While I seldom think about this consciously, I understand what you're saying....this is a factor for me, too. Maybe it is the curse of being deep to start with...to be truly, fully open means so much. As much as I hate to say it, I think your concerns are justified....I've experienced a rejection or two by letting people too far in, although I have had some wonderful friendships based on the same thing, too. Still, when it comes to the type of openness you speak of, I am pretty wary. I do fine with friendships, but something like a romance is far more difficult because the level openness is far greater. I am very willing to trust, but it seldom works out for one reason or another.Stone said:
Mysterious
- Thread starter Quinlan
- Start date
I think this is why high school has been so hard for me. Being an INFJ, I'm used to being free to be whomever I want to and not being judged for it and whatnot. Because in elementary school I had less than a handful of friends, and middle school a handful of friends and dozens of acquaintances, this past year in high school has been a huge challenge. Now all of a sudden, I let people in too close, and when they criticize me (it's a joke to them), I shut down inside and stay away from them. Or call them out for it, and because I'm a male, they take it as being "un-manly". Thus, I become a mystery to many of them by completely removing myself from their world. So far, that plan has worked like a dream this summer 
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I'm in same situation except that I don't really have aquantences I just limit myself to my close friend. This is very unfortune for me.Obstinate said:I think this is why high school has been so hard for me. Being an INFJ, I'm used to being free to be whomever I want to and not being judged for it and whatnot. Because in elementary school I had less than a handful of friends, and middle school a handful of friends and dozens of acquaintances, this past year in high school has been a huge challenge. Now all of a sudden, I let people in too close, and when they criticize me (it's a joke to them), I shut down inside and stay away from them. Or call them out for it, and because I'm a male, they take it as being "un-manly". Thus, I become a mystery to many of them by completely removing myself from their world. So far, that plan has worked like a dream this summer
I thought all the ladies would love me if I act like Batman or that I'm a mystery but then I just figured out it just scares them away
I can honestly say that there isn't a single person who truly knows me, but I don't purposely be mysterious. It's just that there is so much to me that I have a hard time figuring out where to begin, and a lot of the things I have to say aren't exactly casual conversation material. I do try to be open to others about what I think and feel about things whenever I see an opportunity, though, and I also try to start up certain topics of conversation that might lead to opening myself up more, assuming that they're interested in talking about it and don't get interrupted (which tends to happen a lot, unfortunately...).
I'd have to agree with being mysterious.
Though I don't try to be mysterious, I can agree with above statements and say that I don't like to open myself up to just anyone. I even find it difficult to open up, whether it be lack of words, or not desire to speak. I think I have to feel a connection with a person if I want to share my inner self.
And like a lot of people have said, I like to keep a life for myself, a secret. I feel as though if someone knows all of me, then there won't be anything left for myself or others.
Though I don't try to be mysterious, I can agree with above statements and say that I don't like to open myself up to just anyone. I even find it difficult to open up, whether it be lack of words, or not desire to speak. I think I have to feel a connection with a person if I want to share my inner self.
And like a lot of people have said, I like to keep a life for myself, a secret. I feel as though if someone knows all of me, then there won't be anything left for myself or others.
When I want to be mysterious I walk around in a tophat, monocle, and a cape with high collar... then I plot revenge on dudley doright...
Really though, I find it fun to mess with peoples perceptions and predetermined notions. That sometimes creates an air of mystery along with the fact that I don't converse much with people unless we're more than aquaintances.
Really though, I find it fun to mess with peoples perceptions and predetermined notions. That sometimes creates an air of mystery along with the fact that I don't converse much with people unless we're more than aquaintances.
I think mysteriousness is somewhat annoying because I always have to understand everyone and everything. I have a friend who makes guru-esque remarks, and this person is great but I always think: "Just say and do what you mean!" And what's the point in trying to appear mysterious? How far does that get anyone? Wouldn't it be exhausting trying to keep up the charade without trying to lose yourself in the process? How could you have an authentic relationship if you treat interactions as such? Unless you're not looking for authentic friendships or whatever.
agreed! 100%!
My close friends have seen me show them so many different parts of me that they are getting used to seeing more parts of me just suddenly show up. But other than them, I seem to have this super shield protecting me from the outside and me from letting out too much.
i don't do it intentionally.
i just don't trust very many people with the deepest parts of myself. i guard my secrets because i feel those secrets are a part of my identity almost, and also i fear that even if i did tell anyone, he/she wouldn't understand.
i just don't trust very many people with the deepest parts of myself. i guard my secrets because i feel those secrets are a part of my identity almost, and also i fear that even if i did tell anyone, he/she wouldn't understand.
