Guilty about being single | Page 3 | INFJ Forum

Guilty about being single

Tulip said:
Why are you "made to be single"? Do you mean you are not interested in getting into any kind of relationship?

:ranger:
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I would love to get married and have a family - but I don't think I'm the kind of guy who would make a good husband/father. So instead of screwing up someone else's life, I think I'm better off single.

Moreover, my after-hours solitude is a very enriching, creative time for me (in terms of study, thinking, music, etc.) So much so, that my personal pipe-dream is to move into a barren wilderness and live as a hermit. My current duties cannot alow that for the time being - but I think that way of life would make me the most content.
 
Flavus Aquila said:
I would love to get married and have a family - but I don't think I'm the kind of guy who would make a good husband/father. So instead of screwing up someone else's life, I think I'm better off single.

Moreover, my after-hours solitude is a very enriching, creative time for me (in terms of study, thinking, music, etc.) So much so, that my personal pipe-dream is to move into a barren wilderness and live as a hermit. My current duties cannot alow that for the time being - but I think that way of life would make me the most content.
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Putting whether you would make a good husband/father aside, do you think you would be more contented living a life as a hermit or getting married and have a family?
 
durentu said:
In the 12,000 years of human civilization, marriage in the modern context is only about 60 years old. Basically, it's a fad just like bell bottoms. Marriage before this was strictly done by the aristocrats and royalty for political and economic reasons driven by parents. Nothing more. This whole marriage for love thing is a new age thing with one saving grace. Although extremely rare, when the marriage works, it works much better than anything else in the past. Don't be fooled: it takes a single sheet of paper to get into marriage, and volumes of papers to get out that is in modern times strictly an economic and insurance arrangement, nothing more. A few days sitting in divorce court will tell you the real nature of marriage.
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it would be interesting if society deviated away from the modern marriage for love thing and reverted back to the purely marriage for economy, security and ritual thing that we had before. maybe marriage should be treated like education - everyone has the right to education, and everyone would have the 'right' to marriage, including being allocated a marriage partner to whom they'd have to be wed for x number of years before they could 'drop out'/divorce. a computerized system could be used to select a suitable candidate, based on various personal traits such as age and income level =P
 
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Tulip said:
Putting whether you would make a good husband/father aside, do you think you would be more contented living a life as a hermit or getting married and have a family?
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That is difficult to answer because the kind of happiness/contentment from marriage is so different from the kind of happiness/contentment form solitude. They are hard to compare.

Solitude for me has a religious aspect - so that it is in fact a relationship-rich way of life. Family life is obviously relationship-rich. However, contemplative love seems more profound than interactive love - so I guess I'll say that I think I would be happier as a hermit. However, the difficulties of a hermit's life seem greater than that of married life - but love seems to sweeten difficulties.
 
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April said:
it would be interesting if society deviated away from the modern marriage for love thing and reverted back to the purely marriage for economy, security and ritual thing that we had before. maybe marriage should be treated like education - everyone has the right to education, and everyone would have the 'right' to marriage, including being allocated a marriage partner to whom they'd have to be wed for x number of years before they could 'drop out'/divorce. a computerized system could be used to select a suitable candidate, based on various personal traits such as age and income level =P
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don't forget about genetics.
 
The guilt makes being single more fun.
 
April said:
it would be interesting if society deviated away from the modern marriage for love thing and reverted back to the purely marriage for economy, security and ritual thing that we had before. maybe marriage should be treated like education - everyone has the right to education, and everyone would have the 'right' to marriage, including being allocated a marriage partner to whom they'd have to be wed for x number of years before they could 'drop out'/divorce. a computerized system could be used to select a suitable candidate, based on various personal traits such as age and income level =P
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I would completely rebel against a premeditated marriage arrangement. :p

Oh, nevermind it's not forced. I gotcha. :D
 
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April said:
it would be interesting if society deviated away from the modern marriage for love thing and reverted back to the purely marriage for economy, security and ritual thing that we had before. maybe marriage should be treated like education - everyone has the right to education, and everyone would have the 'right' to marriage, including being allocated a marriage partner to whom they'd have to be wed for x number of years before they could 'drop out'/divorce. a computerized system could be used to select a suitable candidate, based on various personal traits such as age and income level =P
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I think by adding a computerized system you are minimizing an important aspect of that kind of society which is the benefits of family ties.
 
