Dante's Prayer, by Loreena McKinnett
By the verse --
When the dark wood fell before me
And all the paths were overgrown
When the priests of pride say there is no other way
I tilled the sorrows of stone
This is most of my life, all the dark times, all the loneliness, the endless "dark wood" that I can never seem to get free of. Yet despite all of it, despite my mother and others trying to steer me into more "lucrative" ways of life (the "priests of pride"), I have gone on with my science-fiction writing, fandom, the path I have chosen for myself -- and have walked alone for it. This is the sorrows of stone.
I did not believe because I could not see
Though you came to me in the night
When the dawn seemed forever lost
You showed me your love in the light of the stars
The first line, about not believing because I could not see, refers to my stubborn refusal to commit myself to an organized religion based on an anthropomorphized "god" -- I must experience it for myself, in my own mind, with my own senses, before I will believe it. "Though you came to me in the night" refers to an experience I had once when I felt my father's presence in the room with me, six years after his death. This experience occurred during a time of sickness and high fever to me, and after some study of shamanic traditions years later I came to learn that this is a typical shamanic experience. "When the dawn seemed forever lost / You showed me your love in the light of the stars" also refers to my father, how at all the dark times in my life I knew he was still with me, and how later the sight of the stars and the Moon came to mean his love to me.
Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me
This verse is to me my father's words to me, to not give up hope. When it's all black around me, to remember him, the stars, the Moon, and that I must go on to live the life he didn't get to live. To live for both of us.
Then the mountain rose before me
By the deep well of desire
From the fountain of forgiveness
Beyond the ice and fire
This to me represents my life beginning with the point where all hell broke loose, to put it bluntly. The mountain is the hard climb I began when I took my life into my own hands and embarked on my own path, and left the path that I was told to take. It began with cheating on my now ex-husband, the "deep well of desire", and later after years of trials to wisdom and forgiveness. "Beyond the ice and the fire" refers to the loneliness I now live in, and the fire the 10 years of craziness that came before it.
Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me
Again, the chorus, see above.
Though we share this humble path, alone
How fragile is the heart
Oh give these clay feet wings to fly
To touch the face of the stars
This verse starts with the way my life has been for a long time now -- walking my path alone. It seems I am afraid of everything I encounter, and that I don't have the strength to truly find a way to a fulfilled, usefull, creative life. "Oh give these clay feet wings to fly / To touch the face of the stars" is my prayer to my father's spirit, still with me, still watching over me, that he would help me to the answer I have always sought, the key that will make all my life make sense, the key to live my life in grace as I want to live it.
Breathe life into this feeble heart
Lift this mortal veil of fear
Take these crumbled hopes, etched with tears
We'll rise above these earthly cares
This continues the prayer to my father's presence, to give me the wherewithal to endure, to find a means to make something useful out of all the wayward parts of my life and talents, to make all of this crazy mixed-up life make sense in the end. "We'll rise above these earthly cares" is a defiant promise that I make to my father's presence, that I will live for us both and rise above all the murk that is my life, to make both our lives have some kind of meaning. That we'll make it to the stars someday.
Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me
Please remember me
Again, the chorus, with the fading "Please remember me" always seeming to me to be my father ascending to some higher plane, into the sun, into the stars, into the clouds.
Go
here to listen to the song on YouTube. Ignore the video, just close your eyes and listen, with headphones if you can.
Aunty Proton