INFJs and feelings of being alone, different, disconnected or lost | INFJ Forum

INFJs and feelings of being alone, different, disconnected or lost

hoodbran

hoodbran

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Oct 30, 2008
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Hey..
I was wondering if it's just me, but are most I's lonely type folk? I tend to isolate a whole lot (all curtains closed, NO depression) I have about.. 2 friends, oh and a cat! - But I can chat like this and appear extroverted, I get nervous around real/new people too, what's all that about? Pls tell me I'm not alone; though it wouldnt surprise me! hehe

I've been thinking of getting out to some... I dunno.. groups, maybe martial arts, or somewhere there's nice women I can oogle at LOL any suggestions? My end plan is to sell my sh*t and volunteer in nepal, but before I take that path, I wanna try one more time.. Being alone is no fun, it was never this way before, but I've settled in for the ride now..
 

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You are not alone, but your avatar scares me. :mcry:
 
Benevolent Maria Sabine.. She's harmless... I wish she was my granny!!

This is the avatar i had... i just thought his odd shoes were trying to speak for him?...
 

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hoodbran said:
Hey..
I was wondering if it's just me, but are most I's lonely type folk? I tend to isolate a whole lot (all curtains closed, NO depression) I have about.. 2 friends, oh and a cat! - But I can chat like this and appear extroverted, I get nervous around real/new people too, what's all that about? Pls tell me I'm not alone; though it wouldnt surprise me! hehe

I've been thinking of getting out to some... I dunno.. groups, maybe martial arts, or somewhere there's nice women I can oogle at LOL any suggestions? My end plan is to sell my sh*t and volunteer in nepal, but before I take that path, I wanna try one more time.. Being alone is no fun, it was never this way before, but I've settled in for the ride now..
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Nope, you're not alone. INxxs in particular tend to have a few close friends. Isolation and loneliness can result if we don't force ourselves to keep some social interaction.

A group setting, particularly one that involves physical activity is perfect. If your main aim is to meet women pick an activity that has a lot of them, dancing if you're into it, self-defence classes etc. Just pick something and start it.



Btw I don’t get why the pic has been added to your post.
 
I like being alone but am generally buzy as I can work when I want to a certain degree so that probably helps a lot.However its generally when I'm around people that those feelings of loneliness surface in me.I just never feel that comfortable around 'them' either. Someday maybe..
I liked this guy's article on the issue...

http://www.urbanmonk.net/136/loneliness-the-beginning-of-romance/
 
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Lurker said:
Nope, you're not alone. INxxs in particular tend to have a few close friends. Isolation and loneliness can result if we don't force ourselves to keep some social interaction.

Btw I don’t get why the pic has been added to your post.
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Re the pic (avatar), The crazy armish fella I had, I think was sending out mixed messages about me.. post below made a comment, and I thought "Yeah, it was a bad idea to put that up" lol

Anyways...

Thanks for your reply..

Something happened today; that might lead to a new path; I started a conversation with my wife who I've been away from for 3 years... Narcissisticly I want her back but I have to be careful that I don't dig a hole for myself. If there's anything Santa could bring me this year is open arms, should I start praying to him?:)

I would much prefer to be Exxx sometimes, INFJ is very useful but I have a primitive need for love...

Thanks Marty for the link!
http://www.urbanmonk.net/136/lonelin...ng-of-romance/
 
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The Feeling Of Lost-ness

Throughout my life, I have felt this. There seems to be no cure. Love, romance, family, accomplishments, spirituality, money, friendships, helping others, none of these things ever touch the lost-ness. I don't know how else to describe it. It's not loneliness, depression, lack of enthusiasm, or unhappiness, it's not frustration, it's not a self-image issue, it's not a lack of fulfilment. Simply stating "I feel lost," seems to reference the outside world more. I'm speaking of the inside world - the reason I express it as lost-ness - it's like a part of me occupies non-existent non-space - like I'm part existing and part ghost. I'm beginning to think that this is simply an INFJ feeling, and I've recently taken the tack of learning to disregard it. Does anyone else experience this feeling?
 
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I think I can relate to the feeling. Often, particularly, when I was little I had the sensation that I was a part of someone's dream and when they awoke I would cease to exist. I too felt that I was always standing outside the window watching the world move beyond the glass.

The past year or so I have felt better. I have at least come to peace with my own solitude and that I am perhaps too different to find many similar people. I don't feel so lost anymore, just different.

