what is a friend to you? | INFJ Forum

what is a friend to you?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Grey Wolf, Oct 5, 2009.

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  1. Grey Wolf

    Grey Wolf Airborne all the way!

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    What is a friend to you? and branching from that, what is a good friend? or best friend for that matter.

    I'm asking now cos slightly more than a year ago I could say with defintes on what I considered a friend. But now, I'm seeing nothing more than transactions in my relationships. so if I am using my old definition of friends, only my old schoolmates from my old school are my friends.
     
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  2. testing

    On Holiday

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    There is not one definition of friend... there are probably as many definitions as there are people. But I've been thinking about this lately, and realized that I used to over-idealize the term, like it was something holy. I would probably use some or all of the following definitions, in ascending order, from sort-of-friend to lifelong soulmate:

    1. Someone I am forced to be with and don't hate.

    2. Someone with whom I can enjoy lunch outings because they don't chew with their mouths open or gossip meanly.

    3. Someone who likes me... because then I can relax around them and know they accept me even if they do not necessarily understand me or share my interests.

    4. Someone who does happen to share some of my interests; who understands intuitively and unquestioningly why, for example, you cannot have enough mulch, and that it is not possible to read certain novels too many times, or that spoiling your children is totally underrated, or that polyester-blend linens are a crime against humanaity.

    5. Someone who has won my undying loyalty because they have high standards of decency, hard work, intelligence and/or kindness.

    6. #s 1-5 plus a killer sense of humor. If someone has all 6 traits then you will probably wind up sleeping with them or marrying them.
     
  3. Lucifer

    Lucifer Registered User #666

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    Well there are friends you hang out with and then friends who will be at your wedding. Which do you mean? :mill:
     
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  4. OP
    Grey Wolf

    Grey Wolf Airborne all the way!

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    hmm.. I mean friends in general. both hanging out and will be at your wedding.

    so in this case, how do you tell which is which while we're at it?
     
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  5. Ria

    Ria Snow White over the ocean

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    A friend to me is someone who is similar to me in the sense that they will not be 'put out' if I do not talk to them every day. (in other words, can respect my boundaries with understanding and without making me feel guilty for it)

    A friend is someone whom I can feel sure that I can trust to share pretty much most if not all of myself.

    I have about 3 friends who I can feel this way about completely, and several more within the group who I feel comfortable around to be myself naturally, whatever mood I am in at the time. (even a joking, clown-like mood).

    I select people very carefully and I choose friends who display high integrity and respect. Having said this, I do not choose people who I think have had perfect track records in life, but more in the sense of how aware they are and how much insight they have grown with by learning from their past mistakes. I choose friends who take responsibility in being loving, caring citizens.
     
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  6. Puck

    Puck Perilous Pixie
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    Usually my idea of what a friend is greatly differs from the idea of said friend, so I'm buggered if I know.
     
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  7. yepunsarang

    yepunsarang Community Member

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    Someone who sits on the same bench as you, being able to understand. Someone who is like a partner who you can walk together with in life.
     
  8. AhSver

    AhSver ASHVER
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    People that I know when whatever happens they will be on my side, no matter how far they are and how long I saw them last time. They know I will do everything for them and we just trust each other with this.
    We all go through bad moments and try to support each other, sometimes we fight sometimes we make peace but no matter what I know that there are some out there of the same kin.
    When I say "we" I mean maybe 3-4 humans..
     
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  9. drsolace

    drsolace Community Member

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    I've been trying to mull this one over in my head for about 20 minutes and I still can't grasp at what exactly it means to me.

    Don't get me wrong, I've had friends all during high school and university, but most times I feel like a counselor, entertainment, drug dealer; I've never had the feeling of a person being interested in me. But rather, they are more interested in how I can help them.

    People always seem to shut off when I'm talking about myself, or anything other than themselves, it's starting to really piss me off.
     
  10. gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

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    I'm friends with people I feel comfortable with and enjoy having conversations with. That's a lot of people. However, I'm close friends with a very select few; those are the people I can count on, who I can be myself with, and who enjoy my company enough to seek it as well.
     
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  11. Raccoon Love

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    a friend is..

    1. Someone who respects your ideas and values and you
    2.does not backstabbed you, remains loyal to you, does not talk terrible about you behind your back
    3.someone who is loving and compassionate
    4.someone who is willing to listen to you
    5.someone who respects your privacy, understands you need time alone sometime.


    I know there's more..I just don't have much experience since I have never experience such thing called friendship..the closest thing will have to be people here I guess..
     
