How do you deal with negative people?

donkeybals said:
Crap. There's too much positive energy in this thread. Quick someone make fun of me!!
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You do NOT have what it takes to be # 1

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9mFZq-JMfs"]YouTube - Nelly - Number 1 (#1)[/ame]
 
Something to consider is acceptance of that person as they are, and accepting what they are saying as an expression of perspective of their experience.

Making a choice to receive them — without judgment — may allow one to understand both where they are coming from, and what is informing the things they say.

Offering that person feedback such that they know (and can confirm) they have been heard and understood may be all that is needed for them to be able to choose to engage in a different way.

Of course, one can choose to simply redirect, ask for something else, or withdraw, but sometimes the way to something else is radical acceptance of experience in the present moment.

I don’t enjoy being in a negative state, but sometimes that is where I am. Most often, this is informed by fear. In my experience, the best way out of that state is to address and express my fear. Getting it outside of my person allows me to have a different perspective on it, and sometimes my burden of fear is less when it is shared with someone else who has demonstrated they are willing to help me carry some of it through accepting me as I am, and through understanding of my perspective — even when that perspective is one I’d rather move on from.

It’s one thing to tell someone to look at things another way. It’s another to stand by their side, arm around them, and see as they see, so as to understand why they choose what they choose. My sense is that when this is done, they may be willing and able to receive the gift of your perspective — just as you received theirs.


Namaste,
Ian
 
Wet blankets, they are. Sometimes I'm one. Especially when my basic human needs are not met, like sleep, or I'm thirsty, or whetever. But I think that it is a reflection too of manners. To be well mannered is to at least try not to be a wet blanket.
 
aeon said:
Something to consider is acceptance of that person as they are, and accepting what they are saying as an expression of perspective of their experience.

Making a choice to receive them
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Negative ppl will bog you down, there's not much getting around this. There's no magical cure or spell you can do to fix this. Only thing u can do is talk to them about it, and if they're not down then sucks for you, then u have to just try to avoid them. Sometimes life is tough!
 
Chamomile said:
I see what you mean, but I disagree. Negativity is a chosen state, just like an attitude. Everyone is negative sometimes, but the serially negative are a different story. I think if someone spends that much time creating toxic negativity that, as everyone knows, spreads, it shouldn't be tolerated. Not that we can really do anything about it, other than choose not to spend time with them and let our own attitude be affected. Trying to cheer up someone that chooses to be miserable is generally fruitless, and tolerating it at all is enabling it.

Its addictive to be negative. A really nasty habit that is hard to break after its been going on for so long. A person that chooses to be negative will attract more negative things and people to them, and will thus never run out of excuses to be negative. They also will only continue to bring negative things into the lives around them. I know, I've been that person. I simply think people should protect themselves from that toxicity. A close friend explained she had to do that with me, and I was like wow, this is out of control, and she's right. I've had to do this a few times to my own friends, because no matter how hard I tried, it never helped. It just made me miserable. The only way to reach them is to make them be alone with their misery. As we all know, misery loves company, and when they're alone, they have to realize how awful it is to be their company. And then they can want to change :)

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The best way I've found to break negativity in my own self is to take a few deep breaths, think about what I'm genuinely grateful for in my life, and repeat several times out loud 'Today is going to be a truly great day.' It always turns around! Gratitude is the enemy of negativity.
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you shouldn't be so judgmental of other people!

negativism isn't always a choice. Your parents can learn you to be negative, it can be influenced by a lag of sunlight, something that happened in your past, by so many things really!

I tend to be negative in the winter and positive in the summer. It is the weather that makes me negative and I can't do anything about it. I try hard to be more positive but it is a struggle against something that is stronger than me.
 
I'm usually (too) positive and I can't stand negative people.

So I usually try to cheer them up, If I see they're not willing to get out of their negativity, I just stop bothering.
 
Morgain said:
you shouldn't be so judgmental of other people!

negativism isn't always a choice. Your parents can learn you to be negative, it can be influenced by a lag of sunlight, something that happened in your past, by so many things really!

I tend to be negative in the winter and positive in the summer. It is the weather that makes me negative and I can't do anything about it. I try hard to be more positive but it is a struggle against something that is stronger than me.
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Thats an entirely different situation and thus wouldn't fall under the word 'negativity.' Vitamin D deficiency may cause lethargy or depression, which is not the same thing as negativity. You may not be able to do anything about a medical deficiency (however you can get vitamin D supplements with a prescription and also can go to a tanning bed 2-3 times a week during the winter for optimum vitamin D intake), but negativity is completely different. I'm talking about only negativity, period. If somehow depression, vitamin D deficiency and other medical issues were somewhere in this post, I was not referring to those. An attitude is 100% within your control, because its your mindset and thoughts. We all have control over that, some people don't know how to harness it yet, and that's okay. I'm sure there are opposing opinions, but that is mine and I feel comfortable with it because of all the research I have put into it. Not only have I had depression AND a vitamin D deficiency (which I took supplements for), I have been a truly negative person and recovered completely once I realized it was all within my power to change :) Disagree, I respect that, but I am not the one being judgmental.
 
Morgain said:
negativism isn't always a choice. Your parents can learn you to be negative, it can be influenced by a lag of sunlight, something that happened in your past, by so many things really!

I tend to be negative in the winter and positive in the summer. It is the weather that makes me negative and I can't do anything about it. I try hard to be more positive but it is a struggle against something that is stronger than me.
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Being depressed or having S.A.D. isn't the same as being negative, the former is something that happens to you, the latter is your state of mind. Although you are very correct that some people are more prone to negativity while others are more prone to positivity (Enneagram covers that well), thing is expressing that negativity is entirely a matter of choice, no Enneagram type is negative and depressive when developed.

I am around someone at work who is negative about anything and everything, if something good happens to her she is quick to focus on the negative, if something good happens to someone else she's twice as bad. She is a classic example of an Enneagram 1 who is in the lower average levels;

Level 6: Highly critical both of self and others: picky, judgmental, perfectionistic. Very opinionated about everything: correcting people and badgering them to "do the right thing"​
 
I always try to cheer people up, but if it keeps up I tend to call them out and ask them exactly why they are being so negative, because often they are unaware they are actually doing it, and this often has more of an effect on them than trying to cheer them.
 
I'm with it is a mixed bag of lots of stuff. I know what it is like to be negative and I know what it is like to be around negative people. I usually go with struggling to find the balance point in the situation. How much do I give and how much should they give? It is somewhere between them and me and that is all I have pretty much figured out...
 
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