How do you respond when crushed upon??

[Ender612]

So I’ve perused various postings on how INFJs act (or don’t act) when under the influence of a crush. But what I haven’t seen is how INFJs act in the rare moment when they are the recipient of a crush, how do we deal with being on the receiving end of unrequited love. Do we even notice? Do we even believe it is possible? My older sister (who is a psychologist w/a Ph.D.) once told me in her wise older sister way of telling, that people are crushing on me this very instant, but I’m off in fantasy land (the world in my brain), and so I don’t even notice. I’m not sure how true that is, but it is an interesting thought. Searching back through my long years of life on planet earth (I’ve split my time between earth, and the other planets I inhabit in my brain), I remember one (or two?) instances of unrequited crushing. I wasn’t at all weirded out by my friend’s confession, in a rare moment of foresight, I had seen it coming about a week before the confession. It was strange for me because I didn’t expect anyone to be crushing on me at all, because I’m so weird, but I guess it was nice too because I took it to mean that normal people can think weirdos like me can be somewhat cool and slightly attractive. Mostly, though, I think I was a little sad, because her feelings would remain unrequited… I’ve been in that situation too many times, and it’s not fun being on that end. And I wasn’t sure if hanging out with me would make it worse for her or better, but she would rather hang out with me than have me disappear, so we’re still friends. (and she’s since come to her senses and stopped having feelings for me).

So that’s how I dealt with it…by feeling bad that I didn’t like her back, and wondering how she would best be OK (by seeing me, or by not)….

Now, recently, in a more normal turn of events, I was blindsided by a wave of limerence (Limerence refers to an involuntary cognitive and emotional state of intense romantic desire for another person - Wikipedia) for a person I met…and it transpired thusly…

Me: I like your socks, they have moose
ENFP Girl that I had a crush on: *smile* Thanks.
***
Girl: You have a hot tub?
Me: *smiles* yes
***
Girl: You play the guitar, and you have a djembe?
Me: You too?
Girl: Here’s my number call me if you wanna hang out
Me: *calls*
Girl: Can you help me work out a kink in my shoulder?
Me: sure
***
Me: happy thanksgiving!
Girl: You too!
***
Girl: Wanna hang out?
Me: sure
Girl: I’m sleepy, can I sleep here?
Me: sure, where?
Girl: In your bed? If it won’t make you uncomfortable…
Me: OK
***
Girl: Directions to my house…keep them you’ll need them
Me: OK
Girl: Do you wanna play at my fundraiser open mic thing?
Me: Sure
***
Me: Do you wanna hang out today?
Girl: Busy, let’s meet for lunch tomorrow
Me: *happiness*
Girl: I like sweet things, birds, and outside, and music, and rock climbing, and animals
Me: I like cheesecake, and horses, and jiu-jitsu.
Girl: Can I come to your BJJ tournament?
Me: If you’d like
***
Me: I like you
Girl: *disappears*
Me: *sends forth a questing hello into the vasty deep*
Girl: *silent sound of running away*
Me: *complete and total confusion…starts to wonder why…then starts to look for the key to close the very hard to close and impossible to open INFJ door of no return*

This is a true story. I’m still recovering. Actually it’s amusing in a bunch of ways, but I guess the point of this is to ask…

How do y’all respond when crushed on?
Do you run away?
Do you abuse your power?
Do you demand daily tribute of lemon cheesecake??

 

[ZenCat]

Heh.

First i was imagining stampedes (being crushed underfoot).

I read your thread, and was surprised by it. You're very, very cute Ender; I find it highly unlikely that nobody has ever had a crush on you. Maybe you just didn't realize, as your sister suggested.

I feel confident (but not overconfident) in saying I'm aware of at least as many times someone has had an (unrequited) crush on me as I've had on others. Of course, I'm a bit older than a lot of you and have had more time for this sort of thing.

If someone I didn't know well had a crush on me, or if it was a rumor, I would probably do nothing. If someone I did know - and had some reason for interacting with - had a crush on me, I would have gently made my intentions clear. I never liked being strung along, so I wouldn't do the same to someone else. This option (directly and kindly addressing crush) wasn't in your poll, but it's what I would have chosen

 

[Ender612]

First i was imagining stampedes (being crushed underfoot).

Ha, Stampedes are funny. Usually when I'm stampeded, I try to fly away, but then I'm bummed that my wings aren't working at that particular moment.

