As a child, I was...

[Grey Wolf]

Ok I don't usually talk about this but here it goes. When I was in elementary school, I was very quiet and very different from the other students in terms of where I was from. So that gave many of the kids numerous opportunities to pick on me and I was always just so helpless about it. My parents usually told me to just tell the teacher but they never understood my pain. My teachers would sometimes talk to the other students but it didn't change much. I still got picked on. I never got physically bullied in elementary school. It was just a lot of mean things that the other kids used to say. The names they used to call me echo in my head when I think about this. They were merciless and really mean and it made me cry, sometimes in the classroom. At some points, I felt that it was pointless to tell the teacher anymore because it became ineffective. I also stopped telling my parents because they too did not seem to understand or do much about it. I was stuck with it and there was nothing I could do about it. There were a few kids that were nice to me and felt bad that I was being picked on, but they were a minority, which stuck up for me a few times because they felt bad but I didn't have any friends in elementary school. I remember when this one girl, Bianca, had invited all the girls in the class to her birthday party except me. Gosh, that hurt! I remember always feeling left out. I don't remember every single bad thing that I went through but I do remember the feelings that I experienced at that time. I remember crying myself to sleep sometimes because of this. This happened mostly starting from the second grade to fifth grade. Then junior high school was a little better. I made some friends there, few, but good ones. And we did get picked on sometimes because we were different, but its a lot better getting picked on in a group than getting picked on alone so it wasn't nearly half as bad. I also got physically bullied in junior high school a few times. After 9/11, I got picked on some more and physically and verbally assaulted and was a victim of some hate crimes because of my background. That caused me to have an identity crisis bigger than all of the identity crises that I've ever had. In high school, the bullying decreased dramatically, especially in the second half of high school, and now in college, I don't get bullied at all.

Yeah I know I blabber too much. I just needed to talk about this and I don't feel comfortable talking about this to anyone. Thanks for reading.

dam... that sucks. One thing I've learnt is simply that not to care about what other people say. Even if you are not invited, just roll it off your back and go do something that you like. I know it would still be hard but it will help a bit. hitting back verbally helps usually as it would tell them not to mess with you and such. IMO anyway.

I'm not really in any position to say as I've never really been picked on but thats what I think.

 

[bs98r3kjf]

dam... that sucks. One thing I've learnt is simply that not to care about what other people say. Even if you are not invited, just roll it off your back and go do something that you like. I know it would still be hard but it will help a bit. hitting back verbally helps usually as it would tell them not to mess with you and such. IMO anyway.

I'm not really in any position to say as I've never really been picked on but thats what I think.

Thanks.
This was in elementary school and it's not a big deal now. Back then, it was a big deal because everyone got an invitation, not because I didn't get to go to the party, because I wasn't really the social type so I wouldn't have gone anyways. It's just the idea that I felt so inferior and unwanted that hurt me so bad.

If I'm not invited to something these days, it wouldn't matter to me much because I have a couple of friends who I know care about me. Back then, it was just me, lonely, scared, weak little me. Now I'm much stronger and much more aware of who I am.

If I were to get called names today, I'd probably smile and reply politely in a way that would make the person realize how much of a jerk they were and how wrong they are. Contrast can do wonders.

 

[acd]

I don't?

Uh well. I don't think you blather on too much.

 

[bs98r3kjf]

Uh well. I don't think you blather on too much.

awww, thanks merrytrees.

 

[Grey Wolf]

Thanks.
This was in elementary school and it's not a big deal now. Back then, it was a big deal because everyone got an invitation, not because I didn't get to go to the party, because I wasn't really the social type so I wouldn't have gone anyways. It's just the idea that I felt so inferior and unwanted that hurt me so bad.

If I'm not invited to something these days, it wouldn't matter to me much because I have a couple of friends who I know care about me. Back then, it was just me, lonely, scared, weak little me. Now I'm much stronger and much more aware of who I am.

If I were to get called names today, I'd probably smile and reply politely in a way that would make the person realize how much of a jerk they were and how wrong they are. Contrast can do wonders.

yeah.. I think all we need is a few close friends and the what the world does or thinks wont really matter so much.

 

[the]

I didnt become a bully until I was in the Army a good 2 ro 3 years. Although I am not that mean.

 

[acd]

I didnt become a bully until I was in the Army a good 2 ro 3 years. Although I am not that mean.

What? How are you a bully? I've never seen you be a bully. Why do you think the army made you a bully?

 

[the]

What? How are you a bully? I've never seen you be a bully. Why do you think the army made you a bully?

How about all the "roasts" I participate in?

IDK I recently had to acknowledge it when some cowrkers said they liked me because I was so mean. So I thought about it and they are right.

