Do INFJs like sex?
- Thread starter Satya
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I do tend to steer away from sex....I got very tired of my body going one way and my brain going another. Everything was in conflict...and in the end wasn't fun. If I had strong feelings for somebody, well that's different...but I ran into a several ladies who barely knew me and once they found out I was a nice guy wanted to jump into bed and then plan to get married. It was very shallow and they were way too desperate....I just wasn't feelin' it. Like I said, things like this happened several times and I just found splitting up my body and mind didn't work for me.
I like intercourse, but only if it's 'spiritual'. I really don't have a better word for it. It needs to be deeply emotional, connected, and abstractly intellectual for it to do anything for me. Another problem is that I'm seemingly pathologically monogamous, a trait, rather than tradition, that I found out recently actually seems to run in my family. Otherwise, no, I don't like it, nor do I need it, and I become practically asexual if it's not the way I need it.
Chiming in to say that I think there may be a general consensus among INFJs that sex is only really enjoyable and satisfying in a close, loving relationship. My latest ex-girlfriend and I had a "perfect" sex life in every way, we had incredible sexual chemistry and were always going at it, and yet I always felt detached and frustrated by my own dissatisfaction. The problem was that I simply didn't feel very close to her, I didn't really love her. My current girlfriend and I have a very difficult sexual relationship; it is difficult for us to both get into it at the same time, so we often go long periods of time without having sex at all. However, when we do get into it, it is incredibly passionate because we are so emotionally close and love each other so deeply, and is by far the best sex I have ever had.
Probably the reason it makes so much difference is that there are two components to sexual satisfaction: your own pleasure, and your partner's pleasure. If you only focus on your own pleasure, you're just using another persons body for glorified masturbation. Meaningless sex leaves me feeling about as satisfied as jerking off, except then also I feel bad for using someone I don't really care about for sex which wasn't even that great!
There are few better feelings than when you are able to bring someone you love to a state of physical ecstasy. When you and your lover do absolutely everything you can to please each other sexually, you find you just can't stop smiling afterward. It's probably the greatest experience ever, and can bring two extremely close people even closer together. Beautiful.
Probably the reason it makes so much difference is that there are two components to sexual satisfaction: your own pleasure, and your partner's pleasure. If you only focus on your own pleasure, you're just using another persons body for glorified masturbation. Meaningless sex leaves me feeling about as satisfied as jerking off, except then also I feel bad for using someone I don't really care about for sex which wasn't even that great!
There are few better feelings than when you are able to bring someone you love to a state of physical ecstasy. When you and your lover do absolutely everything you can to please each other sexually, you find you just can't stop smiling afterward. It's probably the greatest experience ever, and can bring two extremely close people even closer together. Beautiful.
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Shai Gar
There's using a womans vagoo as an extra hand for "the stranger" which tends to be more comfortable...
and there's making love... the latter is better.
and there's making love... the latter is better.
Words of wisdom, there, Brruceling. Glorified masturbation is a very good term for what I've always felt it is. I can't even achieve that without becoming totally frigid.
My frustration lies with the fact that it seems very difficult for people to reach that level of love and bonding, at least from what I've experienced. I'm currently struggling with my boyfriend, who has extreme difficulties with such things (though we know why, thanks to our extended conversations). It could be so good, but that aspect is almost impossible.
Furthermore, I'm not very physical with sex--all that is, is a sex toy of sorts. I view my body merely as a support system with 'fun buttons,' so concentrating on it during sex is like focusing on how your food tastes at a restaurant you're visiting with your partner in order to mutually bond through conversation. I go for the bond and stay for the desserts, but that's all.
That said, the best 'sex' I've had was not actually sex, and didn't even involve physically touching my partner. Amazing, all around. Intellectual intercourse is far more satisfying, and if you can mix that in with a sexual attraction to personality, it's bliss--at least in my opinion.
I'm curious what you mean by it being more comfortable. Can you expound?
My frustration lies with the fact that it seems very difficult for people to reach that level of love and bonding, at least from what I've experienced. I'm currently struggling with my boyfriend, who has extreme difficulties with such things (though we know why, thanks to our extended conversations). It could be so good, but that aspect is almost impossible.
Furthermore, I'm not very physical with sex--all that is, is a sex toy of sorts. I view my body merely as a support system with 'fun buttons,' so concentrating on it during sex is like focusing on how your food tastes at a restaurant you're visiting with your partner in order to mutually bond through conversation. I go for the bond and stay for the desserts, but that's all.
That said, the best 'sex' I've had was not actually sex, and didn't even involve physically touching my partner. Amazing, all around. Intellectual intercourse is far more satisfying, and if you can mix that in with a sexual attraction to personality, it's bliss--at least in my opinion.