I read your thread, and was surprised by it. You're very, very cute Ender; I find it highly unlikely that nobody has ever had a crush on you. Maybe you just didn't realize, as your sister suggested.

Thanks, my sister may be probably right (but remember, I is strange..., and oblivious to most things not made out of cake) but when I'm aware of it, I'm with you on the directly and kindly addressing of crush. But that made much too much sense to go in the poll.

Also, this was a rather oblique way of seeing if anyone else thinks that flight is an acceptable response.
I think it's nap time now...

I think I like the monkeys...

 

[slant]

Crushes on me don't happen too often. Mostly I find that people my age are intimidated by me, I get told that a lot. But when people do crush on me, I just let them.

The only thing I don't like is when people point on: "Oh so and so seems to like you Ruby...a lot. You guys going to go out?" Just because I treat them friendly doesn't mean we're hitting it off. I'm comfortable having lots of close friends.

If I liked someone, that person would know. I'm pretty direct. And if someone was crushing on me that I felt was trying to take it to the next level and I wasn't digging it, I'd tell them I wasn't feelin' it.

 

[Silently Honest]

2006
Her: I think you're kinda cute.
Me: Ew, why?

Later that year different girl:
Her: Everyone here so fake but you're normal, I like you
Me: hehe, yeah I'm normal!

2007
Her: I have boyfriend but I bet you can take him he's a pansy. *stares*
Me uncomfortably: hehe...eeh.


2008:
Her: Motorboat time!
Me:Woohoo! blubblbublblbub-

Later that year different girl
Her: Want to be F*ck buddies
Me: *moral highground stuff about not being able to have sex without some form of attachement.*


I'm either oblivious, asexual, or a jerk.

 

[Poetic Justice]

If someone has a crush on me but it is unrequited I usually feel extremely guilty. I panic because I know what it is like to be turned down and I don't want to make anyone feel that way. If they do nothing I will do nothing. But everytime I'm nice to them and their face lights up I get a huge rush of guilt. But how else can you respond? I couldn't be horrible to someone just to put them off me and ignoring them isn't right either.

As soon as they take the plunge and tell you how they feel you should let them down gently. DON'T say "lets just be freinds" even if you mean it. Just tell them you don't see them that way and then pretend nothing has happened. Depending on the type of person you are dealing with you may either carry on being freinds or wake up one morning with a horses head in your bed. 'tis risky business

 

[ZenCat]

Her: Want to be F*ck buddies
Me: *moral highground stuff about not being able to have sex without some form of attachement.*

I'm either oblivious, asexual, or a jerk.

You're really not.

 

[Reon]

I have never noticed anyone 'crushing' on me, and if I did, it would probably be the type of girl that I'd love to have as a friend but would never date due to personality differences. I have had occasions, like slants, where people assume your going out with a person just because your hanging ou with them.

Haha, maybe it's because I never shown interest to anyone I actually 'liked'

Edit: Silently Honest: Ya for morals, you did the right thing.

 

[slant]

I have never noticed anyone 'crushing' on me, and if I did, it would probably be the type of girl that I'd love to have as a friend but would never date due to personality differences. I have had occasions, like slants, where people assume your going out with a person just because your hanging ou with them.

Haha, maybe it's because I never shown interest to anyone I actually 'liked'

Edit: Silently Honest: Ya for morals, you did the right thing.

I wish I could disguise when I like someone. It's painfully obvious. I'll have a discussion with someone about Religion or something, and immediately start discussing the conversation I had with 'so and so' and how their opinions on things are amazingly fresh and how 'so and so' is logical and 'so and so' thinks outside of the box and how 'so and so' and I have had really interesting debates. Maybe that should be a different thread. How do you act when you like someone? =D

Edit: It is, http://www.forum.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=328

 

[Reon]

I wish I could disguise when I like someone. It's painfully obvious. I'll have a discussion with someone about Religion or something, and immediately start discussing the conversation I had with 'so and so' and how their opinions on things are amazingly fresh and how 'so and so' is logical and 'so and so' thinks outside of the box and how 'so and so' and I have had really interesting debates. Maybe that should be a different thread. How do you act when you like someone? =D

Edit: It is, http://www.forum.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=328

The only real 'difference' that I have when I like someone, other than hanging out with then more and paying more attention to them, is that I start to pick up little phrases that they say and incorporate them into my pattern of speech. I might be more inclined to bring my person of interest up if most of my friends didn't dislike much, to all, of my other friends.