Perhaps INFJs project too much of their ideals onto an imperfect world and feel disappointed by its imperfection. If you can accept at the very least that the world is faulted, but that you can do something to make it a little better, you may not feel so lost.
 
I think introverted people likely spend a lot of time alone. I try more now not to spend too much time sitting at the computer or staring at a book.

I find volunteering is a good outlet for an INFJ and it allows you to socialize in a meaningful way. I do not mind talking to people, but I prefer one and on and I hate nonsense chatter.
 
I think i have always felt alone since the day i was born.I was always looking at this mini forest.It has a few tall trees with a bunch of secrets!I live in the city and i don't have much nature in my life.

Maybe its time for you to get a partner!

Who knows?Dancing may favour the ladies.
 
Loneliness seems to come with "I" but...I wouldn't say you're alone nor would I say it's guaranteed. From personal experience making friends with others seems to be relatively easy when forced to (but otherwise would not), but I hardly have any close friends, just friends than know one of many sides of me. It's an aloneness without being alone. By knowing that you aren't alone. ^^

...somehow. .__.;
 
Yes, I experience it on a more regular basis than I would like to. As time goes on, it seems to become more pronounced

Even when I recite the litany of truly beautiful people, experiences and things in my life, I feel separated by them by a veil of mist.
 
i know that feeling too, even when life is fulfilling it still haunts you, must be an infj thing.
 
I experience it. I feel very much like you described it.
I'm an INFP.

It's really hard to describe, so I won't even try. The OP is close enough.
 
This post really resonates with where I am right now. I meet and know lots of people. People gravitate to me so that they can share the problems of their relationships with me and I will show them their options and help them see how each of those decisions will play out. At the end of the day, I'm emotionally exhausted. I go workout so that I'm physically exhausted and will hopefully be able to turn my mind off so that I am able to sleep. I'm either at work, gym or home. Somehow I need to break this cycle. I've always had a difficult time developing relationships with people.

:m080:
 
Alone said:
This post really resonates with where I am right now. I meet and know lots of people. People gravitate to me so that they can share the problems of their relationships with me and I will show them their options and help them see how each of those decisions will play out. At the end of the day, I'm emotionally exhausted. I go workout so that I'm physically exhausted and will hopefully be able to turn my mind off so that I am able to sleep. I'm either at work, gym or home. Somehow I need to break this cycle. I've always had a difficult time developing relationships with people.

:m080:
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That's the part of it that strikes me as well. It is noble to help others, but the energy drain is something that is constant for me. Absorbing all of the emotions, not even if I feel a responsibility to help them, because you can't help everyone you meet, but just the energy to block out all of these emotions is overwhelming for me sometimes. (I realize this may not make much sense, but will post anyway !)
 
HolySmoke - I completely share the feelings that you are expressing here, although I wouldn't have been able to articulate it so well! If only I had some type of swith (like a light switch) that I could just turn off and still be able to function. If I were not there for someone that needed me... the guilt would be unbearable. I just feel like I have nothing left at the end of the day. But I still walk down the halls at work with a smile on my face.
 
Alone said:
I just feel like I have nothing left at the end of the day. But I still walk down the halls at work with a smile on my face.
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That's saying a lot. Perhaps, right now, it is enough.

With the election, environment, economy and other overarching strains I really feel the pull to stay away from people. I've never been this extremely anti-social before. It is as if the more I get out there the harder I feel and it hurts more than before. That, I believe, along with any internal and daily stressors combines to make quite a stressful soup of emotions. Stop the world, cliche, I wanna get off kind of sums it up, but yes, I'll say it with a smile too.
 
Convent said:
From personal experience making friends with others seems to be relatively easy when forced to (but otherwise would not), but I hardly have any close friends, just friends than know one of many sides of me. It's an aloneness without being alone. By knowing that you aren't alone. ^^
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I completely relate to this. I can't remember the last time I just clicked with someone and there was a smooth, vibrant exchange of energy. So, even my closest friends only see a few facets of my personality. I think it's almost more difficult than being truly alone, just acknowledging that there isn't someone that completely knows you and accepts you exactly that way. Even here on this forum, I feel myself being guarded (which is just ridiculous considering I'll never meet any of you). But, there is relief in seeing a couple of people saying exactly how I feel and as silly as it is, even getting the same test results as myself. Makes me feel like it's possible that someday I'll have a "best friend" that knows me and how I think, aside from my husband.
 
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