That's What Racism Isn't
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Shai Gar
dated an infp from somalia in january - march last year. Perfect arse and great breasts. Do not see the problem.
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- Nov 12, 2008
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I agree 100% with what Von Hase has said. This isn't racism at all. I actually like to call the people who do think this is racism, reverse-racists.
I believe it is racist and I am bi so ha! I still believe people should love the inside person not the outside which is only skin deep. Still gayness and racism are different with racism it could be because of appearence. With gayness it could be because of religion or lack of ability to bear children together.
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Oyyy...
I know I shouldn't dip my toe in these waters. I really shouldn't.
But of course I'm going to anyway.
There are really two arguments here, although it doesn't seem like it. Yes, you're absolutely right - you're justified in dating who you want, and you should choose preference. I chose preference, too - I prefer White men. But if a Black man or an Asian man or any other Man has the characteristics I'm looking for, I'd date him. Would I date a woman? No. But I doubt a woman would be offended if I chose not to date her. There are plenty of females in the sea who would, after all.
On the other hand, let me flip this a little bit. Being Black has typically been seen as "less than" in the American culture. It hasn't been seen as an equal race say, to being White. All things being equal, if it *were* an equal exchange, then there wouldn't be any problem. But because African American people have had problems with acceptance, it's difficult to see a turn-down as equitable.
It's kind of like a man who is bald or short who keeps hearing women say, "Oh, I'd never date a bald man." or, "I'd never date a short man." Sure it's preference, but it still stings because you keep hearing it and you know it's uncomfortable to hear. You feel self conscious about it.
Anything that's considered "weak" in society as far as dating is concerned will be reflected as offensive or uncomfortable to the party who was rejected. Sure, inevitably, you'll find the person who doesn't care. But there are fewer people to choose from and you get tired of feeling rejected by those who haven't even considered the possibility.
It's not prejudiced or racist if you have considered the idea and have just chosen preference. It *is* prejudiced or racist, however, if you won't even give the possibility a chance and you've chosen never to consider it as a possibility.
I know I shouldn't dip my toe in these waters. I really shouldn't.
But of course I'm going to anyway.
There are really two arguments here, although it doesn't seem like it. Yes, you're absolutely right - you're justified in dating who you want, and you should choose preference. I chose preference, too - I prefer White men. But if a Black man or an Asian man or any other Man has the characteristics I'm looking for, I'd date him. Would I date a woman? No. But I doubt a woman would be offended if I chose not to date her. There are plenty of females in the sea who would, after all.
On the other hand, let me flip this a little bit. Being Black has typically been seen as "less than" in the American culture. It hasn't been seen as an equal race say, to being White. All things being equal, if it *were* an equal exchange, then there wouldn't be any problem. But because African American people have had problems with acceptance, it's difficult to see a turn-down as equitable.
It's kind of like a man who is bald or short who keeps hearing women say, "Oh, I'd never date a bald man." or, "I'd never date a short man." Sure it's preference, but it still stings because you keep hearing it and you know it's uncomfortable to hear. You feel self conscious about it.
Anything that's considered "weak" in society as far as dating is concerned will be reflected as offensive or uncomfortable to the party who was rejected. Sure, inevitably, you'll find the person who doesn't care. But there are fewer people to choose from and you get tired of feeling rejected by those who haven't even considered the possibility.
It's not prejudiced or racist if you have considered the idea and have just chosen preference. It *is* prejudiced or racist, however, if you won't even give the possibility a chance and you've chosen never to consider it as a possibility.
*looks for ten foot pole to not touch this thread with*
Ha, you're a wiser and more giving woman than I am Arbygil. Hee I don't care about surface shit like race or looks or nationality and I'll leave it at that. But I don't tend to assign a whole lot of pre-conceived traits/behaviors to a person just based on what I see or what the media tells me is attractive. I'm not really worried about it though, I suppose. To paraphrase Jay-Z, I got 99 problems but getting a dude ain't one. Blah.
Wow I so am becoming a nun. I am NOT trying to negoiate the social quagmire that is dating again if this is kind of what its like out there. Heee. *looks for pole again*
Ha, you're a wiser and more giving woman than I am Arbygil. Hee I don't care about surface shit like race or looks or nationality and I'll leave it at that. But I don't tend to assign a whole lot of pre-conceived traits/behaviors to a person just based on what I see or what the media tells me is attractive. I'm not really worried about it though, I suppose. To paraphrase Jay-Z, I got 99 problems but getting a dude ain't one. Blah.
