As a child, I was...
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S
Shai Gar
fly away,
I never wanted to be a bully, and cannot remember trying to understand why they did what they did; it was almost as if I knew why they did what they did. They were to me people that were in great need of self-edification. When two or three of those kind of folk got together, the end result was to get some kind of self-gratification in whatever means they could find. Lots of times these were not the brightest of the kids. Lots of times they maybe had fallen behind a grade already because of some other type of disfuntional problem and were now bigger than the rest and it gave them the feeling of power. After I nudged the guy, our eyes met and he was more curious than bothered. My eyes were those of an apologetic person than one trying to assert power. As I said, it was more to feel what it was like. I found out I did not like the feeling it gave me. I had no need of self-edification because my parents always told me as a child I could do anything in this world I really wanted to. Don't ask how I feel at the store waiting in line watching people jerk their kids around in public with others watching, or hearing someone tell their kid they will never amount to anything. That could be a new thread in itself.
About the other thing: I didn't want to be the hero. This guy did this almost every morning, but that one morning someone became a victim of his incessant behaviour. He acted all powerful to be so weak. I just saw him in a weak moment physically and thought it the proper thing to do. I would like to think most anyone else standing where I was standing would have done the same. For me to do what I did in front of everyone else was entirely out of my shell. I may not have hit him back had he hit me, further sticking my head out of my shell, but I would have definitely stood my ground with him. It was just time for him to be humiliated and be taught a lesson. Poetic justice is good, but hero is wrong.
I never wanted to be a bully, and cannot remember trying to understand why they did what they did; it was almost as if I knew why they did what they did. They were to me people that were in great need of self-edification. When two or three of those kind of folk got together, the end result was to get some kind of self-gratification in whatever means they could find. Lots of times these were not the brightest of the kids. Lots of times they maybe had fallen behind a grade already because of some other type of disfuntional problem and were now bigger than the rest and it gave them the feeling of power. After I nudged the guy, our eyes met and he was more curious than bothered. My eyes were those of an apologetic person than one trying to assert power. As I said, it was more to feel what it was like. I found out I did not like the feeling it gave me. I had no need of self-edification because my parents always told me as a child I could do anything in this world I really wanted to. Don't ask how I feel at the store waiting in line watching people jerk their kids around in public with others watching, or hearing someone tell their kid they will never amount to anything. That could be a new thread in itself.
About the other thing: I didn't want to be the hero. This guy did this almost every morning, but that one morning someone became a victim of his incessant behaviour. He acted all powerful to be so weak. I just saw him in a weak moment physically and thought it the proper thing to do. I would like to think most anyone else standing where I was standing would have done the same. For me to do what I did in front of everyone else was entirely out of my shell. I may not have hit him back had he hit me, further sticking my head out of my shell, but I would have definitely stood my ground with him. It was just time for him to be humiliated and be taught a lesson. Poetic justice is good, but hero is wrong.
Aaah, now that you put it that way, I understand it much better. Thanks for taking the time to explain.
I was neither a bully or picked on, I got hit in the head completely out of the blue a couple of times, but both times I didn't react and just held my head high and pretend I didn't notice, I think I was shocked someone would actually do that. The first time I stepped between the guy and my friend (the guy wanted to fight my friend, cause my friend pulled the fingers out the bus window) and the second time was a case of short man syndrome I think, short dude trying to look tough in front of his bigger friends.
Sometimes I think I was too tolerant of my friend's teasing and joking about others.
Sometimes I think I was too tolerant of my friend's teasing and joking about others.
In elementary school I was sort of picked on. I think I was blissfully oblivious to it at first, though. I only had one or two other "odd" friends.. and looking back I guess we would have seemed pretty funny to everyone else. I heard people talking about me behind my back. I have always really disliked talking about others too much, particularly if there's a chance they could hear it and feel hurt, so I was very sad.
In high school it was just whatever, I realized I could be alone for a lot of the time if I could just deal with the meanies. Unfortunately in homeroom three girls would throw my books off the desk and verbally torture me every day. I couldn't really ignore them.. and comebacks didn't work. No one really tried to help me so I didn't know what to do. Now I am pretty much really awkward socially in uni and trying to fix it is failing terribly because the people here are a bigger version of HS..
In high school it was just whatever, I realized I could be alone for a lot of the time if I could just deal with the meanies. Unfortunately in homeroom three girls would throw my books off the desk and verbally torture me every day. I couldn't really ignore them.. and comebacks didn't work. No one really tried to help me so I didn't know what to do. Now I am pretty much really awkward socially in uni and trying to fix it is failing terribly because the people here are a bigger version of HS..