I'm curious what you mean by it being more comfortable. Can you expound?
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Shai Gar
The best sex I ever had was a night of making out naked in a bed... there wasn't any penetration, just snuggling and kissing... that bond made it VERY wonderful.
"The Stranger" is when you sit on your hand for half an hour to make it numb, then masturbating with it so it feels like someone else is doing it, and all you're getting is the feeling on the penis rather than the hand. Using a vagoo for "The Stranger" is just using the natural orifice for penis masturbation. It's more comfortable than the hand because that's where it's supposed to go due to biological evolution. It's just warmer, wetter, tighter, and it ripples and clenches, It's FANTASTIC.
"The Stranger" is when you sit on your hand for half an hour to make it numb, then masturbating with it so it feels like someone else is doing it, and all you're getting is the feeling on the penis rather than the hand. Using a vagoo for "The Stranger" is just using the natural orifice for penis masturbation. It's more comfortable than the hand because that's where it's supposed to go due to biological evolution. It's just warmer, wetter, tighter, and it ripples and clenches, It's FANTASTIC.
Guys seem to be a lot 'luckier' than women when it comes to physical sex. Don't get me wrong, it can be very good, but for me it absolutely has to be backed by their personality and an intense bond, or I just sort of die inside while it's happening and end up frigid. Give me the backing, though, and I can get very wild with it, so it's not as though I'm a prude -- I've done some wild things.
And I can't stop giggling at 'the stranger' or 'vagoo,' the latter which sounds like a cartoon character I would love to see.
And I can't stop giggling at 'the stranger' or 'vagoo,' the latter which sounds like a cartoon character I would love to see.
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Shai Gar
SP's maybe, then it's both guys and girls. I cannot feel good about sex unless I like them a hell of a lot, has to me mental for me.Hotherym said:
:mrgreen:Hotherym said:
I imagine more guys are capable of regularly enjoying casual sex than women. This is only because it is quicker and easier for a guy to get off, and there seems to be a prevalent social assumption among men that it is acceptable to define the sexual experience by male ejaculation. In a casual sexual situation, the experience is mainly about your own enjoyment; if you don't have strong feelings for the person you're with, how hard are you going to try to please them?Hotherym said:
I'm a guy, and I am in the same boat as you. Having sex with a woman is all about the connection/bond I feel with her, and is only really enjoyable when it as an expression of that bond. The more I love her, the better the sex is. I have no interest in casual sex, at all.
And don't get me started about who's luckier! Men may be easier to please, but women have a much greater capacity for pleasure. If you've had a truly committed lover, you should know this. In a committed, loving, sexual relationship you are very lucky to be a woman.
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Shai Gar
I always thought half of sex was the passion of the bond, the other half was attempting to get her off as many times as possible before she passes out in ecstasy.
That's very refreshing to hear. I'm wondering why so many men never come around to this, eventually, but stay on the carnal track all the way through their lives.
I'm not so sure this is true, unless men are generally completely unable to reach a mental level of sex, rather than just physical, carnal pleasure. In that case, I'd say myself and the girls I've known have been pretty much equal to men in terms of physical pleasure, aside from the G-spot (which men can achieve as well, if they're daring enough to go into nether-regions). Hell, I've noticed we women even seem to have extremely similar, if not mechanically almost identical, orgasms and physical responses. Where it seems to diverge is the totally psychological aspect of it, which, rumour has it, some guys can achieve, too. It seems to come naturally to women, though, so maybe that's what guys see as being more pleasure.
Physically, it's not that difficult to get me off, either, but it's totally dissatisfying--I won't feel as if I've done anything at all. Mentally, you can get me off, and I'll be satisfied completely. Total mental sex, without touching, without seeing, is what does it best for me, I find. There's nothing else like it.
:O
Hey, whatchoo doin' Friday night, big boy?
Sorry, I couldn't resist.
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Shai Gar
You're dating someone...
I'm working from 14:00 - 22:30, if you're in my bed when i get home with the air con on, and a bottle of marist merlot... You.
I'm working from 14:00 - 22:30, if you're in my bed when i get home with the air con on, and a bottle of marist merlot...
You.
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Shai Gar
Yeah, that's much worse. If a girl is not completely mine, then I am not interested in sexual gratification with her.Hotherym said:
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Shai Gar
For that moment, yes.Hotherym said:Hey, I was just specifying. I dated through dreams.
Question is, if the girl has to be 'yours,' are you willing to be completely 'hers,' too?
If I'm making love with a girl I'm dating, I'm already hers because she's passed all my barriers, and I'm still with her.
edit: But then, I'm already incredibly attracted to someone from north america who is coming to australia, though, it'd never work out.