In the Army I was kind of quiet and since I was really religious I didnt use swears or have sex with anyone so I didnt have anything to talk about anyway. I talked some crap one time to one of the popular people in my platoon and my Lt. laughed at it. It was probably cause it came out of nowhere, and was verbalized in a way that didnt use any foul language. So I just picked up on it as something that was funny - funny at others expense - and while I am always just joking about it, sometimes it gets out of control. I am sure I have all kinds of rationalizations about why it is okay for me to do it, but I dont think I really think it is okay.

 

[acd]

How about all the "roasts" I participate in?

IDK I recently had to acknowledge it when some cowrkers said they liked me because I was so mean. So I thought about it and they are right.

In the Army I was kind of quiet and since I was really religious I didnt use swears or have sex with anyone so I didnt have anything to talk about anyway. I talked some crap one time to one of the popular people in my platoon and my Lt. laughed at it. It was probably cause it came out of nowhere, and was verbalized in a way that didnt use any foul language. So I just picked up on it as something that was funny - funny at others expense - and while I am always just joking about it, sometimes it gets out of control. I am sure I have all kinds of rationalizations about why it is okay for me to do it, but I dont think I really think it is okay.

Ah yes, your 'roasts'. I love the ones at my expense. (harharhar.) I don't think you're a bully though. I've been around you when you had a choice opportunity to point out something stupid someone did, but showed mercy instead. But if you think you're too harsh verbally, then I suppose you just may be.
You would know.

 

[just me]

I can remember pushing a kid one time in grammar school just to see what it felt like.....to be the pusher. I was careful to pick my subject; wanted to make sure it was someone that was picked on alot, but that seemed to deal with it better than most. Wanted to pick the right person for my experiment, so to speak. Mind you, it was but a slight nudge, and the person was most likely very surprised to see it coming from one that he had seen being picked on a bit here and there. I actually think he understood. Saw him walking in the halls of a hospital with his doctor's garb on many years later. I couldn't help but wonder if he had ever helped one of the ones that used to pick on him alot.
I was fortunate enough to talk my way out of most every fight. Never forget the morning before school as we were all standing in line to get into school and the bell rang for the doors to open. This guy came running through the crowd, pushing his way to the top, and knocked one of those brighter young girl's books and papers out of her hands. She knelt down to start picking everything up and instead of helping her, I noticed the guy was standing near the edge of the steps that were only about five steps high, so I pushed him gently off the edge of the steps. I'll never forget the feeling I got from doing that, as it was seemingly what just should have happened. The guy gathered his pride and proceded to run up into my face, threatening how he was going to beat my butt(not the words he used). I told him to go right ahead and I would just stand there and watch him do that. Nothing more happened. Several of the guys in my class were all up in the air about the event as we entered the classroom, coming over to my desk and asking why I didn't beat his butt(not the words they used).
I told them simply that I had.

 

[Lucifer]

I was picked on brutally all my life.

I think it contributed to my panic disorder a lot. But of course I must take responsibility for my life. Still I can clearly see how some things in my life contributed to my problems.



I AM SLEEPY!!

 

[IndigoSensor]

How about all the "roasts" I participate in?

IDK I recently had to acknowledge it when some cowrkers said they liked me because I was so mean. So I thought about it and they are right.

In the Army I was kind of quiet and since I was really religious I didnt use swears or have sex with anyone so I didnt have anything to talk about anyway. I talked some crap one time to one of the popular people in my platoon and my Lt. laughed at it. It was probably cause it came out of nowhere, and was verbalized in a way that didnt use any foul language. So I just picked up on it as something that was funny - funny at others expense - and while I am always just joking about it, sometimes it gets out of control. I am sure I have all kinds of rationalizations about why it is okay for me to do it, but I dont think I really think it is okay.

This is the exact reason why I would never join the army, why I could never survive if I was forced into it. And why I largely don't like anyone who is in the army (not a attack on you)

 

[just me]

Indi, please expound so I may better understand your stance.

 

[the]

This is the exact reason why I would never join the army, why I could never survive if I was forced into it. And why I largely don't like anyone who is in the army (not a attack on you)

You dont think you could handle being a jock (them) and get picked on by a nerd (me)?

 

[bs98r3kjf]

Picked on initially at every school until I beat the shit out of their friends and them.

I've got a motto; "People can be brave for themselves, so attack the ones they want to keep safe."

Did you retaliate right away? Or did it take you time?

I was picked on for being younger 2 years younger than my peers. It was devistating and of course had an impact on my self-esteem. I blamed my parents for putting me in school early and cried alot, untill I realised that it was for my benefit and obviosly for a reason: because I was more intelligent than those of my age. Hence, I still feel like that it ripped parts of my childhood away as I was forced to mature at the paste of classmates. Although, emotionally I probably reached a plateau at age 7.

