How do you feel about eye contact, glaring, and gazing? | INFJ Forum

How do you feel about eye contact, glaring, and gazing?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by JME, Feb 9, 2009.

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  1. JME

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    There were some interesting threads on conversational eye contact over at the intj forum. I couldn't find any here.

    How do you INFJs feel about eye contact? In conversation? With lovers?

    It seems that INTJs are known for having the ability for intense stares and glares and gazes. I've always been able to and probably have an intense stare without meaning to. I'm not a big fan of heavy conversational eye contact because it seems to take so much effort, or it can be intimidating.

    But myself and the INFJ I'm dating seem to stare very deeply into each others eyes. A lot. That's pretty new for me. It's extremely intense, like I'm looking into her and vice versa. But in this case, it's not draining and doesn't seem to take any effort. It's intimate and I like it.

    If it were anyone else (me to them or them to me), it would seem very intimidating. Instead, it seems extremely right.

    Is gazing like that a normal INFJ thing? Is it conscience communication? Is it voluntary and purposeful? Or something else?
     
  2. Forgotten Rose

    Forgotten Rose Community Member

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    I'm the same way. If I'm in conversation with someone, I tend to have an intense gaze. Or so I've been told.
    And I think that the more intense the eye contact/gaze is, the more intense the conversation is.
     
  3. Flush

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    I find it incredibly hard to make eye contact. When I do, it only lasts for a second or so.

    During eye contact I feel

    - Exposed
    - Ashamed
    - Small
    - Threatened

    So far, there has only been one person with whom I've been able to maintain eye contact for more than two seconds, and that's just when it's semidark.
     
  4. Wyote

    Wyote Dad of the Ded
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    I have to stop myself from giving that hardcore stare, it can make people uncomfortable which I try to avoid. I'd like to stare more in conversation. I just feel more connected with more eye contact, but it weirds most people out so I try to abstain from it. It's not like I do it all the time or anything, but I do enjoy eye contact. I can read people better with more eye contact.
     
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  5. Forgotten Rose

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    Oh I agree. Especially when I'm confronting someone about something. I absolutely fear looking into the other person's eyes and seeing their reactions.
     
  6. poetrygirl

    poetrygirl Community Member

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    :meye: I generally try to avoid eye contact when the person is looking at me. I always land up examining their face. Mainly because I like to analyze people's reactions and emotions when they talk. But I try not to because I guess it's weird....

    Edit: opps with crushes it's hard; I'm shy and feel totally embarrassed if I make eye contact. I can't help but smiling if I do ,so I try hard to avoid it.
     
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    #6 poetrygirl, Feb 9, 2009
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2009
  7. IndigoSensor

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    I seldom make eye contact with people. Particulary if I don't know them. If I do not like the person, I will avoid eye contact at all costs (wont even look in their general area).

    If I know someone very well. I will make eye contact, but if it is longer then about 5 seconds, I feel unconfortable.

    So I generally don't like eye contact.
     
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  8. gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

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    I actually tend to look more at the mouth in conversations. Sometimes it's hard for me to maintain eye contact, but I've never been really sure why. I think it's probably a filter to keep me from becoming too intense, because I used to be prone to staring. It made people uncomfortable, so I think I've grown to avoid that over time. Now, it's just difficult >.>
     
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  9. Silently Honest

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    Only when speaking with someone I'm very comfortable with.
     
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  10. IndigoSensor

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    It is kind of interesting. I can gather ALOT of imformation about someone just by looking at their eyes, yet I avoid mutual contact. If they are looking away though I don't mind.
     
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  11. Silently Honest

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    Funny you should say that, when speaking to my xNFJ teacher the other day after class I held eye contact for awhile, and somehow deduced she was an okay person.
     
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  12. arbygil

    arbygil Passing through

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    I try to avoid making eye contact with folks, because I know it can make them feel uncomfortable. But if I'm furious/angry/on a tirade, I'll be in direct eye contact with someone. Sometimes I've scared people into doing things without knowing it, just by looking at them.

