what is a friend to you? | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

what is a friend to you?

I can't define friendship, but I generally know it when I see it.

I have two close friends. One is an INTP like me but less balanced so he often puts people off--doesn't bother me, though, because I understand him. We have extremely interesting technical discussions. My best friend, whom I've known for ~30 years is an ISFP. We've just been a part of each other's lives so long and we have some common interests but completely different ways of thinking (this is interesting, too).

I wish I had, maybe, two more good friends but I find it very difficult to make new friends because I'm shy and very introverted. It also gets harder as one gets older. I work for myself and, although I work with people all over the world, everything is done by email or other remote communications. I'm very happy with my marriage and extended family. But, as to finding new friends, I really don't know where/how to begin.
 
I have never really had a friendship outside of my family before, but If I did It would most likley fit this;

*Someone who won't judge me.
*Someone who is accepting.
*Someone who is not demanding.
*Someone who is open minded.
*Someone who supports my veiws. (to an extent)
*Someone who I can trust.
*Someone I can have a good debate with.
*Someone who is reliable.
*Someone that I can hang out with from time to time (go for a walk, go fishing, do art etc.)
*Someone I can relate to (life events etc.)
*Someone who I can bounce off (ideas generation etc.)
*Someone who respects my time alone to myself (Yes, even us extroverts need it) :md:
The people in my family who fits this is my younger sister who is an INFP and my older sister who is an INTJ, and of course my dad who is a INTP. Me and him like to talk about physics.

I would like to have a friend who fits the INFJ bill. It would be an honor for me to form a friendship with an INFJ. Knowing me though I would never get that chance. Most people think I'm weird and a fruit cake.
 
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I finally found my definition today. wasnt easy but here it is:

- comfortable around
- able to do stupid things around the person and yet not fear rejection of the person
- will stand through the storm with you, even if its a hurricane or tsunami or.. well you get the point.
- will not abandon you in your time of need.
-will help you even if you dont need help (so to speak)
- able to trust them.
- dont keep tabs on who owes who.
- able to hold a comfortable silence

edit:

also these few more:

- knows when something is wrong even though you do not show it or say it
- will take the initiative to hang out
- are loyal (so to speak)
 
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Someone who is willing to put others first before themselves.

Someone who doesn't think of their needs or wants first, and yours second.

Someone who considers the person, their likes and personality, when choosing a gift.

Someone who doesn't see you as only there to listen but rarely willing to offer the same level of support and understanding when you need it.

Someone who doesn't lacks sensitivity and common sense.

Someone who doesn't think consideration of different points of view is the height of anti-intellectualism since everything is clearly black and white.

Someone who doesn't spend time asserting that they are right, and everyone else is wrong.

Someone who refuses to admit when they are wrong or are not seeing a person or situation clearly.

Someone who thinks before they speak or act.

Someone who plans activities or events with their friends in mind, and not only when it's convenient for them or fits with their likes and dislikes.

(yes i know - just a tad bit bitter atm, i have some issues with some pseudo-friends which I'm dealing with right now)
 
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Got This from the Web

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we fucked up!

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your shit and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through highschool/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Bitch drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!
 
Hmm. To me, a friend is someone who
- I enjoy chatting with
- sincerely likes and respects me
- I go out of my way to spend time with because I feel it's worth it
- notices when I'm feeling down and tries to cheer me up
- is honest with me

With this definition, I'll have to reconsider who my friends really are. I have one friend who I don't trust as far as I can throw her. She use to be my best friend but is a repeat offender of my INFJ sensibilities. While she has my loyalty as I friend (I'll always help her out if she needs it) she doesn't really have my respect as a person and like I mentioned, I don't trust with things I consider important.

Can this person really be considered a friend anymore?
 
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