 

[dylan]

I'm either extremely oblivious, or there have been very, very few crushes on me.

But:

If someone [had] a crush on me [and] it [was] unrequited I [would] feel extremely guilty. I [would] panic because I know what it is like to be turned down and I don't want to make anyone feel that way.

Yeah. What he said.

 

[RBMIfan]

Crushes? On me? :faint: Never happens.

There's just one time I remember, in middle school, that a guy I sort of knew asked me out. I said no. According to my sister, I'm not supposed to be that direct when turning people down. Oops. :whistle: Honestly, though, I have no idea what I'd do if a friend confessed to me. I'd be inclined to keep treating them as usual, I suppose. I wouldn't know what else to do. I certainly wouldn't see it coming.

The only real 'difference' that I have when I like someone, other than hanging out with then more and paying more attention to them, is that I start to pick up little phrases that they say and incorporate them into my pattern of speech. I might be more inclined to bring my person of interest up if most of my friends didn't dislike much, to all, of my other friends.

I've done that with people I don't have a crush on

 

[Ender612]

If someone has a crush on me but it is unrequited I usually feel extremely guilty. I panic because I know what it is like to be turned down and I don't want to make anyone feel that way...But how else can you respond? I couldn't be horrible to someone just to put them off me and ignoring them isn't right either.

As soon as they take the plunge and tell you how they feel you should let them down gently. DON'T say "lets just be freinds" even if you mean it. Just tell them you don't see them that way and then pretend nothing has happened

Ditto on that up there^ On the guilt and the panic and the ignoring.

I also don't think it's inappropriate to demand tribute of baked goods...

 

[Motor Jax]

yea, i've been crushed on... i kinda knew those times though...

(love the word Limerence, btw Ender... i haven't heard that word in a long while...)

but much of the time, i do nothing... i smile, act cordial, entertain their infatuation but only in the capacity of a friend...

cause almost immediately, i would see things about there personality that really becomes noticeable...

in an advanced navy school in 2000, there was an older chick i really enjoyed talking with simply because we talked about all kinds of things...

when i say older, i mean she was about 4 years from retiring... she was 40, married...

the first things we talked about were the differences between the lifestyles of the North and the South (she was from DC, and me from Deep South)... out loud in front of the class no less (cause there were others from Georgia and the Deep South themselves)...

but one day, i was pulling one of my silly antics in front of the class (cause i love to make people laugh)... and she blurts out "Will, I love you" with a smile on her face and in front of the class...

i blushed, the class got quiet... we never were past friends though.. she made an awesome friend...

but 6 yrs later, we were working... i was working at where she was going to retire from... (she enlisted for an additional 2 yrs)...

and we would have more in-depth conversations...

for some reason, she knew what my personality was though... so i asked her, and she told me she has a phD in psychology and knew i somewhat unique to everyone else... she didn't know what it was, but i asked her if she knew about MBTI and she told me that she had covered a time or 2 but didn't really get in-depth with it...

anyways, i knew she didn't really have a crush on me... as i was married to my (1st)ex the first time in school.. and to my (2nd)ex when we worked together... she was also married...

i've had other times also where it was made apparent by me that i was being infatuated upon...

but no, i really don't do anything...

 

[Shai Gar]

2007
Her: I have boyfriend but I bet you can take him he's a pansy. *stares*
Me uncomfortably: hehe...eeh.

Avoiding that one was a good idea.

Ender... Not a clue why that girl ran, it sounded like she wanted you.

 

[Shaz]

like Poetic Justice I tend to feel guilty for making the other person suffer... Not a nice feeling.

 

[Ender612]

Ender... Not a clue why that girl ran, it sounded like she wanted you.

Every so often (to be read: everyday), things happen that don't make sense to me. I think that was one of them...
I also don't need to waste my time on such things when I have small cute animated monkeys to love, and dessert to eat...and a football game to get back to watching.

 

[alcyone]

Yeah! Another INFJ who likes football!.....Or are you referring to soccer?

 

[Ender612]

Yeah! Another INFJ who likes football!.....Or are you referring to soccer?

Football, the American kind, and my team won!

 

[alcyone]

SO you were referring to Philly.