    It's The Evil Eye!
     
  13. Wyote

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    Yea that's really interesting, I'm in the same boat.

    Seems like INFJs are like polite INTJs in this respect hah. We can recognize how useful eye contact is, yet we avert our eyes as to not make others(or ourselves) uncomfortable.
     
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  14. OP
    JME

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    If I remember correctly, the consensus in the INTJ forum was that maintaining eye contact during a normal conversation was either draining or distracting. Several people said they wouldn't remember what was said if they were looking straight into the eyes, so they'd look around the face. And if it were someone maintaining eye contact with them, it would be uncomfortable.

    I wouldn't ever look at someone like I look at this girl, but she also returns it. I thought maybe it was her, or some sort of INFJ thing.
     
  15. Estelore

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    In a long conversation, if the other person will not let me see their eyes, I feel tense and on-edge as though they might pull a knife on me suddenly. If I can see their pupils, even if they don't look directly at me, then I'm perfectly at my leisure.
    According to my friends, I have two 'stares'. The first one is calming and relaxing, inviting the other person to be honest... sometimes more honest than they intend. The second is fierce and distracting, "like a predatory bird, or something", leading a person to forget what they were saying... which makes them even more honest, but accidentally, by Freudian slip.

    *shrug* I dunno'. For my end of the matter, all I can say is that I've never known a person who could lie effectively to my face.
     
  16. v.shadow

    v.shadow Community Member

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    ...I swear I posted in a thread like this before..
     
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  17. Pristinegirl

    Pristinegirl Well-known member

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    I agree with all of this. With those I feel comfortable with and admire I can keep eyecontact with. Those who I feel uncomfortable with, I cannot look into their eyes for long, but rather glance and look away. The eyes tell alot about a person and I comprehend alot by looking at peoples eye movement etc as long as they are not staring into mine.

    Somehow if people look into mine, I feel revealed. Almost strip searched.
     
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  18. ZenCat

    ZenCat Waving Sage

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    After so many years of having people call my direct eye contact "intense" or "uncomfortable" in one way or another (worse in direct light, pale blue eyes, minimal pupil dilation), I've schooled myself to minimize the directness of my eye contact. I'll flit my eyes into the distance, or to my hands or something random if I start to feel somebody squirming under my gaze.

    It isn't so much that it makes me uncomfortable, but it makes others uncomfortable, that THAT makes me uncomfortable.

    Every now and then I'll get lost in thought and my eyes rivet on whatever... and not long ago apparently I was working through a problem in my mind, and my eyes were focused on one of my dogs. By the time I came back to awareness of my surroundings, the poor thing was flat on the floor, his head down, his tail clamped between his back legs. He thought I was glaring at HIM :(
     
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  19. Pristinegirl

    Pristinegirl Well-known member

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    HAhaha awww Zencat that is adorable! You really do have intense eyes in that case. The way that you got lost like that happens to me to often. Sometimes I really need to be dragged back into awareness by a clap or motion by someone xD.
     
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  20. alcyone

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    Depends on a lot of factors.

    Eye contact can establish many things. In the animal world, prolonged eye contact (especially in social groups and herding animals) is most often a challenge. This is why my dogs won't stare at my eyes for longer than three seconds. They'll look away and then return their gaze to my face. Same goes if you are ever confronted with a loose aggressive dog on the street. You look at their rear, their back, their feet....anything but their eyes.

    When I am in a class setting or a speaker, I believe that attempting eye contact with the instructor is a sign of your attentiveness to the lecture.

    In a social setting, there is usually an intent behind my making and holding eye contact. If I'm pissed at you, chances are I'm going to try and burn holes into your brain with my eyes. Hasn't worked yet but there is always the chance.

    There are so many different situations where I use eye contact and the purpose behind it differs in each situation.

    I do believe that people are best 'read' through their eyes. Something about looking into someones eyes, even if only for a moment, seems to me that I can read them better and sense them better. Probably why whenever I look at photographs the eyes are the first part I concentrate on.
     
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