the part about standarts was really insightful.
now the part about a joke and someone staring at me blank faced is just too funny.
INFJs and feelings of being alone, different, disconnected or lost
- Thread starter hoodbran
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the part about standarts was really insightful.
now the part about a joke and someone staring at me blank faced is just too funny.
I'm happy it was helpful ^^" Another of my weird examples comes to light. I also speak from experience. Someone not laughing at your jokes is embarrassing ;_; Hehe, I really mean about the standards thing. My sister and I had to talk to each other about us both expecting too much of the other ^^" we also both expect too much from our friends, though she's and INTJ so she's a bit more obvious with her dissatisfaction than me (e.g. being sarcastic, angry and kicking them ^^").
I've often wondered if it is worth it to be understood by others (outside of family and friends). Do you think it is worth one's time and effort?
Even with family and friends, there are bound to be misunderstandings. I wonder if there is some personality basis to misunderstandings. Example: someone says something. An INFJ interprets it one way, and INTJ another, an INFP another, an INTP another, etc. Perhaps common misunderstandings come from differences in type or expectations for each other?
Even with family and friends, there are bound to be misunderstandings. I wonder if there is some personality basis to misunderstandings. Example: someone says something. An INFJ interprets it one way, and INTJ another, an INFP another, an INTP another, etc. Perhaps common misunderstandings come from differences in type or expectations for each other?
he that's right. I will never EVER be understood, and it has always bothered me (it's something different everyday. I feel like I'm speaking the wrong language).
Today's example: trying to explain my gym teacher I'm sick without making him think I'm being mean (seriously, I near shoot myself everyday thanks to these f*cked up teachers)
I would say no, it's not worth it to 'expect' to be understood by others. Then, when the odd person comes along who does understand it's a very nice surprise.
I'm a lot older than most of you here and I can tell you when I finally lowered my expectations of people I started getting along with them a lot better.
I have never actually been understood by others ,except maybe some of my close friends but even from them I get remarks like 'your wierd ' or stuff like that. I am ok with this however .To me it's not very important to be understood by most people ,but to get along with a few people who seem interesting and important to me.
Also ,over the years I have learned to lower my expectations of other people .This has spared me from a lot of suffering .
Also ,over the years I have learned to lower my expectations of other people .This has spared me from a lot of suffering .
I just laugh 
There's nothing wrong with being weird so long as people don't bring you down for it
There's nothing wrong with being weird so long as people don't bring you down for it
I tend to feel lost and isolated because of the way I relate to people. I cannot ever fully make sense of people, but am fascinated by them. I think and relate quite differently in certain ways which makes it difficult to form friendships in the here and now. I was just reading posts on another forum where a lot of people are upset, misperceive each other's comments, and express distorted thinking. I often step back and look at people and feel badly for them to be so invested and confused. I'm not sure how to approach them and at times am hesitant to because of how invested and upset they become. Each individual lens has its unique distortion. I think I do have moments of being focused and invested, but it doesn't persist. Certitude is a place I visit, but not a place that I stay for long.
I guess I tend to step back too far and get lost in the big picture and forget how to connect with others in an immediate way. It's really hard to zero into that singular shared viewpoint with someone else that connects the two of you and sets you apart from the rest of the world.
I guess I tend to step back too far and get lost in the big picture and forget how to connect with others in an immediate way. It's really hard to zero into that singular shared viewpoint with someone else that connects the two of you and sets you apart from the rest of the world.
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I think all INFJ understand that feeling of lonelyness. Heck we're only 2% of the population here!
I too feel lonely...more lonely mentally though. In high school I was a cheerleader and naturally surrounded by extraverts. I smile and play along but its really tiring to pretend you're hype with huge crowds when you're a INFJ. There only a few people who I can have deep converstation with.
Now its time for college next month and all my 'friends' are going their seperate ways. As ironic as it is out of the many people I hanged out with I only have 2 friends i can connect with mentally/emotionally. But we all go to different colleges.
I'm in a contempt point in my life...I have a supporting family, a wonderful guyfriend( not boyfriend), excited for school, and yet something is missing...i have no idea what is...even with all these wonderful things with me I'm missing something and lonely without it :/ I can't pinpoint it
I too feel lonely...more lonely mentally though. In high school I was a cheerleader and naturally surrounded by extraverts. I smile and play along but its really tiring to pretend you're hype with huge crowds when you're a INFJ. There only a few people who I can have deep converstation with.
Now its time for college next month and all my 'friends' are going their seperate ways. As ironic as it is out of the many people I hanged out with I only have 2 friends i can connect with mentally/emotionally. But we all go to different colleges.
I'm in a contempt point in my life...I have a supporting family, a wonderful guyfriend( not boyfriend), excited for school, and yet something is missing...i have no idea what is...even with all these wonderful things with me I'm missing something and lonely without it :/ I can't pinpoint it
I don't think its worth it to make yourself be understood by others. It takes tremendous amounts of energy for a cause you might now even care for. Now that being said if someone expresses interest in knowing more about you and opens his or herself up to you I say 'open yourself up'. It takes less energy and that person is taking the effort to make it easier..
It's not that ' Perhaps common misunderstandings come from differences in type or expectations for each '. It IS how misuunderstanding arise from differing personalities/expectations. With that in mind we all can get along with one another if we are willing to be open with each other and come to agreement with the differences.
Its hard to deal with that feeling. From what I know INFJ's have this feeling of something missing / being lost and its very hard to get rid of. I've never managed to force it away completely.