How do you respond when crushed upon??

[Ender612]

SO you were referring to Philly.

I was. I turned into a Californian during grad school (still ongoing), but I lived close to Philadelphia for such a long time that it is still home base in some ways...

 

[alcyone]

I understand that. Haven't lived in Wisonsin since early 1998, but it is still home.

 

[arbygil]

I suck at the whole crush thing...but then, I had some really uncomfortable (read: ugly) experiences before age 10, so I know I've fended off some potential crushes before I worried about 'em.

But crushes normally don't happen to me. If they do, I usually am caught so off-guard that I become a blithering idiot.

 

[Lurker]

That girl makes no sense to me Ender. None. She seemed into you :noidea:

I have a love/hate relationship with crushes when I know someone is but I usually don't notice unless they're very direct.



Seriously Ender I just don't get her!

 

[Shai Gar]

lurks we has sex nao?

 

[IndigoSensor]

That girl makes no sense to me Ender. None. She seemed into you :noidea:

I have a love/hate relationship with crushes when I know someone is but I usually don't notice unless they're very direct.



Seriously Ender I just don't get her!

In all honesty, she probablly didnt even understand herself. Not realising what her actions were insinuating. She could have simply been used to that set of behavior with friends in the past, and assumed (albeit, assumed quite wrongly) that people will respond in a friendship mannor olny.

I have met people similar to this in the past. The have no introspection to themselves WHATSOEVER.

 

[Lurker]

lurks we has sex nao?

Nope. Bluntness is good, casual sex, not so much.

In all honesty, she probablly didnt even understand herself. Not realising what her actions were insinuating. She could have simply been used to that set of behavior with friends in the past, and assumed (albeit, assumed quite wrongly) that people will respond in a friendship mannor olny.

I have met people similar to this in the past. The have no introspection to themselves WHATSOEVER.

I find this confusing not what you wrote but how that happens. And people wonder how INTs can be so oblivious with flirting, it's cause there are no set rules, some people flirt when they don't like you others when they do and there are some who do anything but flirt if they're interested :noidea:

So confusing *shakes lil oblivious NT head*

 

[Satya]

I've never heard the expression "crushed upon". For a second I thought you meant someone was putting emotional pressure on you or something.

I'm a Groucho Marxist when it comes to matters of love. In other words, I would not fall in love with anyone who would have someone like me for a lover.

I'm probably going to be alone forever.

 

[AntoniaDodge]

I've never heard the expression "crushed upon". For a second I thought you meant someone was putting emotional pressure on you or something.

I'm a Groucho Marxist when it comes to matters of love. In other words, I would not fall in love with anyone who would have someone like me for a lover.

I'm probably going to be alone forever.

In the words of another Vaudevillian genius, "Sex is like Bridge. If you don't have a good partner, better have a good hand." - Mae West

 

[andria32]

I've had several close friends crush on me. two of them, I ended up in long term relationships with - so I dug the whole them crushing on me and just felt good about it and flirted back and went with it.

Another close friend had a crush on me, and never told me about it but would constantly do these little gestures - hugs that lasted too long, lean in for a kiss to see if I will, then when I don't, pretend it doesn't happen.
The more he'd had to drink, the bolder he was. But he would never say anything so I just backed off, was "busy" a lot when he wanted to hang out, and then waited for it to blow over. Which, it always did, and then occasionally it would resurface.

I also toyed with an online dating site for a while and that was brutal. I didn't like a single guy I met when it came to our real life meetings, but of the about 10 guys I met before I gave up, five of them were super into me. It was awful. I felt hugely guilty turning them down when they all seemed to think we had this "amazing connection". I avoided phone calls, and tried to nicely tell them it wasn't working, and ended up having to be blunt which was really hard for me and I really hated.

 

[Ender612]

In all honesty, she probablly didnt even understand herself. Not realising what her actions were insinuating. She could have simply been used to that set of behavior with friends in the past, and assumed (albeit, assumed quite wrongly) that people will respond in a friendship mannor olny.

I have met people similar to this in the past. The have no introspection to themselves WHATSOEVER.

Yeah, you're probably right. I guess I spend A LOT of time in my head, and have gone through how every single one of my actions might possibly be perceived by everyone (including the aliens), that it comes as a complete surprise that people can just...be (and act)...without that sort of consideration. And it may explain the running away, which I now find amusing. Also, I probably had a thing for her since the moose socks, but I would never have broached the topic unless I was nearly convinced I was safe...which was clearly clearly wrong.

That girl makes no sense to me Ender. None. She seemed into you :noidea:

Seriously Ender I just don't get her!

That makes at least two of us, possibly hundreds (that don't get her) but it's fine with me.

Nope. Bluntness is good, casual sex, not so much.

Yeah...and I think its time to start demanding tribute of baked goods from Shai....

And obliviousness isn't such a bad thing at all.
*pats Lurkers lil oblivious NT head*

I've never heard the expression "crushed upon". For a second I thought you meant someone was putting emotional pressure on you or something.

I'm a Groucho Marxist when it comes to matters of love. In other words, I would not fall in love with anyone who would have someone like me for a lover.

I'm probably going to be alone forever.