DoveAlexa said:
Or anyone really really bitter about it so much that they have very heated and cynical opinions about something some of us find rather simple.
No offense, just saying that he could just have been in a bitter moment seeing as he hasn't had great luck. I wouldn't take it as gospel.
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I don't take it as gospel.
I also wouldn't describe my father's comment as heated or cynical, but then you don't know him so you couldn't possibly see things from his perspective. Nor do you know of the relationship my parents have had. I found his comment to be realistic when I thought of all the older people I knew who had just settled after spending the majority of their life unsuccessfully searching for the love of their life.
That is what he was implying by that statement: that after so long people stop looking for love and start looking for someone they can share things with uninhibited.
I took his comment out of context.


No offense taken.
 
No, I never feel guilty for being single.
But, then again, I'm pretty young at 21.
I am right now at the same age my mother was when she married my dad, who she started dating when she was 19.
Not everyone gets to meet their soul-mate that young, and even then if there's anything my mother ever taught me about marriage it's that it takes work. The person has to be worth the effort to you, and you have to be worth the effort to them. You will not always like each other, but the love can last.

This is, ultimately what I want. Unfortunately I'm also lazy. I'm not ready to get married, sometimes I like dating, ultimately (with, perhaps, one exception) I'm happiest single.
But I never feel guilty about this. The worst thing I could do would be to get married and start a family just because it is something my mom did when she was my age. It has to come from the heart, it would have to be something I already want and am already bracing myself for because I've gone loopy for Mr. Right (who will also not be Mr. Perfect - he would drive me insane anyway).

Feeling guilty for being single is something that honestly never even occurred to me until I read this thread.
 
I don't feel guilty about being single at all.
I'm glad that I am. I have never dated, period. I wouldn't want to be bound down with the responsibility of a partner, when that focus is towards my family and my work.
I have no idea why there is so much peer pressure out there today to be in a sexual relationship.

Being single gives me the freedom to be my own person and discover who I am.
 
April said:
it would be interesting if society deviated away from the modern marriage for love thing and reverted back to the purely marriage for economy, security and ritual thing that we had before. maybe marriage should be treated like education - everyone has the right to education, and everyone would have the 'right' to marriage, including being allocated a marriage partner to whom they'd have to be wed for x number of years before they could 'drop out'/divorce. a computerized system could be used to select a suitable candidate, based on various personal traits such as age and income level =P
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Yeah it would be interesting!
I like this idea in theory. Say, if you were to write a dystopian story of epic proportions..

People are free to marry.. and free to not marry. A society in which ones economic security depended upon being married would have to be an oppressive culture.
 
bananaphone said:
Yeah it would be interesting!
I like this idea in theory. Say, if you were to write a dystopian story of epic proportions..

People are free to marry.. and free to not marry. A society in which ones economic security depended upon being married would have to be an oppressive culture.
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they'd be free in this hypothetical situation too, the only difference being a guaranteed partner should they not find someone in the typical way. and one's economic security often does improve (maybe not depend on) whether they're married or not - modern society IS unbalanced like that. and look at how many people use online dating sites - this would be essentially the same thing on a larger scale, and streamlined to be applicable to a wider range of people.

[MENTION=731]corndogman[/MENTION]: family ties could be written into the algorithm

[MENTION=913]durentu[/MENTION]: lol, factoring in genetics wouldn't exactly be ethically justifiable, would it? then again, this whole idea is somewhat abhorrent...i agree it probably wouldn't work outside of a dystopian story of epic proportions ;)
 
April said:
family ties could be written into the algorithm
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You are completely missing the point. Your family is not the computer.
 
corndogman said:
You are completely missing the point. Your family is not the computer.
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lol @mf!

[MENTION=731]corndogman[/MENTION], my point is they could be. family ties don't have to operate strictly as they have in the past, they could be automated. we're talkin in text right now~ think about it. it's not that much of a leap. (whether they should or not is another question)
 
Flavus Aquila said:
I would love to get married and have a family - but I don't think I'm the kind of guy who would make a good husband/father. So instead of screwing up someone else's life, I think I'm better off single.

Moreover, my after-hours solitude is a very enriching, creative time for me (in terms of study, thinking, music, etc.) So much so, that my personal pipe-dream is to move into a barren wilderness and live as a hermit. My current duties cannot alow that for the time being - but I think that way of life would make me the most content.
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This sounds just like me. A common response mechanism to the seemingly pointless and unnecessary pressures of life is to wander off into the mountains and just camp out for a few years. But, I'd rather take beautiful and tomboyishly confident woman along, if I could help it
:m027:
 
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