How do you feel about eye contact, glaring, and gazing? | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

How do you feel about eye contact, glaring, and gazing?

Thats not unusual.

I can make my dogs tuck those tails under and lay down at will.

You are the pack leader and the dominant one. Your dog probably thought it had done something to challenge you and did what any good subordinate dog would do and submit.
 
I think I only look really deeply into another's eyes if I want to read how they really deeply feel about something. This sort of takes me into another world when I do this. Usually it is only for a short time to let them know I am really sincere about something and want a similar response, but sometimes (only with females) it is like I want to connect on some deeper more insightful level. Like I say, it is like it is like going to some sort of different world, but one I really like and enjoy. It's like, ok, we are talking about this that and other stuff, but there is just some deeper more subconscious thing that is happening here. It's very enjoyable when that happens, but pretty rare too. It's really rather magical. :smile:
 
Ohhhh I love the INTJ stare down... so intense but usually not creepily so. Makes my little old heart flutter..

I usually look directly into a person's eyes when they talk to me. I think it has to do with reading people. You're trying to pick up on non-verbal communication, trying to pick up every little thing.

I don't think it's an INFJ thing. It's an attentive thing.
 
merrytrees said:
Ohhhh I love the INTJ stare down... so intense but usually not creepily so. Makes my little old heart flutter..

I usually look directly into a person's eyes when they talk to me. I think it has to do with reading people. You're trying to pick up on non-verbal communication, trying to pick up every little thing.

I don't think it's an INFJ thing. It's an attentive thing.
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I think you may have hit on something. It really IS an attentive thing. I don't like the term "stare down" though. It seems overly adversarial to me.
 
@Zencat: HAHAHAHAHA! OMG That's hilarious! Poor dog! I've done that only once to my dog, poor Sandy ran into her kennel, but I was giving her an angry look.

I have the same effect on people when I look at them. Usually just looking at them neutrally doesn't have much an impact. I was raised to give eye-contact, so I do it without really thinking about it.

However, when I'm angry, you better watch out. People have told me that my angry glare gave them goosebumps. One friend even going so far as to say that my glare almost made me look like a completely different person! My boyfriend calls it the "Eat-shit-and-die-look." When I'm angry or irritated, my eyes turn kinda yellow-y, and of course my pupils shrink, so I guess an unexpected look like that can scare somebody. When I get REALLY furious people scurry away to hide from me. The first and only time my mother ever tried to slap me I gave her that look, and she actually pulled her hand away with fear and stood there frozen against the wall. And I was only like 10!

*thinks of Kenshin in hitokiri battousai mode* lol!
 
Eye contact is important to me. If someone won't maintain eye contact with me, I sometimes become suspicious of their motives.

I'm not one for glaring or gazing, but I like it when someone will look me in the eye when we're talking.
 
Hmm....all very interesting. As long as a person is talking, I look directly into their eyes, they'll break before I do. But I also think it's a sign of respect to give your full attention to the individual speaking. Then again, perhaps I've been in the corporate world too long.

Even though I make direct eye contact, I don't think it makes anyone uncomfortable or me uncomfortable. I think it all depends on your demeanor and environment. I give other signals and do things to make the other person feel that what they're saying matters (a slight smile, a nod, etc). No discomfort at all in it. Even when people have glared, I've had to take precautions not to laugh, it just seems so silly, I just want them to spit it out and say whatever. :rant:
 
Intimidating... yes that's exactly the word I think of. It also makes me feel vulnerable, like they're staring into my soul. :m169: I really don't like it. I try to force it sometimes out of politeness but I get the sense it still turns people off.

I did like to stare into my ex girlfriend's eyes a lot, but she would often ask "what's wrong?" and it was just annoying.
 
I always make eye contact it shows that you are aware of the conversation and a part of it. Staring someone down looking for a fight or looking intimidating is just that. Looking tough and being tough are two different things lol
 
1. I appreciate receiving eye contact. If I am speaking with someone, I appreciate their undivided attention and full eye contact is one of the ways through which I gauge that.

2. I'm not sure how much I read people by their eyes, but I have had several instances when I speak with someone whose eyes I know I can't read well at all - they are like a wall (or perhaps quite intense) - and I know at those moments that I think to myself "I'd prefer to be able to read them". So on some level that means I do try to read people. Several weeks ago, I stopped at an office of some sort (bank, I think) to ask for directions, and the women I spoke with had THE most unreadable eyes I have ever encountered. It threw me off incredibly, beyond anything I have ever experienced. I was distracted the entire time by trying to figure out her eyes, which I didn't in the end. It was bewildering. Literally the most unique eyes I have ever seen, for better or worse I'm not sure. Almost creepy.

3. I've always wanted to have deep eyes. I have blue eyes, and they don't seem very deep to me. I think brown lends itself better to eye-depth.

4. I realized only recently that I shy away from maintaining eye contact when I am the one speaking. It happens variably - I think most often when I am thinking - actually thinking, trying to figure something out or figure out how to say what I want to say or what to say, and then I notice myself looking away from the person as I ponder and try to keep the conversation going. When I realize I'm doing it, I try to turn my gaze back towards the person. I've done this especially with a few specific people at work, so I wonder what they think about it. But *shrugs* I do my best, I resume eye contact so it can't be too bad right.
 
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Wyote said:
Yea that's really interesting, I'm in the same boat.