Nailed it, Appoggiatura.
That is exactly how I feel.
I always catch myself rambling in the few times that I try to explain myself and almost share part of me that I deem personal. I have come to the conclusion that I ramble a lot in general just because I get strange looks when I do talk, I guess because I approach thoughts differently, so I go out of my way and try to explain how I feel and end up telling them to forget about it because it isn't important.
That is exactly how I feel.
I always catch myself rambling in the few times that I try to explain myself and almost share part of me that I deem personal. I have come to the conclusion that I ramble a lot in general just because I get strange looks when I do talk, I guess because I approach thoughts differently, so I go out of my way and try to explain how I feel and end up telling them to forget about it because it isn't important.
Trust is the issue for me as well. I feel only a few 'get' me, and they will love me anyways. Other people I don't see the point in them getting to know me deeply because I know they will just judge me. So if that is mysterious, then that is what I am.
Hmm, I usually try not to be mysterious as often as I can, but sometimes our type can't help me be labled that way. ^^; It's usually the trust issue like most people said. But I think it's probably also just the fact that INFJs have really complex inner-workings that most people don't understand, usually anything that cannot be understood is labled as mysterious.
Like how some have very strong intuition that can almost be considered "psychic", when asked how they know such things, they themselves can't explain it, so it's labeled as mysterious. When people hide their deeper emotions and insights in order to protect themselves, and others don't understand it, it would be labeled as mysterious?
And here I've made a long post stating the obvious and not making sense as expected. Sorry~
Like how some have very strong intuition that can almost be considered "psychic", when asked how they know such things, they themselves can't explain it, so it's labeled as mysterious. When people hide their deeper emotions and insights in order to protect themselves, and others don't understand it, it would be labeled as mysterious?
And here I've made a long post stating the obvious and not making sense as expected. Sorry~
I had a... different... childhood/adolescence. So I can't really speak to most of my life. But I have realized something lately.
If I am going to open myself up to someone, they better damn well be interested in as close a relationship as I'm interested in - or we need to be on the same wavelength and just sharing comfortably without any deeper expectations. But we both have to be aware of that. Sharing myself with someone isn't something I do flippantly. Especially people who share so easily with others that they don't realize what it means if I share myself, and don't value it. I'm starting to be very selective in who I accept into my life. I've been hurt in the past, hung on to friendships in which I really didn't feel valued/appreciated, and just kept saying "it's okay". Things have changed.
I'm probably viewed as mysterious by most, dull by some. I don't share much of myself. And I have met very few people with whom I would willingly, so I won't unless asked. And if asked, I censor it depending on who is listening. But sometimes I really don't have much to say - because so much of who I am is emotional/mental. I wish we could communicate through emotional/mental telepathy. No words needed.
If I am going to open myself up to someone, they better damn well be interested in as close a relationship as I'm interested in - or we need to be on the same wavelength and just sharing comfortably without any deeper expectations. But we both have to be aware of that. Sharing myself with someone isn't something I do flippantly. Especially people who share so easily with others that they don't realize what it means if I share myself, and don't value it. I'm starting to be very selective in who I accept into my life. I've been hurt in the past, hung on to friendships in which I really didn't feel valued/appreciated, and just kept saying "it's okay". Things have changed.
I'm probably viewed as mysterious by most, dull by some. I don't share much of myself. And I have met very few people with whom I would willingly, so I won't unless asked. And if asked, I censor it depending on who is listening. But sometimes I really don't have much to say - because so much of who I am is emotional/mental. I wish we could communicate through emotional/mental telepathy. No words needed.
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Hm,
I don't try to be mysterious, I want people to be comfortable, but I don't like dominating conversations. I think I have to hold myself back a little. I mean I can't just meet someone and tell them all I love, and that I speak languages, and I play music, and eat cheesecake, and lived in different countries or whatever. Plus...I think most people on this forum are deep enough to be mysterious, even if they're not trying to be.
and
Me too. I ramble, and people look at me...
I don't try to be mysterious, I want people to be comfortable, but I don't like dominating conversations. I think I have to hold myself back a little. I mean I can't just meet someone and tell them all I love, and that I speak languages, and I play music, and eat cheesecake, and lived in different countries or whatever. Plus...I think most people on this forum are deep enough to be mysterious, even if they're not trying to be.
and
Me too. I ramble, and people look at me...
I don't think I am mysterious. I tend to be quite open at first. But if the other person does not care what I care or say, then I will hold back a lot and then people will say I don't open up enough or socialize enough. The socializing then will be like keeping up with appearances, which is very tiring and meaningless but it's what we have to do a lot of times just to meet the society's expectation of being "sociable".