I think I just made it up. I didn't know what else to say...but in a way it is someone putting emotional pressure on you (at least from what I've seen of INFJ responses...most people feel some sort of pressure, and then sadness at HOW the inability to reciprocate affects the other person).

And I don't think you'll be alone forever Satya...

 

[ZenCat]

I've read that exchange a couple of times now, and I'm thinking she loves the chase. I've known several men like that (who openly admit it), but a number of women, too.

I will be perfectly honest and admit that when I was a senior in high school, I became aware that I was fairly attractive and participated in this bad "game" a couple of times, but I hurt someone I realized at the last minute was very kind, and very sensitive and I abandoned the practice.

Specifically, I'm talking about the Catch and Release chase game.

I think there are a lot of underlying psychological reasons for it (insecurity, I suspect, chiefly). In my case I had never considered myself attractive and was very insecure about my looks as well as my "strangeness" but since "they" did I guess I was trying to prove it to myself.

I suspect there are some who love the game, and only the game. They love the thrill, especially the thrill of catching someone who they perceive as "Hard to get" or who repeatedly doesn't acknowledge their attentions. I have known adults who routinely practice this (and I have been on the receiving end, as well). Once the catch is made, the energy and adrenaline of the Hunt dissipates and they run. The other type of Catch and Release hunters probably correlate to something along the lines of what Satya expressed... they think they want someone but ultimately don't want anyone who would want them.

Whatever the reason behind it, it's a self-defeating behavior for her and I'm sorry that you were hurt by it

 

[Ender612]

Another close friend had a crush on me, and never told me about it but would constantly do these little gestures - hugs that lasted too long, lean in for a kiss to see if I will, then when I don't, pretend it doesn't happen.
The more he'd had to drink, the bolder he was. But he would never say anything so I just backed off, was "busy" a lot when he wanted to hang out, and then waited for it to blow over. Which, it always did, and then occasionally it would resurface.

I also toyed with an online dating site for a while and that was brutal. I didn't like a single guy I met when it came to our real life meetings, but of the about 10 guys I met before I gave up, five of them were super into me. It was awful. I felt hugely guilty turning them down when they all seemed to think we had this "amazing connection". I avoided phone calls, and tried to nicely tell them it wasn't working, and ended up having to be blunt which was really hard for me and I really hated.

Those things turn creepy quick, and an invasion of personal space even by a friend (especially while drinking) warrants different actions...That's just not right. I think running away in that case should be acceptable...He might have taken the demands for dessert as some sort of interest instead of plain manipulation...for sweets.
Being blunt is really hard...probably necessary sometimes though.

 

[Ender612]

I've read that exchange a couple of times now, and I'm thinking she loves the chase. I've known several men like that (who openly admit it), but a number of women, too.

I will be perfectly honest and admit that when I was a senior in high school, I became aware that I was fairly attractive and participated in this bad "game" a couple of times, but I hurt someone I realized at the last minute was very kind, and very sensitive and I abandoned the practice.

Specifically, I'm talking about the Catch and Release chase game.

I think there are a lot of underlying psychological reasons for it (insecurity, I suspect, chiefly). In my case I had never considered myself attractive and was very insecure about my looks as well as my "strangeness" but since "they" did I guess I was trying to prove it to myself.

I suspect there are some who love the game, and only the game. They love the thrill, especially the thrill of catching someone who they perceive as "Hard to get" or who repeatedly doesn't acknowledge their attentions. I have known adults who routinely practice this (and I have been on the receiving end, as well). Once the catch is made, the energy and adrenaline of the Hunt dissipates and they run. The other type of Catch and Release hunters probably correlate to something along the lines of what Satya expressed... they think they want someone but ultimately don't want anyone who would want them.

Whatever the reason behind it, it's a self-defeating behavior for her and I'm sorry that you were hurt by it

Thanks for the insight. I guess I never think people might do that or be like that, but I think I should know better by now. Plus, after going over that mess with some friends (and my mom), I'm in a much better place.

And thanks for abandoning the Catch and Release practice, you've saved scores of kind and sensitive people. I think Catch and Release is wonderful for fish, if you're not hungry, but it really does a number on people.

 

[Eric86]

doesn't happen

 

[AntoniaDodge]

doesn't happen

I do recall one Eric86 being invited into the Hoochie Stable and now I've been seeing around town these comments about another INFJ being in your life.

So, who rejected who, Eric? WHO REJECTED WHO?

 

[Eric86]

Neither of those two occurrences were crushes on me, so they're irrelevant to this topic.

 

[yepunsarang]

I guess I get flattered, don't really believe it, and do nothing about it.

 

[Pristinegirl]

I tend to run like hell because I am intimidated. Although as I tend to fall for the opposites of me, the T (thinkers) who probaby are intimidated by me and my appartent radiance of affection.

In my mind there is no such thing as an end to a relationship however in reality there is. I have this imagined way of how I wan't things to be, like an eternal, reach for the sky kind of love were each lifts each other up from the ground, and all boundaries are broken.

Consequently I think it is the fear of not being loved in return that makes me run.

 

[Shai Gar]

I tend to run like hell because I am intimidated.

Although as I tend to fall for the opposites of me, the T (thinkers) who probaby are intimidated by me and my appartent radiance of affection.

hee, only slightly, I think it's cute.