I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. We always tend to put the blame back on our parents (not you, i mean in general, including myself sometimes). Sometimes I wonder if getting picked on is really avoidable. I mean, they could have come up with other reasons to pick on us.

I can totally relate to having parts of my childhood ripped away, but not because of age, just because of not experiencing that carefree nature and all the fun that young children are supposed to have.

I was picked on a handful of times in my life. But I know it can be very painful.

What did you do? And do you still think about it?

 

[bs98r3kjf]

I was picked on a lot around 4th grade. Then one of my mom's boyfriends taught me that if I didn't want to be picked on I needed to be the one doing the picking. I tore a kids a coat one day and my parents got sent a $100 bill. After that I would just sit back and let kids pick on me until I would snap. It wasn't until high school that I started standing up for myself, and it wasn't't until college that I had developed enough feelings of self worth to understand the personal rights perspective.

Hmmm...well yeah the self worth concept is very important. By the second half of high school, and especially by the time I got to college I had developed a strong sense of it and at the same time became pretty independent in my thoughts and ideas and realized that it was part of who I really was under that scared little girl that people always saw and took advantage of.

I was picked on for being different and told that things I did were wrong all growing up.

Eventually I began to adopt the idea that family doesn't mean anything other than someone with a few of the same genes as me. Some of my friends think this is a crazy idea, but I don't give my family any special privilages just for being related.

The other effect. Anytime I'm picked on or something bullshit happens to me I decide to try my best to make sure this never happens to anyone else, and that it wont happen a 2nd time.

You know, for a time I believed that family doesn't mean much and that they don't really care, etc. But now, I realize that they really do care but maybe there really wasn't much they could do about it. It's probably something that I had to go through before bringing out the real me. I do love my family now, but over the years I have developed my own set of ideas and beliefs, some of which they disagree with, but I realized that I'm very independent and can take care of myself. I don't mean financially, I mean in terms of ideas and beliefs etc.

It's good that you make sure it doesn't happen to anyone else. I commend you for that.

I was picked on in 5th grade a lot, and then through 6th grade some, but it died eventually. Otherwise, I didn't have too much of a tough time; the before and after were alright.
After that, I just ended up hurting myself the most.

I see, well I'm sorry that you were picked on for that time. How did you hurt yourself, if you don't mind sharing, of course?

well...i was NEVER a bully...but i stood up for those kids that were picked on...i was picked on occasionally so yeah..

I see, that's very brave of you to stand up for those kids. Why were you picked on?

 

[bs98r3kjf]

I was definitely never a bully. I was picked on a bit, but not by "bullies." I was usually picked on by my friends. It took me until well through college to develop a thick skin to "good natured ribbing." I still don't really get how you can be mean in a friendly way, but I've come to accept that it is somehow an acceptable form of bonding and expression of one's friendship.

Hmmmm...well the way I see it, if you were the only one picked on in your circle of friends, then maybe it was bullying to a degree. If you all generally picked on each other in a harmless way, then it was probably just a guy thing, although things can get sensitive at times with that.

I got beat up by bullies for trying to divert their attention from my friends.. Then called a 'lesbian' althroughout high school for refusing to date anyone. I didn't much care though.

I can totally relate. I got called a lesbian too for the same reasons and because I wouldn't give my number to any guys.

I once got called a Lesbian in a man's body. What? It's like a Zen Koan or something.
I also got once punched in the nose by some guy and I wasn't even looking at him at the time even though he was trying to pick a fight with me. There was blood everywhere and my books were scattered on the floor and I looked around and there was a teacher coming around and I told the guy to scram and he did. I told the teacher I fell down the stairs. I don't think they believed me, but really, there is no part of me that could ever get off on or enjoy hitting or hurting anybody no matter what they may do to me. Anything any one may do to try to hurt me is up to them, but I derive my strength and goodness from within, and I wish the same for them.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It seems to have been painful to have to lie about how you got hurt. That actually happened to me sometimes. Sometimes I would be crying and the teacher would ask what's wrong, and I figured, what's the point of telling her, all she's going to do is tell me to go wash my face, so I would just say I had a stomach ache or something. I get sad when I look back at that.

It's refreshing to hear that there are still people that don't feel they need to go around hurting people to feel strong. There are too many people today that feel that the more they hurt others, the stronger it makes them.

mmm...I don't remmember much about my childhood, but some people say I scratched them with my fingernails (lol I've been a sadistic since I was little). last year I was bullied a lot (I now got to the conclusion I'm dealing with retarded people -.-), until I snapped one day and everyone kind of undestood me a little bit more. these days the bullying has restarted, but I'm now standing up for myself and just using rational arguments to confront them (though I admit, I can be pretty agressive sometimes).

