Confused over a straight INFJ | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

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Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by juju1, Jul 29, 2020.

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    juju1

    juju1 Lucky

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    QMTA what do you think her reaction would be if I admitted this to her but made it clear Im not trying to get with her? Would it completely scare her off or would she try to mediate it and salvage a friendship? I honestly think the former would be preferable atm because the 'friendship' is starting to drain me...
     
  2. Dopamine

    Dopamine Community Member

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    I don’t know about being guarded as much with Ts in general, but most of the INTPs I know have all gone through many forms of rejection as our thought patterns throw people. Especially women INTPs. A lot of men do not like that kind of mind on a woman and it can make them really behave poorly. Not just boyfriends, bosses etc. The guys don’t have it easy either. For me I can give surface fly overs of part of my story but all of the meat is carved off. No just don’t want to be open until I feel safe with that person. Depending on the person, it can take a long time. If I go too fast I wobble in doubt and blow it up. Trust me, her even reaching out often to hang out was a big trust thing. She’s being vulnerable with you all over the place. But yeah we are puppies when excited about someone, all the more why it’s scary- lots of people will kick a puppy. (And then we morph into an indifferent dragon and burn your souls down, or shrug and walk away- hard to say).

    I don’t understand INFJs. In real life their walls seem impossible. I’ve never made it past them. Ever.
     
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  3. Dopamine

    Dopamine Community Member

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    She’s married. Don’t put that on her! You know damn well what it feels like when you have a good friend you really trust and they start creeping up to put their other feelings on you. It feels bad. No, do what you need to and handle how you feel.

    unrequited crushes are excruciating. If you need to distance yourself for awhile you should. It hurts like a fire consuming you but there is no way this goes well. Love yourself pretty lady-dont put either of you through this-please hear me - find a distraction, heal. Come back to it when you feel differently.
     
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    #23 Dopamine, Jul 31, 2020
    Last edited: Jul 31, 2020
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  4. KimChiRx

    KimChiRx Lucky

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    This is more so of me thinking out loud and maybe not as helpful as you’d like because I’m sure you’ve settled into your sexuality, but I used to be bisexual or I guess what would be defined as a curiosity as I got older, but before getting married to my husband I did the same thing.. I had a good friend that I had an attraction towards. Now when I look back I see that I wasn’t fully into this person on a sexual level but more so in psychological terms that on a subconscious level I could see how my masculine energy would match their feminine energy and how a man could like them.

    if we’re talking between conscious and subconscious decisions, possibly that could be you matching her energy as much as you matching yours but it’s totally in appropriate considering she’s married and it’s not something as a boundary either of you should be enmeshing yourselves with. She sounds like a good friend and you have to be able to decide to keep it as a friendship level of energy and deny those feelings and let her follow that example. No one can fully say who is sending that energy to eachother and honestly blame is out of the question anyway in order to remain respectful of eachother. I don’t classify my sexuality in any way but as an impulse and have happened to follow my way into the marriage that I’m in now. I wish I could goce you better reasoning and judgment on this, but I want to be respectful of your journey in life as well. If it becomes too difficult to remain friends for that reason it may be best to not be close friends and keep the boundary line respected and not be involved other than on a surface level.

    teacher/therapist lines shouldn’t be crossed in that fashion. There’s laws revolving around it because it’s that confusing for individuals. You being the victim in that circumstance. Remove the blame from it in order to keep your head on straight and process those thoughts and emotions. That’s probably the best advice I can give you.
     
  5. KimChiRx

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    The scary part is if it doesn’t. I think that’s my biggest concern for you and for her and her marriage.
     
  6. Sometimes Yeah

    Sometimes Yeah Regular Poster

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    When I said, she's married, I wasn't making a comment about her probable sexual orientation. She's in a commited exclusive relationship. It's my attitude that if someone has made a commitment, it should be respected. That means no undermining it.
     
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  7. Dopamine

    Dopamine Community Member

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    Ok, so when you are feeling that anxious longing feeling waiting for her to appear, I want you to try something. It isn’t going to make it go away completely, but it helps. Eat a banana With a sprinkling of brown dots on the peel, or drink/ingest Matcha tea. There is a substance in both that upregulates dopamine. The feeling of ache and craving you have is caused by dopamine fluctuations. It is why you have it, that sense of craving drives motivated behaviors. By supplementing your natural brain chemical you can mitigate the worst of the gut twisting ache. You may consider an L-Theanine supplement- that is one thing in Matcha that provides the feeling of “calm alert”. It does not erase the whole feeling but it fills the sharper edges to it.

    Despite the advice and what we are all saying- I think we all know how difficult and painful it is to have the feelings you feel right now. It can be overwhelming to care and want so much. I hope you understand that at least some of us know where you are in this. It sucks. Try to help your brain ease down from the dopamine twist. It’s a bitch.
     
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  8. Mistical Ocean

    Mistical Ocean Community Member

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    What do you mean it's draining you? Do you mean like what you're going through/feeling is draining you?
     
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