Wow I so am becoming a nun. I am NOT trying to negoiate the social quagmire that is dating again if this is kind of what its like out there. Heee. *looks for pole again*
She's not racist, as most people think of it. She is biased, but then, attraction by nature means there will be bias. She might just not find those features attractive, which I think everyone can understand to some degree. For instance: I prefer darker skin and features. Gingers and people that share the features from that ethnicity don't tend to entice much attraction in me (probably because my genes and instincts are telling me that I'm fair enough as it is -- I need to get some more pigment in my kids, or else they'll burn every time they see the sun)
I don't think she should be blamed for it, in any sense.
I don't think she should be blamed for it, in any sense.
Oh shit; DO THIS! I think it would be awesome and I will bow to your complete awesomness for a millennium if you do this. I can't wait to see how that thread would play out!
Hee I'll help! I'll try not to be toooooo much of a smart ass, but everyone be forewarned. It's all in good fun! You can be good cop and I'll be bad cop! You should name it "But some of my best friends are.... Ask a Black Person" Ha.. don't name it that really.
Carolyn Hax has it wrong in this case, but let's not take it too far in the other direction and assume anything about Sacramento's mindset. Carolyn Hax was wrong to assume, but her actual assessment was possibly correct: Sacramento did not make it very clear whether her preference for white men was based purely on looks, or partly on presumed cultural or mental traits. If she was vaguer still when explaining to her friends (e.g., "I don't want to date black men"), then their assumptions of her racism were understandable.
That said, the distinction between superficial attraction and general racial preference is important. The former is in no way a choice, while the latter is largely voluntary.
Very good points.
That said, the distinction between superficial attraction and general racial preference is important. The former is in no way a choice, while the latter is largely voluntary.
Very good points.
It cracks me up how folks assume they made up their minds, by THEMSELVES, to prefer one person over another. They fail to see how they live in a propagandist society that elevates white and asian beauty standards over others. LIKE SHEEP, their 'preferences' are rather ordinary and expected, and truthfully, I have no respect for people who don't think outside the box...
...because those that don't will ALWAYS fail to see my beauty, every single time.
Don't ask me why I'll be alone forever...
...because those that don't will ALWAYS fail to see my beauty, every single time.
Don't ask me why I'll be alone forever...
Sedna, if you think everyone prefers the same type of person you are very wrong. Open your eyes and don't play the victim. I'm sorry if you've been hurt in the past, but that doesn't give you the right to judge everyone who has a "preference." Of course, you are not a sheep, right? The rest of us are, though...
Your 'preferences' are based on HERD-MENTALITY. Most people do think just like you. I'm just point out the obvious, of course.
On that note, I'm wondering if anyone can tell me what they think about the following:
My parents never taught us about race. The first black person I saw was my bff in second grade-skin color never occurred to me then either. We moved, my new school had all white kids . . . still never occurred to me. My older sister,years later, marries a black guy. Still no blip on the radar. My grandparents said some stuff, but I smoothed it over, and all was well.
Then he started feeling me up. Later found out he did the same thing to my little sister. I moved out, moved away . . . and ever since, every black guy I've ever worked with has hit on me in a sexual manner. I don't know if it's cultural or what it is, but I begin to think about race now when I see a black guy, and associate black men with guys who like to grab a woman's ass and fondle her breasts, smell her hair . . .
Does that make me racist? Black guys make me physically uncomfortable and I would never date one. I don't feel racist, which is why I explained the above.
Any thoughts?
Btw, my boyfriend is vietnamese. He feels me up with my permission. ;-)
My parents never taught us about race. The first black person I saw was my bff in second grade-skin color never occurred to me then either. We moved, my new school had all white kids . . . still never occurred to me. My older sister,years later, marries a black guy. Still no blip on the radar. My grandparents said some stuff, but I smoothed it over, and all was well.
Then he started feeling me up. Later found out he did the same thing to my little sister. I moved out, moved away . . . and ever since, every black guy I've ever worked with has hit on me in a sexual manner. I don't know if it's cultural or what it is, but I begin to think about race now when I see a black guy, and associate black men with guys who like to grab a woman's ass and fondle her breasts, smell her hair . . .
Does that make me racist? Black guys make me physically uncomfortable and I would never date one. I don't feel racist, which is why I explained the above.
Any thoughts?
Btw, my boyfriend is vietnamese. He feels me up with my permission. ;-)
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No, you're just playing messiah.
My preferences as to beauty are quite contrary to whatever ones "the man" might be forcing on me, so I would love to hear your explanation as far as that duality.
Implying the preferences of people you have never met are the result of brainwashing is shitheaded thinking.
Please refrain from shitting in my mind like that, ever again.