Seems like INFJs are like polite INTJs in this respect hah. We can recognize how useful eye contact is, yet we avert our eyes as to not make others(or ourselves) uncomfortable.
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Yea I agree. I used to avert my eyes a lot just out of habit, because I wasnt used to or comfortable with the intense feeling of locking gazes with someone. Nowadays, I generally vacillate between seeking out that connection, and not wanting it. Generally, I find that conversations are more intense when I lock gazes with someone, and occassionally in public when i'm not lost in thought, i'll be making eye contact with random babes at the mall, trying to read them, some return smiles or so but generally its empowering in a way.

When i'm angry, i've learned to use a direct non-wavering gaze to gain leverage in a given argument. When i'm angry, locking eyes with someone generally takes the fear out of me too and I feel more in control and poised to take on whatever may come.

I'm aware of the power of the INFJ glare though, my dad is an INFJ and when he's angry his evil eye is pretty intimidating.
 
It is pretty fascinating to get a look into the minds of INFJ's on this subject.

Personally, it makes me feel like the person isn't interested if they won't make eye contact, or prolong it. Although, I'm just as likely to be distracted by a paper clip as to return the eye contact, if someone isn't looking me in the eye, I assume they have no interest in what I'm saying, and will quickly vacate the area.
 
The other day my boss was going on about something with me and she was standing very close, too close for my liking. But the story was long and animated and required no input from me so I had a good look at her eyes. I got pulled right in and zoned right out. I tuned her out completely as I looked deep. When I came to I think I recovered in time to make an ok comment but it was just in the nick of time.
I am conscious to make enough eye contact as is appropriate but I definitely make sure I don't lock on.
And I too must give the evil eye sometimes because there have been times when people will abruptly say things like, "Thanks a lot!" even though I haven't said anything because they've seen in my eyes that I think they're being an a******.
Eye contact is a tricky business!
 
merrytrees said:
Ohhhh I love the INTJ stare down... so intense but usually not creepily so. Makes my little old heart flutter..

I usually look directly into a person's eyes when they talk to me. I think it has to do with reading people. You're trying to pick up on non-verbal communication, trying to pick up every little thing.

I don't think it's an INFJ thing. It's an attentive thing.
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I'm an INTJ and I actually have to try really hard to keep eye contact with someone. My natural inclination is to barely look at them at all...

I think the reason is twofold: 1) I've always got a million things running through my mind and looking into someone's eyes is just one more thing to distract me (I begin analyzing them in detail). 2) Perhaps I don't really want to see their reaction to what I'm saying?... I've been rejected by society for my entire life and the longer I live the longer I think that ignorant people are truly happier. So, if I have to be ignorant of the fact that someone thinks I'm a wacko to be happier, then rock on.

But my INFJ... Man... She stares straight into my soul and beyond.

I dated an ESFP for close to two years once and when I was nearing breaking up with her (looong story, not going there) she insisted, "STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!!!" so... apparently I am capable of an intense stare. Go figure.
 
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I find it is very important
If I can be looked in the eyes 98% of the time with reciprocating interest and analysis.....:D
 
sumone said:
The other day my boss was going on about something with me and she was standing very close, too close for my liking. But the story was long and animated and required no input from me so I had a good look at her eyes. I got pulled right in and zoned right out. I tuned her out completely as I looked deep. When I came to I think I recovered in time to make an ok comment but it was just in the nick of time.
I am conscious to make enough eye contact as is appropriate but I definitely make sure I don't lock on.
And I too must give the evil eye sometimes because there have been times when people will abruptly say things like, "Thanks a lot!" even though I haven't said anything because they've seen in my eyes that I think they're being an a******.
Eye contact is a tricky business!
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I agree. thats why I usually dont give eye contact. except for things like lectures and such where i usually have eye contact with ly lecturers and apparently they like to give it back.

having eye contact to me is ok and i dont mind recieveing or giving it but once I am concious of it, i will start to feel uneasy and avert my eyes.
 
Personally, I like eye contact. It shows me the person is focused on me. But maybe, like Black Swan, I've been too long in the corporate world. If someone refuses eye contact, I'm very edgy of the person. Either they don't care about me or what they're communicating, or else they're trying to hide something.
 
mayflow said:
I think you may have hit on something. It really IS an attentive thing. I don't like the term "stare down" though. It seems overly adversarial to me.
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I didn't mean it in an adversarial way. I meant it kind of jokingly. I was referring to INTJs who I've been in relationships with. And then a few others that I've just been acquainted with.
 
Milon said:
Personally, I like eye contact. It shows me the person is focused on me. But maybe, like Black Swan, I've been too long in the corporate world. If someone refuses eye contact, I'm very edgy of the person. Either they don't care about me or what they're communicating, or else they're trying to hide something.
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Yes, I feel the same. Ironically, the mental thought that jumped out of my mind when I finished reading your post was "Well, yes, of course they're not interested/don't care" (it was accompanied by a fictive visual of me talking to someone whose gaze was elsewhere). It took me a few seconds to remind myself/realize what I've been reading and what I even wrote myself. *shakes head*. I haven't been in the corporate world, but even in our daily culture, eye contact indicates interest and attentiveness. It's significant.
 
Milon said:
Personally, I like eye contact. It shows me the person is focused on me. But maybe, like Black Swan, I've been too long in the corporate world. If someone refuses eye contact, I'm very edgy of the person. Either they don't care about me or what they're communicating, or else they're trying to hide something.
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This is like me as well. I like eye contact a lot because I am better able to read people and their intentions. I do tend to think that the eyes are the very windows of the soul, and can reveal so much.

ALso, when someone doesn't make eye contact with me when shaking my hand, I take it as a sign of disrespect and being impolite. When combined with other non-verbal cues and general attitude, I feel I can pretty much sum up how a person will treat me pretty quickly. Sadly in the corporate world I inhabit there is a lot of ego posturing and fakeness, so I see this a lot :(
 
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