Bullying is so hard to go through and even harder to stand up to. I'm glad that you have the will to confront them. I wish I could give you some super advice that would stop the bullying but what I'll tell you is to appear strong in front of them. I don't mean by using violence or anything like that. Just don't look down and keep your head up high and pretend they're not there. I don't know how much it'll help but body language can do a lot. Looking down will show them that you're scared so don't do that, they will take advantage. I know this from both experience and also because I am very observant.

I was, for no apparent reason, socially cast out in 1st grade. I stayed the one to be picked on throughout elementary school and junior high. It was worst in junior high. High school saw things taper off, and I finally emerged into some form of socializing by 11th grade (before that, I had a very small group of equally cast-out types).


I'm still a bit socially stunted from my years of social isolation and abuse, but I think I'm making damn good progress, all things considered.

Still a little weird from it all, but what can you do.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. What changes did you experience within yourself by the time you got to 11th grade?

Yeah the weirdness sort of lingers on and it sort of stays with you, especially if you got picked on in elementary school, because whatever happens to you in the first 7-9 years of your life tends to stay with you the most. But what you can do is realize that there's more to you than all the bullying you experienced. Underneath it all, there's a much stronger person that you may or may not have discovered. But that person is there. You just need to find that person and embrace it.

Haha! Weird is good.
It seems being a social outcast makes one more perceptive about people. That's just my observation about people who say they were outcasts.

Actually, I think you're right about that. A lot of the people I interact with these days tell me I'm very perceptive and I really do think it has to do with the fact that I was socially outcast for a while.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

 

[bs98r3kjf]

I didnt become a bully until I was in the Army a good 2 ro 3 years. Although I am not that mean.

hmmm...

How about all the "roasts" I participate in?

IDK I recently had to acknowledge it when some cowrkers said they liked me because I was so mean. So I thought about it and they are right.

In the Army I was kind of quiet and since I was really religious I didnt use swears or have sex with anyone so I didnt have anything to talk about anyway. I talked some crap one time to one of the popular people in my platoon and my Lt. laughed at it. It was probably cause it came out of nowhere, and was verbalized in a way that didnt use any foul language. So I just picked up on it as something that was funny - funny at others expense - and while I am always just joking about it, sometimes it gets out of control. I am sure I have all kinds of rationalizations about why it is okay for me to do it, but I dont think I really think it is okay.

Sometimes doing whatever you do, even if its your job or duty, can turn you into something and we have to be aware of that and be careful.

 

[bs98r3kjf]

I can remember pushing a kid one time in grammar school just to see what it felt like.....to be the pusher. I was careful to pick my subject; wanted to make sure it was someone that was picked on alot, but that seemed to deal with it better than most. Wanted to pick the right person for my experiment, so to speak. Mind you, it was but a slight nudge, and the person was most likely very surprised to see it coming from one that he had seen being picked on a bit here and there. I actually think he understood. Saw him walking in the halls of a hospital with his doctor's garb on many years later. I couldn't help but wonder if he had ever helped one of the ones that used to pick on him alot.
I was fortunate enough to talk my way out of most every fight. Never forget the morning before school as we were all standing in line to get into school and the bell rang for the doors to open. This guy came running through the crowd, pushing his way to the top, and knocked one of those brighter young girl's books and papers out of her hands. She knelt down to start picking everything up and instead of helping her, I noticed the guy was standing near the edge of the steps that were only about five steps high, so I pushed him gently off the edge of the steps. I'll never forget the feeling I got from doing that, as it was seemingly what just should have happened. The guy gathered his pride and proceded to run up into my face, threatening how he was going to beat my butt(not the words he used). I told him to go right ahead and I would just stand there and watch him do that. Nothing more happened. Several of the guys in my class were all up in the air about the event as we entered the classroom, coming over to my desk and asking why I didn't beat his butt(not the words they used).
I told them simply that I had.

I've always wondered what it would be like being the bully, but never actually wanted to be the bully. When I was a kid, I was just always curious as to what would cause a person to do things like that.

I see you wanted to be the hero there. That was mean of the other guy to do that to the girl. I think I see the poetic justice in you lol.

I was picked on brutally all my life.

I think it contributed to my panic disorder a lot. But of course I must take responsibility for my life. Still I can clearly see how some things in my life contributed to my problems.



I AM SLEEPY!!

I'm sorry that you had to go through that. Yeah, sometimes being picked on can go really far and cause many problems. The trick is to learn to get over it, and like you said, take responsibility for your life. Once you have taken responsibility, then you have opened a door that would help you overcome a lot of things.

 

[Silently Honest]

I was a bit of both... it happens. I think I've antagonized my fair share of people and was antagonized quite a lot, though I do remember being bullied more in middle school then anywhere else.