I would honestly get really aggressive and in-your-face if that happens. It's hard for me to do that, but that's one of the things I simply cannot stand. Don't bother being nice in those situations; they'll take advantage of you. You've got to be confident -- look down your nose at them, make them feel like they're not worth your time.
It's really hard to do when you're compassionate, but that's the only way they'll leave you alone. And trust me, people like that have such an over-inflated sense of self-worth that it won't hurt them anyways. They'll still be snobby, and they'll still target you...but they'll do it behind your back in a way where you can ignore them.
It's really hard to do when you're compassionate, but that's the only way they'll leave you alone. And trust me, people like that have such an over-inflated sense of self-worth that it won't hurt them anyways. They'll still be snobby, and they'll still target you...but they'll do it behind your back in a way where you can ignore them.
I am such a good child right now, I have been avoiding to make 4 economics commentaries for like 10 hours and I finally gor started ^^
You saved me the effort of typing up my story. I've graduated university, but this is still my story. The only addition to make is that in some weird, twisted way I was glad I was the one being picked on because that meant that others weren't being picked on. Not only is that backwards thinking, but it also shows how "highly" I thought of myself...
I too was picked on in elementary school, later it got worse: they ingored me. I still try to find out why actually. Maybe it was because my parents ignored me too or snapped at me - so I learnt some behavioral pattern the other kids just responded properly to.
In grad school it got better, there were just no bullies and I could talk to a lot of intelligent people.
I too had problems because of that bully-phase in my childhood/youth, maybe have until today, I feel socially awkward, although it is such a long time ago and I got a lot of friends.
In grad school it got better, there were just no bullies and I could talk to a lot of intelligent people.
I too had problems because of that bully-phase in my childhood/youth, maybe have until today, I feel socially awkward, although it is such a long time ago and I got a lot of friends.
Definitely going to be working on this. It's sooo much harder than it sounds though, I'm sure you know. My friends just say, tell them off! Or, "treat them like they are treating you!" But then I try that and lose my voice or feel bad without wanting too. Oh well, it's my goal! I found out people really aren't considerate at all so I should try to force myself to care less too.
It's rough. As INFJ's, we innately "know" that it's wrong to make another person feel bad. Which, yeah, gets pretty convoluted at times. Sometimes it's unavoidable. Other times, well, usually the aggressor has thick skin and won't feel it any more than a slap on the wrist. But maybe they'll learn! *Looks hopeful*
Well, a good thing to remember is that you won't bother them for too long. It's not going to effect them for more than a few minutes.
That's another thing - as INFJ's we know that verbal wounds don't (usually!) heal overnight, but can still be open and painful years later.
Just trying to cast some light on reasons we hesitate so much to "lower the boom" on a deserving individual.
Just trying to cast some light on reasons we hesitate so much to "lower the boom" on a deserving individual.
I was picked on up through junior high. Around that time I was befriended by a popular prankster whose mischief seemed a mask for bullying. Her friendship shielded me, when she wasn't piqued and turning her puckish behavior my way, but I was always uncomfortable with her cruelty. I don't recall ever standing up to her directly. My way was more to quietly befriend and offer kindness to those picked on rather than a way of direct confrontation. Eventually I grew confident enough to abandon her friendship.
I remembered being picked on a different way than most would consider and thought to share it and the consequences of it. In the ninth grade I applied myself pretty much as those around me. I was in somewhat of an upper class of students and had several teachers that would help enable me to go through life much better. It was, unfortunately, the highlight of my learning years. We had to learn 20 new words a week and how to apply them. I was so into this I did not realize until one day one of my friends outside of my classes asked me who I was trying to be. Was a trying to be a showoff? Who was I trying to impress? Did I think I was better than them? He laid it on me really hard that day and it took an awful lot out of me to get over.
I changed after weeks of dwelling on that and continuing their friendship. I should have sought the friendship of those in my classes more than those I was around, but just didn't feel like I was fitting in with them. It was unfortunate, but I made somewhat of a bad decision and stopped using the big, new words I was learning. I questioned their usefulness when trying to talk to the average everyday person. I allowed my chosen friends to influence my learning. How sad. Yes; it was a very bad decision. I still remember some of those words on occasion, but I let my mind pay the price of my feelings. It can be a bad thing who we choose as friends sometimes just to try and fit in somewhere.
I changed after weeks of dwelling on that and continuing their friendship. I should have sought the friendship of those in my classes more than those I was around, but just didn't feel like I was fitting in with them. It was unfortunate, but I made somewhat of a bad decision and stopped using the big, new words I was learning. I questioned their usefulness when trying to talk to the average everyday person. I allowed my chosen friends to influence my learning. How sad. Yes; it was a very bad decision. I still remember some of those words on occasion, but I let my mind pay the price of my feelings. It can be a bad thing who we choose as friends sometimes just to try and fit in somewhere.