INFJs and fits of rage

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ENTroP

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This is something I've noticed about my mom (INFJ). When she is having trouble with one of the younger kids, and they are being particularly difficult, and she is having a particularly bad day, it gets ugly.

I've seen her go into these crazy fits of rage, and she will yell and scream, and mete out all sorts of punishments all while raging about psychotically. It is a stark contrast to her usual calm self.

Just wondering if you guys ever experience anything like that.
 
Yes, but usually only if I have already swallowed a lot of shit and have been holding back. The snap occurs after a litany of abuses usually, and I refuse to hold it in any longer. This might confuse some people because I will snap over something minor, but I have a list of things in my head they did that I had let slide before, usually they are all items with similar behavior patterns and I know holding it in wont solve anything any more.
 
When I'm having a bad day I can be pretty bitchy and irritable, therefore I stay in my room with the door locked listening to some music to calm down.
 
I consider myself a usually calm, patient and kind person...most of the time. However, slowly but surely, I am usually brought to my breaking point where I'm prone to exploding with tremendous anger and outrage...I dislike doing it but it's hard to keep your emotions at bay when they have been building up the way they do. It's almost like a cycle. I can contain myself, but only for so long.

Other times when I'm depressed or bitter I guess, I can become quite dark and cold. It's during these times where I prefer to seriously be left alone and if bothered...well lets just say that my younger brothers probably have horror stories to tell you. After the anger dies down, I once again become calm, patient and as nice as I can possibly be. It's almost like exploding is somehow therapeutic...a way to release all of those pent up emotions.
 
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It's rare - really rare. But the "snap" can happen if we're absolutely at our limit and there's no place for the new challenges to go. It's exhausting, because we *can* literally go ballistic. But trust me: It takes a very, *very* long time to get there. And it has to be a helluva lot of stressors.
 
Only three times in my life have I gotten to the point of the snap. I've learned to vent and distract myself.
 
haha, I remember once when I was a little kid in like grade 2 or 3, there were 2 little girls who used to pick on me all the time. One was once my only friend, but then the other girl decided that I was wierd, and "took her away from me" (as children word it)... Anyways, I took it for months till one day after school I was sitting quietly waiting for the bus and reading a book, when they began to tease me by banging their pens on my back. I took it for a while, probably like 5 minutes until I suddenly spun around and decked the other girl. I ripped out her earing and tore her ear lobe. I didn't feel bad at all, infact I was like; "O what happened? Can't you see why I did that?" I just ignored them and got on the bus.

The next day, my mom got a call from the school saying that the other girl's mom expected me to reimburse her for the earing, and to formally appologize to her daughter. I did. I even went out with my mom and bought her a new set of earings. When I gave them to her, she took them all sulky like, and bitched out that "it still doesn't make up for the earing you lost". I felt snubbed at this and shut down further. But yea, rage began for me when I was very very small!
 
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:m133:I have before, yes.

It was over something very stupid, too. I was craving this dulce de leche, that I had taken exta care to smuggle from Argentina. I hadn't really been indulging in it, as I had only had a tiny amount of it in the week's time that I had been home from my trip. That evening, I was really really wanting some of it with apples.

Where was it?
Gone.

Why?

"I thought it looked too unhealthy."
She had thrown it out just that day. Wonderful timing!

I'm kind of passive agressive, so I don't have a lot of rage.
 
I have nearly no temper at all. I have only ever gotten mad at inanimate objects and situations when I am on my own. I have never lashed out at anyone before in rage. I have gone very cold on people though, that is easy for me to slip into if I am not careful. I sooner withdrawl, and become sad/depressed before I get angry.
 
Errr yeah. All the time. Along with fits of random tears. And fits of utter silent reflection. And fits of random happy.
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I will generally shut down before I will rage, but yes I am prone to explosive vitriol under given circumstances. It's really strange, my partner hates it when I shut down but is grateful that at least when I rant and rave I'm communicative.
 
