestation is certianly not an act of love (unless you have serious mental issues)
and neither is hooking up with someone on a one night stand. Love certainly doesn't have to equal as sex, there are many different ways an individual can express this outside of sex (thank god)
My personal reason for why I am choosing to save sex for marriage (if I ever get married) is not because I am trying to across as noble or special (or whatever you want to call it) but its because of my love and respect I have towards God. By my own choice, as a Christian I live life by his principles.
For everyone else its all fair game, you can do what you want to do. If you want to take another human out for a test run and see what its like, then do so.
I am not the judge of other peoples actions, but I am free to cast my opinion just like everyone else here.
Yes, for someone outside of religion or faith I can understand how stupid we must look for believing in what we believe in, but that's faith.
To love is to sacrifice, I believe this is something that can be applied to everyone.
(I just realized as an ENTP how wishy washy this post is)
As a Christian, sex is regarded as an act of love, hence why some of us choose to save it for marriage.
Technically speaking sex does not have to equal love, rape and molestation is certianly not an act of love (unless you have serious mental issues)
and neither is hooking up with someone on a one night stand. Love certainly doesn't have to equal as sex, there are many different ways an individual can express this outside of sex (thank god)
My personal reason for why I am choosing to save sex for marriage (if I ever get married) is not because I am trying to across as noble or special (or whatever you want to call it) but its because of my love and respect I have towards God. By my own choice, as a Christian I live life by his principles.
For everyone else its all fair game, you can do what you want to do. If you want to take another human out for a test run and see what its like, then do so.
I am not the judge of other peoples actions, but I am free to cast my opinion just like everyone else here.
Yes, for someone outside of religion or faith I can understand how stupid we must look for believing in what we believe in, but that's faith.
To love is to sacrifice, I believe this is something that can be applied to everyone.
(I just realized as an ENTP how wishy washy this post is)
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Sure I like it; Though, while it's easy to fantasize about wanting casual sex every once in a while, when it really comes down to it, it's no good. Gotta have meaningful sex, in which case it's great.
i agree with billy. i've been to bed with people who i felt perfectly attracted to and then when i got naked with them i realised everything was wrong. like i found their personal smell offputting or they were totally selfish or without sexual imagination or for some reason i found i was just no longer attracted. i see it as a legitimate level of compatibility and i couldn't commit to a lifetime sexual relationship with someone without knowing whether they were right for me in bed! i couldn't spend my life with someone who was wrong for me in bed, i'd rather spend it alone.
no more gross than eating, sleeping and other bodily functions imho.
And for the op - yes I do. Even if it's under less than perfect circumstances.
My additional observation from this thread and other encounters is that INFJs unnecessary idealize sexual relationships too much. Consequently they often run into trouble with getting / maintaining those relationships. And then start to deceive themselves: if I don't get sex that means I am saving myself for someone special. There are several problems with this attitude:
1) if someone special does come along, what would he/she find? A complete noob in their late twenties / early thirties. A turn-off.
2) when viewed from the outside it really shows - people who have not experienced good sex recently are less self-confident, more depressed or even desperate. Lots of turn-offs
3) the "saving" attitude can lead to being obsessive in a relationship. Again a turn-off
4) Billy has already made a good statement: what if your sexual compatibility will be appalling with that particular "special" person? That's quite a big gamble to take.
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I'm sure some do; but overall I'd say no. This is not to say they aren't idealizing sex; I just argue with the notion that there's something wrong with that.