  12. OP
    Grey Wolf

    Grey Wolf Airborne all the way!

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    same here. thats pretty much the exact reason I started this thread lol
     
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  13. Alkali Regnant

    Alkali Regnant Regular Poster

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    I tend to categorize my friends (seems mean at first, but it makes sense). At the lowest I have my friends who I'll sit with at lunch or do homework with and what not, but not hang out otherwise. Next my good friends, I'll hang out with them, share a few laughs, but they don't really understand me. At the top I have my "true" friends, which right now I have 3. They completely understand me, know how I'm feeling even if I say I'm okay, and I can trust them with anything.
    To what decides those... I guess it's mostly how comfortable I feel with those people. Some people I just naturally feel more relaxed around.

    Those true friends I never seem to get angry at (well I did at one once, but I was extremely stressed and she was fine with taking a blow to get some ranting off my chest). I don't get annoyed with constant little habits of theirs and what not. And I can spend days upon end with them without feeling overwhelmed by being around people.
    Again, I've only found 3 people like that and they would give their life for mine in an instant, and mine for theirs.

    All the rest tend to not get my need for space on some days and get mad when I ignore them or walk just a little bit faster to try to get away. Super annoying >.<
     
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  14. slant

    slant Leave me be

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    A friend is someone that I talk to often, at least once a month, at max 3 times a week, and we converse about a variety of things. We spend time together and hang out, we like each other alright, and we do things together that interests both of us. Even if we don't hang out a lot, we still keep and touch and occasionally, maybe once every two or three months we'll go out.

    Or

    We've known each other for a long time. We don't talk often anymore, but we have a history in the past of good times. We had rough patches but we worked them out, we might not be as close as we were in the past but once every 3 or 4 months we'll talk to each other and decide to hang out. We don't keep in touch but we were close at one point, so we still trust each other

    There are more different kind of friendships but I can't think of any right now.
     
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  15. Faye

    Faye ^_^
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    I friend is between a friendly acquaintance and a good friend. It is someone you talk to and hang out with semi-regularly.
     
  16. Quest

    Quest Community Member

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    I need to think about this, considering I haven't even had a "friend" in a while. I mean, I can reply now and give my reasons, but it won't be as precise as I want it to be -for me.
     
  17. invisible

    On Holiday

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    a friend to me is someone who i feel certain that i will always meet again through my life no matter how long i don't see them or have contact with them in the interim. if i don't feel that certainty that we will always be drawn back together, i don't know if i can call that a true friendship.
     
  18. Nela

    Nela Community Member

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    Well I would define a true/best friend like this:

    * Someone I can trust
    * Someone who genuinely likes and respects me for who I am
    * Someone I can be honest and open with, and can share things with that are important to me
    * Someone who understands me (or at least a part of it. Hell I don't even understand myself)
    * Someone I can have good conversations with
    * Someone I can count on
    * Someone I feel comfortable with, and who doesn't make me feel like I need to prove myself
    * Someone I trust enough to show my vulnerable side
    * Someone I can have these comfortable silences with
    * Someone who won't judge me
    * Someone you're not spending time with because you need something of each other, but because you want to

    I only know two people that meet all these criteria, but they are there, after all these years, so I know true friendship exists.

    I'm very hesitant calling someone a 'friend', because friendships that don't give me what I need only cause me different levels of distress, and are usually too draining to me. The most important thing however is that it must be a two way process.

    Then, of course, you also have other friends. The ones you hang out with once in a while but that don't really know me all that well, and thus aren't 'close' friends. I tend to keep them at a safe distance that feels comfortable for me. These friends come and go into your life, and I like them too, but it's a totally different relationship.
     
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  19. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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  20. Top cat

    Top cat Permanent Fixture

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    in high school i used to have a few friends, about 3 in one group, and the rest scattered... i would chat with them, watch movies, etc... i ended up not really keeping any of them after that... (i used to wonder why)

    and i started to also learn more about myself. being INFJ and all these curious things that come with being one. at this point, i realise i haven't had a friend in ages and i don't think i could stand the kind of relationships i had in high school. i made a few friends like that when i moved to the city, but it's all ended now. everyday it felt like small talk. it drove me insane and i felt i was faking everything.
    now, i would say a friend is pretty much a lover. i think it really says/means something if you can touch them, put your hand on their shoulder. if it gets to that point, it's a friend. if you don't even feel comfortable doing something like that, then they are just ...people you know.
     
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