I've not felt the need to rage in public for at least three years, and like Satya I can't remember more than three times in my entire life. The circumstances have to be terrible and sustained over a lengthy period for me to get that stage. It feels entirely alien to me to express intense anger, and is akin to a volcanic explosion which does as much if not greater damage to me as to those who are caught up in it. The first time it happened, I could not stop shaking for several hours afterwards. I do have some angry and violent dreams from time to time - slightly less rare, but still seldom- and I suppose it's better for me to deal with it that way, when it won't impact on anyone else.
 
Helpful Elf said:
I've not felt the need to rage in public for at least three years, and like Satya I can't remember more than three times in my entire life. The circumstances have to be terrible and sustained over a lengthy period for me to get that stage. It feels entirely alien to me to express intense anger, and is akin to a volcanic explosion which does as much if not greater damage to me as to those who are caught up in it. The first time it happened, I could not stop shaking for several hours afterwards. I do have some angry and violent dreams from time to time - slightly less rare, but still seldom- and I suppose it's better for me to deal with it that way, when it won't impact on anyone else.
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Chris, you're capable of feel enraged? I never would have guessed :P j/k

I feel enraged sometimes, but only my family and very few others would ever know it. I feel guilty if I overburden others with what are typically temporary, easily solvable problems.
 
I'm more likely to implode rather than explode. I had a mother who raged and I swore I'd never do that to my kids and I never did. I felt like doing it at times but I found other ways to release it.
 
Ah yes, though like mostly everyone in here, it usually takes quite a number of stressors before it can actually occur.
During these times, I get very cold-hearted and my friends and brother have often termed me 'The Ult Bitch' when it does happen. Ha. I do try to control my anger, that's probably why all my actions-even when enraged- seems so calculated.

Now, I have learned to just vent it before I actually explode. It's much better than hurting someone and feel extremely guilty afterwards [though I swear some people really deserve it]. Couldn't stop the shaking from anger though; just a natural reaction I guess.
 
sumone said:
I'm more likely to implode rather than explode. I had a mother who raged and I swore I'd never do that to my kids and I never did. I felt like doing it at times but I found other ways to release it.
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Similar situation here. Because of it I try even harder not to 'snap' than I might otherwise, which is probably why I go so ballistic when I do snap. It's probably happened about a dozen times in my life, but when it did, I got so mad that I was just watching myself go berserk. I even saw stars. I was completely irrational and couldn't even speak or really comprehend anyone else's speaking. I was just roaring and breaking stuff. The only thing I could do was try to steer myself away from hurting anyone I cared about. Scares the crap out of me when I finally come out of it.
 
It takes a while, like others have said, until I feel rage. Then it comes out very, very cold, methodical, and scary. I don't blow up hot like a lot of people do... I blow up cold.... Frosty even. It's hard to describe, but I've never met anyone else who gets mad this way.

Irritation, on the other hand is a constant in my every day life. I get irritated, I get over it, I get irritated, I get over it - same constantly-repeating cycle. I just keep it to myself.
 
Entyqua said:
Errr yeah. All the time. Along with fits of random tears. And fits of utter silent reflection. And fits of random happy.
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yeah

hmm..I might be a weird case of INFJ, since I get pissed off very often. sometimes is just that I'm having a bad day, or I reflected about all the wrong things or that I had been holding my rage for a while, or that nobody understands.
 
ENTroP said:
This is something I've noticed about my mom (INFJ). When she is having trouble with one of the younger kids, and they are being particularly difficult, and she is having a particularly bad day, it gets ugly.

I've seen her go into these crazy fits of rage, and she will yell and scream, and mete out all sorts of punishments all while raging about psychotically. It is a stark contrast to her usual calm self.

Just wondering if you guys ever experience anything like that.
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I have never lost complete control of my anger. It is REALLY rare for me to go nuts and start screaming, I think any circumstance where I did it would be fully justified. I used to have a hard time controlling my anger when I was younger but I have learned how to vent my anger daily and how to be more extroverted when someone does something I REALLY dislike. I have spent a lot of time trying to get away from bottling my anger, I still do it at times though, because it is required in certain settings.
 
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